When Twilight Sparkle is give a task by Princess Celestria, one that makes her grin ear to ear, her life is changed forever!
Chapters (6)
Carmack21
Joined 16th Apr, 2012 ·
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You really need to fix all the spelling errors. In particular, it's spelt said, not siad. What is "entransical"?
Other than that, it started ok, but the second chapter was very short. Take your time, describe the sensations of flight (this is Twilight's first real flight, isn't it? She's going to form some opinions on it that will probably affect her feelings toward Dash) and the emotions they feel. As it is, I couldn't care less about the fact they kissed, because you haven't put anything about their characters.
Bit quick for a first chapter, and you need to check spelling. But otherwise I find this great,
yay
theres something about your cover picture that makes me feel.......happy.
to me it looks to show how good of a friend rainbow really is and how happy it makes me feel.
i would comment on the picture its self but i don't know who made it or where it came from?
QUEEN CELESTRIA XD Revise this! but its still pretty good all things considered
Not being rude, but did you write this with a phone or iPod? Or is it just iffy writing?
)
Aside from what everypony else has pointed out, it is a nice story. Short, sweat, and to the point. (kinda my style too, but I get yelled at for it
Oh, this isn't an advertising site, and not the best choice on stories wfwesdfwe. Just lost the chance of me ever going to that site.
ohmmm cute
ohmmm still cuteee ... more please
this fic has so much win
and would have so much more with editing
also with more chapters (hint hint)
YAAAAAAA! Thank you everyone,
sorry for the spelling errors, it's because I did this from my iPod.
:( it's atuo correct isn't what you should use too write a story. Thank you once agian, the next chapter will be out soon, but I need some one too proof read. Any volunteers?
735628
working on it, thx for info. Wanna help me proof it?
739064
Sure. I can message you the first two chapters without the errors, if you want.
This is me argueing with my self, enjoy ;) jk
"Ok, I've reread chapter 1, and I've spotted many errors" me
"shush yourn not suppose too tell them" mind
"Shut up" me
"make me!"
'raises pistol too head "how bout now"
"ok ok ok, sorry. We will extend out wordly to ask for help in fixing it."
"that's what I thought.". Me
Keep going! I like it
Follow your heart friend! If you feel that continuing is worth it and all, then do it. It is YOUR choice. No rush!
Otherwise it is a really good story.
Well I think you should see it through to the end regardless but it's your call.
Liking the story by the way.
this must continue
Btws, I have the proof read copies, courtisy of Mabbz, but I have a problem, I'm too lazy too post it, and I won't get a chance too for a little bit.
, only because i want too see it from someone elses view.
on that note I have considered all in all, and ill continue the story, but I'm selecting a few people to ask about their ideas on the story.
Oh yea one more thing, I've decided too finish this story with at least 10,000 words!!!!!
Right now were at 2,300 or something, but I plan on makeing one longer chapter too add to this.
Also too add to this the title says 'A Day to Remember' but it's going too extend longer than a day, maybe a weekend to remember.
but look forward to chapter four being released next Monday!
Refering too chapter 4, I am sorry, my story went south. I was in a state of stupidty and my ideas were comeing from nowhere. The story skipped, and i add stuff I had no need of, I took stuff from another story I was thinking of. But I've revised it, it's now complete!
I assure u the rest will be better
When you can spot two spelling errors in the description alone at a glance, you know it can only go down from there.
The mods must have no standards when it comes to spelling if they let this pass.
What you have:
When Twilight Sparkle is give a task by Queen Celestria, one that makes her investigate her friend Rainbow Dashs life. She was grinning from ear to ear.
What it should be:
When Twilight Sparkle was given (doesn't match the later tense) a task by Princess (she's a princess, not a queen) Celestia (no 'r'), one that makes her investigate her friend, (I think this needs a comma. Not totally sure) Rainbow Dash's (needs an apostrophe) life, (should be one sentence) she was grinning from ear to ear.
810013
I've been proofreading for Carmack21, he just hasn't been able to edit in the new versions yet. That said, I never thought to proofread the description, so thanks for pointing that out.
Sorry for it being so short and takeing so long, let's just say I took a peace full spiritual relaxation in the woods alone for a few days after a recent family emergency, I feel better, my thoughts are cleared, and i have gather new ideas. I just want one thing, too know, did you like this story. I'm almost done, I'm sitting on the drafts right now, and am woundering why people don't like it?
Well, it's kinda hard to read at the moment due to the speling and grammar. You'll probably get a better response when you put the proof read copies up.
By the way, in the last bit you say that Twilight is "flocking". This means that Twilight is gathering together in a group, which doesn't make sense. Did you mean clucking? Or something else?
EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ITS DONE!!! 'A DAY TO REMEMBER' IS FINALLY PROOF READ, AND HAS BEEN POSTED FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT!!!
THE END WASN'T WHAT YA'LL EXPECTED, BUT DON'T WORRY, HINT HINT NUDGE NUDGE, BECAUSE A THRILLING ADVENTURE AWAITS OUR TWO FRIENDS IN THE WILD SEQUEL
"IN THE HOME OF OUR PRINCESS!"
AND TRUST ME THIS TIME IT WILL KNOCK YOUR FLUFFY LITTLE FLIPPERS OFF!!!
YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT, A SEQUEL IS COMING, IN JUST TWO WEEKS, MAYBE LESS IF YOU FAVORITED THIS STORY WHEN I FIRST STARTED.
BIG INFO!!!!!!
The first chapter to the sequel is posted, but it's not submitted yet. It's called In the home of our Princess!
Quick fast, like way too fast, but that last sentence is golden, so i´m ok with it.^^
last line = jaw crashed through the floor
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/096/044/trollface.jpg?1296494117
hehehehehehe
add more length. this fic is frightfully short. Read: What was meant to be
Its one of my fics. It should give you some idea as to the length that readers look for.
add more length. this fic is frightfully short. Read: What was meant to be
Its one of my fics. It should give you some idea as to the length that readers look for.
1571765sure, but first i was takeing a break from writing anytyoe of shipping
993806 That happened to me once. But then it crashed through my ceiling and through the floor again, then through the wall to my right and crashing through the window to my left, and it went in so many directions it looked like my jaw stretched about as far as the distance of a round-trip flight from Florida to Florida thus travelling around the world going back to where it started if not further.
Then I woke up, and now I no longer eat potato chips mixed with pretzels anymore.
Best Twidash fanfic ever in fimfiction.net.
Wow, one chapter in and im loving it so far!
"You want to head back to my place and observe me in bed?" asked Rainbow with a teasing grin.
Hahaha Holy shit rainbow, speeding things up a bit!?
"Well Princess Celestia did say observe your friend in their own environment, so I guess that's what I shall do!"
Twilight learns how to twist words! lol
A good story only presents itself with hard work, It doesn't matter how long it takes. Good Job with this story! I'm lovin it so far. /)