• Member Since 7th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 15th, 2019

ScriptScrolls


T

From the authors of "Her Smile" and "A Happy Accident"

When you've given everything for the one you love only to have it thrown back in your face, what is there left to do? After a bad break up between Spitfire and Rainbow Dash the two mares go their separate ways, only to find their true love has been in front of them the entire time.

Spitfire x Fluttershy with a side of Rainbow Dash x Twilight shipping

Chapters (2)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 175 )

Authors’ Note
ScriptScrolls: So how do you like our first attempt at a co-write? I personally think it was at least 20% cooler than what we do separately.
Criticul: We put a lot of effort into this...like A LOT of effort...but there’s always room for improvement so leave us thoughts and ideas. Oh and ^^^ more like 120% cooler.
ScriptScrolls: Anyways, please show your appreciation by tracking and leaving a comment. Tasteful criticism accepted.

How often are you gonna update this? I really like it!

133832 we really don't know yet. we both work on a ton of stuff. I rely on Criticul to get it started and fill in most of the actual events which i accompany with descriptions... because he has more free time than I do (doesn't go to school for last 3 classes).

ouch i think somepony bombed our rating

Addendum: If you guys liked this, please check out our solo works... and I'm not ONLY saying that because our co-write outdid my solo in one chapter :twilightblush: ... actually that is the real reason. I hate being a new author -- no fanbase for me.

Addendum 2: Really long critiques will be read and stored elsewhere so as not to have our comments 8x longer than our chapter. Please do not take offense; your tasteful comments are always noted.

133855 Shh, don't go telling people mah secrets. And what an asshole >:O

I bet it's someone who couldn't handle the thought of Spitfire not being with Rainbow Dash lmao

133864 lol hardly surprising. a senior who doesn't go to class :rainbowwild:
133867 LMAO i bet

134007 you know you love us kev...

Aha, so now it's all set up to begin. FlutterFire intrigues me, that's why I took a look at this. Fluttershy with a Wonderbolt just always seems to work for me. Can't stand FlutterMac though, who came up with that? And why do so many people like it? There are questions that can never be answered. . . :ajsleepy:

I couldn't find anything noticeable that bothered me, so I don't have any critique on this story for right now. In the future I'll try to give you helpful feedback though. I should look harder into this right now, but I'm to tired at the moment lol. :pinkiesad2:

Whatever you guys working together has done, keep doing it. I already want moar of this. :twilightsmile:

hmm why do I not understand any of this its nice but I'm to tired to pay much attention to details man I hope my next chapter doesn't turn I crappy because of that

:trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftleft::twilightblush:I certainly love TwiDash, but FlutterFire? This is going to be interesting with that, hopes there enough of both.:ajbemused::trollestia:

134164 me and co-author plan on making enough of both to go around. :twilightsmile:

I kind of feel like the break up need moar anger and less sad. It seemed as though Spitfire had a lot of pent up anger in her, and it'd probably seem more fitting if she stormed out in a huff than in tears, although the anger seemed to have been released on Fluttershy instead D:


Of course, that's just my opinion. I am intrigued by this story. Please continue.

134190 You're very right, she did have this pent up anger. She still cared for Dash though, so she didn't want to scream at her, so Fluttershy just ended up getting the raw end of a bad thing.

What's this! What's this!? A fic that I might actually enjoy? It's been far too long. I'm a sucker for unusual pairings :twilightsheepish: Tracked, stars, etc. etc. You get the idea. Good job. :twilightsmile:

134226 now we have Vozzlefox reading our story?! awesome!! :twilightsmile:

She didn't then she ran home and never came back!

Meanwhile, twilight gets both Fluttershy and RainbowDash! :pinkiehappy:

:yay::twilightoops::rainbowwild:

The dragon hugged her foreleg and rested his head against his chest. Perhaps it should be her?
Now that my little nitpick is out of the way, I like it :twilightsmile: The idea of Fluttershy and Spitfire is among the most unique shippings I have ever encountered
And congrats on getting featured :pinkiehappy:

Looks like it might be the start to a cute story. Tracking it for sure. Don't let me down you two.

Its rare that I ever read a new story that is anywhere near this good.

I don't think Spitfire is in enough fics. And when she is, it's normally a Dash ship.

I also have to say you had a realistic portrayal of Relationships thus far. How two people can love each other, but be unable to live with each other. And most of the time, whenever a break-up happens in almost any media now-in-days, there is always a clear "bad guy". I love how you avoided that, and were able too make the reader (or at least me) feel some of the emotion that was going on in the characters.

That being said, It seems that TwiDash is a bit from left field in this case, but there not really the focus.

5 Star, and Tracked

those bad break-ups between spitty and dashie <_<

Dashfire is my OTP for Dash, to be honest. But this should be interesting. YOU HAVE MY SWORD, AND MY TRACKS.

This is a nice fic. There are a couple grammar mistakes, as there are in almost every fic, and when Dash and Fire break up, I feel like you went a little heavy on the stuttering. Try speaking it aloud and finding which one sounds best. Otherwise, great job! I like the double-ship on this. :derpytongue2:

Why... do I... have sudden urge... to track? I normally don't read fics that have shipping, but for some reason this one is drawing me in. Oh, and a co-write? That's defiantly a nice idea.

134164 I prefer Rainbow Sparkle. lol

This is a great fic so far... Dont let me down. I really like the FlutterFire thing, I just dont really see any fics where Rainbow Fire arent breaking up. I personally like Rainbow Fire and Soarfire'. Either way, 5 stars...

I found the part about Twilight 'imagining kissing her, and vacuuming out her negative emotions' a distasteful idiom, as well as a bit sudden and not the best way to introduce a romantic interest. I would have gone with something along the lines of her imagining Dash leaping into her arms for comfort or something along those lines-- you know, something a little bit more innocent, but that's just my opinion.

Otherwise I like the premise of this story, and the writing is good other than some mild repetition (watch out for that!). I tend to rarely leave a comment without some criticism, but you might remember me for being a fan of constructive criticism.

I'll track it and see where it goes. :raritywink:

134701 Lol, we're going to blame Runrun395 for the part about Twilight... xD Kidding, though I wrote the upper half of the story. I'm sure you noticed a change in the writing somewhere in the story... He tends to go straight in, in a romance, while I prefer the more subtle approaches in my stories. (...most of the time :twilightblush:)

Anyway, thank you for the comment, I'm also a fan of constructive criticism...how else can an author get better? :twilightsmile:

134699 Yes I do... :raritywink:
The emotional roller coaster was intentional. I've seen emotions change in a *snap* during a break up. Though I do admit I could have conveyed that better. :twilightsmile:

really good.

normally, I only do inter-mane six shipping, because to me characters like Spitfire might as well be OC ponies, but whatever.


Has room for improvement, overall, especially in the show vs. tell department.

for example, during the breakup, you sorta just threw us into the house without any description to the locale. Not really needed, but it's nice. When you show the scene, it makes it more believable.

134740 I'll try to work on that next chapter. :twilightsmile:

I liked this chapter. There were a few things that felt off, like Twi wanting to kiss Dash, or some awkward wording that makes some scenes feel off, but for the most part, it was good. Room for improvement, but certainly not bad.

can't wait for the next chapter

It seems like the majority of the harsher critiques come from people who haven't even written fan fiction, while the well renowned artist who have read it critique it much less...hmm. :rainbowwild:
beastly ~~

Yup, vacuum and romance do not coexist well. I approve of the dignity that Spitfire always shows. The outburst against fluttershy exempted by reason of emotional stress, of course. A few 5s will make up for the burn you got. Oh and ships are just a fact of life, you can't just be friends with everypony. I'll be mean and say that Mac should just go out and find some random mare in mainhatten.

This, this is a rare Ship right here. And I have decided to follow it because it is new and awesome to me!!!
Great work!

I like this, but I feel you either ended the chapter at the wrong place, or that this should be a one shot, and all one chapter.

But oh well. I digress. I look forward to the rest of the chapters! :)

Post. Chapter. 2. Now! :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

PFT

:pinkiegasp: more please. :pinkiehappy:

135065 I'm very sorry but as a joint operation it takes a little longer to get each chapter out, but we'll do our best to get you a chapter a week. .

Fantastic work guys! Tracking for sure. :heart: :yay:

FlutterFire?

Not FireShy? The pun potential is amazah.

134724 lol bullshit mr. "im going to make fluttershy and luna GET IT OOONNN!!!!!"

135269 xD I was...impaired when I did that! :rainbowlaugh:

FlutterFire? THIS aughta be good! Can't wait to see where this is going! As much as I love a good DashFire, it's nice to see somepony explore the idea that they're NOT compatible because if their personalities! Again, can't wait to see where it's going!

~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria

wtf... this has more views after 1 chapter than my solo story does after 4(now 3) :pinkiegasp::derpytongue2::fluttercry:

This... will be interesting.... Any chance you need an additional editor?

135472 Wow take it easy man at least you got critisism. No story is perfect and I would kill to get some critisism on my fic so that I could improve my writing but I haven't gotten any (Now of course I don't really think the demographic for my fic is very large but still). Also the guy was not really critisising your english so cut him some slack. Not everypony speaks english as a first languish.

I liked your story however the only downside was how short the chapter was. But that is more of a personal disapointment from me. I don't know how much time you have on your hooves and I know how time consuming writing can be. And if you don't want critisism then just leave an authors note saying so. Please keep up the good work I am looking forward to seeing more :twilightsmile:

135664 criticism doesn't bother me personally. Though it seems like sometimes people nit pick... :P
I'm also English second language so... :derpytongue2:
Yeah, I'd love to make them longer, but time and plot keep the chapters short.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!