Chapter 1
Chapter 1
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FlutterFire
By Criticul & ScriptScrolls
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rainbow Dash and Spitfire definitely held the title of most famous couple in Ponyville. The two had met and grown very close after Dash finally managed to become a Wonderbolt. In the eyes of many they were the picture-perfect couple. They had even gained nation-wide popularity, appearing on the cover of several magazines, such as Ponies, and even made the front page of The Canterlot Post. None of the media coverage could depict the growing tension at their home, however. Thus, nopony had any idea of how horribly things were going between them.
The two almost always argued when the media turned their cameras elsewhere. Spitfire despised Dash’s work ethic like a plague. Rainbow Dash had the “I’m already the best” attitude, so she often skipped out on practices. Spitfire also hated how much of a slob she could be. The house they were currently sharing looked like a whorse’s handbag.
“Dashie! Will you get down here and clean this mess?!” Spitfire yelled up the stairs, irritation practically steaming out of her. Dash often spent most of the days at home in their room, just reading “flying” magazines.
“Clean what up? I haven’t made any messes!” Dash chuckled. She knew exactly what Spitfire was talking about. Dash had tried to make lunch earlier, and being Dash, it ended up being a huge disaster.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about! Now get your flank down here!” Spitfire felt fed up with always having to clean Dash’s messes.
Rainbow Dash crept down the stairs, mocking the yellow mare as she did. “Yeah yeah, I knoooww what you’re talking about.”
“Are you...mocking me?” That was another thing she hated about her marefriend, Dash’s attitude had become sarcastic, narcissistic, and endlessly mocking. Some would enjoy her self-loving nature, but after a whole year of hearing Dash talk about how awesome she was, it got old -- fast.
“Maybe I am mocking you. What, can’t handle it...?” Dash enjoyed teasing her lover, though she never truly realized how it made her feel.
“No, I can’t Dash. Do you know what it feels like to be teased every day!? I’m done Dash; I’m done!” Spitfire threw the cloth she was using to clean the counters in the sink and ran up the stairs.
“What do you mean you’re done...?” Rainbow began to realize exactly what Spitfire talking about and prayed she wasn’t being serious. Regardless of how badly Dash poked fun at her, she loved the fiery mare intensely. Nothing scared her more than the prospect of Spitfire leaving her.
“I mean I’m moving back into m-my old house...” Spitfire emerged from up-stairs carrying a large suitcase with her Wonderbolts uniform draped over her back, confirming Rainbow’s fears. Tears were forming in the corners of the Wonderbolt Captain’s eyes. She loathed the idea of breaking Rainbow’s heart more than anything, but Spitfire knew their relationship was doomed to fail.
“You’re...you’re not really going to leave over a messy kitchen? I mean, really...?” Dash was in complete shock. She had been with Spitfire for over a year now, and it was all coming to an end. Her whole world seemed to crumble right in front of her as the teary-eyed yellow mare spoke.
“No Dash...it’s not the mess. It’s everything...it’s just... everything. You’re a great mare Rainbow but...we’re not made for each other...I-...I’m sorry” Tears now flowed freely from her face as Spitfire began to leave.
“S-so this is really it then? Every thing we’ve b-been through, all for n-nothing?” Rainbow stammered with tears in her eyes. She wiped her face with a hoof and fell on her haunches, hoping desperately she would emerge from this nightmare. Dash never thought it would come to this even if they did tend to argue more frequently.
“D-dont make this harder than it has to be... p-please.” Spitfire could feel her own heart breaking. Despite everything she loved Rainbow and hated to see her like this.
“I-I can change...please...j-just give me one more chance...” Rainbow Dash started nuzzling Spitfire, something she rarely did anymore. Spitfire sighed and wiped more tears from her face.
“No you can’t Dashie...you’ll never change. You’re always going to be...you.” Spitfire saw Dash beginning to break down in front of her and turned her head. She knew the cyan pegasus couldn’t bear to be seen this way. “... But I’m sure there’s somepony who’ll l-love you for it,” Spitfire tried to say reassuringly. ‘I’m just sorry it’s not me,’ she thought to herself.
“I-...If this is really w-what you want...I can’t stop you...J-just...go, please.” Rainbow Dash turned away from Spitfire and advanced towards the stairs. She was going to handle this like she always handled problems: by hiding away in her room.
Spitfire watched Dash retreat upstairs; tears still leaking from her eyes. ‘I’m such a horrible pony...’ thought Spitfire. She had felt this way for some time but held off breaking up because she thought she could rekindle her love for Dashie somehow. She regretted letting their relationship linger for so long now. While her feelings diminished, Dash’s only grew in intensity.
Spitfire grasped the door handle with her hoof, before turning her head to take one final look at the house she had grown so fond of. For every bad memory here there a good one accompanied it which Spitfire was going to miss dearly.
“Well...this is it. Time to move back to Cloudsdale. Ponyville has been nice and all...but it will be good to be back where I belong.” Spitfire smiled weakly as she left the house.
Spitfire stepped out of the door frame to see Fluttershy standing in awe, shaking slightly. The distressed mare sighed as she realized that Fluttershy probably heard everything that went on between her and Rainbow Dash.
“Sp-spitfire...a-are you okay...? I heard the fight you and Dash j-just had...” Spitfire was furious at this point. She couldn’t believe the Element of Kindness had the audacity to eavesdrop on a private altercation between her and Dash. Her emotional distress prompted a response that was very unlike the famous Wonderbolt captain.
“Do I look okay!? Besides, what are you doing hanging outside of my door like some kind of lost puppy?!” Spitfire used Fluttershy as a target for all her pent up emotions. Fluttershy began to whimper and cower in fear, awestruck at Spitfires bizarre reaction to a simple question.
“I-Im sorry...I just came to s-see Rainbow Dash...” Spitfire spat at the name.
“Of course you did. Everypony likes her better anyway, right!?” Spitfire groaned, waving her hooves in an melodramatic fashion.
“N-no, I-...everypony loves you Spitfire. Pl-please...just calm down.” Fluttershy hid her face behind her mane. She started to tear up at Spitfires harsh words. The yellow mare secretly liked Spitfire more, mainly as a result of her humility.
“Ugh, just forget it. Go be with your little mare friend; I’ll be in Cloudsdale if you need me.” Spitfire stomped off, leaving behind a deeply hurt yellow pegasus.
~ ~ ~
Spitfire waited impatiently by a carriage loading station, tapping her hoof anxiously and trying to push the thoughts of her earlier outburst out of her head. ‘I feel so bad about that...The last carriage leaves in a few minutes, but I really want to apologize to Fluttershy. But then, I wouldn’t even know where to find her, I doubt she’s still at Dash’s. I can’t just leave on that note though...’ Spitfire felt absolutely horrible for yelling at Fluttershy like that and couldn’t leave without properly apologizing.
She turned to the Stallion now standing in front of the empty carriage. “I’m terribly sorry, but I think I’ll be staying in Ponyville for another couple of days.”
The pegasus nodded and smiled cheerily. “Oh think nothing of it, I’ll probably be back by that time, so be sure to look for me, okay?”
Spitfire grinned. These stallions were always thinking about business. “Actually I have a request. If I pay you for a trip, could you take my bags to my estate? I’ve been carrying them around all day. They’re so heavy and I can’t even fly with them.” She dropped her bags and stretched her shoulder. The stallion picked up the bags and placed them in the back of carriage.
“Of course Ma'am. The ticket you already purchased will work just fine.”
Spitfire smiled while handing the stallion the ticket. “Thank you so much! I’ll be sure to find you when I come back in a few days.” She waved a hoof and quickly took off, flying back towards the center of town.
Spitfire landed on Mane Street with a thud. She brushed her fire-colored mane out of her eyes, looking around for any sign of Fluttershy. “Errrg...maybe I should go see Twilight. She probably knows where I can find her...” Spitfire, still exhausted from hauling the heavy luggage, trotted her way to Ponyville’s library. As she walked up the path to the front door, she could hear a muffled explosion come from within, followed by swearing.
“For Celestia’s sake, Spike! You told me that bucking crystal was secure! Well not only is it not secure now, it’s in a thousand bucking pieces! You are the most --” Twilight’s rant was interrupted by Spitfire’s knocking on the front door. “Ugh, just go fetch the door! I’ll get started on cleaning up this mess...” In a matter of seconds, the door opened, and in the frame stood a baby dragon. He looked quite depressed, staring at the ground as he spoke.
“Yes, is there something you need?” Spike asked after giving a heavy sigh.
“Umm... I came here to see Twilight about something,” Spitfire slowly responded, attempting not to hit a nerve.
“She’s not exactly in too good of a mood at the moment...” the dragon grumbled.
“This will only take a moment,” she assured him.
“Step right in,” Spike invited, turning to allow her through the doorway. After closing the door, he quickly walked down the basement stairs. Spitfire could easily hear their conversation from the anti-chamber of the library.
“What is it now?” Twilight snapped at him.
“Spitfire is here to see you. She said it’d only take a moment,” Spike relayed, trying not to anger the unicorn any further.
“Fine.” responded Twilight, her voice showing obvious signs of agitation.
Spitfire was growing slightly nervous due to the hoofsteps echoing up the stairwell. ‘I better avoid making her any more angry... I just hope she’s not like me, and won’t suddenly snap for no good reason,’ she thought, recalling her earlier outburst which made her feel even more guilty.
“Hey Spitfire, you needed to talk to me?” Twilight asked rhetorically.
“Yeah, I just needed to know where Fluttershy’s cottage is.”
“Sure thing, I’ll give you directions, but if it’s not too intrusive, may I ask why?”
Spitfire sighed as she began to explain the day’s events. “Dash and I were arguing this afternoon about us, and... well... I broke up with her,” Twilight gasped and began to apologize before Spitfire, teary-eyed at this point, held a hoof up to stop her. “As I was leaving, I saw Fluttershy standing outside... She was trying to be polite, but I completely snapped at her. I was going to go back to my home in Cloudsdale, but I just... couldn’t leave. I feel just awful! She didn’t deserve any of that; she was just trying to see Rainbow.” Spitfire had now let a single tear stream down her cheek. As terrible as she felt about what she had said to Dash earlier, it couldn’t compare to the guilt in Spitfire’s heart about treating Fluttershy like manure.
“I’m so sorry that happened,” Twilight now sympathized, all her previous anger forgotten. “Fluttershy is a very sensitive pegasus, as I’m sure you know. Your words probably hurt her pretty badly. I think you made the right choice to stay and apologize.” Spitfire smiled slightly at the praise, tears still running down her cheeks. “And as sure as I am that you hurt her, I am equally positive Fluttershy will forgive you. She is the Element of Kindness after all...” Spitfire rose her head and looked at Twilight.
“But the things I said to her...” The Wonderbolt trailed off.
“Don’t worry, Spitfire. She’s never held a grudge, and if I know her well enough -- which I do -- she’ll try to apologize first,” Twilight said, giggling slightly. “In fact, I would bet she could help you right now. You look like you’re taking this break up really badly.” Spitfire nodded a little in response to Twilight’s concerned gaze. The breakup had been harsh on her, and she wanted nothing more than to put it behind her.
“Th-thanks, Twilight,” Spitfire said with a sniff.
“No problem,” the unicorn assured her, returning a grin. “Her house is on the edge of the Everfree Forest; you can’t miss it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think there’s a certain dragon I need to apologize to.” Twilight said, glancing sheepishly at the baby dragon who was sitting in the corner. Spike got on his feet and walked over to them.
“Already forgiven, Twilight. It was my fault after all...” The dragon hugged her foreleg and rested his head against his chest. Twilight returned the gesture by placing her other hoof around his head.
“It was still inexcusable for me to yell at you the way I did. I’m very sorry, Spike.” Spitfire beamed at the scene unfolding before her and hoped her apology to Fluttershy would go half as well. She began to make her way to the door before turning around.
“Thanks, Twilight. I just hope you can give as much help to Dashie as you’ve given me. I know this is even harder on her...” Spitfire hung her head low, still regretting it had come to this. She still found no consolation in knowing it had to happen; heartbreak is heartbreak.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be sure to give ‘Dashie’ all I can offer,” Twilight mused, finding the pet name adorable. Spitfire blushed a little at her tease, but proceeded out the door and shut it. ‘Poor Dash,’ Twilight thought, ‘I’ll have to make sure to treat her well.’ She immediately imagined kissing Rainbow better, vacuuming out her negative emotions one by one. Twilight blushed intensely and immediately became grateful nopony was around to see her. ‘Where did that come from?’ she asked herself. The lavender unicorn violently shook the thoughts out of her head and proceeded to trot back to the basement laboratory. She had experiments to continue after all.
The walk to Fluttershy’s house seemed to take only a few seconds, although Spitfire could tell by the sun’s movement across the sky that it took her a very long time -- at least compared to if she flew there. As she crossed the bridge, second thoughts raced into her mind. ‘What if she cries? What if tells you she hates you and that you should go away? What if she won’t accept your apology, even though you’re sorry?’ Spitfire cringed, fearing all such outcomes. One thought kept her walking towards the cottage; one worry forced her to put one hoof in front of the other: ‘What if I don’t try?’
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Authors’ Note
ScriptScrolls: So how do you like our first attempt at a co-write? I personally think it was at least 20% cooler than what we do separately.
Criticul: We put a lot of effort into this...like A LOT of effort...but there’s always room for improvement so leave us thoughts and ideas. Oh and ^^^ more like 120% cooler.
ScriptScrolls: Anyways, please show your appreciation by tracking and leaving a comment. Tasteful criticism accepted.
How often are you gonna update this? I really like it!
133832 we really don't know yet. we both work on a ton of stuff. I rely on Criticul to get it started and fill in most of the actual events which i accompany with descriptions... because he has more free time than I do (doesn't go to school for last 3 classes).
ouch i think somepony bombed our rating
Addendum: If you guys liked this, please check out our solo works... and I'm not ONLY saying that because our co-write outdid my solo in one chapter
... actually that is the real reason. I hate being a new author -- no fanbase for me.
Addendum 2: Really long critiques will be read and stored elsewhere so as not to have our comments 8x longer than our chapter. Please do not take offense; your tasteful comments are always noted.
133855 Shh, don't go telling people mah secrets. And what an asshole >:O
I bet it's someone who couldn't handle the thought of Spitfire not being with Rainbow Dash lmao
133864 lol hardly surprising. a senior who doesn't go to class
133867 LMAO i bet
134007 you know you love us kev...
Aha, so now it's all set up to begin. FlutterFire intrigues me, that's why I took a look at this. Fluttershy with a Wonderbolt just always seems to work for me. Can't stand FlutterMac though, who came up with that? And why do so many people like it? There are questions that can never be answered. . .
I couldn't find anything noticeable that bothered me, so I don't have any critique on this story for right now. In the future I'll try to give you helpful feedback though. I should look harder into this right now, but I'm to tired at the moment lol.
Whatever you guys working together has done, keep doing it. I already want moar of this.
hmm why do I not understand any of this its nice but I'm to tired to pay much attention to details man I hope my next chapter doesn't turn I crappy because of that
134164 me and co-author plan on making enough of both to go around.
I kind of feel like the break up need moar anger and less sad. It seemed as though Spitfire had a lot of pent up anger in her, and it'd probably seem more fitting if she stormed out in a huff than in tears, although the anger seemed to have been released on Fluttershy instead D:
Of course, that's just my opinion. I am intrigued by this story. Please continue.
134190 You're very right, she did have this pent up anger. She still cared for Dash though, so she didn't want to scream at her, so Fluttershy just ended up getting the raw end of a bad thing.
What's this! What's this!? A fic that I might actually enjoy? It's been far too long. I'm a sucker for unusual pairings
Tracked, stars, etc. etc. You get the idea. Good job. 
134226 now we have Vozzlefox reading our story?! awesome!!
She didn't then she ran home and never came back!
Meanwhile, twilight gets both Fluttershy and RainbowDash!
The dragon hugged her foreleg and rested his head against his chest. Perhaps it should be her?
The idea of Fluttershy and Spitfire is among the most unique shippings I have ever encountered
Now that my little nitpick is out of the way, I like it
And congrats on getting featured
Looks like it might be the start to a cute story. Tracking it for sure. Don't let me down you two.
Tracking!
Its rare that I ever read a new story that is anywhere near this good.
I don't think Spitfire is in enough fics. And when she is, it's normally a Dash ship.
I also have to say you had a realistic portrayal of Relationships thus far. How two people can love each other, but be unable to live with each other. And most of the time, whenever a break-up happens in almost any media now-in-days, there is always a clear "bad guy". I love how you avoided that, and were able too make the reader (or at least me) feel some of the emotion that was going on in the characters.
That being said, It seems that TwiDash is a bit from left field in this case, but there not really the focus.
5 Star, and Tracked
those bad break-ups between spitty and dashie <_<
Dashfire is my OTP for Dash, to be honest. But this should be interesting. YOU HAVE MY SWORD, AND MY TRACKS.
This is a nice fic. There are a couple grammar mistakes, as there are in almost every fic, and when Dash and Fire break up, I feel like you went a little heavy on the stuttering. Try speaking it aloud and finding which one sounds best. Otherwise, great job! I like the double-ship on this.
Why... do I... have sudden urge... to track? I normally don't read fics that have shipping, but for some reason this one is drawing me in. Oh, and a co-write? That's defiantly a nice idea.
134164 I prefer Rainbow Sparkle. lol
This is a great fic so far... Dont let me down. I really like the FlutterFire thing, I just dont really see any fics where Rainbow Fire arent breaking up. I personally like Rainbow Fire and Soarfire'. Either way, 5 stars...
I found the part about Twilight 'imagining kissing her, and vacuuming out her negative emotions' a distasteful idiom, as well as a bit sudden and not the best way to introduce a romantic interest. I would have gone with something along the lines of her imagining Dash leaping into her arms for comfort or something along those lines-- you know, something a little bit more innocent, but that's just my opinion.
Otherwise I like the premise of this story, and the writing is good other than some mild repetition (watch out for that!). I tend to rarely leave a comment without some criticism, but you might remember me for being a fan of constructive criticism.
I'll track it and see where it goes.
134701 Lol, we're going to blame Runrun395 for the part about Twilight... xD Kidding, though I wrote the upper half of the story. I'm sure you noticed a change in the writing somewhere in the story... He tends to go straight in, in a romance, while I prefer the more subtle approaches in my stories. (...most of the time
)
Anyway, thank you for the comment, I'm also a fan of constructive criticism...how else can an author get better?
134699 Yes I do...
The emotional roller coaster was intentional. I've seen emotions change in a *snap* during a break up. Though I do admit I could have conveyed that better.
really good.
normally, I only do inter-mane six shipping, because to me characters like Spitfire might as well be OC ponies, but whatever.
Has room for improvement, overall, especially in the show vs. tell department.
for example, during the breakup, you sorta just threw us into the house without any description to the locale. Not really needed, but it's nice. When you show the scene, it makes it more believable.
134740 I'll try to work on that next chapter.
I liked this chapter. There were a few things that felt off, like Twi wanting to kiss Dash, or some awkward wording that makes some scenes feel off, but for the most part, it was good. Room for improvement, but certainly not bad.
can't wait for the next chapter
It seems like the majority of the harsher critiques come from people who haven't even written fan fiction, while the well renowned artist who have read it critique it much less...hmm.
beastly ~~
Yup, vacuum and romance do not coexist well. I approve of the dignity that Spitfire always shows. The outburst against fluttershy exempted by reason of emotional stress, of course. A few 5s will make up for the burn you got. Oh and ships are just a fact of life, you can't just be friends with everypony. I'll be mean and say that Mac should just go out and find some random mare in mainhatten.
This, this is a rare Ship right here. And I have decided to follow it because it is new and awesome to me!!!
Great work!
I like this, but I feel you either ended the chapter at the wrong place, or that this should be a one shot, and all one chapter.
But oh well. I digress. I look forward to the rest of the chapters! :)
Post. Chapter. 2. Now!
135065 I'm very sorry but as a joint operation it takes a little longer to get each chapter out, but we'll do our best to get you a chapter a week. .
Fantastic work guys! Tracking for sure.
FlutterFire?
Not FireShy? The pun potential is amazah.
134334 Fuck... that was me...
134724 lol bullshit mr. "im going to make fluttershy and luna GET IT OOONNN!!!!!"
135269 xD I was...impaired when I did that!
FlutterFire? THIS aughta be good! Can't wait to see where this is going! As much as I love a good DashFire, it's nice to see somepony explore the idea that they're NOT compatible because if their personalities! Again, can't wait to see where it's going!
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
wtf... this has more views after 1 chapter than my solo story does after 4(now 3)
This... will be interesting.... Any chance you need an additional editor?
135472 Wow take it easy man at least you got critisism. No story is perfect and I would kill to get some critisism on my fic so that I could improve my writing but I haven't gotten any (Now of course I don't really think the demographic for my fic is very large but still). Also the guy was not really critisising your english so cut him some slack. Not everypony speaks english as a first languish.
I liked your story however the only downside was how short the chapter was. But that is more of a personal disapointment from me. I don't know how much time you have on your hooves and I know how time consuming writing can be. And if you don't want critisism then just leave an authors note saying so. Please keep up the good work I am looking forward to seeing more
135664 criticism doesn't bother me personally. Though it seems like sometimes people nit pick... :P
I'm also English second language so...
Yeah, I'd love to make them longer, but time and plot keep the chapters short.