Chapter 2
A day to remember part2
By Carmack21
As the two friends danced through the sunsets rays and flew from cloud to cloud in a game of hide and seek, a question encased in the rainbow maned pony’s mind: 'is this a dream? Is it just a tempting dream which made her entire body quiver in excitement?'.
"Rainbow, you need too slow down, I can't keep up" panted Twilight, who wasn’t completely used to her wings and was now lagging behind.
The Rainbow turned her head in the direction of the voice.
"Twilight, if your going to observe me you need to catch me!" she exclaimed with a slight teasing laugh.
The pegasus slowed down and floated for a minute, searching for a lavender dot among the reddish colored clouds, but there was nothing.
"TWILIGHT, WHERE ARE YOU!" Rainbow started to sound a little bit worried. What if she’d lost control and crashed? What if-
Just then, out of nowhere the cyan pegasus was hit by a fast moving object from the cloud above. The object was no other than the one she was searching for.
"GOTCHA!" the lavender pony exclaimed in excitement.
The two friends spiralled downward, both giggling as they fell. The ground was getting closer and closer, yet both were having too much fun to care. A split second before smacking down on the ground the two parted ways and spread their wings wide, causing them to glide to the ground.
"I can't believe you got me." Rainbow said.
"Well when you were too busy looking ahead I flew up-" Twilight was interrupted by Rainbow.
"Ok egghead, I don't need the full explanation." said Rainbow.
The unicorn looked away, a little embarrassed by what her friend had called her.
"But you’re my egghead." said the cyan pegasus, in a soft tone.
This made her feel embarrassed; she too turned away from her friend. Twilight looked over at her, any embarrassment she felt before was now gone, and a small spark of hope ignited in her.
The cyan pony looked back at her friend who now was face to face with her. With out any hesitation the studious unicorn stole a quick peck off the embarrassed cyan pony's cheek, but it ended as quickly as it happened.
"I’m sorry Rainbow." Twilight said, as she once again looked away, knowing what she had just done put her reputation and friendship in question.
The cyan Pegasus rooted to the spot with a 'did that really just happen' look on her face. She snapped out of her entranced look. She rounded on her friend to look her with her eyes.
"I’m sorry Twilight," said Dash as she leaned in and locked lips with her friend.
A few moments passed, Rainbow pulled away and broke the kiss. Rainbow was the first to break the silence,
"So... how about the Wonderbolts?" Rainbow said, not knowing what to say at that awkward moment, but desperate to fill it with something, anything.
The sky lost it's redness and was replaced with the pale glow of a full moon.
"You want to head back to my place and observe me in bed?" asked Rainbow with a teasing grin.
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You really need to fix all the spelling errors. In particular, it's spelt said, not siad. What is "entransical"?
Other than that, it started ok, but the second chapter was very short. Take your time, describe the sensations of flight (this is Twilight's first real flight, isn't it? She's going to form some opinions on it that will probably affect her feelings toward Dash) and the emotions they feel. As it is, I couldn't care less about the fact they kissed, because you haven't put anything about their characters.
theres something about your cover picture that makes me feel.......happy.
to me it looks to show how good of a friend rainbow really is and how happy it makes me feel.
i would comment on the picture its self but i don't know who made it or where it came from?
Not being rude, but did you write this with a phone or iPod? Or is it just iffy writing?
)
Aside from what everypony else has pointed out, it is a nice story. Short, sweat, and to the point. (kinda my style too, but I get yelled at for it
Oh, this isn't an advertising site, and not the best choice on stories wfwesdfwe. Just lost the chance of me ever going to that site.
ohmmm still cuteee ... more please
this fic has so much win
and would have so much more with editing
also with more chapters (hint hint)
YAAAAAAA! Thank you everyone,
sorry for the spelling errors, it's because I did this from my iPod.
:( it's atuo correct isn't what you should use too write a story. Thank you once agian, the next chapter will be out soon, but I need some one too proof read. Any volunteers?
735628
working on it, thx for info. Wanna help me proof it?
739064
Sure. I can message you the first two chapters without the errors, if you want.
This is me argueing with my self, enjoy ;) jk
"Ok, I've reread chapter 1, and I've spotted many errors" me
"shush yourn not suppose too tell them" mind
"Shut up" me
"make me!"
'raises pistol too head "how bout now"
"ok ok ok, sorry. We will extend out wordly to ask for help in fixing it."
"that's what I thought.". Me
Quick fast, like way too fast, but that last sentence is golden, so i´m ok with it.^^
last line = jaw crashed through the floor
993806 That happened to me once. But then it crashed through my ceiling and through the floor again, then through the wall to my right and crashing through the window to my left, and it went in so many directions it looked like my jaw stretched about as far as the distance of a round-trip flight from Florida to Florida thus travelling around the world going back to where it started if not further.
Then I woke up, and now I no longer eat potato chips mixed with pretzels anymore.
"You want to head back to my place and observe me in bed?" asked Rainbow with a teasing grin.
Hahaha Holy shit rainbow, speeding things up a bit!?