• Member Since 14th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 24th, 2017

BronyDerp117


I'm a 18 year old guy from California. I like turtles and I'm also addicted to music.

E
Source

With a simple little note from a certain blonde Pegasus, Forest Rain's dark life brightens forever.

Inspired by Forest Rain's song, Great To Be Different. Forest Rain gave me full permission to use his OC and lyrics to the song. I have Youtube PMs to prove this.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 266 )

the first chapter is pretty rushed, with events just flying everywhere. but good concept

This story is heart-wrenching, depressing, and makes me want to cry:fluttercry:.... but I can't stop reading it. I shall go back to my reading, and until then, have a mustache:moustache:, a brohoof /), and an annoying shout:

FIRST

Now I CAN'T imagine where you got the inspiration from :p Seeing as both the title AND the picture is from the song with the same name ;)

(Yes, I did read the describtion :P)

That was a really good story :twilightsmile:. Great job, and even though there are a few errors here and there, I found myself sucked in and unable to stop reading until the story ended :twilightblush:.

Um, where is Chapter One?

1293299 O_o It should be up now

Wow, really dramatic start to this! Also, I find it really weird reading my name in a fic. :derpytongue2:

Couple edits for ya:
calm weld gently flowing
^--wind?

they stepped to the side a couple of yards to the left
^- Don't think precise measurements are needed, "stepped to the side," should probably do it. ;p

that shun light into my life
^-shone?

1294035 Thanks for catching those for me! They should be fixed now.
Also thanks to everyone who enjoyed this and favorited.

I think this story is even better than "My Little Dashie". Thank you for writing it. And please extend my thanks to Forest Rain for making the song. I hope you can keep writing stories as good as this one.

1294108 I....that....I think that's the best compliment I've ever received. When I read that my mouth literally dropped and my eyes widened. My mouth is still opened... Hell, I won't lie, that actually nearly teared me up. Thank you very, very much! I'm only a high school student, and hearing that someone thinks my story is better than MLD really means a lot. Especially since MLD made me cry like a baby :twilightsheepish:

Thank you very much!

1294131
I gess you've been shell-shocked by Stormshock:)
And you are very welcome, I'm a high school student as well, and I could never write anything as heart wrenching or compelling as this. Well done.

You have indeed done justice to Forest Rain's wonderful song, a song that made me tear up at the three-minute mark. (At the four-minute mark, I was buying a copy off his Bandcamp page.) A considerable achievement, if you ask me.

1295231 Thanks! His song made me tear up too :fluttershysad:
I've listened to the song 161 times in the last 48 hours according to my iTunes, not to mention all the Youtube repeats...

Short, sweat and choc full of emotions I loved it

Greatness all around. I loved it! :derpytongue2:

oh wow... this is starting off good. I shall keep going.

by god... you've just melted my heart. seriously this chapter was amazing. I've got to go on now, and read the rest of this...

I love you. I really do. That's all I'm going to say.

1298934 Lol, I love all the comments! Unless its a brony hater, then I'm forced to love and tolerate the SHIT outta them.
I wuv you too :scootangel: And yes, Derpy is incredibley awesome. Favorite? She's definitely one of them. Writing this story especially gave a new love for Derpy to me. A-
....
...
The Spike image just loaded.... :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

1299243
I thought you'd like Spike being BRILLIANT.

D'aww... the folks of Ponyville are all soo nice. ;_; This chapter really grabbed me, and it covers such a turning point... a dark descent, if you will. But it shows a glimmer of hope right at the end~

Again, some edits:

dear Los Pegasus.I
needs a space ^

who shun light
^ shone

horribley ill
^ horribly

"guarentee" about cleanliness
^ guarantee

into my record device, where I had my recording device ready.
^ I'd probably just say "into my recording device."

D'awwwwww :derpytongue2: I love the way you portrayed Derpy. And I find it very interesting how you introduced her as Ditzy, and had her specifically say "I go by Derpy." ...Hinting at her willingness to embrace how she's different, mayhap? I LOVED the café scene... it was damn realistic, and probably the best possible way either Forest or Derpy could react in that situation. And dropping the letter from the fire escape seems somehow really fitting, but I'm not sure exactly why.

Anyhow, a bunch of edits for this one! :twilightblush:


they shun
^ shone (This is becoming a theme. ;p )

I walked to her and said to her,
^ A little clunky, I'd say "I walked over and said to her,"

sincere embrance
^ embrace

and that she still
^I think this should be "and that's why she still"

greeted by a proffesional,
^ professional

asked us table or booth.
^A little awkward, I'd write: asked us "Table or booth?"

incredibley comfortable
^incredibly

suppose to begin, not when we were supporse to be mourning
^supposed to begin, not a day for mourning,

shook it off andfinished
^ space plz

walk pass the doors
^ past

saw a golden eyed beauty
^ I'd probably say "the golden-eyed beauty" here, seeing as Forest is now quite familiar with her.

and took to the skies
^ take

the envelop
^ envelope

Lol @ CanterlotGuardian. I think all chapter reviews are welcome. :derpytongue2:

The amount of d'aww in this is astounding... and the thought of Derpy writing the song with Forest is... soo damn cute. :yay: I couldn't stop smiling throughout.

And just a few edits for this one:

as she sung
^ sang

She lied her head
^ laid

dozen records.I lied my head back,
^ space is needed, also "laid" should be used again.

its what my friends
^ it's

and lied my head
^ laid!

I must say, I agree with Dusty Sage. You certainly have done justice to the song-- and then some. (Also, thanks Dusty, your comment made me laugh with glee. ;p )

So now that I've read through this entire thing... I must say that I am very interested in producing an audiobook of it. And when I say audiobook, I don't mean a simple narration... ...Suffice to say, I will make sure that what I produce does justice for this fic-- assuming, of course, that I have your permission to do so~ :ajsmug:

In any case, thank you SOO much for taking my song and it's message, and putting it out there in a completely different and fresh way-- with good writing to boot! I look forward to reading your future works. ^.^

-- Forest Rain

Oh, I had one edit for this chapter:

covered her mouth her right hoof.
^ I'd just say "covered her mouth with her hoof."

1302930 Glad you enjoyed it! I'll fix those things when I get home from school. This is what I get for not sending to pre readers :facehoof:

You have inspired me to make my first comment ever on this website...
This story has touched the very fiber of my being... Well, close to that anyway. :derpytongue2:
It's an extremely touching story, and I'm glad to have read it. I have read many other stories, including MLD, but this...this just made me cry in a completely different way than any other. It made me cry tears of happiness, not sadness. This story is truly magnificent despite the few errors which I'm sure you're getting around to editing...
Speaking of which, I have two errors that I remember from this chapter (er, epilogue?) that need fixing.

This was Shining Star's diamond. I think," I hesistated ----Should be hesitated
"Yes! Absolutely yes!" She held her hand out to me ----Ponies don't have hands, silly! :pinkiecrazy: Should be hoof

1303490

:rainbowderp: How'd I miss those!? I'm usually really good with spotting stuff like that!

I must've been too busy grinning like an idiot while reading it. :derpytongue2:

1303490 Derp le Herp. Yeah, I wrote two versions of this story. A human version where Derpy's name is Daniella and they are in New York(For a future English class assignment) and this pony fan fiction version. The hand slipped in there :twilightsheepish:
Its nice to hear how much this touched some people :twilightsmile:
Now, to stop watching PewDiePie videos and edit the mistakes!

1302744 For the record device, I meant like the old music records. Like the reck-ard pronunciation. I'll just change it to "music playing device."

1304705
PewDiePie can be rather addicting. Don't let 'im get to ya! I know I did... :twilightblush:
On another note, make sure that you didn't slip "hoof" into your English assignment!

1304856 I didn't, I wrote the human version first :trollestia:
If I somehow did slip hoof in there somehow...that's going to be an awkward conversation...:twilightblush:

1304895
Haha, tell me about it. It'll be like that one time I accidentally said, "Thank Celestia..." in Algebra 2. :facehoof:
Anyway, I'd like to thank you for getting me to actually comment on something for once. :twilightsmile: There is a first time for everything, right?

1304949 I came horribly close to yelling, "HOLY LUNA!" when one of my friends popped a bag of chips. It came out as, "HOLY LU-SHIT!" So, what happened after you said that...
By the way, you're welcome! I created my account to comment on My Little Dashie :twilightsmile:
Algebra II....YOU LUCKY SON OF A- I'm a Freshman in high school and in Geometry. Is it bad I actually miss Algebra? Seriously, I hate Geometry, and I find it really difficult. At least my Geometry teacher is awesome :yay:

1304984
Why hello there freshman... :trollestia:
I'm a sophomore. I finished Geometry last year! Hur hur!
And what happened? Everyone asked me what I was talking about, to which I replied, "Umm... Ponies?" They all started bursting with laughter at me... :pinkiesad2:
Geometry wasn't that difficult for me because I'm a natural in math or something. No, it's not bad that you miss Algebra because now that I'm in Algebra 2, I'm happy every time I enter the classroom. I hate shapes so much...

1305022 For some reason, that really makes me want to got to Hot Topic, buy a Derpy shirt, wear it to school, and see what happens :derpytongue2:

1305080
After everyone found out that I'm a brony, that's exactly what I did, minus the Hot Topic. :derpytongue2: I got my shirt from WeLoveFine.

1302979 Whoa... I didn't see the audiobook thing on my phone at school...
YUS! ALL OF MY YUS GOES TO YOU! :twilightblush:
You've got no idea how much it means to hear not only the performer, but the writer of the song say I did it justice. Thanks much for the watch! And to everyone else who watched me and favorited this! :twilightsmile:
By the way, thanks for all the little grammar corrections. From writing this fic, you would've thought that I would've learned to be a PATIENT and send it to my pre-readers first :facehoof:
Forest Rain: To save you from looking up old blog posts, future stories include: A war story named Rise of a New(Could be temporary, unless I come up with something better) will be written soon. Its going to be very long, have no gore at all, and will contain OCs. I've never seen a story like the idea I have, so I think its pretty unique.
Another story is an AppleDash fic inspired by Aviator's song, "Applebuckin"

This was a truly special piece of work. I don't often tear up when reading fics but now I have to put this one up there with MLD. I am incredibly impressed you made such a moving piece which worked so well with the music.

1315065 Thanks! I can't believe people are comparing my story to MLD! I know a lot of people don't like My Little Dashie, but I know a lot of people cried to it, so it means a lot whenever someone says that. Thanks! :twilightsmile:

Alright, I just spent the last few hours fixing grammar errors in the entire story. Things I fixed includes comma splices, semi colon misuse, and a few capitalization errors. Let me know if you think it looks better or worse. (*cough 1303563 and 1303490 You grammar specialists :twilightsheepish: )

1315824
Looks great! :twilightsmile: Well, except for...

"However, despite my biggest dreams coming true, one achievment tops them all. I'm married to the mare I love." --- Achievement is spelled wrong. I'm also pretty sure a colon could work in between these two sentences, but if you want to leave it at that, it's fine. Constructive criticism and all... :derpytongue2:

"On top of the muffin, was a diamond necklace. The same diamond that had been in the pocket of my vest almost four years ago on a beach in Los Pegasus." --- I'm almost positive that the second sentence is a fragment (just woke up myself hur hur). Maybe a semicolon should be added in-between these two statements? Also, in the second sentence, I believe you forgot to insert the word "necklace" after diamond!

"you selflessly took me to this very cafe, and tried to make me better." --- Make me "feel" better. I think that would work.

"And that note was correct, it is great to be different." --- Hmmm... Maybe a colon could suffice where the comma is at the current moment?

"When I saw the note, and began writing a song for it" --- There is an unneeded comma between "note" and "and". :trollestia:

"At the time I didn't notice, but when I think back, I remember my heart racing when I heard your voice." --- I knew you had a thing for commas, but I didn't think you would miss two. There should be a comma after "At the time" and after "but". It sounds awkward, but "but", in this case, goes with the "I remember" line. Therefore, you need to separate it from "when I think back".

"Derpy, you opened the window in my life, and now its my turn." --- it should be "it's" instead of "its" because you are trying to say "it is" instead of showing possession. I knew I had to make a comment on this because it was the only question I missed on my ACT Explorers in the 8th grade in the Language Arts section. After that, I made it a point to get that right every single time from then on.

"before he passes to the next life. Another life goal accomplished." --- Maybe a semicolon between the two sentences, in which case, the second sentence is also a fragment.

"We help them find just how special they are. How great it is to be unique." --- Another semicolon between these two. I'm big on the semicolons. :twilightsmile:

"Its funny, really, how one little note changed my life forever." --- Again, it should be "it's" instead of its".

I'm not going to be picky about the rest of that paragraph other than myself thinking there should be hyphens (-) between "golden eyed" and "wall eyed".

"Its great to be different." --- THE LAST SENTENCE! It should be "it's" instead of "its" again! :facehoof:

That should be about it. I might have missed a few things here and there where I just woke up and all... I'm pretty sure I got them all though. These are all Epilogue errors.

1319299 Ohai wall of corrections. I'll get to fixing those now. :twilightsmile:
By the way, thanks a ton for helping me with the many grammar errors I make. And thanks for not yelling at me :twilightsheepish:

1319598
No problem at all. If I've learned anything, it's that people make mistakes. It's a part of who we are. Don't let it get to you because everyone makes them! Oh, and, speaking of which, it would be "grammatical" errors. :trollestia: I'm such a grammar Nazi.
Yelling at you though? I'm not that kind of person. These are mistakes, yes, but as I said, everyone makes them. There isn't any need to yell at ya over them. :twilightsmile:

1319660 Yer bruh I haerd u liekz teh grammarz? Bruh can yoush helpz meh with dees comment mayn? :trollestia:
Yeah...I'm bored...I guess I'll go write some stuff for my war fic lol. That story is going to be so damn long...

1319680
Lol. Yesh, I liekz teh horibiel grahamerz.
Good luck with your war fic. That should be interesting enough.

I won't lie to you, BronyDerp. I won't be doing you any favors by doing so. I thought the entire thing, start to finish, was kitschy and cliche as hell. I didn't identify with any character and the story as a whole did not move me as it should. Hell, I was even listening to the song while reading!
But still, I don't want to list all my little peeves with this story here. I don't like text walls any more than anyone else. If you would like the advice of a man who has done a fucking TON of reading in his life (plus a little writing), hit me up. I'm on Skype an' junk, too.

You have potential. Potential, however, cannot be cultivated in peace and reassurance. It takes the hottest of fires to forge the strongest of blades.

Just a thought. You never really explain how Forest Rain is different or unusual. You say he listens to different music, dresses different and that he's smart, but that's very vague and aside from that there's really no indication as to how he's abnormal.

Was it intentionally broad so the most people could relate to it? :derpyderp2:

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