• Member Since 14th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Chris


Author, former Royal Canterlot Library curator, and the (retired) reviewer at One Man's Pony Ramblings.

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A look at Rose's social life and obligations, framed against a classic Equestrian fairy-tale from her childhood.

Originally written July 2011.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 14 )

Excellent. I hate to say it but my tiny mind not pick up on what made this a sad fic. Was it that the grandmother lied and red roses were to be cursed as well as Rose herself? Even if my tiny mind didn't pick up on the sadness, you still deserve a magical pony thumbs up.


I also have to say Rose's voice was a bit off. I expected it to be a bit... Erm... Younger sounding.

My, my. Very impressive. That is some nice and seamless plot construction there, and the transitions felt smooth and coherent with each other. Considering the story's length, you did a very nice job in establishing a strong emotional foundation for the characters, meaning that I was more than able to sympathise with Rose and Coconut.

I do have to say, however, that in the first few 'scenes' (when Rose leaves the house, for example) the description of actions felt a little 'and then', 'and then' etc etc. I am sure there is probably a much more poetic and correct way of explaining that, but unfortunately, I do not know it.

For example, this: 'Tucking the key into her small saddlebag, she turned towards the town square. She began trotting away, but a pang of guilt forced her back.'
Actually, looking at it again, I think it might be the repetitive sentence structure that did it for me. Of course, this is a minor nit-pick.

It brings an interesting point, though. I wonder why her grandma chose to read her that story in the first place, considering she already knew its content.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this story. Considering it's length, the emotional impact was impressive, so well done! Keep up the great work!

>See title
Oh, hey, is this...

Yep! It is! I always liked this story.

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You two have picked up on my two biggest points of dissatisfaction with this story: the dialogue and the pacing of the setup second (and fourth) sections of the story. I never was happy with the character voices--I've done worse, but they still feel a little stilted and overwrought to me. In any case, thank you for your comments.

As for why her grandmother ever chose to read the story in the first place...I can imagine how their nighttime ritual got started, but I think some things are best left to the reader's imagination.

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Thanks!

Darned these sad endings:fluttercry: Now I will have to go watch something funny. Why couldn't it be happy? Why?:raritycry:

This is a great story and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. :twilightsmile:

I was going through my “to read” bookmarks to remove the clutter there, and I found this story.

First, I did have problems, mainly that it was lacking in the meat department. I’m going to assume to this is a character study, given the lack of plot. It that sense, it didn’t work. I never found out who Rose was as a pony. If you were to ask me to describe who she was, I would say “devoted to her grandmother at the expense of everything else” and that would be it. Not good in my book, because I can’t feel for the character then. I got the underlying tragedy (more on that later), but it didn’t move me.

Another problem is some of the parallels you tried to make between Rose and the rose in the story. I think trying to have her grandmother fill in role for the princess is rather unsettling; after all there is a huge difference between a wrathful princess who can’t stand a little loss of blood and a family member who has gone senile and means no harm.

Good News, I enjoyed it despite those problems. Being someone who enjoys fairy tales (from a cultural perspective), I’m glad you had the grandmother bowdlerize the original story (makes it seem more real). Two, even though I didn’t feel for the character’s plight, I like how it was truly tragic. Let’s face it; most sad pony stories have a glimmer of hope at the end no matter how sad, they soften the blow. Not this one. Rose is pretty much a prisoner until her grandmother dies (and I wouldn’t call that an ending to look forward to) and even then there’s no guarantee her life will be better in some respects (I think her shot at love is pretty much shot itself). There aren’t a lot of these amongst pony fics, so I respect that (I can only think of maybe one other story and the execution in some areas knocked me out of what could have been a real gut-puncher). It’s also quick and short; I don’t think I had problems with your pacing or the jumps between the past and present.

Enjoy your vacation.

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I'm glad I saw this before I left, so I'd have a chance to respond. Personally, I didn't see this as a character study so much as a musing on the interconnectedness of fatalism and duty (which sounds really pretentious when I type it out, but oh well). That said, I think you're spot on in your criticisms; filling out characters in few words is always a struggle for me, and I see what your saying about the gap between wrathful enslavement and the shackles of responsibility.

I'm very glad to hear you enjoyed the story nevertheless. Thanks for the comment, and I'll be sure to enjoy my trip.

Well done.

In response to comments about how much or how little we got to know the players of this tale, I don't really think that great familiarity was necessary. Rather, Rose's commitments, both filial and romantic, the irreparable conflict between them, and the way she handles them, really give this story its weight. The fact that her other relationships atrophy or die as she tends to an ailing, demented family member, one who does not even remember who she is, is a knife in the heart; that this family member's strongest recollection is of a moment they'd once spend together, showing that a bit of who she was exists, waiting to be lost to senescence, twists the blade. The fact that the characters are not so delineated, so specified, makes their experiences less alien; it is easier to imagine oneself in their positions.

The reveal about the story is interesting, though it feels a bit incidental. Perhaps the grandmother changed the ending for the sake of her daughter, perhaps she just liked the new ending better (though I'm inclined to think the former). I don't think I'd say that Rose is a prisoner per se. Rather, she was faced with a painful choice in this tale, one which would leave its wounds no matter which path she took.

I suppose this story also brings up the larger question about how we should handle our elderly, our dying, and what our duties are to them. And I'm sure that everyone has their own thoughts on the matter, so I shall not pursue that line.

Anyways, again, well done.

I'm having so much fun typing fimfiction.net/story/random numbers
it's lead me to some great stories so far.

Impressive and quite clever.

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