It takes a question to fuel an obsession, but it takes an answer to spark the fire
short little oneshot i wrote at 1 A.M. during the frankenstorm. dunno why i styled it like I did but tell me what you think?
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- Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
Dark0592
Here lies the wistful delusions of the sleep addled mind. Actually wait, no, just me.
Dark0592
Joined 18th Mar, 2012 ·
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if it seems incoherent or inconsistent i'm sorry, first time trying a story-telling type of writing instead of writing like I normally do. I felt I needed to do something to keep you guys happy for now during my hiatus and i've had this idea for a few days
MFW...
See new twidash
Edit after reading:
If felt like I was reading the summary of a story. This could definitely could be expanded on into more chapters, either detailing the story or Twilight after the story after she regrets giving up MAGICKS.
It's a decent concept, but it feels pretty rushed and Dash feels kind of out of character. Also: Deus Ex Machina much, Celestia?
I can't in good conscience upvote this, but I won't downvote it either, so there's that.
That ending... It certainly hit me right in the feels...
Not bad man. Not bad at all.
So is Twi a pegasus now? Or did she become an Alicorn? Pegacorn? (1/2 pegasus 1/2 unicorn, no earth.) masses want to know so we can properly sort ot into groups.
(I'm still adding it to the Transformations group reguardless.)
I've read few stories with this writing style, and you seemed to pull it off. (I'm talking about the 'tale' method, rather than the 'novel' method.) I think this story appealed to me a little more because one of my only two real life wishes is to achieve free flight. (The other is to perform a sonic boom. Go figure.) Thumbed.
Good story! I'd have preferred it if Twilight had opted to remain as a unicorn and be content with flying on Dash, but I guess we can't always have it our way. Some further exploration of the relationship between RD and Twilight, or Twilight's decision to change would be nice too. Voted up!
This was a short story, but..I dont know how to describe it. It just...went well? with me. Feels like I am reading a life story somehow.
I don't know..This story just seemed to click with me. You got yourself a thumbs up from me, very nice story you got here.
1536726 she's now a Uni-peg.
Too short, wish you had made it several chapter rather then just one.
Great idea but it's way too short. The added conflict in the middle had almost no rising action and it felt rushed. But I really like the concept and how you tapped Twilight's obsessive studying. Not quite awesomeness, but definately a cool story.
1537243 no just a pegasus
1537455>>1538059>>1537237>>1536664 this was a 1 AM oneshot in the middle of a storm with the power going out every 10 mins. I probably cleaned it up a bit but changes were lost when power went out... or I was just tired. *shrugs*
1536705>>1536824>>1536839 glad you guys liked it. This was really just a brain fart experimenting with a new writing style
to be honest, in my mind i was writing it sort of like a poem but scrapped that when i remembered when it had to be 1k words
For a random oneshot in the morning, I give it a 8/10.
Once your awake and not bust you could clean it a bit and make it beautiful and what not. Make it have 'ze magiks'
...Well, sorry but I have to thumb it down for twidash.. Good writing style though.
1538776
I really liked this! Sure, it was brief and rushed, but it tells a story, and a cute one. I like the idea of Twilight and Rainbow bonding over flight. Books and studying have been done to death, it's nice to see something different.
1538933
Some people might not like what you do, but I cannot agree with thumbing down something just because of the subject matter. A story should be graded on how well it is written and if the plot is good. I would thumbs down this work cause of how brief it is and feels rushed; that is if I didn't know the author was working under extenuating circumstances. Though the "heart attack" thing pushed me more towards the thumbs down, young people (ponies) do not have heart attacks due to lack sleep (unless they are sickly). They go crazy instead and start hallucinating.
1538303 i don't modify stories once they're posted unless it's terribly bad.
1538776 you really just thumbed it down for the pairing? what the hell dude? it has the romance tag, the only tagged characters are twi and dash... you can't say you weren't expecting it so don't read it just to thumbs it down because of the pairing.
1539367 complete exhaustion combined with almost no nutrition intake and doing nothing but sitting there and researching is very taxing. I once had a mini-seizure last year, when i was 15, because i didn't eat much and did nothing but write all day for about a week straight.
thanks all of the people who managed to look past the shody and rushed nature of this, my first attempt at a tale-type writing style. and to those who thumbs down without giving a reason go away and don't come back.
seriously, if you don't like it give a reason. only one person gave the reason, though not a very good one. Give reasons why you don't like it and if it's something I can fix i most likely will, that's called criticism. Thumbs down and leaving is just assholery
1539547 Sketch is a twit. I had a story tumbs downed by four people right off the bat, all because I portrayed Dash as straight. People are idots sometimes.
1539572... wow people are morons...
>> Pokey the Unicorn
>> Dark0592
>> I am Memorial
I am sorry that I did not make it clear, I thumbed down because of the type of pairing. NOT because of twidash but because of the NATURE of twidash.
Gayness and lesbianism is wrong.
I know you will hate me for this, and think I am a bigot.
I don't hate gay PEOPLE. I just hate the thing that they practice.
I am also a christian, because of this I cannot enjoy nor endorse a story with lesbo practices for the very nature of it is sin.
The tragedy of Sodom and Gommorah happened because of homosexuality, so please, Don't think I am a twit just because of my beliefs.
If I didn't stick to my beliefs I would be worse than a twit. I'd be a hypocrite.
People who thumb down for no reason are most likely twittish.
I thumbed down because, in my belief system such things are wrong. (Almost all belief systems think they are right so I'll spare you the IAMRIGHT junk)
If a story had child abuse in it you'd thumb down.(hopefully)
This story may not have child abuse, but it does have a perverse(perverse also means twisted,wrong) pairing, and so I regretfully downvoted.
Nothing against Twilightm or Rainbow Dash, or the author.
I am sorry for my intrusion.
1540897 if a story had child abuse i wouldn't thumbs it down if that abuse was used expertly in the story to make the story deeper and all around better. I am also a christian, and i don't care. and seriously, if you don't like the pairing(or the lesbo-ness) then just don't read the damn story and don't thumbs it down just for that.
and perverse? dude the only real shipping here is a narratave saying they love each other.
I'd rather not get into an argument about homosexuality with you, but there's really nothing wrong with it.
I don't think you're a twit because of your beliefs, i just strongly disagree with a good amount of them. My only conflict with you as that you saw the romance tag and saw the two character tags, yet you still read it and made a negative addition to it simply to spite it. You say nothing against the writer, yet it's every bit against me for downvoting my story for something that you knew was coming.
to recap, I'm not bashing you for your belief i'm bashing you for your actions. i respect your beliefs, but kindly take them somewhere else and down downvote a story just because of it- if it's a good story then it doesn't deserve a downvote. sorry for the long-winded reply, but i'd just like for you to be sure you know exactly what i'm saying. And if you think this is bad? stay away from my story gallery. you'd probably have a heart attack
1542017
EDIT: I did pay attention to the tags, and I was just curious as to why another homosexual story HAD to be written, and as to why I just got a notice saying it was added to the Alicorn Twilight folder I'm watching.
I said perverse can also mean wrong.
Also, I meant if the story was starring a character who just abused a child throughout the whole story, with the ending being just as bad.
(not that anyone would write such a thing((maybe that was a bad example but whatever)))
Also, you're not a christian.
If you were you would have read the bible.
Leviticus 18:22:
"You shall not lie with a male as those who lie with a female; it is an abomination."
(Or in another translation)
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination"
Romans 1:26-27:
"For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions: for their women exchanged the natural use for that which is against nature. And in the same way also the men abandoned the natural use of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty for their error."
I'll find more if you want. but, If you truly think you are a christian -then please read the bible and know the facts before saying homosexuality is okay.
4.bp.blogspot.com/_VKh9zaxmQJs/TT-Po-oUsHI/AAAAAAAAACc/0Iuu5ht_p7M/s1600/read-the-bible.gif
As a Christian(A person in Christ) I must meter my love and tolerance with God's unwavering holy truth.
....And a heart attack? Really?
1542189 I too am a Christian, yet I have also done same sex couples. The fact of the matter comes down to A) there aren't enough stallions to mares and randomly making oc's for every little thing is a pain. B) Lesbians, Bisexauls, Asexuals, Gays, and Transexuals exist, and to trewat them or speak of them any less for their beliefs is very contradictory to what Jesus taught (Treat others as you wish to be treated) and to call them oput for their 'sins' is also contradictory to Jesus' teachings (let he who is without sin cast the first stone). A romance fic with Twi and RD as the only listed characers and you click on it, read it, then complain and downvote for the pairing. Congradulatuions on judging something and making a fool of yourself. And C) Congrats on revovling around the Old Testament...you know the book that Jesus threw out in leiu of his teachings in the New testament. Kindly understand Christianity(Following Jesus' Teachings and Believing in God) before claiming that you know more about it than someone else. Finally D) You continue to harrass people here with religious intolerance and I'll report you, because whether you agree with it or not, condemning people for being homosexuals is being a bigot.
1542189 born and raised as a christian for my entire 16 years of life. Just because I don't read the bible every second of every day and i disagree with some of what it says doesn't mean i'm not. You've crossed the line from showing your beliefs to forcing them upon another, which is a very terrible thing.
I REALLY don't want to get into an argument about religion with you, but let me tell you a little something. The reason why homosexuality was 'wrong' in the bible? It's because two people of the same sex can't have children together. That is the only logical thing wrong with it. Now, the difference between then and now? back then the whole country wasn't popping out babies like popcorn. There are so many orphaned children and children without homes that logic has become null and void.
and as for the verses? i think of the bible as more of a set of semi-true(sometimes completely true or vice-versa) guidelines to live a good life. it should NOT be taken literally.
and as for the heart attack? yeah... you probably would. I only have a few stories outo f about 20 that aren't ratedm ature for various reasons
1542403 i wouldn't report him yet, it's not that bad. He's privy to his own beliefs and opinions but if he continues to try and force them on me then i'm just going to delete all of his comments
1543620
And you'd be justified. Someone wants to proselytize or preach, they can take it to PMs and email. This is the place to discuss the story and very little else.
And about the story: rushed, short, and in need of detail. Yet I'm a sucker for TwiDash, and I haven't read a race-change fic in a while, so I'll give this one a thumbs up for concept and future potential. Also for showing that a workaholic Twilight can suffer consequences besides a magical meltdown. Any other story would've had her leave a smoking purple crater instead of suffering a normal, real-life heart attack, so - bonus points for you.
>>TheLastBrunnenG
I'm sorry, I didn't think of using the PM service. I'll try to be more considerate in the future.
>>Dark0592 I am sorry for crowding your fic.
>>I am Memorial
Also, Romans is in the new testament.
I am sorry that you probably see me as a judgemental zealot. And I never said I hated the PEOPLE who do it themselves. just the sin.
1540897
I happen to be a christian as well, but that doesn't truly mean you should give a story a thumbs down because of what was told to happen in the description. It's like buying a can of planters peanuts, then giving it a bad rap because it had nuts. It's what was written on the tin, so why did you go for it?
I'm kinda confused with the logic of the situation. .
Okie Dokie Loki, time for review.
Felt Extremely rushed. But, seeing as it was a morning one-shot, it can be forgiven quite easily. (I've personally done the same thing with very similar results.) The transformation was confusing though, she just decided, no build up, or maybe/maybe not, no pros/cons of each situation, just she decided.
Also, I didn't see very much romantic build up... or even much romantic content. But still, had TwiDash. I'm good.
For my professional (Not even close) and educated (Graduated 4th grade!) assessment, I give it a 6.5/10, but I am willing to bump it up to a 7/10 because of the time it took to actually type it. (Most fan fiction chapters take roughly 4-7 days to write, and one-shots usually follow this rule. Usually.)
All in all, I give you a flutteryay.
1544351
I know, right? I swear, if it has TwiDash, my own personal standards are considerably lower in comparison to every other type of story in regards to the amount of enjoyment I can derive from the story itself.
1544929 i spent an hour on it, including the time it took me to restart the computer when the power went out halfway through. and I was trying out a storytelling style or writing for the first time. as for the shipping? I was trying to go for just telling the story, as a storyteller would, and leave out most of the mundane things a real story usually has. and i guess technically it was late night write instead of morning lol. and good lord, you must be new here if you think i'd normally take so long to write a chapter. i have a reputation as the industrial sized printing press lol
1544882 Yeah, i feel stupid. i should've just not even given this story a second look.
New here? Well, You're new to me, so, technically I am. And I was going off the average of writers I interviewed for it, so... you're not part of the average equation. But Ok! I shall add you to the list of exceptions!
Also, I am Storylover Vodhr, known here as Brony Scientist SLV. It's a pleasure to meet you!
1544985 Alright. It was still a pleausre to meet you!
Also, don't worry about it. I've done some similarly stupid things in my day, so no worries!
1545000 Thank you for being so kind.
1544985 No problem. Have a great day.
1543620 I just have no patience for it.
The Bible, the Quran, the Book of Morman, The Buddhist(can't remember the name) holy book and many other Religous texts honestly can be dumbed down to a phrase preety much every brony knows.
"Love and Tolerate"
Love others no matter waht and Tolerate everyone's differences.
When a fandom made up of everything under the sun portrays this better than a person who claims to be of a certain religion where their holy book instructs it I find it sickeningly hypocritical.
1545020 i would have been kinder to you, and i tried to not sound like an ass, but downvoting a story of mine for (in my eyes) no good reason is one of the few ways to tick me off. I imagine a normal conversation between the two of us would be less hostile. I do have to thank you, however, for actually giving an input to why you downvoted... it pisses me off when people downvote and leave...
1544991 i believe there should be a hyphen connecting storylover and vodhr
i don't care if it's the ancient language i'll grammar nazi that too lol
1545598 Nope! It's because Storylover is one part of a name, and Vodhr is my online equivalent of a last name.
1545614 oh...
you see, i am like absolutely in love with the inheritance cycle and adding vodhr to the end of someone's name was a male honorary for young men in the elvish custom
That was what it was originally from, I was given that term for being a head of a writing group, and when I retired, I was given it. But I always saw it as a last name. *shrug*
1546991 hey, random question, what is my avatar? for some reason it's still artorias but i changed it like a week ago
1546702 Well, it looks like something from assassin's creed. But with angels instead of assassins.
1547140 yeah that's artorias.... he's from darksouls
it's supposed to be this but for some reason it only registers it as my avatar when i'm on the upload page... i'm going to try logging out then back in
1542017 Well said good sir.
This is so endearing. It's the cutest thing ever.
Well done, I loved it
1542189 Dude, not that it matters but I'm an atheist and I read the Bible thoroughly. If you want to use examples in morality I would recommend that you do not use Leviticus. He was probably off his rocker considering that he also labeled growing two different crops in the same field, using two different fibers on the same cloth, and eating shellfish as sin (though he might have been or known someone who was allergic). On that note, basing one's morality on any religion (with the possible exceptions of Buddhisim ans Shintoism) is the fastest way to go to jail considering that rape (Judges 21:10-24), slavery (Leviticus 25:44-46), and the mutilation of children that make fun of a man's chrome dome (2 Kings 2:23-25) are all in the Good Book. Please do not pretend that your homophobia has anything to do with your religion. The best and the worst of people have come out of every single religion known as well as the occasional atheist like Stalin. If you must follow the whole book to the letter, please refrain from selling your daughters into slavery (Exodus 21:7-10) or from sacrificing animals to your deity (Leviticus 1:3, 1:10). Gotta love Leviticus.
No, I have nothing against Christians or Christianity as a whole, unless an individual thinks he can get away with this kind of bullshit. Ranting aside, I will agree with you that the heart attack was a bit cheesy (sorry Dark0592).
1542189 This site has nothing to do with religion unless you consider the Royal Pony Sisters to be gods. Please help us keep it that way.