• Member Since 10th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 18th, 2017

Shokinaw


Full time technician, small time/one-story fic writer. That's over 200,000 words in length. Fear my long windedness!

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This is a story about growing up. It's about chasing far fetched dreams even if it means leaving your home. It's about laughter between friends, maturing relationships, the hard end of trade and sales, and how the ties of friendship, though they may strain and stretch thin between cities, will never be broken. It's about the pursuit of your goals no matter the odds against you, and learning what we truly want won't always be what we first thought.

Flight and life lessons mix for Rainbow Dash, Spike, Scootaloo, and all of their friends as everpony reaches for the sky, supporting each other's dreams and hopes no matter where they may lead them.

Sparity

Chapters (17)
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Comments ( 429 )

It is an interesting story that I would like to see where you go with.

Not bad and a good story to read before sleep. :rainbowlaugh: though I would like it if you added the cmc cause scootaloo is just amazing. Very good story though.

1818853
Glad to have intrigued you and hope to keep doing so!

1824049
Don't be fooled by their lack of tags, the mane six and CMC will be here, I only tagged the characters meant to be the focus. Scootaloo rides in next chapter, because Google Docs gets buggy after typing a certain amount of pages. :facehoof:

Well I have a new story to add to my favorites :rainbowdetermined2:

Okay I just got to say this.:ajbemused: Give it up Spike!!! If she can't take a hint after all this time then it is best to move on to someone else.:flutterrage: By the void, for a pony who often get gets into other ponies love life and is a romance fanatic Rarity can't see that Spike is madly in love with her.:facehoof:

1882506
Glad you like!

1882665
I always wondered why authors lead off with that in fics myself as well. I mean after that whole falling scene, and earning his term of endearment from her, I'm pretty sure she took the hint long ago. Its weird when they have her somehow just forget somewhere along the way, isn't it? :rainbowhuh:

1882744

FINALLY, someone who agrees with me. I mean come on, after that episode she either accepts or doesn't. It's as simple as that.:flutterrage: This is the main reason why I have no love for SpikeXRarity shipping.

1883233
Well, we agree somewhat?
She did stop him from saying it for a reason I imagine. My favoured Sparity fics just remember to go into that reason.
(Forewarning, if you don't like Sparity... Fly you FOOL!)

While I'm not that big of a fan Sparity I still read some of them, most of them including the ones you mentioned. So considering I'm a big Spike fan I'll be sticking around.:raritywink:

1883412
Great! I'm happy that I'm writing him well enough to keep a big Spike fan interested, and I'll count on you to throw scorn at me if I screw that up.

For everyone out there,
Happy New Year!

Don't worry about that, if you are going to change Spikes personality that okay as long as it's not at the snap of your fingers. If you are going to make a change make sure you are a good reason or event that will cause it.

Twilight can barely take care of herself now let alone back then.

I have no problem believing this!

Well, this cleared up why Rainbow flipped out earlier.

I'm not sure what to make of this story just yet. Aside from a few spelling and grammatical errors, it's good. I mean really good.

You've got some good characterization going on. I feel for Dash, which is great on your part, considering she's my least favorite of the Mane Six.

You've got a few interesting plotlines going on, so I'm wondering how they are all going to weave together smoothly.

In any case, this a well written fic, and the promise of Sparity is a plus. I'm keeping my eye on this.

Nice. I quite like this, but I would suggest tagging the Mane 6 since they appear so much. Leave the Dash tag so that it's clear Dash is the focus of the Mane 6 though.

2008249

Right?! Nah, Spike was being a bit harsh. But come on, if she was both your boss and your sister, try to tell me you'd be saying anything different.

2008376
Yeah, Dash is probably my least fave on the show too, but that very fact is what gives me so much I can write about when it comes to her. Lots of character flaws leaves lots of room to grow and a lot to say! Thanks for the encouragement and I'm glad you enjoyed! Please feel free to point out my mistakes and plot inconsistencies. I'm going it alone with no proof reader or anyone to bounce ideas off here, so any help would be appreciated.


2008458
Thank you, I'll do that immediately. And thanks again for reading. I feel like I kinda cheated by asking directly like I did.

2008974 I don't know. Royal chefs at the palace, Spike in Ponyville, and I have a feeling cooking took a back seat to studying :raritywink:

2009171
Granted, but if so, I kinda feel sorry for her. Spike's sense of taste is somewhat... frightening at times. By anyone's standards.
If she lives off whatever concoctions he comes up with it probably isn't any wonder why they had to go to a local diner for a sandwich... :twilightoops:

Nice stoy so far but I'm guessing this is gonna be one of the few rare fics where Rarity is obscenely dense about Spike's feeling for her?

2010633
Not at all.
Rarity isn't confused about Spike's feelings for her, Her reasons for not acknowledging them will come as chapters progress. (Possibly even the next chapter if I remember right, I'm on chapter 7, please forgive if I've lost track somewhat.)
Though if it's possible I don't suppose you could point out where it is in the story people keep seeming to think she's completely oblivious of him? I never meant to leave that impression...

From

Scootaloo continued to walk into town, only noticing Spike was missing from her side

there seems to be a formating erorr for about 6 or 7 paragraphs.

e royal script, well this was a royal invitation for a word with Princess Celestia herself wasn’t it?
“Spike you’re simply marvelous!” Rarity suddenly jumped and kicked in joy as everything seamlessly

Needs another Enter key hit to spread them out.

As for the story, horribly underrated. Honestly, the whole thing is fantastic. Character depth, growth, and all while staying very in cannon. Anyone can come read this and laugh, feel a bit sad, become motivated. fall in love with the characters, and cheer for romance. You've weaved a story, and you keep us waiting for the next masterful stroke.

2165163

Thank you for the heads up on the formatting issues, I'll fix them right up! There were a lot more when I first posted the new chapter. Something none of my other chapters did is rearing its ugly head, I will have to be more mindful of it in further additions. They really need a preview button for chapters more then they do for their comment sections.

I am so glad I hooked you into reading it. Thanks for making my efforts feel like they matter a little bit more.
Now I can't honestly say to myself one way or the other whether its underrated of course, I'm naturally biased. I will say it doesn't truly matter because of how much I've enjoyed writing it, and as long as the readers I do have feel I'm still doing the characters justice, I'll be more than happy to continue.

2165299 Now that's exactly what I wanted to hear.

2166655
Not that I'd be adverse to any wishes of well known authors spamming a link to it here and there if they feel the need to. :pinkiehappy:

Almost all long-running stories split off from the canon of episodes that come after the publication started. It isn't an issue.

2176541
It is when you try to be as obsessive with cannon as I! I enjoy these characters too much to want to skip out on anything they do. I mean come on! Just thinking of adding Twilight to Rainbow Dash's flight study group, there are so many interesting things that would change about my storyline... And the stunt show I have to put together in the end, if I had an alicorn to help with the showboating?! And the fun arguments Rainbow Dash and Twilight would have over the right way to fly. There's just so much potential lost... the things that could have been... Not that I have any intention of rewriting, I actually really love how my story outline is coming through each scene... well... almost every scene. Most scenes... some scenes... little pieces of the story... I'ma stop now before bad things occur. :pinkiesad2:

I've read this since chapter 1 of this fic, and I gotta say, you got a heck of a slice of life here. Hell, it could really take a look at a potential season 4 episode, indeed. Everypony is wonderfully in character enough to be believable and enjoyable. Rainbow Dash is showing me every day why she was bestowed with the Element of Loyalty--regardless of how she turns out with her dreams with the Wonderbolts, the fact that she's taking both Scootaloo and Spike under their respective wings is outstanding. Well done, Dashie!! :rainbowkiss:

In another light, I can see the name of this, "Our time to Fly". Yes, there is the written plot that Rainbow's becoming a pseudo-coach, but the real gem in this story is that everyone is showing in their own way, that life moves on, and that everyone has to follow their dreams/destiny/what-have-you. In essence, it is truly their time to fly their wings and soar.

From Scootaloo finally learning how to fly, same with Spike, to Rainbow potentially understanding the potential pipe dream of being a Wonderbolt, to Rarity moving away to follow her dreams and success in Canterlot. Also showing how Twilight's still trying to keep it status quo, despite Spike potentially not gonna be there. Add to it that Sweetie Bell and Applebloom has made their talents show up now. It so much resembles real life, where despite all the friends and everything they have all done together, every single one of them have to make their own paths, and that the right path may not be the one expected.

You've got a fave from me. Have this as a present: :raritywink::moustache::raritywink::moustache::raritywink:

2191388
That would be one really REALLY long episode!
(I would also love to see that episode. Then again, I'm writing this so I guess that's kinda obvious, eh?)

I'm really glad you like the title, I had the 4th chapter written and done before I could finally come up with it, simple, cheesy, and cliche as it is. Kinda nonsensical it took that long, but it's funny how the smallest things can often take the most thought.

I'm even more delighted to see you've really caught the jidst of the story and the moral behind everything. It's all about growing up and taking that first leap into a bigger world. All the bittersweet goodbyes, letting go, excitement, failures, the unexpected, shifting dreams, and elation from progress towards them, as well as the possible consequences of trying to hang on to what you have, and refusing to change. If you've enjoyed this far, keep along for the ride! There's still more to come for Scoot and Spike, and even some other ponies already introduced and one or two who've yet to make an appearance that will also see a few life lessons of their own.
I'll endeavor to earn your fave, thumb, and that lovable pairing from you all the more!
(*sniff* you've given me my first moustache. Thank you, thank you all... :fluttercry: )

Fun note! The original title I was going to use was 'Empty Nests', and using a chick's first nudge out of nest to learning to fly, and all the steps on the way to joining the flock as the chapter names. The original story concept would have been more focused on Ponyville itself nudging the ponies in the right direction (kind of like the Amityville Horror movies, except it's a blessing rather than a haunting, and the whole town would be the thing 'alive' rather than just the house), and the empty nest would be in reference to what the town itself would mostly be by the story's end. I'm still very much in love with that idea, but making it all character orientated suited my writing style better. I'm actually still following the chapter title idea somewhat, you'll notice!

Hello! Since you reviewed my story through Authors Helping Authors, I shall return the favour with a review. : )

Name of story: Our Time to Fly

Grammar score out of 10: 6
I hate to be a grammar nazi, but here are some of the issues I had with the grammar:
Commas: There were many instances where commas were needed. Sometimes, it was a small thing, like in dialogue before addressing a person:

“Don’t let it get you down Twilight.” Rainbow Dash jumped easily from the 40 ft height…

Needs a comma after “down”.
Also, there were commas missing in the middle of sentences. This was more prevalent in the first chapter, but there were some instances in the second chapter, too.

I’m not only the only pony to not have their cutie mark in my grade but I’m also the only Pegasus that can’t fly yet! Its humiliating!

Needs a comma after “grade”.
It’s instead of its: This is an easy error to make, so don’t worry. Luckily, it’s also an easy error to fix.

I’m not only the only pony to not have their cutie mark in my grade but I’m also the only Pegasus that can’t fly yet! Its humiliating!

If you can expand it into “it is” and it makes sense, then you use the contraction, “it’s”. If it doesn’t make sense when you expand it, then you use the possesive “its”. In this case, you’d use “it’s”.
Some incomplete sentences: They distract me. I know that incomplete sentences can be used for literary effect, but I still think it’s better to lean towards complete.

Fluttershy was happy to help teach him what she knew of the mythical creature, and was very excited to be able to learn more about it herself. Especially after her complications taking care of Princess Celestia’s pet of the same species.

Can be changed to “herself, especially” and work just as fine. (Also, “complications in taking”)

Knowing when the bird could be trained, what it should learn, different techniques and abilities it could learn, all things he had cripplingly little knowledge about himself.

learn, and different” and “learn were all” can make this complete.
And, some typos. :p

“I love that guy.” Rainbow Dash laughed to herself while grinning at grinning at the result.

There were a few little things like this. It’s a long story, so I totally get how small things like this can pass under the radar.

Pros:
Great theme
Good backstory
Good pace

Cons:
Dialogue
Narration
A small logic thing

Notes:
The theme here is wonderful. I like how you’ve set up that Scootaloo and Spike feel like life is moving on without them, and I get the feeling from the description that their chance to shine is coming up. “Life after the show” stories can really hit home, because we relate to the whole “moving on as we grow up” thing. Also, you’ve put a lot of effort into the backstory, and it shows. It makes sense, too, which is a good thing. I totally agree with Applebloom’s talent, that she was more of a handiwork pony. Also, the exposition and stuff is going at a relatively good pace.

Now, here’s where I get critical. D:
I had issues with the dialogue. First of all, there was a lot of it. With the scene with Fluttershy and Spike, Fluttershy did a lot of talking. Not only that, but there wasn’t much break for action; it felt like I was reading a transcript, which is a little boring, for me. One, maybe you could reveal everyone’s backstory more gradually, through other characters? And two, I think you could add more action before or after portions of dialogue to show some things instead of tell them. Either way, the ratio of action to dialogue could be bigger, in other sections, as well. Oh, and I also got confused, at times, as to who was talking in scenes with multiple characters.
As for narration, I do like when a narrator speaks with a bit of charm. It was like reading “Lord of the Rings” at times. However, I didn’t like it when dialect slipped into the narration. For example;

The last thing this country pony wanted to do was go bellyachin’ to friends ‘bout farm work.

That threw me off. It’s okay to use terms that AJ would use, because it lets us think like AJ would think. However, saying it the same way that she says it goes a little too far, and doesn’t sit well with me. The narrator also uses “gonna” too, in some instances with Scootaloo. The narrator is his own person, and speaks in the way that he usually speaks. Unless it’s in dialogue, I’d refrain from using informal dialect.
Also, a small logic thing. How is pony freefall eight times faster than a pegasus flying all out? If that was the case, then are pegasi pushing against gravity when they fly down? If they stopped flying, would they accelerate to eight times their flying velocity? The engineer in me was a little confused by that.

I’m sorry if I sound mean or picky or that I focused on the bad more than the good. However, it’s a good story so far. I was able to get through two chapters, so I hope that was enough to make a helpful review. : )

2198007

First off. Thanks so much for the critique I so sorely needed!
The grammar was bound to be an issue, I've never written anything before, so I was expecting well... a good bunch lower than that honestly.
Agreed on the dialogue issue, especially in the first chapter. I ended up writing Fluttershy's story telling pretty much as it's own separate story with some quotations around paragraphs. I'll look into adding some breaks for action and try to have Spike respond more throughout. Giving it gradually through other characters? Just can't do. That part really needs flushing out in the first chapter, because there's still more coming in later chapters. Trying to spread it out will just make all chapters suffer instead of only one. For this story at least, I'm going to have to write that off as a necessary evil, and try to keep such to a minimum in future fiction.

Narrative - I've recently been honoured with someone that has agreed to proofread for me, (I'll be adding their names in authour notes after chapters after they've been seen to) who has advised against similar issues. I was trying to deliver the character's more along the lines of their mindset, and it can be confusing apparently. So yeah, that is already in process of being nipped in the bud.

Logic thing - Birds don't fly downwards, they dive and let gravity do the work. I expect most pegasi do similar.

It's a critique, keep your manners up as well as you can, but if you don't say things that feel evil, you're probably doing it wrong! No harm no foul on my end, thanks for going all out with this. Hope you enjoyed what you read enough to maybe even come back and read the rest for fun!

2198830 Oh, I see now! I thought you meant a pegasus flying downwards, but you meant a pegasus flying, like, normal/sideways. Okay. I no can brain today. :p

And thanks for the nice response. It made me feel better about my review. :twilightblush:

2199085
Further expansion on logic! Just cause I like letting people know where my head is at!
Pegasi diving - I don't imagine most pegasi would enjoy the extremely difficult to control speed of terminal velocity. As such, when I said 8x slower in the first chapter it was a stupidly chosen mathy way of saying they prefer controlled gradual descents and soft landings instead of tucking their legs in, and letting gravity do the work like birds in a dive. Such stunts are for trained fliers or emergencies only, as it would be very easy to stick out your leg at the wrong time and send yourself into a tailspin!
Obviously, these are just my thoughts on the matter and have no bearing anywhere else. Cheers!

I wonder what is this forgotten dream is? I hope you post soon.

I truly love the detail you put into everything. At it times, it's heavy to fully bring the picture to fruition, and, at others, it's vague so we can paint the perfect scene in our heads for ourselves. Characters never seem to be OOC, an accomplishment in itself when considering the number you're working with and the many layers of which you have built. Tones change naturally and beautifully. A spot of humor in a serious situation to lighten the mood is a pretty common real life strategy, and seeing it used by certain ponies is simply too perfect. Celestia and Rarity's conversation was very wise and represented both of them wonderfully; particularly, I liked how Rarity got a little cross with Celestia. While some may call that OOC, Rarity is very passionate and even her manners in front of royalty can be wavered when agitated enough. I actually find ti funny, most claim the other five as being the ones you don't want to piss off, but Rarity would truly be the worst in my opinion. While never directly stated, Rarity has displayed fighting techniques in multiple episodes after being pushed.

So, well done.

2239703
My first commenter! I wasn't sure if I still held your interest! I hope the Sparity I have here isn't putting you off, I recall your caution towards that subject, and I hope Rarity's answers in this recent chapter also cleared some of that up for you. There will be more said on their falling scene in later chapters even if it did clear things up enough for you here.
As for fic updates? Well how soon is 'soon'? These chapters can be up to 15,000+ in word count, so it maybe a bit later than sooner...

2239720
:fluttercry: *sniffle*
You make it a pleasure to write.
Especially when you kindly take note of the parts where I focus most of my attention. Specifically keeping things in character. I love the characters of the show, and I can't stand when the mane 6 are portrayed poorly. After all the whole reason I'm reading fiction on the show is because of them. It is fortunate for me that they tend to write themselves when their dialogue parts take over.
And the humour, of course, I strive to still make it all seem like a cartoon, but to me the two things are part and parcel. I love the characters, but they are cartoon characters. Pinkie Pie with no slapstick would be like Bugs Bunny with no dynamite! They just wouldn't be the same character anymore.
As for Celestia's discussion with Rarity, i was trying to make it seem more like it was Spike she was becoming cross with, but I agree completely with your point. And I would dare to say more passion tends to come out when it concerns one particular little dragon. Even when peaved at Blueblood she didn't get verbally vulgar, but when Spike's in trouble well...

"-But I'll rip you to pieces if you touch one scale on his cute little head!"
:eeyup: Eeyup, Dem's fightin' words.

2240220 Well, yeah, I meant during the conversation with Celestia. It was apparent that Spike was the source of her displeasure.

2240241
And thus I misinterpreted. My bad.

So... do I foresee a visit from Spike to a certain river dwelling sea serpent? :D

Probably one of the best descriptions ever to explain why Pinkie stays at Sugarcube Corner, period. :D

2242178
I am and probably will be always particularly fond of that opening scene. Pinkie Pie's forces of random and her symbiotic relationship with the Cake family has always been a subject of immense interest for me, so I am very glad you like!

2242165
Was it that obvious? I did 'try' to make a little vague, but I suppose it was rather telling XD
Hopefully Spike's dream isn't so obvious!

This really is a brilliant story. I really enjoyed the Celestia and Rarity interaction, though I also expected Celestia to do some trolling and try to elicit an amusing reaction out of the girl of her son's affections. :trollestia:

2242534
That would have been a great chance for it, but there will be others!
As I was telling 2240461, I am fortunate in that the characters tend to write for me when I start typing the dialogue. I guess Celestia just felt that Rarity passing her test was enough trolling for the night, and it could be saved for another time? The trouble with them writing themselves is I'm not entirely sure what they were thinking afterwards strange as that must sound...

2240220 Don't worry, while I may not be a big fan of Sparity I'm a sucker for a good Spike sorry and this is one of them.:pinkiehappy: The reason why I often don't like Sparity story is because the love scenes between the two usually happens years later after the falling scene out of nowhere without any explanation.:unsuresweetie: One of the reasons why I like this story is because it is trying to ease into a two way Sparity without making look like she just decided one morning that she loves him. As long you as you keep updating I'm going to see this story through until the end.:pinkiehappy: On a side note can you at least give me a hint on what was Spike's dream because you do bring a good point that he doesn't have one. And marrying Rarity does not count.:ajbemused: I hope they fix this at some point in the show.

Comment posted by Shokinaw deleted Mar 10th, 2013

2244541 In that case I got a guess that is probably right though I'll wait for the update to say it.

2244571
Thank you for lack of spoilers, now that you know, I'm deleting my comment, for not wantingto give it away too quickly. :twilightsheepish:

This just gets better and better with each chapter. Snails? Having plot relevance in a fic? You made my night.

Keep it up!

2247505
Snips and Snails are really great when remembered in fanfiction! They star in few and far between, but I recommend a search with their tags in the filter, if only because you normally get some great authors willing to take a chance wherever you find these two. They are filled to the brim with flaws, but the show has never gone into a single redeeming quality they might have which leaves them all kinds of open for fans! Honestly, I'm beyond surprised more writers don't flock to these empty shells of potential. I don't really understand everyone's huge rush towards OCs when you have so many established characters like these two waiting in the queue.

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