It’s Thursday! Time for Equestria's most popular weekly talk show, Cozy's Glowpinions! The host isn't exactly sane, but she sure loves to be heard. Princess Twilight says that thanks to these broadcasted self-therapy sessions, Cozy is on the cusp of a real redemptive breakthrough.
She's been saying that for nearly 40 episodes.
We're live on-air in five...four...three...two...
(Teen rating for an infrequent gag of Cozy casually cussing on air.)
Co-authored by my good friend Str8aura, whose solo works you should totally check out. Are you a fan of my Snippet Series but wish it had more than fifty additional stories in its anthology? Your wish has been granted.
Chapters (2)
wow dark! and somewhat funny lol
I do believe shes going even more insane then before XD I do hope this sees more chapters as it could be fun!
Man, I honestly can't decide if I ought to laugh, cry, or brace for the flame war this fic's biting snark will inevitably spark. Maybe I'll just go with all three.
Kudos on publishing this, especially seeing as its first chapter was almost a year old!
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sometimes it feels like the desire of a commenter to see a flame war start over the bare minimum definition of 'dark' humor that throws no punches is more powerful than an actual, deserved flame war
What a pottymouth!
Nicely done. Wonder what the Glowpinion would be on the G5 situation.
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Oh geez, I'm actually really, really sorry I botched that. I genuinely didn't mean for that to come across as rude as it was. For the record, I don't want a flame war in the slightest; it just always feels inevitable whenever "Cozy in stone" comes into play, if that makes any sense. The cynical side of my fandom's never fully escaped the late-2019 fallout, I suppose.
Again, I'm so sorry I screwed that up so badly. I'll gladly edit/delete that comment if you'd prefer I did that.
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It's all good; we're friendly here. This story was meant to provide some cheap laughs via Cozy's blathering. Nothing more, nothing less.
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No no, you're quite alright. I misjudged you and I appreciate your reply.
Fucking. Brilliant.
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No worries; in hindsight, it was a woefully easy comment to misjudge. I was trying to come up with a cheap laugh of my own, and it wound up coming off as more of an antagonization than anything. I ought to be past that sort of lapse by now, and I reckon I deserved to be called out for it.
As for the story itself… I enjoyed it a lot! The forewarned profanities felt surprisingly and pleasantly befitting, and rest assured, I didn't find the laughs' self-proclaimed "cheapness" to be much a problem – if that was a problem in the first place, that is. "Some of the best things in life are free," as the old saying goes.
:P
Kudos, and as you were!
y'know
i personally headcanon that Discord's little addition to the stoning process was to make the stone anti-entropic
that is to say, non-decaying
meaning that shit's p e r m a n e n t
making wild child's threats all the more fangless
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While my own headcanon is that Discord contributing to a stasis spell could only make it work worse and that they'll all break out the moment the plot requires it (in more canon-compliant stuff, as soon as we looked away).
So Twilight's idea of therapy is to let everyone, or whatever guard is watching her, get to see how Equestria is torturing a child. Very classy. Well written story, but my God, that poor filly...
Aww she didn't mention gallus
Oh. My. Golly!
This was fantastic! I think you nailed Cozy Glow’s personality better than the show writers did! I was imagining her voice the entire time.
And man, those last paragraphs. I’m getting chills. I can just imagine Cozy’s voice darkening, becoming ice and steel, complete with a death glare.
Beautiful read. Into ‘Heartstrings’ this goes!
*looks at Cozy's statue* "I rather wonder what she'd have done had she suceeded in removing all magic, only for the sun and moon to stop moving, thus locking the planet into a single time of day or night,"
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she be dead since the night side all plant life would have perished causing a mass extinction event of the entire planet
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I mean she somehow managed to pull off the worst of both worlds.
On the one hoof Cozy Glow is not allowed to grow or develop in any meaningful way. One the other, Twilight is allowing her access to a fresh batch of suckers to manipulate over the airwaves.
But this isn't exactly new ground for crack fics. And while I am not much of a comedian myself, I do try to draw distinctions between a fic trying to be funny, and one trying to be smart.
Plus Casketbase77 is a good writer, who usually allows Cozy to give as good as she gets, and that keeps me invested in her characterization at the very least.
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Nah, girl just needs a paddlin'.
"Talkin' outta turn... That's a paddlin."
"Tricking your friends into your schemes... That's a paddlin."
"Tryin' to drain magic from the world so you can rule over it as the empress of a burned out husk of a country... Oooo you bet that's a paddlin'."
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Twilight could be trying to invoke a variation of the traditional "talking cure". By giving Cozy an avenue to vent her frustrations through, it's possible she could, to one extent or another, expunge some of her inner demons.
Granted, there could be an argument made regarding the therapy's actual effectiveness, but I have to think such discussion is beyond the scope of both me and the story itself. At the end of the day, this was just a fun excuse for the authors to provide some self-proclaimed "cheap laughs"; even so, I can't help but find it slightly unfair to trivialize Twilight's efforts here as "Let the world gawk at her." Maybe only slightly, mind you, but still.
I like to imagine there is no microphone, no radio show, no listeners. Just Cozy Glow's mind latching onto a story to keep herself from going insane.
with g5, we probably will.
I love it. I absolutely love it. Especially the end were Cozy made her declaration.
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You beat me to it. I also think she's going more insane. I think she also realized this since she said the first episode she just cried and sob, but now she's fully into putting on a show because she find it fun.
But I think the petrification with the ability to talk is driving her to HELL.
I can't believe Gallus chickened out in not telling her it's him. He was either scared of communicating with her or was just uncomfortable with it.
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Read that paragraph again. She was so specific about things we know happen in G5 that it practically qualifies as a fourth-wall break.
That said, there was presumably enough time between magic going away and G5 proper for her to die of old age.
Congratulations on hitting #1 on the Featured list!
Nice
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I mean I don’t like to think that, but it’s also something I think is more than likely.
Not sure if it’s better or worse than the idea that Twilight actually is providing her with a mic and listening in on her in some way. Kind of a tomato/Roger Smith situation. What’s worse: torturous neglect, or torture that isn't recognized as such due to neglect?
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Thank you!
Ah... what's Heartstrings?
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You’re welcome.
Here is a full breakdown of my bookshelves. But if you want to describe Heartstrings in one word, it would be ‘poignant’.
That was a good story.
The journal following cozy glow's journey to insanity.........ehh.......journey to becoming EVEN MORE INSANE
Cozy Glow can fly though? And I doubt being petrified counts as a disability.
Seems like time is passing by a little quicker than she thinks, either that or the guards were already close to retirement.
I wonder if she ages? Like mentally, I assume she’ll (IF she gets out of the stone) still be a filly when she gets de-petrified but will she mentally be an adult? Or does the lack of life experience from being petrified also stunt her maturity / mental age?
IS she already considered an adult mentally? She plotted the demise of… well not equestria but at least all magic so that warrants SOME mental maturity…
Hopefully she’ll take listener mail and ponder/answer these questions
(I love the idea behind this story! It’s neat and I’ll be reading the chapters as they come!
)
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She certainly can't fly at the moment this story takes place.
I know this is marked as complete, but I'd really love to see more!
"Now ponies, you might be asking yourself 'Why is that filly so... so... so... mean? So cruel? So,,,,, inpony?' Well, the reason for that is... I wasn't born a pony. I was born a human. Yes. That's right! I'm human! 'Now how can that be?' you ask. Well it's simple. Back before that bitch Twilight opened the portal with those journals, back when it opened for only three days, I stepped through. I found my pony counterpart, hit her over the head, stuffed her through the mirror, took her place, and proceeded with my plan to take away this world's magic forever! 'Now why did that pony want to take away magic?' you ask. It's because... Humans don't have magic. I wanted to take away magic to level the playing field. Then, I would have led a team of mercenaries using human weapons to conquer this world. With magic, you ponies can stop us. Without magic, you ponies can be shot. With machine guns. And multiple times. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Conquering you would have been easy. But, no. That fucking bitch Twilight, damn her, stopped me. But, I'll get out of here. And when I do... I'll show you just what a human can do. Yes I will. E=mc2. I will find a way to make it happen. Oh what fun we will have then my dears. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
There isn't much for me to say that hasn't been said, but still: nice comedy! It's surreal to read this, knowing that it's coming from a filly (a psychotic one at that, yet still), but you two manage to pull it off without making it seem out of character. In fact, I would imagine this is what Cozy Glow would be like if MLP:FiM were a PG-13 show (or, perhaps, Cozy Glow simply grew up the immature way and picked up quite the potty mouth during her time in prison).
In a meta way, the chapter-split between the authors makes the time between the two broadcasts seem quite lengthy. I can't really judge on writers' styles based on just a thousand words (and words written for "cheap laughs" at that), but str8aura's chaotic brand of comedy [especially with Cozy's weather report] for the 38th broadcast being followed up by Casketbase's saner, more level-headed take on Cozy's character [as level-headed as can be for a filly who's now leaning more on the fourth wall than last time] for the 39th... it seems like a natural progression, given her extremely dire circumstances and perhaps some hope that maybe she's on the way to recovery. Maybe. I'm not sure if I can say that 100% seriously given that it's a comedy, but still.
Anyway, thanks for the fic! It's been crazy.
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‘Heartstrings’ is basically those stories that are stunning and beautiful. Stories that made me feel like no other. Works of art, if you will. It’s my favorite shelf. Feel free to take a look!
Shame this story had to end so soon, but it was enjoyable while it lasted.
ooooh that was great!
Smart G5 reference