"This is probably the best Maud story I’ve ever read." - Shaslan
"This is one of the best Mauds I’ve ever seen." - Zontan
"This fic might be the best characterization of Maud I have ever read." - daOtterGuy
"Maud Pie has never felt so complete, so real to me." - mushroompone
"One of the most unique takes on Maud Pie that I think I have ever seen." - The Red Parade
Maud Pie keeps her burdens under wraps. A gloomy bus ride sits her still as a statue, waiting for stop number twelve. But the foundation cracks after a familiar face prances aboard
Teen rating for light language, allusions to alcohol, a fight scene, and Maud generally being too hard on herself.
Written for the sitewide 2022 May Pairings Contest. It nabbed a respectable Third Place.
Chapters (3)
Pretty great flow, her thoughts flow naturally.
Liked Vinyl.
Ah, it's this one I've heard so much about, isn't it?
Lemme check the chart... Zorse, right.
Color is always fun to play with on this site- one of my favorites is to turn text white to hide it to light mode users. You seem to be particularly Background Pony-minded in this case.
Initially considered an overly flowery metaphor until I realized the double doses of Rocks and Neurosis it supplied to the thinker it comes from. We've got a distinctly restricted third person perspective.
I once said Donkeys were the most boring species to write. I can take that back if they act like this.
From all the reasons I've seen people postulate in fic for why she wears the frock that fits- Bad injury, dumb cutie mark, hermaphrodism- I'm gonna guess the first one.
Mouth faced up? Or is this Maud gigachad enough to survive several minutes underwater with no air? I can see either or, but Limestone scoring is something that takes a lot more faith to believe.
"You know what sucks? Being a 35-year old virgin who spends every day of her life moving rocks and watching her parents grow old and die while you go off and save the world and Maud gets her cherry popped."
I figured mute Vinyl was where we're going, but it's always an element I like to see, almost more than Jesse Nowack himself as the voice.
Stupid idiot child, can't even remember the words. Moronic, can't do anything right, stupid stupid...
Eighth wonder of the world!
It occurs to me how great the narrative placement of a train is. Some of my favorite works are set eternally on trains, and the filing out of new people and destinations makes a perfect countdown timer to some cataclysm, or in this case, emotional breakdown.
Casual reminder that this Saitama Maud is canon, and we desperately needed more of her.
Whoops. Almost forgot YOUR headcanon.
And we roundabout with a bookends. You don't need much compliment on a short character piece, but other than awkward chapter breaks- maybe an Infinity Train thing where each stop is its own short chapter?- this was an excellent exploration of your professed love and difficulty characterizing one of the least appreciated characters. In canon, at least. That's what fics are for.
This is certainly one of the most well-written character pieces I've read in a long time. You did an excellent job of portraying Maud and her thoughts in a realistic and incredibly sympathetic manner. The pacing was good; a slow burn, but just fast enough to keep things interesting. Your choice of pairing was interesting and used to great effect.
The only things I might complain about would be the inclusion of the darker (for lack of a better word) elements. I recognize that was necessary for the story you were trying to tell, but those sorts of things still irk me whenever I see them in a pony fic. My obsession with worldbuilding compels me to complain about the existence of automobiles and cigarettes in Equestria, but at the same time, I recognize that those are nitpicks that are easily overlookable.
Love stories with Vinyl where she can't/ doesn't talk. This interpretation of that style is great. That and your interpretation of Maud's stoicism is interesting and very engaging. A great read that makes me wish there was more of this pairing, both romantic and not.
In which rock breaks claw-sharp scissors.
It's great! And there are three main pillars for that success.
There's the framing device of a bus, especially starting the story off with an announcement of a bus stop and its number. Knowing I'm on stop number six in a story called Stop Number Twelve means that I should be expecting something big to happen at stop #12 or at least #11. There's a sense that we're always hurtling towards the next step in the first chapter. Of note is that there's a noticeably much bigger narrative gap between stop #9 and #10 (or the rest stop compared to the gaps from #6 to #9. The timely announcement of stop #10 after a long sort-of flashback is, interestingly enough, like taking a fresh breath of air in the present after being submerged underwater, under the past.
Since now we've established the past hurts of Maud, the rest stop means that she can only go forward. And funnily enough, for the interlude that's supposed to imply taking a break, there's only built-up energy/darkness/hurt. She's not moving any closer to home at the rest stop; at least, before, there was progress, there was ground being covered.
And what's more, we don't see stop #12. Of course, everything's wrapped up by then; we don't have to see it anymore. But it's notable that the location that names this story never appears. Just wanted to point it out there, and I guess this is where I insert something cliche about the journey being more important than the destination.
Beyond bus stops, though, there's how resourceful this fic is, with few to no details wasted. Stop #11, Seaward Shoals, houses both the climax and part of Maud's backstory; all named (and unnamed) characters make meaningful interactions with at least Maud, if not also with Vinyl, and (barring the unnamed pegasus father and child who already only first appear in the third chapter) get some second wind in the last act. Especially by the griffon, which I was surprised by... given that you've already established Maud Sense, so Maud not noticing the griffon's intent to steal the satchel until it was almost too late meant that, surely, the reader wouldn't have seen this coming. And speaking of satchels, I did a Ctrl+F for the word in each chapter, and it's only mentioned once per chapter (though the third time, notably, is supplied with "ever-present") before it gets stolen. Talk about rule of three.
All of that is to say that if sustainability was ever a thing for stories, you've got it nailed down here.
Finally, it's a nice contrast to have here, even without knowing that it's part of a competition for original pairings, but to keep it short, I'd just like to point out that it reminded me of Twilight Sparkle and Moon Dancer. Very similar earlier in their lives (didn't speak that much, if at all, and implied to be the odd ones out), but lives diverged, and one ends up looking at the other, seeing her as famous and successful, obviously having overcome the obstacles that singled her out as the strange one. That's some subtext, whether intentional or not: being jealous or depressed that somepony who'd suffered similar issues wasn't just able to overcome them with apparent ease, she's now seen as normal or even among the best, a success story to emulate... while Maud remained a peridotite.
Fortunately, she ends up something else at the end of the story, and, judging from your story's long description, I'm not surprised it's gotten third place in the contest. Thank you for this connection between Maud and Vinyl, Casketbase!
Tell?
This was a great Maud story that gave me a new perspective of her. Several stories present the idea that there's more going on in Maud's head than what we see, but I hadn't seen the frustration she feels at herself like this before. It was handled in a really relatable way, and it was nice to see things work out well for her (cuts and teared clothes aside). This was also a good presentation of Vinyl that I hadn't really seen before.
Wonderful fic, impressive, unique, take on Maud and a fun Vinyl.
Me very likey dis one :3 very good.
Well, that was quite a ride... no pun intended. Admittedly, I'm a little unclear about the distances and travel speeds involved, but it really works.
Also, I'm curious (and, sorry if this doesn't necessitate spoilered text, but I want to be on the safe side): Was Vinyl's stutter influenced at all by Scatman John? I realize that, musically speaking, the two have little in common, but it just reminded me of his story a little. Probably nothing, but figured I'd ask.
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Glad you liked the story; I consider it one of my best.
Vinyl Scratch's stammer isn't based on The Scatman specifically, but her music does relate to her self-worth. Techno is all about turning glitchy stop-and-start noises into pleasing sounds, and making said music gives Vinyl Scratch personal satisfaction. She's no singer, but she can take broken audio and use it to create sounds people enjoy. The big divergence from The Scatman is that Vinyl prefers to keep her speech impediment a private, personal affair.
In the context of this fic, Maud is the protagonist who gains the courage to change the things she can, the grace to accept the things she can't, and the wisdom to know the difference. Vinyl Scratch already embraced those values years ago, which is why she's so much more serene and self-assured in comparison.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!
First rate character study, and great story too!
Hello! Have a review. Wow. I read this after Mike recommended it, and I think I liked it even more than he did. Apart from a few minor things it was sheer pleasure. Once I'd got into its rhythm, I loved pretty much everything about it. Most notably, the tremendous character work. The way you wove Vinyl's backstory into Maud's and gave them a reason to bond again was wonderful. A very satisfying explanation for Maud's frock, a fascinating look inside her head... yeah. Boringly, I'll agree with the people you quote in your longdesc: this is the best Maud fic I have read, bar none. Have a like, a favourite and a five-star rating.
And for anyone else passing by: read this fic. It is enormously underrated.
Absolutely wonderful story. The narrative flow of the whole thing felt very natural and well-paced, and exploring Maud's headspace was really interesting with the way you portrayed her. Her connection with Vinyl felt believable and rewarding, and the feeling of real character growth by the end was really compelling. The extra characterization you gave both of them (psychological and physical) added some depth that I really enjoyed. Great stuff!