Ocellus is home for spring break. She doesn't like being home. There are memories there. Ones she'd rather not dredge up.
Preread by the fantastic Perfectly Insane!
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 19th May, 2012
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Backflipping through reality at ludicrous speeds. What does RB stand for, anyway? | Ko-Fi
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A very holesome ending. I’m terrible I know.
FYI, they're known as elytra.
Thank you for the fic it was quite enjoyable.
So, regarding the final chapter, I felt it was highly reminiscent of Raul Menendez's suicide via self-immolation in one of the endings of Black Ops 2. In the game, it was a poignant ending for a character deeply motivated by passionate emotions of love and wrath. Now, look, here's the thing: for this story, I like the concept, but the story was just so incredibly rushed. It's only 4000 words. There was no room for foreshadowing or appropriate rising of suspense. We understand what Ocellus was feeling, but there's not enough information focused around the why.
Also, perhaps the most confusing part of the story, who was the changeling who attacked her? If he knew she was dangerous or a threat, how did he know, and why did he opt for violence as the only way to rectify the situation? If I recall correctly, he didn't even attempt to speak with her to settle their differences, he just automatically resorted to the most drastic and, frankly, excessive, action.
Also, a final remark: I really liked the concept of Ocellus morphing her hoof into a spike that she used as a weapon. Super cool. Had the same badass energy as Revenant from Apex Legends merging his mechanical fingers into one long spike that he uses to shank people. However, I feel the violence, even if it was badass, was completely unnecessary. Without the proper buildup, it feels very abrupt and out of place. It's not foreshadowed Ocellus is a violent individual, she just kind of does that out of instinct. Perhaps it was Chrysalis somehow magically influencing her, but that was not made clear.
Very nice story! Wasn't expecting the ending. Well done.
I wasn't expecting the ending either, so it was good to know that Ocellus is with very capable friends.
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I normally try not to respond to comments that aren't direct questions or whatever, but you asked me what I thought of your critique on Discord, so here goes:
The entire fic is foreshadowing the twist that Chrysalis is Ocellus' mother. From the very first chapter:
He was motivated by the fact that Ocellus is Chrysalis' daughter. He's afraid that she'll become a monster like her mother and ruin what the transformed changelings have built, much like Ocellus is! So he takes action.
I didn't spell this out in the story because I didn't feel I needed to. It should be obvious from the context provided by the twist and his dying words. It's not supposed to make sense until you get to the twist.
That's the point. Ocellus is operating under instincts drilled into her by Chrysalis and changeling culture as a child. It's further evidence that Ocellus is just like her mother, which is exactly what the blue-shelled changeling says. This is why I said on the discord that you missed the point.
Anyway, I hope that was helpful.
Canterlot security: our acceptance policy allows anyone to stand amongst us...
...as well as beside us, behind our backs, over in the bushes where we won't check, and even in high-security areas!
Ooh, really cool concept! I can see I'm not the only person around here who enjoys tormenting our little ladybug
I think you did a great job rendering these characters. Juggling conversations with lots of participants can be challenging, but the opening scene felt very balanced and was just FULL of character. The world building was interesting and creative - aside from the obvious, I love the idea of Chrysalis plundering her conquests like a pirate, as well as the way you hinted at changelings needing to explore and re-map their own hive, allowing them to "discover" her hidden treasure stashes. It's a really cool idea that meshes so well with the lore we get in the show. You also had a nice level of spooks and scares to go allow with the world building cleverness and the more emotional beats.
Nice work on this! I hope to see you around some more!
I'd call this more drama than horror myself, but either way it's pretty neat.
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Coming from the author of The Head and Womb, that means a lot! I'm a little starstruck. I'll do my best not to disappoint!
That was a good story, filled with emotions and drama that flowed well. Good job.
My one suggestion is that I would have done it differently like this: since changelings are typically considered to have a beehive biology where they are all the queen's children, that Ocellus might have been selected by Chrysalis and groomed to be her successor, rather than just be her daughter. But that's a minor point. Thanks for the story, have an upvote.
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I thought about that (and I’m kind of surprised it took this long for someone to bring it up), but I actually wanted her to be specifically chrysalis’s only daughter for a few reasons. The main one was because it creates an intimate link between the two that I think would transcend just her being her successor. I also wanted to imply that Chrysalis was suffering some issues with her mind, and that ocellus then inheriting those (when no other changeling would) was a real possibility. And finally, this story was inspired by my feelings towards my paternal grandmother as of late, so there’s that connection, too.
So ultimately I decided the beehive headcanon didn’t suit the story I wanted to tell.
Chilling. Excellent. Delightful.
This stabbed me in the chest just like Ocellus' spear-hoof. Well done, and thank you. This is an incredibly compelling story, and i can't help craving more despite how perfectly self-contained it is. The sins of her mother may follow her, but she can still find solace in her friends. I hope she gets help for her struggles, my poor girl clearly needs counseling
Complicated, eh? Silly little princess.
Not exactly "just like". Similar, perhaps, but better.
That's what friends are for and why, indeed, she isn't just like her. ✔
i really love the subtlety of this writing. i can already tell some shit is gonna go down. also the characterization right off the bat is very lovely. i can really visual this being animated as i read it.
damn- at first when ocellus said elytra wasn't technically her family, i was like, "oh, i guess they spawn asexually like normal bugs. that makes sense". but then i read the ending an i was like WHAAAAAT--
anyways, i never thought thoroughly enough about ocellus being the princess of the changeling hive. if thorax never had kids, a princess had to come from the previous ruler, which idk why i never put two and two together. what a well written reveal.
also this horror writing is genuinely emotionally captivating. i enjoy the fact that it's not just trying to scare you with shock factor- it wraps its hands (or hooves, i guess?) around your shoulders and holds you in place. the touch is not gentle and comforting as it should be- it grips and grips until you realize something is deeply wrong. psychological horror i suppose! but besides that, this is genuinely very accurate writing about trauma... i got chills. the slow unwravelling of ocellus's struggles, just chef's kiss.
ok, immediately 10/10 read personally bc i just thought this story did a phenomenal job on portraying generational trauma, post traumatic stress, etc. it's real shit, and people often mess it up by exaggerating it for the sake of plot, but i enjoy that the plotline actually lets us follow ocellus's journey of self acceptance and self growth. i know this was horror (which, it was pretty amazing psychological horror writing), but i also think that this is what trauma writing should be doing in television and media in general- giving people an image of recovery while also remaining true to the actual experience of it- being hard and haunting as hell! lastly, i think the characterization is just very true to her canon character, and yet this fic adds thousands of believable depth to her in only 3 chapters which is an accomplishment on its own. i never considered ocellus a favorite (i liked her character but i never really felt that invested in her), but now i see the error of my ways. best changeling princess! (well, she's the only changeling princess, but, eh!)
edit: i also feel so impressed that you've somehow painted thorax realistically naive. he too, has flaws, and i actually enjoyed seeing his best qualities (his caring nature, his positive attitude, etc.) being realistically burdensome to someone like ocellus who is trying to recover. he was kind hearted, but often bet too hard on the hope that ocellus could overcome her past so easily, so he pushed her a bit too fast. he was very trusting, and inadvertently placed ocellus in a dangerous situation, even if he didn't mean it, bc he has the best intentions, but best intentions can't protect you. it just goes to show that patience is much more important than anything else while trying to help someone back onto their feet. i loved how he tried making ocellus comfortable in the hive, but i'm sure after what happened with gallus, he learned his lesson. anyways, just WOW! idk how much i can say this but awesome, awesome writing.
--
"I loved you though," she continued. "I did. When I was younger, before the change. Now, though, I despise you. Everything you were. Everything you stood for. There was a better way, and you ignored it."
i feel the heart in this chapter's opening writing, immediately. it feels like it has true experience behind it. usually trauma in writing feels very melodramatic or played up for a climax, but this feels genuine and grounded. since it feels grounded, it feels much more gutting, and after it hits, it just stings. compared to the tear-filled anguish of a melodramatic monologue, it's like that dry feeling in your throat when you already feel like nothing else can be said. it hurts. it is good.
"Did you know?" she asked the morning air. "Did you know that sharing love was an option? I choose to believe you didn't, but, well, who can say? You certainly aren't speaking up about it."
"she asked the morning air" GOD i love how that sounds.
"Your friends!" Gallus said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We're here for you, Ocellus! If something's going wrong we find a way to fix it. It's what we do! You don't have to go off and... and..." Now he was the one crying.
waaahhhhooooooo i got the water works... 😭😭😭
"You can go," Ocellus said. "Nope," he replied. "Staying right here."
gallus would so totally do that! AGH ocellus totally deserves to have a friend like him. i also love the fact that it was HIM who was able to be there for her bc out of all the young 6 other than ocellus, gallus is the most likely to understand what ocellus may be feeling. hard ass family members. a looming expectation to be as tough as nails. i love them sm! and i do wish we could've heard the convo they had after gallus ditched his guard duties, but i also like how it was left up to interpretation. obviously tho, he did a great job, cuz ocellus went back to school with a hopeful attitude, so eh!
As Silverstream launched into a stream-of-consciousness about her break, Ocellus couldn't help but smile.
fuckkkkk i thought ocellus was a sweetie before but now she deserves the entire world 😭😭😭 NOW!! also, silverstream is a national treasure. the best people to know during recovery is people who make you smile.