I've been writing for, like, 8 years, and I still don't know what I'm doing. https://ko-fi.com/perfectlyinsane
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In the wake of a harrowing experience in the caves beneath The Pie Farm, Pinkie Pie is left twice-cursed—first by disturbing visions, and then by a question: will she ever sleep again?
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Huge thanks to Chudo, RB, TMBT, Oblivion, Wayward, Smokinguy, and gapty for helping fine-tune the fic via prereading and editing.
Cover art done by MissTwipie.
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perfectly insane
Ah,yes...insomnia, my old friend.
Spooky scary skeletons
Well, isn't that ominous
Okay so I read this late last night while I was falling asleep and fighting to stay awake to read it to the end. (Ironic for a fic called Insomnia, huh?) Anyway I did, in fact, power through despite how desperately my eyelids wanted to shut-- Which just goes to show how intrigued I was! All the beginning dialogue was nice in the way it got you attached to the characters within the world of this story with it's own direction of depth. It made the spook spookier and it had me really sympathizing with Pinkie and rooting for her survival (or sanity perhaps). I'm very interested to see where this goes...
(Jeez I feel like I sound like an AI with how basic this feedback sounds in my head, I'm not a master critique or anything, I just really wanted to try my hand at saying something fruitful because I know how hard it is to get that from ppl.)
Honestly I think it deserves much more recondition, it's clear that you put a lot of care into it and I've really enjoyed it so far!
Setting aside the horror for the moment, this may be my favorite story on this site in well over five years.
Your writing of Pinkie Pie as a feeling intelligent character without clunky introspection is sheer brilliance.
Not to mention deeply refreshing after years of seeing her being used as a gimmicky plot device.
Even her relationships feel believable and show how much she cares for everyone in her life without overwrought cliches.
Heck you made me emotional about Gummy, whose usually such a non entity I forget he exists.
This is a masterwork in character writing and I'm looking forward to seeing what else you can do with it.
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I've been told character writing is my strong suit, so the praise is heavily appreciated. How was the horror itself? This has been my first time writing it, though I've been consuming it for most of my life, so I can only hope my best is enough.
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It's sufficiently uncanny and unsettling for sure. I'm not really scared per say though.
This is due to a couple of reasons, but the only one tied to your story specifically, is that the impression I'm getting from this thing (whatever it is) isn't actual malice.
It feels more like it's trying to elicit sympathy or entrust something to Pinkie. It had way too many chances to possess or murder her if that was the goal.
This really doesn't feel like a story that's going to end in a grisly murder or a horrible fate for Pinkie, and for me that cuts down on the tension.
It's not a bad story. I very much want to see where this is going and what this thing's deal is. It just doesn't frighten me as much as it makes me sad for Pinkie and her situation.
There are other factors at play such as overexposure to the horror genre (particularly in MLP) and the limitations of writing over video etc. But I think that's the main factor at play as to why it doesn't exactly feel scary.
Wow!! Lots of really cool ideas in this one - it's definitely a nice slow burn (like many of my favorite horror stories!) and has a great "lasting horror" ending. I love the idea of these occurrences resulting a Pie family generational curse... but, then again, I am generally a generational curse enjoyer ;)
Your characters felt very true to the show, but also very three-dimensional, which is awesome!! A lot of horror stories that I want to be able to get into (without naming names) lack that sort of verisimilitude, and it can just be so immersion-breaking. Your source of horror was as physical as it was emotional - always a recipe for some deeper scares - and it was all very creative and thoughtful. I really liked how you blended the magical elements with the more grounded family drama.
Really nice work on this :) I hope you keep writing horror stories!
I expected a more dramatic ending. Something to go horrifyingly-wrong. But it didn't! That's kinda unsatisfying for me personally, but there's nothing wrong with that. The ending was logical enough, made sense.
IMO, the first four chapters were the best, especially chapter four. So much dread that was building and building. A proper horror story has building dread, and this story accomplishes that with flying colors. By chapter five, I was totally expecting Pinkie to do something insane and drastic. The perspective change at the beginning of chapter five made me predict Pinkie would hit Limestone over the head with a rock and force her to sleep with her. By Limestone "sleeping", I mean being unconscious. That didn't end up being the case, but that's alright.
just use the horizontal rule in your stories, don't use underscores, seriously, I have my tts voice say underscore three times and it's annoying. stop it.
God this was really good.
I don’t know why, but I read this all in one sitting. So tired yet I can’t sleep. I wonder how much I’d enjoy it had I been fully awake. I’m sure I still would have, I guess I’m saying that being half-asleep enhanced the experience. Besides myself though.
Pinkie feels incredibly well written. You take what they have of her in the show and make her feel so much more, without making her feel like someone else. It’s an incredible feat. Taking the character who is always so crazy and energetic and doing this in such a belive Ake way, wow! Just wow!
And the horror. Admittedly I didn’t find it very scary, but I don’t tend to find written works scary in the first place, so I doubt that was any fault of your own. What you did succeed in, was making me feel incredibly uneasy. I didn’t think Pinkie would die, I assumed she would rid herself of the spell somehow, but I wasn’t sure what was coming next. Watching her become so much more angry, so much more like Limestone with each chapter felt incredibly unsettling without breaking character. The skeleton itself wasn’t scary really, just it’s affect on Pibkie was.
In addition, the ending. Pretty good! Pinkie’s whole problem is solved and she believes it’s gone forever for all those years, just for her to realize that her baby is probbaly going to give it right back to her or Cheese. Very interesting.
Now, I think I should head off to bed. This is absolutely going into my favorites.
I like a story like this because it's hard to tell if the entity is real or not. Fear of the unknown is the universal horror and the effectiveness of the main antagonist will depend on how well this uncertainty is balanced.
As of chapter 2 the existential threat is mundane enough to feel realistic while the spooky elements feel possible to exist, compounding on to that fear.
If the cover art and description weren't indication enough, I can already tell this is going to be a very sad and miserable story. Be warned that it's a story taking place after season eight, at the earliest. I feel this will detract from the main point of the story, but I'll find out. The Boneless joke was funny, however.
I don't usually read this kind of story, but I was impressed at the level of detail put into a simple cave setting. I'm accustomed to reading and writing stories with this chapter's length as their total length, but nothing felt prolonged.
I'm skeptical of the fear portrayed therein, especially given the many examples of greater threats mentioned, but it does tie together with how the story begins.
I suppose I'll see what happens.
How the hell did this not make it to the featured box?!
whoa, pinkie..... this feels like kind of a leap, i would've expected her to hold out a little longer before considering inflicting this curse on her sister
oh god........