Adult
"What am I saying, of course you didn't," Ocellus continued. "You didn't have it in you to."
She sighed. "Did you ever even love me, mother? Did you have the capacity for love? Sometimes I thought you showed it, but, well, you never did come back for me after you lost your empire."
She smirked. "Which I'm totally not bitter about."
Chrysalis was, of course, silent.
Ocellus slipped the bag on her back over her head and laid it down on the grass.
"I loved you though," she continued. "I did. When I was younger, before the change. Now, though, I despise you. Everything you were. Everything you stood for. There was a better way, and you ignored it."
From the bag, she retrieved two items.
"Did you know?" she asked the morning air. "Did you know that sharing love was an option? I choose to believe you didn't, but, well, who can say? You certainly aren't speaking up about it."
She sighed.
"But every time I think about you, all I can think about is one thing:"
She unscrewed the lid of the bottle of lantern oil.
"Am I going to end up the same way?"
She set the lid down on the grass.
"Thorax wants me to lead the changelings after him," Ocellus said. "Doesn't he know how dangerous of an idea that is? After all, you and I are more alike than he realizes. I know you were a bit off... mentally... towards the end. I can't afford to have that happen to me, too."
She lifted the bottle and poured its contents over her head.
"I'm not going to take that risk," she said.
She lifted up the box of matches. Pulled one out.
"Mother?"
The match sizzled as she struck it.
"I defy you."
She raised the match into the air over her head, closed her eyes, released her hold...
"OCELLUS!"
Someone tackled her from behind. The two of them rolled across the grass, her and her assailant, until they came to a stop with her on the ground and him pinning her.
Ocellus opened her eyes.
"What the heck are you doing?" Gallus asked, panic in his voice. "You could have burned to death!"
"That was the idea," Ocellus said dumbly. "Why are you...?"
"I spotted you on my way to morning drills," Gallus said. "What are you doing here? I thought you were at the hive!"
"I needed... to see my mother."
"Your mother?" Gallus glanced back at the statue. "Chrysalis is your mother!?"
Ocellus nodded. "You're talking to the once-princess of the changeling empire."
"That's... wow, okay," Gallus said. He shook his head. "That's not important. Why were you about to kill yourself?"
"I can't let there be another Chrysalis," Ocellus said simply. "I'm just like her."
"You're nothing like her."
"You don't know her, Gallus! I do! She—" Ocellus began to cry, her emotions finally boiling over. "We're more similar than you realize. I'm her daughter. Gallus, I killed a changeling yesterday."
“You… what?”
“He snuck into my bedroom and tried to stab me,” Ocellus rapidly explained. “And I killed him! Without even thinking about it! It was an instinct!”
“Then it was self defense,” Gallus said. “That’s not your fault, you were just protecting yourself!”
“I didn’t have to kill him! I could have, have, restrained him or something, but I didn’t! Just like my mother would have. I’m becoming—”
"You're not going to turn into Chrysalis!" Gallus shouted. "Not in a million years. We wouldn't let you."
Ocellus looked up at him. "We...?"
"Your friends!" Gallus said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We're here for you, Ocellus! If something's going wrong we find a way to fix it. It's what we do! You don't have to go off and... and..."
Now he was the one crying.
"Promise me you won't do something like that again."
"But—"
"No buts! I want a Pinkie promise. Right here, right now."
Ocellus was silent for a few moments. Then, she brought her hoof up.
"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
Gallus let out a long sigh of relief. He rolled off Ocellus and onto his back, lying on the grass and staring up at the morning sky together with her.
"You really scared me there," he said.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
They were silent for a few moments.
"Drill instructor's going to kill me."
"You can go," Ocellus said.
"Nope," he replied. "Staying right here."
Ocellus smiled.
"Thank you."
"Ohmygosh Ocellus!"
Ocellus was abruptly swallowed in a feathery hug.
She grinned. "Hi Silverstream!"
They were in the girls' dorm room at the School of Friendship. Ocellus had just finished unpacking, and Silverstream was the first to arrive after her.
Silverstream released her from her embrace and set her back down on the floor.
"So!" she said. "How was your break?"
"Oh, you know," Ocellus said. "Uneventful. I got to spend some quality time with my mom and dad."
"That's so sweet! You know me too, but also I—"
As Silverstream launched into a stream-of-consciousness about her break, Ocellus couldn't help but smile.
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A very holesome ending. I’m terrible I know.
Thank you for the fic it was quite enjoyable.
So, regarding the final chapter, I felt it was highly reminiscent of Raul Menendez's suicide via self-immolation in one of the endings of Black Ops 2. In the game, it was a poignant ending for a character deeply motivated by passionate emotions of love and wrath. Now, look, here's the thing: for this story, I like the concept, but the story was just so incredibly rushed. It's only 4000 words. There was no room for foreshadowing or appropriate rising of suspense. We understand what Ocellus was feeling, but there's not enough information focused around the why.
Also, perhaps the most confusing part of the story, who was the changeling who attacked her? If he knew she was dangerous or a threat, how did he know, and why did he opt for violence as the only way to rectify the situation? If I recall correctly, he didn't even attempt to speak with her to settle their differences, he just automatically resorted to the most drastic and, frankly, excessive, action.
Also, a final remark: I really liked the concept of Ocellus morphing her hoof into a spike that she used as a weapon. Super cool. Had the same badass energy as Revenant from Apex Legends merging his mechanical fingers into one long spike that he uses to shank people. However, I feel the violence, even if it was badass, was completely unnecessary. Without the proper buildup, it feels very abrupt and out of place. It's not foreshadowed Ocellus is a violent individual, she just kind of does that out of instinct. Perhaps it was Chrysalis somehow magically influencing her, but that was not made clear.
Very nice story! Wasn't expecting the ending. Well done.
I wasn't expecting the ending either, so it was good to know that Ocellus is with very capable friends.
11736098
I normally try not to respond to comments that aren't direct questions or whatever, but you asked me what I thought of your critique on Discord, so here goes:
The entire fic is foreshadowing the twist that Chrysalis is Ocellus' mother. From the very first chapter:
He was motivated by the fact that Ocellus is Chrysalis' daughter. He's afraid that she'll become a monster like her mother and ruin what the transformed changelings have built, much like Ocellus is! So he takes action.
I didn't spell this out in the story because I didn't feel I needed to. It should be obvious from the context provided by the twist and his dying words. It's not supposed to make sense until you get to the twist.
That's the point. Ocellus is operating under instincts drilled into her by Chrysalis and changeling culture as a child. It's further evidence that Ocellus is just like her mother, which is exactly what the blue-shelled changeling says. This is why I said on the discord that you missed the point.
Anyway, I hope that was helpful.
Ooh, really cool concept! I can see I'm not the only person around here who enjoys tormenting our little ladybug
I think you did a great job rendering these characters. Juggling conversations with lots of participants can be challenging, but the opening scene felt very balanced and was just FULL of character. The world building was interesting and creative - aside from the obvious, I love the idea of Chrysalis plundering her conquests like a pirate, as well as the way you hinted at changelings needing to explore and re-map their own hive, allowing them to "discover" her hidden treasure stashes. It's a really cool idea that meshes so well with the lore we get in the show. You also had a nice level of spooks and scares to go allow with the world building cleverness and the more emotional beats.
Nice work on this! I hope to see you around some more!
I'd call this more drama than horror myself, but either way it's pretty neat.
11737104
Coming from the author of The Head and Womb, that means a lot! I'm a little starstruck. I'll do my best not to disappoint!
That was a good story, filled with emotions and drama that flowed well. Good job.
My one suggestion is that I would have done it differently like this: since changelings are typically considered to have a beehive biology where they are all the queen's children, that Ocellus might have been selected by Chrysalis and groomed to be her successor, rather than just be her daughter. But that's a minor point. Thanks for the story, have an upvote.
11742799
I thought about that (and I’m kind of surprised it took this long for someone to bring it up), but I actually wanted her to be specifically chrysalis’s only daughter for a few reasons. The main one was because it creates an intimate link between the two that I think would transcend just her being her successor. I also wanted to imply that Chrysalis was suffering some issues with her mind, and that ocellus then inheriting those (when no other changeling would) was a real possibility. And finally, this story was inspired by my feelings towards my paternal grandmother as of late, so there’s that connection, too.
So ultimately I decided the beehive headcanon didn’t suit the story I wanted to tell.
Chilling. Excellent. Delightful.
This stabbed me in the chest just like Ocellus' spear-hoof. Well done, and thank you. This is an incredibly compelling story, and i can't help craving more despite how perfectly self-contained it is. The sins of her mother may follow her, but she can still find solace in her friends. I hope she gets help for her struggles, my poor girl clearly needs counseling
That's what friends are for and why, indeed, she isn't just like her. ✔
ok, immediately 10/10 read personally bc i just thought this story did a phenomenal job on portraying generational trauma, post traumatic stress, etc. it's real shit, and people often mess it up by exaggerating it for the sake of plot, but i enjoy that the plotline actually lets us follow ocellus's journey of self acceptance and self growth. i know this was horror (which, it was pretty amazing psychological horror writing), but i also think that this is what trauma writing should be doing in television and media in general- giving people an image of recovery while also remaining true to the actual experience of it- being hard and haunting as hell! lastly, i think the characterization is just very true to her canon character, and yet this fic adds thousands of believable depth to her in only 3 chapters which is an accomplishment on its own. i never considered ocellus a favorite (i liked her character but i never really felt that invested in her), but now i see the error of my ways. best changeling princess! (well, she's the only changeling princess, but, eh!)
edit: i also feel so impressed that you've somehow painted thorax realistically naive. he too, has flaws, and i actually enjoyed seeing his best qualities (his caring nature, his positive attitude, etc.) being realistically burdensome to someone like ocellus who is trying to recover. he was kind hearted, but often bet too hard on the hope that ocellus could overcome her past so easily, so he pushed her a bit too fast. he was very trusting, and inadvertently placed ocellus in a dangerous situation, even if he didn't mean it, bc he has the best intentions, but best intentions can't protect you. it just goes to show that patience is much more important than anything else while trying to help someone back onto their feet. i loved how he tried making ocellus comfortable in the hive, but i'm sure after what happened with gallus, he learned his lesson. anyways, just WOW! idk how much i can say this but awesome, awesome writing.
--
"I loved you though," she continued. "I did. When I was younger, before the change. Now, though, I despise you. Everything you were. Everything you stood for. There was a better way, and you ignored it."
i feel the heart in this chapter's opening writing, immediately. it feels like it has true experience behind it. usually trauma in writing feels very melodramatic or played up for a climax, but this feels genuine and grounded. since it feels grounded, it feels much more gutting, and after it hits, it just stings. compared to the tear-filled anguish of a melodramatic monologue, it's like that dry feeling in your throat when you already feel like nothing else can be said. it hurts. it is good.
"Did you know?" she asked the morning air. "Did you know that sharing love was an option? I choose to believe you didn't, but, well, who can say? You certainly aren't speaking up about it."
"she asked the morning air" GOD i love how that sounds.
"Your friends!" Gallus said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We're here for you, Ocellus! If something's going wrong we find a way to fix it. It's what we do! You don't have to go off and... and..." Now he was the one crying.
waaahhhhooooooo i got the water works... 😭😭😭
"You can go," Ocellus said. "Nope," he replied. "Staying right here."
gallus would so totally do that! AGH ocellus totally deserves to have a friend like him. i also love the fact that it was HIM who was able to be there for her bc out of all the young 6 other than ocellus, gallus is the most likely to understand what ocellus may be feeling. hard ass family members. a looming expectation to be as tough as nails. i love them sm! and i do wish we could've heard the convo they had after gallus ditched his guard duties, but i also like how it was left up to interpretation. obviously tho, he did a great job, cuz ocellus went back to school with a hopeful attitude, so eh!
As Silverstream launched into a stream-of-consciousness about her break, Ocellus couldn't help but smile.
fuckkkkk i thought ocellus was a sweetie before but now she deserves the entire world 😭😭😭 NOW!! also, silverstream is a national treasure. the best people to know during recovery is people who make you smile.