Princess
Epilogue
A few years later...
Gleaming Shield shifted uneasily in her light environmental suit, until the sleeves settled properly over her wings. Most of the Martian-born ponies just wore respirators outside these days, and some part of her wished she could be so brave. But even if the temperature outside were getting better, standing under the pressure washer to remove every potential drop of poison from her coat wasn't worth a little extra sweat.
The suit was little more than light plastic, clear except for the portion that covered her legs. Ponies always preferred to get a good look at each other. That was fine so far as she was concerned. Gleaming liked seeing her subjects.
She crested the watchtower a second later, clambering through the tight rubber airlock and into the tower's secured observation post. A dome of clear glass looked out on all sides, with communications equipment in the center for the crew.
"Princess," said Blue Emerald, saluting with one clawed foreleg. His helmet bulged out a little to permit for the beak. "You didn't have to come up here personally. I emailed you the report."
She patted him once on the shoulders as she passed him. "I'm a little old-fashioned to trust the safety of Carnelian to a few pictures on a screen. I wanted to see for myself." She stopped at the edge of the curved glass, looking out on Carnelian.
The “city” was just over a dozen squat domes now, each one about a hundred meters across and ten high. Even as she watched, the vast fields of solar arrays stopped tracking the sun and began to retract, plastic shields folding over each bank.
The horizon was a vast wall of red, stretching unfathomably high into the sky. "I don't see a weather team out there," Blue said. "We're not diverting this one?"
"Not after two weeks ago," she answered, fiddling with her helmet for a second, then pulling it back. Like all the creatures born here, Blue Emerald would be more comfortable if he could see her face, instead of the matte black plastic of a respirator. "Team still needs to recover. Mirror gate with Equestria doesn't open again for another week. I want to keep them on standby for a real emergency."
Blue sighed, slumping into the observation chair. It was mounted into the floor, able to pivot around to look out in all directions. But from the position of his coffee, he spent most of his time staring at the screens. The cameras were mounted higher up, and gave a much better view. "So we'll be shoveling sand for a few more weeks?" He hesitated. "Wait. The alarm isn't sounding."
"Not this time." Gleaming spread her wings to either side, grinning back at him. "I couldn't let my city get all dusty for Princess Cadance’s royal visit. The Crystal Empire expects progress from its colony. We're going to show them progress. Real veggies, and grass growing outside. No storm is going to ruin it."
She looked away from him again, facing the oncoming storm-wall. Years of terraforming had transformed these storms from a minor annoyance to a serious hazard. Every dome in the city was rated to survive them—it was why the city had hired its own team of diamond dog excavators. But there was no reason to perform unnecessary safety tests.
I'm going to take her flying when she gets here. She could imagine Cadance’s pleasure with her progress, and how the Alicorn might express that satisfaction to her wife. Gleaming flushed bright red at the thought.
She focused, picturing the boundary wall of Carnelian on all sides. It was much like the domes themselves, a circle of reprocessed Martian soil and polymer, perfectly flat across its entire area.
A brilliant pink shield flared to life around the city, turning the growing maelstrom to perfect stillness. Moments later the wall struck against it, and Gleaming buckled—but her legs held.
After a few seconds she rose, still panting from the effort. But she'd kept shields up for the length of an entire invasion without any Alicorn magic of her own. She could do a dust storm.
"You can take the rest of the day off, Blue," Gleaming said, reaching for her respirator. "That shield will be up until after your shift ends anyway."
"Thanks, Princess." He saluted again, scrambling for his own respirator. "Sometimes I forget that we have our own Alicorn ruling Carnelian. You're amazing."
She grinned back at him a moment, before settling the mask over her mouth. "I'm learning."
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come for the plot, stay for the salt.
I feel like the ending was a bit out of place and the whole story probably should have been a fair bit longer to properly flesh it out (even without the whole debate in the comments) but it was a solid read and I can say that I enjoyed it.
When Twilight said "lands long abandoned," she meant it.
An abrupt end, but the commissioner got what they paid for. Plus, I'm just not used to anything shorter than a novella from you.
Fascinating glimpse at this timeline. There are a lot of implications left to explore, gender identity and otherwise, but I still enjoyed this. Thank you for it.
(I will say that Gleaming keeping the new name feels off. Was it really so important to maintain the facade after it became clear that destiny won't tolerate casual alicorn mass production?)
10442981
So much salt I can preserve foodstuffs for winter.
I'm sad that this ended so early, with no real answers on the big questions about what all happened, but it was an interesting read and I'm happy to have read it. I hope that some day, we can get a fuller treatment of this concept -- the central conceit, of a magic spell that can create alicorns that *still need to be needed* is unique as far as I've seen, and I'd love to see it done justice.
I just can't get over the hilarity of these little horses emailing each other.
Wait, already?
Nice story though, even with so much more to explore.
As fome said I'll never get used to a short one from you. Just doesn't feel right
im sad that its over already but good job
Thank God this story ended earlier than I thought it would. The fires in the comment section are bigger than the great California gender reveal.
Nice. Sci-fi was a little odd at the end but on the whole nice.
Low key disappointed at the great setup just for it to be set aside so quickly. Either way still a fun read. I hope the future might yield another story that is more fully explored.
This was nice
Over already? Such a great concept ended so quickly.
10443179
I second this should of left it with past chapter instead of this dangling carrot ;-;
Well, that was abrupt. Kind of to the point where it ruins the rest of the story for me. Wish that wasn’t the case, since it was really good up until this point.
Solid writing and a fun concept I'll also express some sadness at the abruptness but I'll enjoy the shorter story thanks for writing.
Great read, loved it. Hope to see more stuff like this from you soon.
10443179
Yeah, seems rather short overall, though an interesting concept in general.
What?
10443703
Agreed!
Much of the stigma around wearing feminine clothes for males comes from societal pressure, nothing to do with you genetic makeup. It's all social conditioning. Shining was uncomfortable about it because in society it isn't 'right' to wear female clothing when you're a male and Shining had been seen as a male his entire life up to that point.
10440651
Why are you here? The cover-art depicts a male and female Shining. Starscribe is known for their genderbending stories and you came in here just to moan?
10443703
That's true, but we don't have much indication that Shining Armor was NB or genderfluid. He saw himself as a stallion and his initial reaction implied some discomfort. It doesn't completely rule out that possibility, but this is a gender-bending story after all.
This was a fun light read
So how long was Shining out?
10443703
In the narrative, Shining does roll with it, and like you said it's perfectly fine – it's completely possible to not feel especially strongly about one's gender, or to have a gender fluid enough to adapt to circumstances, or it could just be part of the spell. One or more options could be true for Shining/Gleaming, as beyond some initial discomfort they mainly have issues with practical aspects, rather than with their new gender itself. It's a short and fun story, and that's definitely what works best here.
Personally, the only real issue I may've had with the pronoun stuff is that the switch in the narration (and as it centers on Shining/Gleaming's perspective, it suggests that's what they themselves think/feel) is directly caused by taking a look at their changed genitalia rather than, for example, looking at their new face, or hearing their new voice. Now, this is one of the most common tropes in TG/genderbender fiction, so that's pretty much par for the course. It doesn't mean that it's a good trope, considering it's fundamentally cisnormative and essentialist (by not taking into account the many exceptions to the perceived 'rule'/cisgender expectations – namely, trans/NB people), but well, this is just a short, fun story. The fact that the transformation doesn't explicitly take into account real aspects like gender identity is usually part of the fantasy, and that's fine in this context.
Maybe some readers expected a more nuanced, believable take considering the transformation seemed to be the core premise (there's a 'drama' tag, not a 'comedy' one after all), hence the strong reaction, but nuance needs breadth, something difficult to create with such a limited wordcount, and the general tone may not have been appropriate anyway (these limitations have since been made explicit in the long description). The nature of the transformation ends up almost incidental compared to the questions of what it costs to become immortal, what it gives in return, and how painful it can be to see your mortal loved ones go, which are fascinating topics in and of themselves.
10443703
I am genderfluid. So yes, you can expect that those of us arguing over here did register that as a possibility. However, I urge you to reread chapter one before castigating us for not really considering it as an option. You can see, based on his reaction, that he truly does consider the change a sacrifice. There’s no indication that he’s fluid or non-binary, despite my initial hopes. See, in a story, absence of evidence is evidence of absence. It’s why a Deus Ex Machina is generally seen as a bad thing, and why you set up Chekhov’s guns and foreshadowing for anything new that shows up. Had Starscribe even hinted at Shining being non-binary, genderfluid, or trans, this story wouldn’t have left such a bad taste in my mouth. But the commission was for an unwanted sex and gender change. There are those who can enjoy this story, as evidenced by the large amount of positive reception it’s received, but I suspect those of us with some relevant personal experience are having negative reactions because it reads more like a horror story if we don’t stretch to add a positive interpretation to the text.
Pretty harsh of Twilight to banish Shining to Mars. Guess he's the Alicorn of War, that part's not really a surprise.
...what
This was a commissioned story wasn’t it?
They did predict that Cadence would outlive her husband...
So how long was he asleep?
10445096
I don't know, but "a thousand years" is my best guess.
10447088
Says the person who went out their way to whine about the word "cis".
M'kay then.
Criticism to the story based on personal subjective views is fine. After all, that's what comments are for.
But the bickering, no matter what side you are on, shouldn't be in this comment section. It's laughably stupid. Please, leave the bickering to other places. I really could care less on whatever side or point of view you're coming from, you're smarter and better than that, and I hope that you're all more mature than that.
That being said, I enjoyed the story. It's different than the stories I usually read, and it opened my eye's to some new idea's that I myself could possibly write for. I'm glad that you wrote the story, and I hope that other's might've been inspired to do the same.
If anybody else has a problem, that's fine. They can criticize all they want. But I would urge them to go and create a story of their own to get their own idea's across. Not to say that 'oh can you do it better' but to say that you might have a creative imagination that others might agree with. You aren't likely the one person out there that has said imagination or opinion on the story, so try to come up with something new for everyone to enjoy. If not, that's perfectly fine. Though, I would urge you.
I really enjoyed this story, and hope there will be a sequel.
I'm really sad that this ended so soon! This epilogue seems WAY too soon and too far out. Without any context.
I'd MUCH rather have had it end with something like Gleaming and Cadence getting married.
I really hope that you pick this story up again and add more to it. I feel like it ended just as it was starting to get good @.@
10444724
She;s not banished, there's no mention of that. They specifically stated about how Gleaming did NOT need to be there. Gleaming however, not only wanted to make 100% certain that things were on the Up & Up, but also prepare a GREAT surprise for her wife. To show her a beautiful green world, rather than a dusty barren one.
It's honestly rather wonderful.
This is an early colony
I did enjoy this...However, it was much too short. A lot was just left up in the air and that kinda bums me out because I was hoping we'd see more with hopefully Twilight and Flurry but deffinetely Cadance and Gleaming. Still the first 2-3 chapters were wonderful!
10450601
It was a joke.
Well, that kinda came out of nowhere...
But it's okay, I guess.
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
Cool Beans!
That was delightful : )
Start in the future, jump to an emergency bad enough to need her help and then off to a true colony - very well done. I've always liked your imaginative writing style.
And don't worry about those who say it's too short - we've all seen how some stories can grow wildly out of hand. I've been known to impress visitors by leaving out a copy of Message in a Bottle for them to goggle at ; ).
10468950
Message in a bottle was nuts
Well that...
Wasn't an epilogue.
It was a story fragment, a stunted nothing. It jumps ahead with no development, no investment, no nothing. "Oh yay a character I don't know. Sci-fi I had no context for. No real apparent growth."
Kinda feels a little lame. We don't really learn anything about her or what she's done to adapt. We don't see her interact with her child. We don't get to see anything, and it kinda sucks.
I understand this was a commission, but it really is not great.
I am highly pained. And severely cringed.
10450583
Agreed! Shining Armor is very strong to be able to do this, and it shows. Embracing a gender you may not identify with, in order to live a better life in every other way? That takes true strength. I really enjoy that take, it's not one explored very often.
I want moar.
p.s. Should this story go here ?
Male Alicorns & Pegacorns
10691031
It's almost five months and you are the first one to notice (and comment).
So Pinkie's hope wan't that misplaced.
10691328
Considering that I noticed it immediately...