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Student, Author, and Programmer

Sequels1



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This story is a sequel to Steel Solstice

Continued in: My Little Apprentice: Apogee


Twilight Sparkle learns that the trust and goodwill of the Princess isn't always a good thing as she's given the trust of an important assignment. When that assignment turns out to be long-term, how will she handle taking care of a filly of her own? How will she handle this strange new filly, who proves to be much more than she appears. As a matter of fact, she seems to be from an entirely separate universe.

Meanwhile, Second Chance has kept only enough of her memories to know that she isn't what she should be. The wonderful world of Equestria has its own dangers, and she seems to have a knack for attracting trouble. The more of her memories return, the more she wishes she could just forget. But you can't forget when all of Equestria depends on you remembering.

Only one thing's for sure: The longer Twilight keeps this strange filly in her care, the stranger her own life will become, and things she thought she knew about Equestria will unravel before her eyes. Strange ancient devices, an eccentric mint unicorn and her so-called "Equestrian Precursor Society" are only the beginning for Twilight Sparkle as she begins a journey of her own. She too may wish she could simply forget. Unfortunately, it's too late for either of them.

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 1073 )

Looks pretty good so far! Intriguing premise, and the canon characters are spot-on, from what I can tell. :twilightsmile: Onward! (well, it would be "onward" if you had any more chapters up yet... :twilightblush: :facehoof: )

4032735

Thanks! I was really worried about being able to handle them all correctly, so I'm super glad that worked out!

This is really good. I've made a Fic where twi takes a motherly role, but this is more her taking a role like celestia did for her. I look forward to reading more.:twilightsmile:

I'm also curious to know about second chance. Will she see twi like her mum or as a mentor?

much potential, but i hate the "oh look, every thought and feeling that makes me who i am was lost in a convenient case of amnesia" :twilightoops:

And so it begins. Another brilliant career in the fanfic industry. Literally my only criticism so far is that if Twilight has no word for planet, you shouldn't be using planet to describe her thinking about it. "World" would have been more fitting. But you are the lord, and you can swing your sword however you like. Peace.:raritywink:

4032752
Might wanna go through and find the spots where you used forwardslashes to represent italics. Use control+f or F3 to (pending your keyboard functions) to find them. Also a little bit of a formatting goof at the very top, but other than that, this is very well written and you definitely did your job as an author because I'm hooked.


4033163
LORD OF DIAMOND SWOOOOOOOORD-AH

4033330
There we go! I'm pretty sure I fixed the formatting errors and the slashes and stuff. I believe that stuff came about because much of this chapter was composed in a simple text editor, and had to be converted manually before upload. Unfortunately, human eyes make mistakes.

4032906
As to that, I suppose we'll have to wait for chapter 2 to find out! Which shouldn't be too long, since I want to update once a week. That's why I've chosen short chapters, so I'll have time to post a new one every single week.

4033135
A tired old trope 'tis true, but one I needed unfortunately. Since I wanted to focus on all the similarities and differences between ponies and humans, it seemed like the best way to help those things come out, by gradually revealing them instead of hitting the story with them all at once.

And thanks everybody else who took the time to comment!

wait.... this is a first fic? O_o

usually authors who use this excuse know that their fic is only of neutral quality, but from what I read here, I'd say yours has a lot of potential since it uses a richer vocabulary, has few errors (nothing major) and seems to be an interesting take on PHiE.

aka, you got a fave from me

That link in the author's note looks a tiiiiiny bit off... but I think people will get the idea. Don't you think?

4035564

Pretty sure I fixed it. I think it must've come undone during one of my corrections, which I seem to have made many of during this whole editing process thing. Fixing all the little mistakes people point out.


4035529
I'll admit, it's not my first go at writing by any means. I've just never forayed into the territory of MLP before. I wasn't worried about the grammar or my ability to create a coherent narrative, but my ability to accurately portray a property that not just I love, but that everybody here loves. Still nervous about that, but I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go along.

Damn you and your writings, making my Read Later list even longer….

But you can't forget when all of Equestria depends on you remembering.

......Makes it sound more like Adventure than Slice of Life.

I like it! There's a typo or two, but it's far from being a big issue. I can't wait to see what happens next, personally. I just hope this doesn't turn out as sad as I could see it turning out...:fluttershysad:

I loved the writing style and felt engaged during the entire chapter keep it up!

For a first time writer here, this is a true hit. I look forward to whatever else you have planned! :pinkiehappy:

This shows potential, only got one problem with it.

Hands.

This is a (minor) problem I've come to notice in some MLP-fics from time to time in which ponies use 'hand' instead of 'hoof' when they talk, think and/or write something, unless they grew up around beings with hands or spends a lot of time around beings with hands they should not be using 'hand' in sentances.

Try to remember this little rule, 'Think equine', you must not just think 'how would this pony act or say' but also remember that there equine and thus will use equine words.

Its kind of like speaking another language and trying to pass it off as being your native one and doing it well... until you bang your shin against something hard and you swear in your native tongue, thus blowing your cover.

I hope this comment has been useful to you and I hope to see more of this fic.

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You make an excellent point. I've edited the first chapter accordingly, since I think you're completely and totally right about that. I'm totally blowing my cover as a human being with hands who uses hand-based expressions. I'll have to be more careful in the future, though I would expect to slip up a few more times before I get a handle on this.

Handle I'm going to leave, though. I hope you don't mind that word too much. I think it's appropriate even if the etemology of that word would be a mystery in a handless world.

Is this a crossover with the "Rangers Apprentice" Series? Because the title and short description sure make it sound like it! Can't wait for more!!!!

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I'm sorry to say that I've never read that series. I'm not sure if that helps answer your question. Unless of course it's entirely subconscious... tapping into the deep unconsciousness of the race in order to get access to new material.

4041070 That answers my question, thanks! :pinkiehappy:

p.s. it's a really great series, you should give it a read

The filly seems adorable.

Chapter 1:

I love the moon scene. I think the scenes between Twilight and Second are gonna be some of my favorites, since you do write Twilight well, and it'll be without the commotion and self-consciousness of writing the other canon ponies.

It's great to see this doing so well. I know you were worried you wouldn't be able to capture an audience like you did with your Pokemon stuff, but that clearly isn't the case. I'll admit, I had mixed feelings about you writing MLP fanfiction, but seeing how great the story is and how much people like it, I'm genuinely excited to see more.

...But that's just my two bits.

4039696 Handle is ok since some words can't be altered.

Note: the world isn't 'handless' we got griffins, minotaurs, dragons, diamond dogs... that thing Daring Do fights, so there are times when objects and frases will contain 'hand'-like words, but in a country with about 99% pony inhabitants there will most likely be a lack of hands.

Good story so far I take that Second Chance was an Human that somehow became godlike and had watched the Human race die off, though since they were on the moon near one of the landers I'm guessing something tragic happened to the Human race that killed them off and all live on Earth before Humans started colonizing other planets, if the planet turning gray was indication, cause I don't thin we would leave the lander and rover on the moon, bah I'm thinking too much into this it's also 1am and I'm running on 4 hours of sleep! :pinkiecrazy: Still an good story so far you have an like, fave and follower now! :pinkiehappy:

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Those sure are some interesting bits of speculation there. Too bad I can't comment on them, or else spoil the story! I hope you find the ultimate answer to that riddle to be satisfying.Perhaps you're right! Perhaps it's the sleep talking? Tune in during future weeks to find out!

Your favorites list makes me nervous, but it would be the height of foolishness to judge the story you're writing by the stories you've starred. As for the actual story, it's very intriguing, as an opening setup. Looking forward to more.

Nitpick:
she had heeded the Princess’s council
Shouldn't this be "counsel"?

4039696 I've got to give you a hand; it takes a big man to man up and admit they're wrong even when someone puts a finger on the error at hand. I'm going to stop now before this gets out of hand.
:trollestia:

4046485

Likewise, I appreciate the fact that you're able to overlook the stories I've read. It's quite true that my entry to this site is reflected in the stories I've favorited. Not very many titles to be seen there, some loved and others feared. Still, trust me that I'm not here to retell a story told by someone else.

That's not what being creative is about. There is somewhere a story unwritten that's true to the ponies we all love, /and/ their world. A story that isn't about making political points one way or another, but makes its readers sit back and think a little. Maybe to remember it. That's what I'm going to try to do, just to write a good story.

Also, you're right about counsel. Fixed it, thanks for pointing that out!

4046192
Yeah I do that a lot put too much thought into something though that being said I'm looking forward to more of this story!

Very interesting and well-written description. Definitely gonna read this at a later date. If I wasn't looking for something new within very specific parameters; I would read this immediately.
And since this is your first story; I bid you good-luck!:eeyup:

That picture was so cute! Also... MOAR! :flutterrage: And you are doing fine for a new writer on this site! :pinkiehappy:

I love that picture and I think my heart exploded when I seen it and I like spike more then twilight.

I’m Spike! The ferocious, powerful dragon!

This sentanse feels... wrong, perhaps if you wrote it like this...

I’m Spike! The ferocious and powerful dragon!

Just a friendly opservation.

I don't really enjoy amnesia fics, though I'll see where this one goes. (Hopefully (s)he regains major memories. :scootangel:)

4053317
You are exactly right, good sir/madam! I have corrected the chapter as you suggested.

4053485
I don't want to be a spoiler goblin, but... it does look like that's what's happening. By the end of her conversation she already knew more than she did when the conversation began. No doubt those effects will continue over the course of the story, and grow more and more intense as time passes, until all is revealed. At least, that's the way it seems to be happening.

4053529 I belive its sir... *checks pants* yeah its sir.

glad another chapter's out.:pinkiesmile:

this chapter was good, if a little confusing on pov at times. For the most part though, i felt it flowed right. Chance's reactions were understandable, since her memories were coming in the most feeble way, making things very confusing in comparison to her current reality.

i looked forward to seeing where this story will go and how twi will deal with being a mentor and, in another way, a mother to this oc filly

4052274
K I'm done reading the chapter! Yes I know it took me 9 hours to read 5,000+ words! I get distracted easily plus I was doing other things as well! Anyways this was an good chapter!

Well, it seems Twilight missed out on some info by being gone, unless the "wasn't I on two legs before?" was related offscreen. Ah well, can't be helped.

Nice chapter.

Normally pics in the story don't do well but... oh my... Sweetiebelle might have some competition for heart-exploding adorableness now.
If Second Chance starts squeaking there's no hope for me. :twilightblush:

4055753
Talk about bad timing on that for twilight. Ah, well, better luck next time!


4056052
We cannot withstand cuteness of this magnitude!

I can't wait for more.

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