One Kind
Shining didn't know what to expect from the spell. Maybe it would send him to that strange almost-place his sister had briefly described upon completing Starswirl's spell. Maybe he would drift in agony for many days as it rebuilt his body one bone at a time.
What he didn't expect was that he would step down into that circle, feel the magical might of a nation pointed down at him like a lens—and wake up in bed.
He blinked, scanning the room. His mind still filled with aching magic in his horn and the pressure of all the nation's Alicorns watching him. Suddenly, that was gone. He was back home in the Crystal Empire.
Granted, it had been some time since he'd slept here. Cadance always denied it, but it didn't matter how many times she did. She had worked their schedules such that they never stayed together for long. He couldn't even blame her, really—it was weird.
How did I get here? It was unmistakably the same room he had spent many years of his life, but the decorations had changed. Family portraits were gone from the walls, right along with the stylized images of Cadance or Flurry's cutie marks. They'd been replaced with modern photographs, depicting the various scenery of the Empire. Even most of the pillows were gone, and he'd been resting on a single one in the center of the vast bed.
Shining rolled out of bed, feeling a brief, confusing pressure as he did so, like he'd just pinched one of his legs the wrong way. He caught himself on all fours, and that vertigo only increased. He spun in a slow circle, taking in the huge space. These were unmistakably royal accommodations, but not the one he was used to. He was also missing his usual morning aches, which probably should've appeared by now. It took an hour to limber up enough for sudden movements.
Did the castle get bigger? Shining nudged a bedside table with one leg, and froze at what he saw. The limb was thinner than he remembered, longer and tapered with fur covering the fetlocks completely. That wasn't the only thing that felt out-of-place, either.
It wasn't a dream. That threat of being transformed, the incredible spell buried under the castle—had it all really happened?
Shining darted for the little open doorway across the room, guessing it would lead to a bathroom. This wasn't his usual quarters, but all the royal suites in the Crystal Palace were fully equipped for important visitors. This one was comfortable and spacious, with more of the familiar scenery of the Empire to put visitors at ease.
But Shining only cared about the mirror. He stopped right in front of it, and in that instant every strange sensation he'd been feeling came into sharp relief.
The creature looking back at him shared almost nothing in common with what his mind was expecting. Other than the white coat and different shades of blue mane, she might as well be a total stranger.
It wasn't that all the furniture was much bigger—Shining was smaller, about equal to Flurry Heart. His mane was long and unkempt, as though it had been growing for years without a barber anywhere nearby. Most dramatic of all were the feathery white wings on both sides of his body, which explained the uncomfortable pressure he'd briefly felt in bed.
They opened at a thought, responding to his attention as one of his legs did. He concentrated, getting one to open all the way. Those muscles were weak and ill-used, but still they responded. I'm going to need a lot of practice to use these. It took him almost a minute to close them again. The wings didn't want to respond, but he could trick his brain if he focused on one of his legs.
Of course, there was the other thing. Twilight hadn't been making vague threats—he had become an Alicorn princess.
He spun slowly around, lifting his tail out of the way to inspect the damage. Twilight hadn't been joking or exaggerating with him about the transformation. With the help of the mirror, Shining could confirm everything he'd already been feeling since he woke.
Since she woke. "Please don't be—" Her voice was high and melodic. It reminded him a little of the way Twilight had sounded before acquiring her present position and incredible powers. "I shouldn't have expected otherwise."
One thing at least hadn't changed, the single thing her immortality had spared. Shining's cutie mark was exactly where it should be, completely unchanged. So I'm the same pony underneath all of this. The same special talent.
Shining lowered her tail back into place, shivering once at the sight. She wasn't supposed to think her own reflection was attractive.
I need to find my wife before I do something I regret. It wasn't just Shining's various aches and pains that were gone now—other things that had faded as the years wore him down were waking up.
Did you leave me a note or anything? The spell had obviously worked, though why they would feel the need to bring him all the way back to the Empire was a bit of a mystery. How long was I asleep?
Shining searched the room for any sign of messages from his wife, but found none. There was a single chair beside the bed that smelled like her—as though she'd been visiting to check on her, maybe many times.
Like most of the royal suites, this one had enough space for an important visitor to bring an appropriate number of outfits and possessions. Here that meant an attached closet bigger than the house Shining had grown up in. She made her slow way inside, the last place left to search in the huge, empty space.
The closet wasn't empty.
For several long moments she just stared, utterly dumbfounded at what she saw. It wasn't that her wife had selected a few spare articles of clothing from around the Empire in case she needed them. The entire closet was full. This was no generic stuff off the street either, these were the dresses worn by the wealthiest ponies in Equestria. She could see at least one Rarity original off to the side.
Of course she didn't have time to go and try something on, but she didn't need to in order to know all this had been chosen for her.
There in the center of the closet, occupying a place of prominence, was a guardspony's uniform in Crystal Empire colors. Though this armor might be better compared to something Celestia herself might've worn during the Dragon Wars. The metal breastplate was hard and light, and resisted deforming under Shining's hoof. The sides had detachable shields for both wings. Even the helmet was plumed with Crystal Empire colors.
This wasn't taken from the armory. A master smith made this, probably over weeks. How long had she been asleep?
The distaste for nudity briefly warred in Shining's mind with the embarrassment of wearing clothes made for a mare. For any of the dresses scattered about, even the more practical outfits, they never would've stood a chance.
But this wasn't so bad, right? The back might be flared differently for a mare's hips, but the difference was slight at her size anyway. Besides, she'd feel closer to her proper height with some armored boots on.
Shining needed no help wearing the armor. Unicorn soldiers could easily go from nude to fully uniformed with only minutes notice, and that was about what she took. She even donned the silky underclothes, though part of her missed the simple linen that standard uniforms used.
She settled her breastplate over her chest maybe ten minutes later, securing the last strap with a pull of magic. Her initial suspicions had been only further confirmed by the examination—it was custom tailored to her body. The wing sections settled so smoothly over her sides that there was barely any clearance.
However disturbed she might be by the implication, Shining could endure. It meant being able to wear armor again. That almost made this whole experience worth it on its own.
She took a few careful steps forward, extending her legs in turn. The armor remained securely in place, barely jostling on the straps. She jumped forward, right in front of the mirror, gritting her teeth in her fiercest battle-pose.
It almost worked. The room was still huge around her, that was hard to miss. But with her helmet on, she would be hard to mistake for some ignorant creampuff of a noble mare. I'm more me than I used to be. All the things I used to be able to do are still in there.
She focused a moment, generating a bubble of energy in front of her. The spell took almost no effort, forming a spherical shield. She smacked it with a hoof, and her armored horseshoes banged. Like smacking into cement.
"Maybe this won't be the worst thing ever," she admitted. Of course, the real challenge of being transformed wouldn't be adapting to her new body, though she'd already considered a dozen ways for her to be challenged by it. The real change would be how others treated her.
Shining removed her helmet, though some part of her wanted to hide her face inside it and remove the cutie mark insignia. There's no point, the wings are going to stand out anyway.
She began bouncing from hoof to hoof, heart racing. What was she supposed to do, anyway? You should've told me, sweetheart. Does Equestria get to know who I am? Did you come up with some clever story about my ascension, so ponies won't know that this was nepotism?
She rested one hoof on the door, nervous and fearful. The royal hallways would have at least one guard she could ask. But she was dressed like one of them herself, and wouldn’t know the proper passwords. What if they thought she was an imposter?
She didn't get to stew on the question for much longer. Something exploded from just outside, shaking the whole hallway with the force. Stone and crystal cracked, and even the furniture in her own room wobbled and tilted.
Suddenly all of Shining's shyness and embarrassment seemed selfish. She yanked her helmet back on, then twisted the knob in her magic.
Locked.
Shining hesitated for a second, then twisted around and bucked with all her might. Even a large stallion would have to take several strikes against the solid steel locks and heavy doors used in the Empire.
The lock ripped right out of the door in a single kick, sending splinters and twisted metal flying through the air in all directions. The door kept swinging, banging into the wall loud enough to shake the hallway again. It ripped right off its hinges, smacking to the ground a second later.
"Oops." She lowered her legs again, blushing deep red. What the hell did that? That kind of strength could only come from an earth pony...
Suddenly it made sense. Of course only an earth pony could manage forces so incredible. But she was an Alicorn now, full of the magic of the three tribes. Not all of it would be as obvious as wings.
There was no time to stew over it. Shining burst out the doorway seconds later, surveying the situation with trained battle instincts.
The explosion hadn't actually come from the hall of royal suites, but echoed down it from further on. Even as she emerged, a pair of Crystal Guardsponies appeared at the doorway leading to the rest of the palace. Judging by the sandbags, they'd been expecting an attack from outside. They had been protecting her.
She galloped towards them, unarmed but unafraid. There was no hostility on their face, only utter shock. They also didn't look good.
Those uniforms didn't fit, their armor was dented and rusty, and their spears were mismatched. Oh buck.
"You there!" one of them yelled, though his voice didn't reach imposing so much as afraid. "You should, uh... probably not be here. They're coming." The other nodded his agreement, stopping a few paces away. His head lowered in defeat, the spear faltering in his magical grip.
These weren't just poorly equipped soldiers, then. They thought they were doomed.
But not stupid. One pointed over her shoulder, at the broken door. "Wait a minute. You were... up here. Were you the one we're guarding?"
"Yes," she answered, without even thinking. "But I'm awake now, and I want to help. Tell me what's going on. I've been unconscious for... probably a long time."
They glanced between each other, confused. Neither was terribly impressive as crystal stallions went, though even in Shining's boots they were taller than she was. Finally the older of the two answered, adjusting his helmet. Underneath was an older stallion, not much younger than Shining had been what felt like minutes ago. "We had an Alicorn princess in the tower?" he asked. "And dressed like that... are you a warrior princess?"
"I... yes." She strode past them, tail flicking anxiously from side to side. "There isn't time to explain. I need to know what has happened to my—to the Crystal Empire. Where is Princess Cadance? Flurry Heart? Canterlot wouldn't abandon us."
"They shouldn’t be this far north..." the other stallion muttered. "The Troggles. Princess Twilight baited them towards Canterlot. But apparently they were smart enough to split their forces. They broke through the city, capturing or killing anypony who got in their way."
"How did they get past the Heart?" she demanded, rounding the corner onto the central concourse. There were more barricades here, with weapons abandoned and the signs of struggle not far off. But the explosion had come from further away. "The Heart should be protecting us."
"Ponies are losing hope," said one, trotting nervously after her. “The Empire has lost a lot over the last few years. Some said this was only a matter of time."
That means the Heart is failing. The more demoralized the ponies of the Empire became, the weaker their protections became. It was how Sombra had taken the Empire, how he'd almost taken it again.
"I've never heard of a... Troggles," she muttered. "Are they new?" She wasn't far from the castle's massive central courtyard. Shining could already see the balcony railing. Once she reached it, she would have a clear view of the Heart.
How can I get them to have hope again? I'm not my sister, I don't have the Elements of Harmony. I'm not even really an Alicorn.
Granted, that last part was harder to judge. What made a real Alicorn compared to a fake one?
"We've seen them coming for a long time, but nopony thought they would be this... destructive," said one of the guards. "The Monster King is all the way down in Canterlot, so at least he can't raise new ones. but there's so many here, and little chance the army will arrive in time."
Shining wondered at what could possibly have put Equestria in such a precarious position. Trusting to the Heart as the Empire's sole defense made sense if its ponies were confident and secure. Not when they were frightened and demoralized.
She reached the balcony a second later, looking down through the glass at a desperate battle. A temporary barricade surrounded the palace, once made of sturdy crystal. It had been blasted into shards, in a gigantic ring spiraling away from the front gate.
There couldn't be more than a dozen ponies still in fighting shape down there, backing closer and closer to the Heart. The Troggles closed in from all sides. They stood on two legs, with bodies made of condensed sludge. They swung bulbus arms from one side to another, wielding massive clubs, bits of rubble, or nothing at all.
The invaders didn’t fight with any particular intelligence, they just pressed in like a mob, lashing out at anypony who moved too quickly or got out too far from the others.
"Stars above, we're dead," said one of his escorts, staring down in horror. Shining could almost feel the Heart droop a little further in the air, its light not even bright enough to see in the feeble overcast sun. "There's a thousand down there. Did the army come north instead?"
"We don't have to fight a thousand." Shining glanced over her shoulder, eyeing the guard’s feeble weapons. She thought better of stealing either one. "The Empire resisted the return of Sombra. We're not giving up now!"
Shining yanked off the metal wing-guards, smashing them forward into the balcony glass. It shattered ahead of her, and she jumped.
Shining had never used her wings before, and the drop ahead of her was at least five stories. Her stomach fell from her chest, and her hooves began to scramble under her—but there was no turning back now.
She spread her wings wide, gliding past the Heart down towards the battered barricade at the center. They weren't even protecting the castle entrance anymore, which explained the ruins inside. Only the Heart mattered now.
There must be more outside. If they break it, we could be completely overrun.
Guardsponies beneath her—reserves and retirees like the ones upstairs—looked up, pointing up at her. Let them stare.
As she fell she began to pick up speed, wind whipping past her wings. They wobbled, and the strength she needed to hold them up seemed greater and greater. But before she could drop, Shining aimed her horn down at the densest crowd.
She might not know how to fly, but war was one of things she did know.
Shining pointed her spell as close to the center of the attackers as she could, focusing with just as much energy as she had every time Equestria had been attacked. It was true that Shining had spent the last few decades slowly withering away, but that wasn't how unicorn magic worked. If anything, the oldest wizards were the strongest.
Cement shattered at the force of the impact as a bubble smashed into it, spreading outward in all directions. It struck against the Troggles one after another. But it did more than just throw them back as previous shields had done. They turned to paste, splashing thick black ichor around in all directions. The spell couldn't continue without striking the defending ponies. She killed it a few feet from the barricade, leaving a straggler or two to be picked off by crossbow or magical blast.
She landed in the center of the impact a second later, horn steaming and wings still spread wide from her desperate glide. There were still more Troggles coming, apparently too stupid to flee. So was she.
"Ponies of the Empire, to me!" she yelled, with strong new lungs. She marched forward through the slimy remains of her fallen enemy, which had become a sea of little pebbles. Something inside them that animated them, maybe? This wasn't the time to find out.
Her shout was answered from somewhere behind her, and one by one the embattled ponies poked their heads up from the barricades. While they ran, Shining searched among the fallen, lifting a spear from a dead guardspony. She held it high, charging straight into the enemy.
They crumbled before her. With every meter of ground they took, more ponies joined the fight. But the real fight was over the Heart itself. As they advanced across the city, the shield became more and more opaque, until the windswept wasteland outside vanished in a single, terrible flash.
Every remaining Troggle warrior fell then, as though their puppet-strings had been cut. Ichor oozed out in all directions, leaving only the little glowing pebbles behind.
Shining was at the center of a cheering mass of ponies, holding their makeshift weapons to the sky. She removed her helmet at last, shaking out her unruly mane. But there was no recognition from any of them.
"I must know who saved my division," said an officer, finally reaching Shining through the crowd. "With the rest of the army so far from us, I thought we were doomed. Everypony did."
The crystal stallion wasn't familiar to Shining, though that was more the rule than the exception so far. She had spent all her time with the best of the Crystal Army, not the backups and second-string reserve. They fought well once somepony gave them a reason. We could probably put their talents to use somewhere.
"We didn't think there was anyone left in the palace," someone else said. Shining looked up, recognizing one of the guards upstairs. "We were supposed to be protecting old art or something. Not an Alicorn princess."
She flushed at the label, her ears tilting backwards. But just because she hadn't come to terms with it didn't make it less true.
Shining couldn't risk saying anything that might spread through the empire and steal away the hope she had restored. There was no telling how many more Troggles were waiting outside the shield.
"Believe me, it was as much a shock to me as anypony else here. I think... I think it would be best if Princess Cadance explains it all when she gets here." Because she hasn't told me what in Tartarus is going on either.
"Of course. My name is Copperhorn. Reserve Captain Copperhorn," The officer said, his tone deferential. "Still, my fighting mares and stallions deserve to know the name of their savior. You saved our home."
My home too. "I'm..." She hesitated for just a second, eyes catching the reflection in his armor. There was her own cutie mark shining back, unchanged despite almost everything else. "Gleaming Shield," she finally said. Twilight would probably mock her for it. But a new life deserved a new name."
"All hail Gleaming Shield!" the stallion yelled, raising his spear high into the air. "Hero of the Crystal Empire!"
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Yay, new chapter!
Competently written, as per usual. Now, that said, I do have a complaint, if you'd care to listen. There's a tendency in your stories to conflate sex and gender in the narration. Pronouns are personal, and not necessarily dependent on the state of the body. Unless Shining Armor immediately started preferring she/her pronouns at the moment of realization, the choice to use those pronouns feels very icky. Are there no trans ponies in Equestria? Is there something darker happening in the background that means the separation of sex and gender is hidden knowledge? The decision for Shining to hide the past would be needless in a world where ponies are accepted who they are.
I do hope this is addressed later in the story.
Interesting
Well...hard to worry and brood on dysphoria when you're fighting for your country's existence. How long has it been?
10441641
Considering all the magic it'd make more sense for there not being any trans people because either that doesn't happen to ponies or because they have permanent and complete transformations for that.
That wouldn't work on an Alicorn due to their need to be female.
On the past thing I think it's closer to what he said at the end, a new life deserves a new name. Maybe the trans ponies take a new name more in tune with their new form? Considering how on the nose their names tend to be it'd make a lot of sense.
Or maybe they're usually already named for their gender when born and that's part or the diagnosis. Magic and pony characteristics really add too mant factors to it.
10441641
Pronouns are just words. They're not even important words, they're shortcut words to ease conversation so we don't have to repeatedly specify the thing we're referring to. Pronouns aren't part of your personal identity unless you make the choice to obsess over them. You say you're worried about conflating gender and sex? Well, I'm tired of this conflation of pronouns with identity.
Who wouldn't give something up to save his family or children?
An unexpected direction but a welcome one!
10441669
Well, sure, that all makes a lot of sense except for one thing: Shining was, prior to the transformation, apparently happy being a stallion. I could definitely see the whole new name, new life thing being a thing for trans ponies—it is for humans a lot of the time. But there's been no indication that he is actually trans. Quite the opposite, actually. If he was, I don't see what purpose hiding this information would serve.
10441678
Pronouns are a part of identity. It's true that they are not you in the same way that your hair or your nails or your teeth aren't you, but they are important. To suggest otherwise is a bit uninformed. And to make the hair comparison once more, yes, some people don't really make a big deal out of them at all, and are fine with literally any pronouns—the comparison might be to someone who shaves their head. And yet others care about them an awful lot. I'm sure you know someone who obsesses over their hair. For most, it's a kind of middle ground. They aren't irked too much when someone calls them the wrong pronouns, but they still wouldn't be comfortable being repeatedly referred to by the wrong ones.
10441641
I think people who aren't obsessed about gender switch pronouns based on the sex they're presenting as, and Shining isn't comfortable in dresses but she wasn't trying to hide that she was a girl. "I'm a girl now so I'll use 'she'" seems like a normal response.
Transgender people and some vehemently cisgender people wouldn't do that, but the first category is really rare and the second category is probably a minority. Although there was at least one 'I'd rather die than switch' in the last set of comments so obviously not *that* rare.
I suspect that the name thing is more about trying not to reveal anything until she's had a chance to compare notes with Cadance and find out what the official story is.
I wonder if Gleaming Rip Van Wrinkled a bit. Judging by the state of the army, it's a few months into some war. Though in the extreme, it could be decades or centuries. If that's the case, it should be easier for Gleaming to set up her new persona. No one should recognize Shining.
Probably the first clue of some time skip.
That makes me wonder if Twilight alicorned her friends. They're already female so it should be easier.
Not just the front end I'm assuming.
War will do that.
You'd think if worse comes to worse, the guards wouldn't sacrifice their lives to protect art and simply fall back. Cadance should have stated Gleaming's importance more clearly.
10441706
A placeholder word is not remotely comparable to a physical characteristic. It's comparable to the serial code on the ticket you used to enter the movie theater. It's not even a single entity; it's a new, individual use of the word each time it comes up. It means nothing outside of the context of "I'd use your name, but that would be more syllables". Yes, a good number of people are irked by the "wrong" pronoun... but that doesn't make it actually important to identity. People are irked by unimportant things all the time.
But let's run with the hair metaphor for a moment. Imagine this story mentioned that Shining's hair had changed color, but it was just in passing and he kind of shrugged and went "eh". In this metaphor, you're the person who comes in and says you're bothered that Shining didn't care enough about her hair changing color. Now doesn't that sound ridiculous?
10441710
You may be more fluid than most. I can relate. Unfortunately, our experiences are not universal. I know it may seem shocking to you, because it was to me, but cis people don't really change their pronouns based on mood/appetite/phase of the moon. A cis man may imagine being a woman for a day (or so I have been told), but he will still feel like a man—just, a man wearing a woman costume.
And onward rolls the engines of war.
10441731
Now, hang on there. Some people who are particularly attached to their hair would care quite a bit if it changed color. That would be those who are particularly attached to their gender/pronouns. But a more apt comparison would be if his hair suddenly grew down to his ankles and he couldn't cut it. Wouldn't you be upset if that happened to you?
10441750
I love the part where you ignored that I pointed out the comparison doesn't work in the first place, effectively skipping over most of my comment. But let's examine your alternative metaphor a bit, because it reveals something rather amusing:
Wherein you specify that the gender and the hair are the things being matched in the metaphor.
Wherein you propose that the situation comparable to the issue you have with Shining's depiction here is one wherein he experiences a physical change that she cannot reverse. The physical change that cannot be reversed in the story is Shining's sex, not his gender (by your own arguments, her gender doesn't change just because his sex does).
So on the one hand, the hair is metaphor for gender/pronouns... and on the other, the hair is metaphor for sex. Hence, it turns out that you are the one conflating sex and gender.
Edit: To address your actual question, no, I would not be upset if my hair suddenly got really long... and I would resent the people who insisted that I should be upset about it, of which you are representative in this metaphor.
Edit 2: The previous edit gave me a bit of clarity on how to put this simply: You are free to feel pronouns are personally important to you. The problem is you insisting that everyone else agree. You are free to personally be attached to your hair. The problem is putting those personal feelings of hair on others.
10441697
Oh I'm not saying he was, just that it could be the custom for names to be adapted to your current sex. He most certainly wasn't trans, agree wholeheartedly.
10441760
I skipped the first part of your argument because it didn't make much sense to me and I didn't want to waste time arguing against a point you didn't make. I'm afraid you lost me with the ticket comparison, and I didn't want to assume you were actually comparing pronouns to tickets, as that would be completely ridiculous. It's much easier to ask you to rephrase it.
Think of sexual characteristics, again, like the hair comparison. Metaphors are mutable, you see. Anyway, sexual characteristics are not pronouns. It's just that you might feel more comfortable if those characteristics match your self-image. They're different things. Making your entire argument a 'no u' isn't very helpful, since you're twisting my words to do it. I initially assumed your goal was to reach mutual understanding, but I can see now that isn't the case. I'm using the same metaphor for two different things, yes, but I am not conflating the things themselves. You have confused the map for the territory.
Anyway, maybe you wouldn't be frazzled if your hair grew to your ankles and you couldn't cut it. That's perfectly fine. But that's not everyone's stance, and I hesitate to speak as if you've claimed your experience would be universal when it is so very clearly not the case.
10441785
Mutual understanding clearly isn't possible, here. That would require basic things like agreeing on how metaphors work.
10441796
And now it is you who have ignored the vast majority of my comment in exchange for insulting my poor metaphor. Oh, how the tables have turned! If the situation was not clear from the context, you need merely have said so.
10441802
I didn't "insult" your metaphor for being poor, I pointed out that it's fundamentally flawed and in fact exposes a hole in your position. As I said in my previous comment, it's clear that understanding can't be had. It can't be had when someone doesn't understand that flawed arguments can't be used to defend a position, and it can't be had when someone doesn't understand that a criticism of a flawed argument isn't an insult.
Edit: Also...
Hypocrisy is the thing I hate second-most in this world.
They always forget about the earth pony part...
Fascinating setup, though there are a lot of questions around Shining's missing time. What happened to him*? What happened to the world? Once the Empire's survival is assured, there will need to be quite a bit of catch-up.
* I have zero investment in the pronoun discourse. I flipped a coin for this one.
10441805
Very well, it seems you didn't catch it the last time I said it. I'll restate. You did not actually point out how it's flawed, or any holes in it. You just said it is somewhere amidst some odd ticket comparison. And then you pretend that I think your criticism of my metaphor is an insult to me, when I said nothing of the sort. Let's try to get back on track, shall we? Please state, in plain English, the flaw in my own comparison.
10441810
And that's the one thing I hate more than hypocrisy: Dishonesty. Feel free to have the last word, there's no point in continuing this.
10441811
Please point out the lie? I'm genuinely curious. Or ... did you just not read what you quoted, and you think that's the lie? My dear, you insulted my metaphor. I never said you insulted me, and the quoted text says as much.
10441738
Cis people who don't care that much would change their pronouns if they were 'playing' as a woman, even if they didn't really feel like one.
Sorry, that was hypothetical and it shouldn't be because I've observed it directly. A lot.
10441826
I imagine that the individuals you witnessed were willing though. If they were not, please feel free to disregard everything I'm about to say. In the story we have here, Shining seems to view the gender flip as a drawback. And it is a seemingly permanent one. In this scenario, would the individuals you observed still use she/her pronouns?
I'll admit, I was hesitant about this with the first chapter, but the second has me hooked. I'm loving the new warrior princess!
10441830
To be fair it doesn't make much sense for him to be using pronouns in his mind when thinking about himself at all. I mean, we don't think about ourselves as "he/she did that", we go "I did that". It becomes an artifact of the third person narration - Trixie nonwithstanding.
This is not to enter on the discussion of what pronouns he'd prefer, only on the part that he wouldn't be using them in his thoughts.
Severe weather update! With your weather host me, Fancy Fox!
Well [your name here] it looks like it’s gonna be another shitstorm here in the comments section under this wonderful chapter. We’re looking at magnitude 2 shitstorm with some (but not all!) comments not appreciating the chapters and instead focusing on “correcting” each other. We do have some good news though! Here at the V.U.L.P.E. weather station it is our hope that with the continuation of this story people will eventually get tired of these discussions and soon we’ll have bright sunny days with comments speaking about the latest chapter and with some luck giving it some praise!
(TL;DR The comments section is still a little heated... I wanted to have some fun with this comment and the chapter was great!)
Well, seems like Harmony put the newest alicorn on hold until the time they were truly needed...
At least this time there's a little more back-and-forth in the narration, pronouns-wise, after the character has acknowledged the full extent of the physical changes – that's a tad more believable than for other stories of the genre, even if the rationale behind the switch is itself still, uh, let's say 'disputable'.
A small (sadly expected) snag from my point of view, and I hope some aspects will still be addressed down the line, but that shouldn't detract too much from enjoying the rest of the story, especially if it's a return to the My Little Apprentice continuity!
10441913
THANK YOU.
So I tried giving the second chapter a go, just to see how you would handle things. This comment here really sums up my thoughts 10441697. You have Shining Armor, a male character, go through a transformation of sex. Okay, that's a fine conflict to have in your story, aside from the bad moral implications I mentioned in my previous comment.
But instead of handling it in any way that answered the questions of readers, built up some foreshadowing, or handled this idea with some skill... you did the exact opposite. You went with a very simple solution, and one that does not make any sense. Shining Armor immediately picks a new name and defaults to female pronouns. Why? Is Shining actually female? Why wasn't this ever established before? Why was there no hint of this? What kind of brain-altering thing happened to him that apparently changed his gender? You're peeling back the questions in the worst way by answering none of them and giving the reader the worst possible new ones to have. It would be one thing to have ponies 'mistake' Shining for a girl now because pronouns (in English) are used to identify subjects (and often classify their gender) but instead you just have... Shining Armor switch for no reason. Shining Armor is effectively an all new character via a metaphorical coin flip, one that is presented without thought or effort.
I understand maybe you would want this to be discussed in future chapters, but why make the first two chapters come across as having poor internal consistency and just being... barren? Barren of even breadcrumbs of the (potential) meat of the story? Why is this suddenly reading like you wanted to switch to very standard action for the heck of it?
I understand if this was a commission, but as a writer, I find it hard to imagine wanting these flaws in your story. That is, unless this is specifically what the commissioner asked for. Would you have at least been able to hint at this in the author's notes? Anything? That's what they're there for.
And no, just because I don't like this story doesn't mean I find it at the level where I'd downvote it. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt due to your apparently large catalogue of writing and clear ability to give solid prose. Plus, I haven't seen the ol' word of author in the form of a reply yet.
10441641
I've explained this before in the comments, but considering there are other people who might read it, I'll hit up the pronoun topic once more for their benefit. The use of pronouns in this story is not some oversight or accident, but is an entirely deliberate choice, just as it has been in everything else I've ever written.
When someone commissions a story like this, more often than not they're asking for something light-years removed from the latest conclusions of trans philosophy and scholarship about gender identity. The people who ask for this stuff typically fall into one of two camps--either the ones who want a cute role-reversal story (like this one), or people who see sex transformation as a sexual fetish (who am I to judge). For both of these groups, having the change be "complete" includes identity as well, either explicit or implicit depending on the group. Either way, to delve into the subject would make this story worse for the ones who asked for it. I believe tumblr calls this kind of transformation a cis-swap? Either way, it's ignoring the issues of identity completely to focus on the cute thing they asked for with a limited word-count.
Someone who wants to see a sincere exploration of gender and personal identity should look elsewhere. I would suggest FiO: Homebrew for that topic. It's the only time I've ever really had the time to explore that subject the way I'd like.
Really enjoying this story so far, looking forward to seeing how big a time skip it was, I get the horrible feeling that that "Rarity original" is a Heirloom dress
I like this story so far.
Looking foward to more!
How is juggling multiple stories going for you though? You currently have Fine Print, Child Of Mine, probably a few more, and now this story receiving updates.
10441926
I agree with many of the points you've made. My only qualm is with the idea that a story concept that is inherently cruel is thereby inherently bad. Forcing Shining into a body that he doesn't identify with in order to be with his loved ones is cruel, but is nonetheless, a thought-provoking topic that would have many of us considering what we'd do in the same situation. It can be uncomfortable, and I can understand people not liking a story that delves into such subjects, but I also consider such things a point of preference rather than an objective flaw. I personally find merit in stories that treat characters unfairly, because life itself isn't fair and never will be. And while it's not exactly uplifting to be reminded of that, I think it can lend itself to some powerful story moments.
Maybe that's just me, though. I'm into some dark shet.
Also, now that I check, I recognize your name from a particular group I used to admin for. Small world. 
10441913
You, as a trans man, grew up with a situation that made you suffer and marked you profoundly during your formative years. Being able to be who you were born to be was a conquest, something to be fought for, a challenge to face and surpass to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Your gender and the conflict it had with your body is a fundamental part of your personality and identity, and I've never heard of a single transgender person whose this is not the case.
Ironically this seems to make you fundamentally unable to look at it from the point of view of someone who didn't have that conflict, who built their identity and personality with a much lesser focus on their gender, to whom it won't matter because it never truly did.
This is not to say disphoria doesn't matter, on the contraire it matters a LOT, but in this case it goes in the entirely opposite direction. It presents an experience the complete opposite of what happened to the character with opposite motivations too. How would someone who suffered and battled to achieve what most take for granted be able to look at it as something that can be exchanged, something that can be sacrificed, something that is not crucial for their identity? Shining can be all that he was as a mare, what did he truly lose? Try to imagine what would change if "being a man" never truly mattered to you, and then it might be possible to imagine how it wouldn't be nearly enough of a Nightmare scenario for a lot if not most people.
I can perfectly understand why it'd be for you though, please don't misunderstand my argument as devaluing the trans struggle, for this is not about a trans character.
That being said you did misunderstand the post about the father/husband/brother sacrificing themselves. It's not about being asked to do it to keep the relationship as an abuse, it's about having the choice to do something that'd alleviate suffering or doing nothing and inflicting it. It's about self initiative, taking a choice because you know that getting to live besides your daughter, wife and sister for a couple millennia is worth more than two or three decades of decaying with a body that betrays and tortures you every step of the process.
The sacrifice here is biological sex, yes, but just as you said there's more to being a man that your body, so if that was a part of his identity that he'd die before losing he wouldn't have accepted in the first place - so if this story is to be anything but existential terror he fundamentally has to value that less than any transgender person.
In the end though Starscribe just said this is a commission whose commissioner asked for mental transformation, so all those are moot though.
10442136
Half to agree with this here. Males can't become alicorns because why exactly? Just because the plot said so? It just seems like a virtue signal that males can't, "just because," or that there is something wrong with them.
This is the best description I've ever heard for wherever that place is.
10442093
Outside of the comment sections of my own stories (usually those with trans characters) and a few blogs, it's not something that comes up a lot. If you have a discord and we've ever been in a server together, you might have seen it mentioned or even been in a group call where I'm in the background you might have heard that my voice range can come across as a little odd. Most people don't really seem to notice. Plus, as a dude I kinda blend in with the general demographic of the site.
10442136
I think the idea could be interesting too, but that the internal inconsistencies make it cruel. Remember that in this story that alicorns are female. What about them being female is not specified, just like the 'why' isn't specified. Considering the story explicitly focuses on a character undergoing a magic, T-rated sex change it means that some part of Shining Armor (male in gender, male in sex) is becoming female. According to what is presented in-story (which is all that I'm able to judge) there is something about the alicorns that has to be female. That means that if Shining Armor is a trans stallion, he wouldn't be able to transition (and thus enter a healthy state). That, as a concept, is cruel. Not in the sense that life is unfair, but I think it comes across as pointlessly cruel to the characters. It would put Shining in a position of suffering almost for the sake of it.
10442156
I once again feel that you are misunderstanding my point. This isn't about Shining Armor being less valuable as a mare, it's that because Shining Armor is in no way a mare, this kind of situation is one where it would force a disorder upon the character. It's an inversion of being transgender, and it would inherently lead to getting gender dysphoria, which is something that isn't a choice and doesn't change depending on if you focus on it or not. Someone who doesn't have that conflict is cisgender, which is how Shining Armor is introduced to the reader in the first chapter. The fact that this isn't acknowledged feels like a way to rob Shining Armor of his identity because this is a spell where there's two possible results a) change only the sex, and give a previously cisgender pony gender dysphoria (but they're an alicorn too) or b) change both the gender and sex (while making them an alicorn) and realize that would raise questions about brain-altering, since that's what a gender change is.
10441941
Well, thank you, author, for clearing this up. If this is a commissioned story, I can understand that they would have a more escapist reason behind commissioning this and obviously not considering that there are concrete biological things being involved (sex and gender). If this story is indeed a "cis-swap" as you said it's called, where the gender is changed too, would there have been a way to work that in? As the story stands now, there isn't anything that actually indicates this is what happens. It doesn't feel implicitly woven into the story, much like you wouldn't call something indirect characterization if it never actually appeared in the story at all, as that's not indirect it's simply non-existent.
Since this is a commissioned story, I understand that this is limited. But it's also something shared with other readers and polished for the public. Would there not have been a way to even have a throwaway line of dialogue at some point about this changing both gender and sex? Or that this situation is a wholly happy one instead of a dysphoric nightmare to be? Right now, it's essentially a perfect rendition of the latter, and then it just shrugs itself off in the second chapter with "Oh, she's Gleaming Shield now". I don't mean to tell you that it's bad that you want to write stories about this or be paid to write this, because that's not the case. I think that it has just become really clear in the comments that you have many confused readers and that the set-up for this situation was ineffective and could use improvement. Especially if you're doing a (lightly) serious story about positivity and major life changes.
I check the comments section again and lo'and behold - it seems people can't just enjoy a story. Instead they have to analyze it down to the last word and have raging discussions in the comment section. Starscribe made a comment regarding all of this already - but somehow this continues to go on? He's writing it according to what the commissioner wanted. He does not have to make changes to appease a portion of the population. If you don't like the story, don't read it. I could understand writing some criticism on every chapter, but by god... a whole debate? Can people not just read a story, say "I enjoyed it" and continue about their day? Does everything have to turn into a lengthy discussion on the merits of this or that or some person not being pleased because it didn't cater to their sensibilities? Some stories aren't out to fit perfectly together like a puzzle box. Not everything has to make sense 100% of the time. If the commissioner wanted Shining to become female "because reasons" or because some eldritch god decided it be so with no other explanation, that would be perfectly acceptable if that's what they wanted. If that offends you because of your personal life experiences, that's unfortunate. But a story is allowed to be an escape from reality rather than trying to emulate it. It's a damn story, people should be allowed to enjoy it.
Just because you don't like the story doesn't mean there is anything damn wrong with it. I've seen writers be tanked and stop writing because of torrents of criticism before, most of it unwarranted aside from the fact that the readers perceived some problem with it due to their experiences. Most of the people reading this story seem to like it and think it's just fine. The like/dislike ratio says enough. The fact it's not even finished yet and people are trying to find things wrong with it when their "issues" might be talked about in the next fucking chapter baffles me.
And clearly some people here want changes made despite dressing it up as mere criticism. It's not subtle.
Looks like they failed to cheat around that part of becoming an alicorn. Had to wait untill the chance presented itself.
Untold amount of time has passed since advanced magitech labs existed, and they still fight with spears, SMH.
I feel nothing but pity for this comment section, but besides that I love the story so far and I’m excited for more
10442368
My argument is that you're fixating on gender being so crucial to one's identity that having your sex change would invariably cause such discomfort as to become a disorder, that no one could ever suffer it to change after maturity and not develop the same way as one who was born with it. The identity already being established and solid before the rising of the change would make it fundamentally different and the impact would be dependant on how much gender matters to the person. People can be cis but having a sense of self that relies very little on their apparent sex, and those would be able to adapt with a much, much higher chance than those whose identity is heavily based on their body matching their perceived view of their gender.
A bodly change from old stallion to eternally young mare by itself could very well not be nearly as traumatic as being born in a body that you don't recognize as yours and see it change in an undesirable form while you haven't nearly matured yet to see this as anything but terrifying. They are situations so different from one another that they're similar only on the base concept for the ones subject to it are worlds apart.*
*Caveat - if there are people subject to such changes in our world, for example adult people that had to change sex due to accidents and reconstructive technology limitations, and they're shown to present disphoria more often than not in a statistically significant way then I'll have to reconsider my point.
The changing of the mind with the body though it's indeed a violation of self and is what happened. Willingness to accept such a change or not is an entirely separate subject that'd weight much more on the value of immortality and alleviating the suffering of loved ones (due to their otherwise death), since the changed person wouldn't care about their changed gender by definition, they continuing to be cisgender after the fact.
In the end it becomes a matter of "is someone with an established identity and sense of self as likely to become disphoric as someone born in such situation?" and I don't think we can agree on an answer to that.
10442410
Sounds like technological collapse to me! Either that or magic turns portable firearms-equivalent useless due to energy limitations, so enchanted spears > guns.
I could be wrong though, maybe it's something else? Curious to see what it'll be!