Just your average Sunset Shimmer stan
Princess Cadance wakes up with no memory of who she is, due to an experiment conducted on her by Queen Chrysalis. Shining and Twilight must guide her into rediscovering who she is. Will they succeed before Chrysalis and the Changelings take over the Crystal Empire?
Cover art by Decoy the Skeletal Boy:
Decoy The Skeletal Boy
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Chrysalis is definitely gonna be murdered after this!
11852561
It does really suck for Shining.
But my main concern is what was your first clue of Celestia not being a full-on good person?
Interesting.
Just the right amount of drama. Not so little that it makes the problems the characters are facing to seem trivial, not too much to come off as overly melodramatic. Looking forward to reading the rest of this!
Seems like either this is Thorax with a memory wipe and their changeling-detection spell is crap, or there's some weird Mithrarin-esque situation with Cadance and Thorax going on.
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I can confirm that Thorax and Cadance (memory loss and all) are not the same character.
Was the perspective switch too jarring? It's intended to be a blurb teasing another part of the story yet unseen.
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I'm fresh off the heels of By the Moon, so I assumed that was a flashback, especially after Cadance all but said the same line to Twilight.
Had a few issues with homophones in this chapter. Kinda surprised me a bit.
Your
Ream
Pretty sure you mean "coiffed" here, since "quaffed" is related to drinking something.
Bizarre
And don't worry Flash and Twilight, the story's only rated Teen, so we definitely won't see what happens in Canterlot.
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All of these slipped by me and my editor, which is embarrassing
Thank you
Yay, more horse words! Also Pell better be ready to hold a blow-dryer for about an hour.
I have to give praise to this chapter!
The scene from the arrival of the village to the moment of their encounter with Rain Flower truly felt like something out of a horror novel, without being too macabre, thanks in large part to the well-placed moments of humor.
And the scene of Rain Flower's suffering for her husband, I will admit that it played with my emotions to the point of wishing for an immediate solution, just to give that broken mare a happy ending.
I am convinced now more than ever that Pell is a changeling, if not Chrysalis herself.
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Thank you! I'm glad the horror aspect came across. It's for sure a big tone shift in the story, glad to hear it worked.
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Interesting theory
I don't feel like there was a tone shift I would call 'jarring' thus far. Not in this chapter, nor in any of the previous ones.
The writer's job is to present the tone of a scene in such a way that the reader grasps it intuitively, and as far as that goes, I think you're doing it great.
There are other aspects that I would like to question, but most of them can be swept under the 'AU' label, which is a wonderful tool that provides the flexibility to tell quite interesting stories, but, and if it's not knowledge you should keep hidden up your sleeve for now, does the concept of the 'Hive Mind' exist in this story?
Normally it's spelled "sister-in-law", but it looks fine here, just formal intonation. English is weird.
It seems there was a mistake with the cut and paste here.
Missing a space after the period.
I was a puppet held by a string.
I like that even though Thorax has more backbone here it is not at the expense of his soft spirit. On the other hand, here Pharynx is kind of an idiot, showing himself to be a brute without an ounce of military intelligence, unfit to be in any position of command or rulership.
This line and what follows it hits hard. It reminds me of the original speech they wrote for her.Was that speech something the OG Cadence of this story would be happy to say?
If yes, then she is (or was) what she is describing about herself:
A pretty puppet that is meant to Just nod and smile as Shining and others made all the real decisions, without a voice, nor authority.
If not, then her feelings about how others have no respect for her are correct.
IMHO, whatever the case, this new Cadence needs to get the hell out of there. Shining may love her, but she is not being respected, and love without respect is possessiveness.
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Thank you for pointing those out. A paragraph got chopped up and split apart between two pieces of dialogue. I'm so sorry, that section was unreadable and made no sense. Something in the transfer from my google doc to the site messed up. It is fixed now if you want to see how it was supposed to read.
"I was a puppet on a string held by a puppet on a string." That line is supposed to be that way. She's saying she is a puppet on a string controlled by Shining who is Celestia's puppet on a string.
****
I'm glad Thorax's character is coming across well. Cadance is for sure in an awkward spot. Something will for sure need to change, but what will that something be?
Don't know how I feel about reading this story. I'll bookmark it for now and come back later
And here I was, hoping that this chapter would be one of those relaxation points where everything turns out well, but deep down I knew that something had to happen in the end. Now I am looking forward to the outcome of this festival.
There is one extra 'l' in this part.
I take it you want another one?
The 'from' is repeated.
Teoria loca mia, esta no es cadance, chrysalis trato de transferir parte de su conciencia al cuerpo de cadence para en lugar de simplemente cambiar de lugar con ella, la chrysalis original pueda hacer una guerra en publico y nadie sospechara de que alguien fue suplantado por ella, y la conciencia de cadence estaba contenida en el orbe que twilight dijo que destruyo, impidiendo que chrysalis pudiera transferir su conciencia , pero a su vez destruyendo la conciencia de cadence.
Sip esta super fumado loque acabo de escribir.
Those jerks stole their light. Can't have s
t in the Crystal Empire.
How many chapters do you expect to make up this story?
I don't think my mind can handle more of this.
It's so hard for cadence and shining.
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The book is completely written already. It's 22 chapters depending on how I divide up the ending.
Don’t worry. I won't leave the characters wallowing in misery. Cadance, Shining, and the reader will get a chance to breathe shortly.
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Lmao outplayed
Oh, I love this interpretation of Chrysalis! Both, but mostly her villainous side. I think it's mostly because of how fresh she feels compared to her other interpretations of her where she 'won' the battle.
I would also like to point out that, regardless of what she showed us here of her, in this chapter we didn't really see her. We saw her talk, we saw her boast, we saw her do many things with her voice; but physically speaking, we did not saw her.
And I do wonder if it has something to do with this little line:
I imagine that if the characters were human, and if we could, in this chapter we would see a Chrysalis in a wheelchair.
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Palpatin Chrysalis
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UNLIMITED LOVE POWER
Espero que signifique esperanza.
Holy fuck this story is good. I stayed up until 5 AM reading and I have zero regrets. More, please!
A chapter starring Shining Armor? Unexpected but not unwelcome. I like Jadiz as a character.
good soup
>Jadiz
Management called to remind you that all minerals collected during missions are considered company property and are not to be taken to other worlds or dimensions, equine or otherwise.
Also I'm certain the crystal ponies would go all-out for Shining and Flash's lesbian wedding.
11888109
Stop it! Stop it! Get back to work!
lmao I'm glad someone knows where his name came from. I ran out of gemstones that weren't already in Steven Universe, so I borrowed someone else's fake stone.
D'awwwwwww.