//------------------------------//
// Chapter 15 
// Story: A Heart of Crystal and Glass 
// by Mani-Roar 
//------------------------------//

“Mother! Mother…” I cried as I ran to her chamber. I glanced behind me to make sure he wasn’t following me. My ribs and flank throbbed with pain from where he struck me.

“Thorax?”

Mother’s kind voice asked as I rushed to her side. She had the largest personal space in the whole hive. Most of us shared a space not even a quarter of this size. Her sleeping pod was enormous. Four, maybe five of my brothers and sisters could fit in there.

“Mother, please make him stop. He won’t stop hitting me.”

I crawled over to where she was sitting and laid my head in her lap. She felt so warm and soft, I could have fallen asleep right there.

“Oh my poor Thorax. Didn’t I tell you to stand up to him? If you want him to respect you, you have to show him your courage.”

“I did, mother. He came up behind me and hit me in the leg. I turned around and told him he had to stop. That I wasn’t going to put up with him anymore. Just like you told me to, Mother. But he just got angrier and kept hitting me over and over. Everyone was staring at us, but no one would help me…”

I broke down crying. I felt my tears run into her lap. 

“It’s ok, it’s ok.”

Mother’s soothing voice said as she rubbed my back.

“Pharynx!”

Her voice turned so harsh, it scared me.

“I know you’re out there listening. Come in here right now.”

Pharynx rounded the corner into Mother’s chamber. He was probably hiding in one of the crawl tunnels that connected the hive chambers. There were so many twists and turns that I sometimes got lost.

“Tattle tale.”

Pharynx sneered at me.

“Pharynx, what have I told you about hitting your brother?”

“But he’s so weak! He’ll never be a hive leader. He probably still wets his pod.”

“I do not!” I argued back. I hadn’t done that in months. 

“Remind me, Pharynx, who decides who gets a leadership role in this hive?”

Pharynx stood silent, not answering her question.

“Is it you?”

She asked.

“No Mother.”

He said quiet enough that the hive walls nearly swallowed his words. 

“Then who decides these things?”

She demanded

“You do, Mother.”

“That’s right. Now leave us. But don’t go too far. I will deal with you in a moment.”

Pharynx growled as he left Mother’s chamber. 

“I’m sorry I’m so weak, Mother. I don’t know how to be strong.”

She sat silently for a long time as I was nervously anticipating what she might say.

“Thorax, do you know why you’re so cautious and timid?”

She asked, but I wasn’t sure what she meant.

“Because I’m a coward?”

“You’re not a coward. Pharynx is brave because he’s so single mindedly focused on what’s in front of him. He sees what must be done and acts immediately. But you…”

She picked me up and sat me on her lap instead of laying down. I looked up at her dark green eyes and long jagged horn.

“You think much farther into the future. You see the many paths ahead, not just the one. And all those paths lead to unknowns and uncertainty. And that uncertainty leads to fear. Justified fear. One day you will conquer that fear, and master the view of all those paths in front of you. Once you master your fear, all of that uncertainty will turn to wisdom. And that will be your contribution as a leader. Pharynx will conquer the path ahead, but it is you who must find the right path.”

“Ok Mother…” I said, not fully understanding. Wisdom sounded like it would be nice. I wished I had it sooner. 

“I know it’s hard to understand now, but you will someday. For now, be patient with Pharynx. He loves you very much, he just doesn’t know how to express it.”

“If you say so, Mother.”

“I do say so. Now go run along. I’ll take care of Pharynx.”



****



I galloped off towards the castle. At least I'm pretty sure I was heading to the castle. I knew what the general direction was, but I was stuck bumbling around in the dark to get there.

The attack began in earnest as I reached the main road leading up to the Crystal Castle. I heard the screams of Crystal Ponies running frantically through the streets. I heard the slashing and hissing of Changelings finding their targets. Could they see in the darkness? Was Chrysalis so terrifyingly powerful that she could cast darkness, yet shield her children from its blindness? 

Ponies ran into each other, crying, holding one another. I’d hear a slash and a scream, then silence from where there was just pain. I heard begging and pleading. 

“No please! I love her!” Someone cried out as the intrusive sound of love draining magic cursed my ears. It was the first time I had heard it in person, but I knew it couldn’t be anything else. A viscous sucking sound, like the hum of a hideous fluid machine back flowing. It was wrong. I heard cries turn into faint moans, and then passive silent acceptance. I heard curses from survivors, flailing wildly at an enemy they couldn’t see. I heard the Changelings laughing. Gorging themselves and going back for more. Reveling in the misery and defeat of the Crystal Empire. Our fine fortress city was falling without even a fight. We were submitted and beaten before given a chance to throw a single blow. I wanted to help them. I wanted to fight back. But I had to keep moving. The Crystal Heart was our only hope. Why did it fail us? Was it because of me? I was supposed to be its steward, its protector, and keeper. I didn’t know anything about it. I just let it run on autopilot and took the credit. Now my kingdom was paying the price for my complacency. 

I shrieked in pain as a gash ripped open on the left side of my flank. A Changeling had targeted me, and sunk its jagged hoof right into my cutie mark. A warm fluid dripped down my leg, as I turned in vain to find my attacker. I could hear him laughing out of my striking distance. I could shoot magic, but couldn’t hope to aim it. This Changeling wasn’t out for food, but blood. 

“I dare you to do that again!” I shouted. My knees bent, and my horn activated, ready for a fight. He laughed from above me as I heard him swoop into a dive. I gritted my teeth and braced for impact. As soon as his claws touched me, I acted before the pain could set it. In past battles, when I casted an attack spell, I held back some of my power. Afraid of what I might be capable of. What Cadence’s magic was. I didn’t want to kill or hurt anyone. No matter how vile or evil they seemed. 

I made no such reservation this time. I cried out and blasted all of the magical force I could summon into the Changeling who clung to my flank. I heard no scream in reply. Felt no counter attack. I can’t say for sure if I vaporized him into oblivion, but he seemed to be gone. I could no longer feel his essence. 

I clawed my way toward the castle, praying that my bearing was correct. Hoping that whatever magic tied me to the Crystal Heart would help guide me towards it. I tried to cling to the walls of the Crystal buildings, but my hooves would slip off of their sleek and smooth texture. I wasn’t sure how bad I was bleeding. The pain on both of my hindquarters shifted from sharp to dull pain, depending on where I put my weight as I walked. I was slightly thankful for the darkness. If I couldn’t see my wounds, my mind couldn’t dwell on how bad they might be.

I breathed a sigh of relief as my hooves found the Crystal Palace. I felt my way up the staircase to the main lobby. Once there I knew from recent memory where to find the long winding spiral staircase that led to the Crystal Heart. All of the other staircases had stops for each floor of the palace, but this one was special. It winded up like a corkscrew until it reached the chamber at the top holding the Crystal Heart. I had only climbed this staircase once, and beheld its single destination. The heart floated at the top of the spire in an open air chamber. It hovered on the power of its own magic with its simple jagged design and translucent turquoise glow. The warmth that emanated off of it was like sitting in the living room of the home you grew up in. If the comfort of family and friends could be artificially manufactured, it would look and feel like the Crystal Heart. Except it wasn’t artificial. All of that love energy was freely given and collected from the citizens of the empire. 

As I reached the first step of the long and winding staircase, my back legs collapsed. I sat in a heap on the ground, and cried out in intense pain. I felt the cuts on the sides of my hindquarters with my hooves. The gashes were worse than I thought. I tried to stand up, but my body failed me. 

Stupid Princess!

I should have done something sooner. Now, I’d lost too much blood. I was too weak to continue on. I had no training in healing magic. At least, no one had told me I did. I could try to patch myself up with magic, but I might just make it worse. An unskilled mage could cause improper clotting leading to an infection, or worse, blood poisoning. Add to it that I couldn’t see, and the idea was basically self sabotage. I gritted my teeth and flared my wings, only to have a sharp pain cinch my spine as my wings fell lifeless to drag on the floor. The Changeling hadn’t only targeted my legs, but my wings. I hadn’t thought to protect them - which was flying 101. I rubbed my face with my hoof, embarrassed and trying to think of some way to salvage my failure. My hoof ran through my mane as I felt the silky ribbons that had been braided in my hair during the festival. I wasted no time ripping them out of my mane and tail, ignoring the pain as it pulled on my scalp. It was nothing compared to what my open wounds felt like. I wrapped the ribbons around my left thigh, looping it around my back and underneath again. That side was hit harder so I gave it most of the ribbon. I had no time to wash or disinfect the wound. I would have to save that for later. Right now, I just needed something to bandage me up so I could carry on. As I tied off the mismash of ribbons, I was glad that I couldn’t see for the moment. I must have looked like a ridiculous Hearth's Warming Eve present. Or maybe something out of a horror movie with the mess that must have stained my back legs and wings. 

Standing up was still difficult, flying impossible, but I managed to get onto my hind knees. I pulled myself upwards with my front hooves, doing my best to crawl my way up the winding staircase. The air was dead in the insulated stair chamber, and the sounds of the attack outside were far away from me. The silence was disturbing, intrusive almost. I knew that many were out there suffering greater than I was. Even though it hurt me, I felt I needed to hear their cries. I was cut off from them, just as I was cut off from my memories. 

The crawling was agonizing, but I managed to find a rhythm. I wiggled my way up one step at a time. The tightness of my makeshift ribbon bandage tugged against my fur, feathers, and skin, chafing with each rotation of my hip. I could loosen it, although it may not do its job if I did. 

I lost track of how much time had passed. I started hearing the wind whipping through the open Chamber at the top. I was getting close. I couldn’t feel anything from the Crystal Heart. It should have been reverberating in my essence at this proximity, yet it was silent. Soon, the sounds of the battle returned to my ears. They were faded and far away. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy that there were still ponies to scream. Would it be better if the Changelings just got it over with? Drain every last pony quickly so that the nightmare could end. Everyone drained would eventually heal, but would the trauma last a lifetime? I knew I’d reached the last quarter turn of the stairs as I felt the cold rush of wind hit my face. Even in the summer heat, the wind chill from up here could send a shiver down your spine. 

I reached out my hoof for my next step, and felt the texture of the floor change. I had reached the top. I sprawled out on my back, my wings pretty much numb, feeling my heart beat furiously. I took in short, but deep breaths. Trying to inhale as much air as possible, yet limited by exhaustion. It felt like I had just run a marathon. As far as I was concerned I had. Frickin stairs. Just as I was rolling over to get back on my hooves, I heard a sinister voice.

“There you are, Princess. It’s about time you got here.” Her voice had a sickeningly sweet quality, like a slime cake in an infected bog. She clicked her tongue in three, short mocking ‘tsks.’ “Oh no, is something wrong with your pretty wings?”

“Chrysalis!” I forced myself to stand. The pain was shoved to the back of my mind, as my body fueled itself on hatred alone. 

“Oh ho ho!” Her amused laugh sent a creeping shiver down my spine. “How can you be so sure? It’s rather dark out tonight.”

“I know it’s you.”

“Right.” She held out her single word, relishing the sarcasm as she mocked me.

“Why are you doing this?” I stood alone out of breath, as her voice filled the entire open chamber. 

“You know the nature of Changelings. It can’t be helped. They must feed.”

“It’s more than that, and you know it.” I craned my head around in several directions, as if that would help me see in the magical darkness. Her curse. “You’re making it personal. You’re enjoying this. What did we ever do to you?”

“You dare lecture me on anything? You senseless twit. That is rich coming from the Princess who can’t even remember who she is.  ”

I tried not to be phased by her knowledge of my memory loss. I opted for peace. “Maybe it doesn’t have to be this way. Maybe we don’t have to fight.”

“You can’t be that naive.” I could hear the condescending eyebrow raise in her voice. Did she have eyebrows? “Did your memory loss remove your brain as well?”

I hated Chrysalis. Every bone, hair, and feather in my body cringed in disgust of her presence. Even if she was unredeemable, did that mean the Changelings were evil? Or were they just hungry? Thorax had a good heart. I couldn’t sense any darkness or deception in him when we met. If one of them could be good, then there must be hope for all of them. It wasn’t their fault that they were cursed. Cast out by every race and nation. Feared and shunned for being wrong and wicked. How could anyone avoid turning evil under such damnation?

“I’ve heard the legends. The stories were passed down for millennia. The Changelings and Crystal Ponies used to be friends. Why do we have to fight each other?” 

“They’re just stories.” Chrysalis hissed through gritted teeth. “They mean nothing. Invented fantasies to sooth Crystal Pony children, and help them sleep at night.” I heard the buzzing of wings as more Changelings landed in the open chamber. Great, I was even more outnumbered. 

“Where is Thorax?” I asked on a whim. 

“What?” She sounded genuinely confused by my ask.

“You’re so convinced that your own kind is inherently evil. Did you ask him how he feels? Did you ask any of your children? Or did you just lead them astray with your own selfish desires?”

“Thorax is none of your concern!” She shouted. Her calm, mocking control momentarily vanished. I managed to find the tiniest of openings in her verbal armor. 

“Sounds like he’s none of yours either. You let Pharynx abuse and bully him. Is that how you raise your own children? Especially your chosen leaders?”

“Shut up!” She demanded.

“I know both boys were born from your womb instead of an egg cluster, Thorax told me.” I could hear her seething with rage, as the growing Changeling crowd hissed along with her. “Who is their father? Does he get a say in any of this?”

“Enough! You speak of things you’re unfit to know.” She stomped her hoof, and I heard the Crystal Heart shift on its marble platform. No longer floating, it must have been laying there helpless and pathetic. Just like its ponies down below. I winced at the thought.

“Spare them. Please. Stop this. They’ve done nothing.” I begged for those who could not. 

“Nothing? If you must know.” Her conniving confidence returned. “I am, in fact, here on personal revenge.”

“Revenge?” After all the horrible things she’d done, what right did she have to feel wronged?

“Yes, revenge.” She said it with such venom on her lips. “Against you. Against Shining Armor, the Crystal Empire, and all of Equestria for what they did to me!”

“What did they do to you?” I knew her attack on Canterlot was repulsed during my wedding. But I couldn’t imagine what Equestria or the Crystal Empire could have done to slight her personally. And what about Shining Armor? Me?

“Nevermind.” She sighed. “It would take too long to explain, and you likely wouldn’t believe it anyway.”

I braved my next words. “I’m more open to the truth than you may think.”

She cackled long and loud. “Well, why don’t we just see about that. Let’s find out just how much truth you’re able to handle. Changelings!” She called to them and they hissed with glee. “Bring him here. Drop him right next to her so she knows it’s him.”

My stomach turned as the sound of a few Changelings approached me. I heard a dull thud, and felt a warm body smack into my hooves. I knelt down, feeling the pain in my hindquarters again, and ran my hoof through this poor pony’s mane. I felt his horn, fizzled and smoldering from firing countless attack spells. I felt his well toned chest and deltoid muscles. I felt the fine fabric of his military dress uniform, torn up into shreds. I smelled his breath as he struggled to breathe with loose tufts of his hair sucked into his mouth. I heard his dull moans. He was physically injured, but also…

“Shining!” I let my voice crack as I pulled the hair out of his mouth. Trying to soothe any discomfort, no matter how small. 

“Cadance.” His bored and distant voice replied flatly. It reminded me of Harvest. The first Changeling victim I encountered. 

“No.” I said barely above a whisper. “You didn’t!” I cradled his head as his limp neck made no attempt to steady himself. 

“Didn’t what? Suck him dry?” I could hear the twisted grin in her tone. I wanted to smack it off of her smug face. “Of course we did. I heard his love magic was particularly delicious.”

“You’re a monster!” I snapped.

“Tell her how you really feel, Shining.” Chrysalis relished every word coming out of her mouth. 

“I don’t love you.” Shining spoke, and the words plunged into my heart like twin daggers, but I took it in stride.

“I know, I know.” I shook my head, flinging tears that I couldn’t hold back. “She’s drained the love magic out of you. You’re not capable of feeling love, but we’ll-”

Shining interrupted me, and it stung more than any other time I had been talked over.

“No. Before that happened...” My eyes widened as my breath failed to enter my lungs. “I never loved you. I loved Cadance. The real Cadance. I don’t know you.”

Chrysalis laughed so hard, she had to catch her breath several times just to keep going. I sat there, holding the broken and defeated body of the stallion I loved, wishing that I had never woken up from my coma. My heart wasn’t stabbed, it was torn asunder. 

“Oh no, what a rejection.” Chrysalis mocked my pain, but I was beyond feeling anything else. I couldn’t even summon anger, I was just numb. “It’s like when the popular colt in school doesn’t want to date you, and lets everypony know that he turned you down. How embarrassing!” 

I couldn’t see. I couldn’t feel. The magical darkness grew tighter around my essence as if I might suffocate. 

“How does it feel, fraud?” Chrysalis continued. “You’ve been pretending to be a Princess ever since you woke up. Now your own husband doesn’t love you. Your Kingdom is in shambles, and it’s all your fault. How does it feel? What is this pain like? Can you even fathom a fraction of what I’ve felt? What you and everypony else did to me?”

“I give up.” I said, and it actually gave the Changeling Queen some pause.

“You give up?” Her amusement shifted to curiosity. 

“I surrender. You win.” I set Shining’s head down on the crystal floor gently. “If everything is my fault then punish me. Take me prisoner, execute me, do whatever you want with me. I don’t care anymore.” 

Everything Chrysalis said about me was true. I had suspected it myself all along. I was a fraud, and my deception punished everyone around me. Would anyone even miss me now? Maybe Pell, but I had let the Crystal Heart fail. I allowed the entire Kingdom to collapse, could she even look me in the eye anymore?

“Interesting.” Chrysalis considered my words for a moment. “You would give yourself up so easily? Not that you have much of a choice.” She giggled. 

“Please.” I knelt down before her. “I have nothing left to give. Nothing left to lose. Please, I’ll do anything you want, just spare the Crystal Empire. I beg you.” I prostrated myself with my forehead on the ground between my front hooves. My horn scraping the crystal floor. I wasn’t a Princess anymore. It meant nothing to me to do this. But I did it anyway because Chrysalis defeated me as a person. Body and soul. I was broken. 

“Fine.” Chrysalis said curt.

“Fine?” My head snapped up. Now I was confused.

“You think it can’t get any worse? Are you so broken and defeated? Like all is lost? Well, let’s test that theory.” She moved while she talked, her voice right in front of my face. “I think it can get much worse than you can possibly imagine. And you don’t even need my help.”

“What do you want?” I begged again.

I heard a wicked smile in her voice. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Is there an echo in here?” She jested. “How about a… oh what word to use… what do you call it? Oh, a truce?”

If I wasn’t already laying down, I would have fallen over. “Why? Why now, after all of this?” 

“Because…” She spewed her words in my face, as I smelled her hideous breath. “I can’t think of anything more punishing than to leave you here to clean up your mess.”

She was right. I wanted to be taken away from here. I had played my hand too openly. I didn’t want to face anyone at the Capital after tonight. Especially not Shining Armor. 

“Goodbye, Princess.” She backed away from me. “There won’t be anymore Changeling attacks, you have my word.” I didn’t think her word was worth much, but I didn’t have a choice in the matter. “And when everything truly falls apart. I will return to pick up the pieces of this broken kingdom.”

“Wait!” I yelled.

“Changelings!” She called to her children. “We’re done here. Head home.” I heard their collective hissing and their wings buzzing as they took off from the open chamber. In a moment, Shining and I were alone. But, really, I was all by myself. With the immediate danger gone, I crawled over to him again.

“Shining.” I called weakly. I could feel the tears pouring down my cheeks. “I know you can’t understand me right now. But, I’m in love with you. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I’m sorry I was so difficult. I never meant to hurt you. I-”

His comically loud snore stole away the frantic ramblings of my own heart. Whether from his injuries or draining of his love magic, he’d fallen asleep. It put the final nail in my coffin. Queen Chrysalis had executed her revenge with tactical precision. Even when I thought my own love confession might somehow heal him. Heal us. No, I couldn’t even have that. 

I tried not to be angry at him. My rational brain knew what had happened. He wasn’t himself. But my emotional side made me want to smack him awake just so he’d hear me now. 

I wanted to rage, scream, roar my frustrations. My failings. But I found I had nothing else to give. Even my own love felt weakened. I wanted to run away and live a life of solitude and regret. But I was cursed with a recognizable face. It would never be over. I could never run from this life.

In a last ditch effort, I fumbled around in the dark, finding my way to the marble platform that held the Crystal Heart. My hoof ran over the heart’s smooth cold surface, and jagged edges. It was completely inert, and void of magic. I reached out with my essence, trying to make some sort of connection. There was nothing. I was talking to myself. Praying to a god who wasn’t there. I picked up the heart and clutched it to my chest. It fit comfortably in my bosom, like a firm crystal pillow. 

“Please.” I said aloud to no one. “Please, I can’t do this alone. I need you. We need you. There’s so much suffering, and I’m helpless to stop it. Please, I'll do anything.” I’d gone from surrendering and begging to my mortal enemy to now begging inanimate objects. It might have been funny if every part of my body and essence didn’t hurt. I felt my mind slipping from consciousness as the exhaustion set in. I no longer had the will to fight. To move. To live. I would have been happy to close my eyes right then, and never open them again.

My eyes flung open as a blinding light filled my vision.

“Ahhh!” I cried out, shielding my face from the sudden burst of light. Had my unspoken wish come true? Had I truly died? Was I going to start all over again? Waking up in a room that, maybe, I’d remember this time? Unfortunately, I could still remember everything that had happened since I first woke up in an unfamiliar body.

And nothing before.



****