"Are you crazy?" Twilight glared at me across the conference room table. She didn’t look angry so much as perplexed by what I said. We sat together in our usual conference room. A long skinny wooden table that was obnoxiously too big for three ponies. It was also the room where we ate most of our meals. A convenient little, actually massive, dual purpose room in a castle that did not need dual purpose rooms. I suppose comfort and habit play just as much of a role as design.
"I mean, it makes some sense." I looked away from her harsh expression over to Shining. His casual indifference wasn’t much better. "An entire race built to feed on other races? It can't be natural. It must be some sort of ancient corruption."
"I wish that were true." Twilight shook her head, finally softening her eyes. "But, there's no historical evidence that such a corruption ever occurred."
"What about the stories? They had to come from somewhere." I shrugged.
"That's just it. They're stories. Wishful thinking not wanting to face an awful truth. The Changelings are evil and always have been." Twilight looked like she wanted to continue, but choked on her words.
"Doesn't mythology tell us about who we are and who we once were? Even if it’s not historically accurate?" I did my best to recall Pell’s wisdom.
"You're right, it does." Twilight smiled sadly, letting her muzzle dip.
"It does?" My eyes shifted in suspicion. I had a feeling she wouldn't concede that easily.
"Yes." She sighed. "It tells us that the Crystal Ponies are a good and noble people who want to see the best in anypony.” Twilight’s head nod was short and grim.
“Anyone.” I corrected.
“That’s what I said.”
Shining stared between us, contemplative yet bored.
“What do you think?” I asked him, snapping him out of his trance.
“Me?” He pointed to himself. He looked to Twilight as if she would answer for him. When she didn’t he cleared his throat. “Well I’m no expert on history or archaeology.”
“Ok, but what do you think?” I prodded him.
“I think whatever Twilight says is probably correct. She knows everything about this stuff.” He shrugged his shoulders with a nonchalant sideways grin that I wanted to knock off his face. Couldn’t he think for himself? Have an instinct or opinion? Maybe Twilight was right, but it seemed like too important of a possibility to just brush off with a smarmy smirk.
Bastard.
Why did this make me so angry? I just wanted to know the truth. The empty expression on Harvest’s face haunted me all night. Rain Flower’s broken expression and words played in my head over and over. Something greater had to be behind this evil than just blind nature trying to feed itself. Didn’t it? Or was I just like the ancient Crystal Ponies? Trying to find purpose and meaning where there was none, and unable to face a cruel reality.
"Is it really so impossible?" I could feel the air being sucked out of the room as I spoke. "That the Changelings could be saved? Why can’t they be made good again?" Twilight studied my face with something I had never seen on her expression:
Suspicion.
I looked at Shining Armor who just stared off into space. He didn't seem to be focusing on anything as his thousand yard stare looked blankly forward. I swallowed as my neck craned back to Twilight. Her eyes had softened with sadness.
"You don't remember your wedding." Twilight shook her head.
"Well yeah… I don’t remember any-"
Twilight cut me off. "You don't remember what happened!"
I drew in a short breath at her outburst. "You don't remember what they did. What she did." Twilight wore hatred poorly. Her face contorted unnaturally as her cute features gave way to something awful.
"She attacked my wedding, right?" I asked sheepishly.
"She stole you from me!" Twilight's narrowed gaze met Shining Armor. "She stole you from us. She posed as you for weeks before the wedding. She tried to marry Shining and steal your life, and your family right from under you. All so that her awful hive could feed on our love. Our true and genuine love for each other.” Twilight glared at me, right through me with raw hatred on her face. Her muzzle was dragged down by her sagging cheeks. Calling it a frown wouldn’t do it justice. “Love is nothing but a tool for her to manipulate out of her victims. Love is the food source that she drains from the innocent, and feeds to her wild hoard.”
Her eyes burned into me. I could feel her gaze in my essence. That hatred that was meant for Queen Chrysalis pointed right at me, and it made me sick. I prayed that Twilight would never look at me like that again. Not for real. Not directed at me on purpose.
“So no.” She finally calmed her expression, possibly realizing the ire she was throwing my way. “The Changelings cannot be redeemed. I’ve spent years serving Princess Celestia and all of Equestria. I’ve fought monsters, evil kings, and malevolent creatures. Many of them have changed, transformed by the magic of friendship. I’ve helped the wicked see the light personally, and become valued friends and community members. I know how to spot the goodness in anypony.”
Twilight looked at me. Her face was no longer contorted, yet a dark sadness covered her mug.
“There is no goodness in Queen Chrysalis or her Changelings.” She spoke her condemnation. It felt like the final gavel strike from an old and battered judge. I didn’t know what to do, so I just stood there dumbfounded. I was foolish for thinking there may be some good in such a foul species. I must have been. Twilight acted innocent and immature at times, but it was an act. She was a battle hardened warrior. A defender of good and justice. She would know better than anyone who the real monsters were. Perhaps the warrior princess was an act, and the sweet unassuming Twilight was the real version of her. The truth had to be a mix of both. People are more complex than one personality trait. Although, it was hard to swallow that these two Princesses were the same pony.
“The real question is how do we stop Chrysalis?” Twilight snapped me back to reality. “If we stop Chrysalis, we stop the changelings.”
I finally agreed with Twilight on something. Whatever the truth was about the Changelings, Chrysalis was the one behind all of this. She had hurt my people, hurt me. She took my life from me and made me start all over again. Looking around this table and Kingdom, I apparently had a lot to lose. She knew that. She struck where it hurt the most. Chrysalis wasn’t just a victim of raging hunger, she was evil itself. And she had to be stopped.
“Well with the three of us together, I’m sure we’ll track her down and put an end to this.” Shining grinned and nodded at his sister, however she lowered her head and looked like she was about to cry.
“Actually, it’s not three.” Twilight said to the table. Her tri-colored bangs covered her eyes, hiding her wounded gaze.
“What do you mean?” Shining asked. Twilight lifted her head to reveal her misty eyes.
“I have to leave.” She shook her head. “I can’t linger any longer.”
“I know you have to get back to Ponyville eventually, but…” Twilight interrupted her brother.
“Celestia has summoned me!” She shouted, taking the two of us by surprise. “She’s ordered me to come to Canterlot immediately. I have to leave today, I have to…” She trailed off.
“If you have to leave you have to leave.” I offered. The guilt on her face was not satiated.
“I have to abandon you, my family.” Twilight began openly crying. “Right now, in your hour of need. I have to leave you.”
“So linger.” I shrugged my shoulders and even Shining’s eyes widened at my flippant reaction.
“I can’t directly disobey Celestia!” Twilight vigorously shook her head. “A Princess committing insubordination? It’s unthinkable, it’s…” I interrupted her.
“You’re not disobeying, you’re delayed.” Twilight just stared at me with her mouth open. “The train broke down. The wind is too bad to fly in. It’s common knowledge that there are Changelings in the area and the guard has to scout first to make sure it’s safe.”
“Cadance, you want me to…lie to Princess Celestia.” Twilight said “lie” in a whisper. As if trying to keep the word away from prying ears that may inform Celestia.
Shining didn’t seem to approve, but he didn’t speak up either. He just sat with his elbow on the table holding up his chin with his hoof.
“Not lying per se.” I said like I was a lawyer or something. “Just… truth stretching.”
Twilight’s eyes bulged as her breathing became loud and heavy. She kept holding her hoof over her heart on each inhale, and pushing her hoof straight out on each exhale. The same ritual she did on the balcony when we made the public announcement.
“Why do you do that breathing thing with your hoof?” I decided to change the subject. I felt that if Twilight even attempted to slightly skew any facts to Celestia, she would drop dead of a heart attack.
“Oh…” Twilight paused to look at her outstretched hoof. “It’s a calming exercise that… you taught me. It’s supposed to steady a pony’s breathing and help them relax.”
“Really? Cause it looks like it’s doing the opposite for you.” I smirked a bit. Twilight just frowned as she set her hoof down.
“I guess it’s just stupid.” Her voice went soft and fragile.
“It’s not stupid.” I said a bit too loud. It was frustrating how extreme she took everything. Although, there was something charming and admirable about being so earnest. When she didn’t respond I decided to continue. “I just think you need to work on the intentionality of the exercise instead of just the motions.”
“You think it’s not working? Or am I doing it wrong?” Twilight looked at me with those puppy dog eyes. Her youth and inexperience projecting through her obvious emotions. If I hadn’t seen her in true Princess form yesterday and today, I would think that she just didn’t have the personality to lead. I was having emotional whiplash from Twilight jumping back into her vulnerable nature. I had to remind myself that she was still a child who wanted to be loved, while also being a warrior sworn to protect those she loved. God help anyone who met Twilight in combat. I hadn’t even seen her fight, but I could feel her essence. The magical aura coming off of her was enormous. Any unicorn, or creature sensitive to magic, could sense the terrifying power emanating behind her adorable facade.
“Not wrong, but if you’re not mentally willing to let yourself calm down it won’t work.” I explained and she nodded with realization on her face. “Maybe the original me forgot to mention that.”
“You are the original you.” Shining finally spoke up, and Twilight nodded with him.
“You know what I mean.” I smirked, hiding my own doubts about myself. If I never recovered my memories, they may have to face the reality that I’d never fully be the same Cadance they knew.
“Since you’re being recalled, does that mean Celestia is going to send the additional guard divisions I asked for to help with the Changeling threat?” Shining casually asked.
“No.” All of the light drained from Twilight’s eyes. “She wants Equestrian forces securing Equestria’s borders first. She says she’ll send help as soon as she can.”
When our cities are razed to the ground and our capital is in ashes, I thought to myself. Watchful friends and guardians indeed. I was livid at Celestia even though I hadn’t met her. According to Twilight, Celestia was my biological aunt. These kingdoms were just one big interwoven family.
“What!” Shining Armor slapped his hooves on the table. “Secure Equestria? All of the Changeling activity has been well north of the border. Doesn’t she realize that we need help? Especially if they attack us in full force, we would need you here, Twilight, to help defend the Kingdom. Why would Celestia…” He paused, seeing the tears forming in his sister’s eyes again. Clearly, she was being emotionally torn in two different directions.
“Abandon us?” I finished for him and they both gazed at me horrified. Twilight even gasped aloud. I forced myself to smile. Nothing could be accomplished by sitting here and fussing about it. We had to deal with the hand we were dealt. Right then both of them needed encouragement and hope. So did I. Unfortunately, I would have to convince myself as well.
“She’s not abandoning us.” I wasn’t sure I believed my own words, but I could stretch the truth too. “And you’re not abandoning us either.” I smiled as convincingly as I could at Twilight’s vulnerable expression. I didn’t focus on the half-truth of my words. Rather I thought about how Twilight already felt like a little sister to me. She had helped encourage me and nurse me back to health. The least I could do was comfort her back like the big sister I was supposed to be.
“I’m sure Celestia has a plan.” Twilight’s frown softened just a bit at my statement. “She’s an ancient and wise ruler. She must be doing a better job than us at looking at the big picture. I’m sure she’ll explain it to you as soon as you get back to Canterlot.”
“So, you don’t mind if I go?” Twilight spoke from the far end of the table
“Orders are orders.” I shrugged and she frowned again. “Don’t worry little sis, we’ve got this.” I winked at her and she couldn’t stand it anymore. She ran over to my side of the table and wrapped her hooves around me.
“Thank you, Cadance.” She gripped me tightly as Shining Armor walked over from his side of the table. The unnecessary distance between where we sat felt especially stupid during this tender moment. Because, at this moment, Twilight wasn’t a Princess. She was a scared little sister and a friend torn between her duty and her family. Perhaps I could rebuild my life and family one piece at a time. I could stack moments like this until I stopped feeling the hole from the entire life I had lost. “I’ll miss you guys, please be safe.”
Shining Armor caressed the back of Twilight’s neck. I thought she was going to switch her hug to him, but she just grabbed him with her right hoof and pulled him down into a group hug.
“I’ll miss you too Twilie. And don’t worry about us. Nothing will hurt our Kingdom as long as Cadance and I are in charge.” I felt him squeeze back. His closeness and his touch made me nervous for a moment before it passed. I welcomed our closeness as we held our goodby embrace with Twilight for who knows how long.
****
Twilight hadn’t been gone for two hours and the loneliness already set in. I had lost one of three people I felt I could talk to. I sat there staring at the dinner plate in front of me. Roasted stuffed mushrooms in cheese sauce, eggplant parmesan with arugula, fresh pineapple slices, and a garden salad with more veggies than I could count or name. Not to mention the literal trough of hay in the center of the table to add to the plate as one saw fit. Everything was delicious, and the smell was intoxicating. Even the hay had a tinge of sweetness to it which meant it was probably grown in a special green house and spliced with other plants to manipulate the flavor. It was a Royal’s feast, as per usual.
I could barely eat a bite.
Shining Armor sat across the dinner table from me. He seemed to be enjoying his meal just fine. Half of his plate was already demolished. Stallions handle stress differently than mares, I supposed. I wished my stress would increase my appetite like his. Must have been nice.
A blue crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling illuminating a soft light over the dining room. The light of the Chandelier crystal changed depending on the time of day or desired mood. Yesterday I asked if there was a smaller, more modest dining room and I was told that this was the small one. There was only one dark finished wooden table in here, but at least fifty could eat if they wheeled in more tables and chairs. I imagined the main dining hall must have been like a ballroom to be bigger than this. I tried to will myself to fork another bite into my mouth when a servant startled me.
"Oh!" I felt so embarrassed that I jumped.
"Forgive me, my lady." He bowed much lower than I would have liked as an apology. I'm the one who wasn't paying attention. He didn't sneak up on me. I should be embarrassed, not him. However, the servants here preferred to take the blame for any social awkwardness. Even if it wasn't their fault. Especially if it wasn't their fault. "Is the meal not to your liking? Can we prepare you something more suitable?"
It wasn't just Pell. The whole staff doted on us. Constantly making sure we were comfortable, rested, and well fed. It was sweet and charming. Or it would have been if it didn't make me feel so guilty.
"The food is perfect." I said though he didn't look convinced. "The mushrooms are cooked exquisitely." I pointed to each item on my plate as I appraised the meal. "The cheese blend is lovely and matches the seasoning. The eggplant is tangy and crisp. The vegetable choices in the salad complement each other even without dressing. And the pineapple is ripe and juicy." His eyes bulged a bit as I finished. He looked speechless so I continued explaining. "Unfortunately, I'm under a bit of stress and it's affecting my appetite." I rubbed my stomach. Probably not perfect table manners, but I didn’t care.
"I'm sorry to hear that, my lady." He did a bow/nod with his head that the servants were all talented at doing. "I can take your plate for you if your stomach is too upset. Perhaps a yogurt or something more calming and settling would help?"
"And waste this artfully created culinary masterpiece?" I looked down at my plate. I wanted so badly to want to eat it. "I could never insult the chef like that. I'll have some more, I promise." I smiled at him and saw he was trying to hide a boyish blush on his cheek. It was then that I finally noticed the chef's hat on this crimson crystal earth pony.
"My lady…" he removed his hat to hold it over his heart. "I am the head chef, and your kind words are more than I deserve." He bowed again. "Please, enjoy your meal at your leisure." He donned his chef's hat and walked out with his chest held high. Talent like that should be recognized, even if it was just routine for everyone else.
I am the head chef. Him introducing himself was a passive acknowledgement of my memory loss. Supposedly very few servants were aware of my condition. However, it was probably a terribly kept secret at this point. There’s no way juicy gossip like that wouldn’t spread, no matter how loyal and dedicated they were. They would simply keep up the facade. Hopefully keeping the secret from outsiders to the castle.
Or enemies.
"Well I was gonna ask how your food is, but I guess that settles that." Shining shrugged as he shoveled another huge bite of eggplant into his mouth.
"We’ll have to go back to awkward silence again." I grinned. It must have been a weak grin because I didn’t feel convinced while holding it.
"You're right about the cheese blend." He wiped his mouth with his red velvet napkin. "Really nice."
I pursed my lips and nodded grimly at my plate.
“I just…” I began, but he interrupted me.
“It’s not your fault.” He said and I snapped my head up to stare at him. “I know you’re under a lot of stress. Believe me, I’m feeling it too. But you can’t fix everything by yourself.”
I wanted to be angry that he talked over me. Maybe I was too emotionally drained because I just let him continue.
“We’re a team. Not just you and me, but the whole kingdom. That’s what makes us strong. That’s why the Crystal Heart keeps us strong.” He grinned back at me and I relaxed a little bit.
“We’re a team, huh?” I forked a mushroom into my mouth. It was so cheesy and decadent. “Including Captain Flash Sentry?” My eyes studied him carefully. His brow furrowed at the name for just a half second before he shook it off and smiled. He may have thought he hid it, but I saw it.
“Of course.” He smiled way too politically. “Captain Flash is a fine…”
Both of our necks snapped towards the double oak doors at the entrance of the dining hall as they were shoved open with great force. Captain Flash darted into the room as if he had heard his name called. His expression did not look like he wanted to join us for our meal.
“...pain in my ass!” Shining finished his sentence. “Can’t you see we’re in the middle of dinner?”
Flash just glared at Shining for a moment. It was only then that Shining noticed the grim expression on his Captain’s face and understood why he had interrupted our meal.
“No…” Shining’s voice was so quiet, the Crystal acoustics in the dining hall barely picked it up.
“There’s been another attack.” Flash didn’t mince words. He was dressed in his full golden armor and held his helmet in his armpit. Shining stared into space for a moment, looking past Flash. I could see the fear and shame in his eyes. Fear because he didn’t know how many of his subjects were hurt and would continue to suffer. Shame because he hadn’t stopped it, and probably wondered if he even could stop it. Just like when he bowed to Rain Flower and apologized, he kept the weight all on his shoulders. And yet he was lecturing me about sharing the burden. I supposed his words were just as much for him as they were for me.
“So why are you here telling me about it and not sending a servant with this message?” Shining berated Flash. “Time is of the essence, Captain.” He made the word “Captain” sound like an insult.
Flash’s lip curled revealing gritted teeth for just a fraction of a second.
“My unit has gone ahead of me, along with two full reserve divisions to the attack site.” Flash squared his shoulders and looked down his nose at his Prince. “I came here to personally make sure the royal party didn’t follow us into danger again.”
“And you chose to prioritize your pettiness over leading your stallions into battle?” Shining stood up so quickly he knocked his wooden chair over. It must have been some strong oak because it didn’t crack or shatter. It just made a dull humm that echoed when it contacted the crystal palace floor.
“I have full faith in my officers and soldiers to do their duty while they wait for me for a few moments.” Flash snapped back. “They are capable of following procedures and protocols, unlike you, sir.”
Flash all but spit the word “sir” onto the floor.
Shining Armor’s eyes flashed with anger at the insubordination. His demeanor immediately changed as he charged forward towards Flash, commanding respect. “Lock it up, soldier. You are addressing a superior officer. You are hereby relieved of…” Shining began, but I couldn’t stand it anymore as I interrupted him.
“Shut up!” I screamed louder than I should have. Every servant in the Castle probably heard my voice. Both of them turned wide eyed at me like scared colts. I stood up swiftly and smacked my hooves on the table. My food plate wiggled a little bit.
“Both of you just shut up.” I controlled my voice, but the rage that boiled in my skin remained in my tone. “You’re not doing this right now. You are not squabbling anymore while our people are suffering.”
Shining Armor looked like he wanted to say something in his defense, but I didn’t let him.
“Let the Captain go do his job, Shining. We will remain here and wait for the report.” I turned my attention to Flash. Shame, remorse, and a bit of shock filled his face. “If the Captain needs our assistance he will send for us, correct?”
“Yes, my lady.” Flash sheepishly bowed as he shifted his helmet to his side to get as low as he could.
“Cadance…” Shining urged.
“Shining.” I countered firmly. “I need you here. With me.” One would have thought I had walked over and kissed him with the look now plastered on his face.
“Right, very well.” Shining snapped out of his anger. He cleared his throat. “Get flying, Captain. Be sure to report everything back to me in excruciating detail. No matter how insignificant, I want to know everything.”
“Yes, my lord.” Flash actually bowed to Shining. Not as low as he did for me, but I was amazed that he did at all. Not to mention he called him “my lord.” Flash donned his helmet and made his way to the double doors he had slammed open.
“Flash.” Shining added and the Captain turned his neck to glance back. “Happy hunting.”
Flash grinned back, curling his muzzle up a bit. He was a good match for Twilight. They both had a natural cuteness in their expressions.
“Yes sir!” He saluted and darted off towards what could have been a dangerous battle.
“I’m sorry I yelled.” I sat back down feeling self conscious. A passing servant gently closed the dining hall doors shut, and I couldn’t help but notice his wary glance in my direction. I had probably just given them plenty more gossip to chew on.
“Nah.” Shining dismissed my apology as he knelt down to pick up his chair. “I needed that. We needed that.” He scooted his seat up to the table and sat down. “We always let our disagreements get out of hoof.” He rested his elbows on the table and stared thoughtfully with his hooves in front of his face.
“Why does he make you so mad? What’s the deal with you guys?” I leaned my head against the back of my crystal chair. A soft cushion was embedded at the top of the backrest to do exactly that. “Is he not a good Captain or something? It seems like he knows what he’s doing.” I shrugged.
“Yeah, he does.” Shining admitted. “He’s a great Captain, actually.”
“As good as you were?” I smiled so deviously that I felt like Pell.
“Let’s not go crazy.” He grinned back at me before sighing. “We just clash because we have different ideas about how to do things.”
“It has nothing to do with his feelings for Twilight?” I asked and his face dropped. I grimaced at the sudden mood change.
“I don’t want to talk about that.” His voice was a low baritone and much quieter.
“Why? Is that going to be a problem?”
“What do we do now?” He changed the subject. “It’s agonizing to just sit here and do nothing.” He stared down at his half eaten plate.
“We eat. Together.” I picked up my fork and dug it into my eggplant parmesan. He stood there and watched me eat a few bites, not saying a word. “We’re useless to our people if we’re too tired and hungry to function.” I added as my appetite returned to me and I dove into my plate. I was quickly catching up with Shining Armor.
“I think I may be full.” Shining started to push his chair back to stand.
“Your mind is full, not your stomach. Eat your food.” I commanded, not even looking at him.
“Oh really?” Shining raised his eyebrow at me. “And what happens if I don’t?”
I paused scarfing my food to glare at him with an intensity that rivaled Flash Sentry. He just stared back with calm amusement. Maybe a bit of mischievousness shining through.
“Then you’ll insult the chef and all the servants will talk bad about you behind your back.” I continued shoveling food into my mouth. The flavor was better and better with each bite. Maybe it was the conversation.
“You’re trying to convince me to eat with the threat of idle servant gossip?” he teased.
“Maybe. Is it working?” I fired back.
Shining picked up his fork. “We do have a reputation to uphold after your little complimentary speech to the head chef earlier. Wouldn’t want all this good food to go to waste.”
I smiled into my bite. “I’m glad you see it my way.”
Shining Armor threw his head back and cackled out loud. That same warm laugh again. I was starting to enjoy the sound. We both carried on with our meal in relative silence. The worry of waiting for potentially more grim news was loud enough to fill the room.
****