“My lady, where are you going?” Pell asked, and I turned to face her. How did she always manage to find me in this huge palace? The archway behind me led to the balcony where we made our announcement to the Crystal Ponies. The announcement was only yesterday, but somehow felt like a lifetime ago. Actually, it was half of my known life ago. It was impossible to get accustomed to. Being two days old. Two days worth of memories in a body that knew so much more. Surrounded by ponies and a husband who knew more about me than I did.
Hence my desire to seek out a few quiet moments to myself.
“To the balcony.” I said, wondering if it was a trick question. There was only one possible place to go on the other side of this archway.
“There’s a pegasi rain shower scheduled tonight.” She said with her left brow curved upward. “It will begin any moment.”
“I know.” I replied, letting the weight of everything I had felt over the last two days fall onto those two words. She softened her expression, grinning knowingly.
“Have a good shower, my lady.” She bowed her head and continued on down the hallway. Probably to inform the other servants not to disturb me for a while. I appreciated her attention to reading my mood without me having to say much more than that.
I stepped onto the balcony that faced the center of the town square. The view was arguably more beautiful at night. The city was lit up like holiday decorations. Twinkling along with the stars above. The different colors of the semi opaque crystal buildings glowed warmly from the lights inside people’s homes, stores, and offices. Ponies were probably winding down from dinner, enjoying some quality time with loved ones indoors and away from the gathering rainstorm. Perhaps playing with children, or drawing up plans for the next big project to fulfill their dreams. Perhaps they were making love. Whatever they were doing, the love from their combined essences sent magic to the Crystal Heart many floors above my head. The Crystal Heart powered their homes and protected them in return. A perfect unity of love earned and reciprocated.
I looked up at the dark cumulonimbus clouds above the town. The pegasi weather crew had gathered and cultivated the clouds themselves. A weather system that worked on a round the clock schedule, made to maximize agriculture and bring about bountiful harvests.
It was more than that. The Crystal Empire needed a good cry, just as much as any pony did from time to time. Emotions build up and can overpower a creature if they don’t release them. This land was just as alive as any person who dwelt within it. It had a breathing essence that I could feel emanating from the Crystal Heart. This Empire had been hurt, and it was time for a good and powerful cry. Then we could rise tomorrow morning refreshed with the sun stronger, and ready to take on what threatened us all: stop the Changelings from being a blight upon this land.
The stars were almost covered in clouds, but enough evening glow showed through to see the edges of the cloud’s fluffy curves. They looked soft and intimidating at the same time. The clouds covered every inch of the capital and several miles beyond. I would have guessed that it took every pegasi in the capital to make such a massive rainfall. The weather team was incredibly efficient, and competent at what they did. Everyone in this kingdom was talented and able it seemed.
Everyone except me.
I was half a pony. An alicorn cut off from her own power. I could sense love essences, but I was powerless to manipulate them. I was supposed to be able to heal these ponies. My ponies. Cadance could ease their suffering and make them whole again faster once they had been drained. I wanted to help them, however, I was just a spectator to my own kingdom. A useless pony surrounded by luxury I couldn’t hope to earn or deserve.
So, with those thoughts running through my mind, I needed a good cry and a rainfall to hide it. Tomorrow was a new day, and I would never stop searching for a way to help. A way to recover my magic and memories. And, if I failed, I would find a new way to help them. I would never give up on my people or my family. Not when they had given me so much in so little time.
Lightning flashed high above my head. Barely a moment later the thunder sounded, filling up my ears with its crack and roar. I looked up to see the first rainfall. A few large drops for a few short seconds, until it flowed like a waterfall. I closed my eyes and let the droplets pour across my spine to my flank, then down to my hooves and tail mane. My hair was instantly ruined. At least as far as Pell’s styling work it was. I felt my damp mane matte to my cheeks and neck. The cleansing water was gentle and healing as I released all of my bad thoughts into the storm. I might have been shedding my own tears, but it was difficult to tell while standing in the torrential downpour. For a few precious moments, the rain was all I felt, smelled, and heard. Nature’s own cleansing. I let my shoulders droop, my head sag, my posture loosen. Bliss. Quiet bliss.
“Cadance?” Shining Armor’s kind and concerning voice woke me from my trance. I’m not sure how long I had stood in the rain, though I imagine it was at least half an hour. “Are you alright?” His mane quickly collapsed and hugged the side of his cheeks as well. He’d walked out into the downpour to check on me.
“I’m fine.” I smiled, though I knew I couldn’t hide the troubling thoughts on my face.
“Fine?” He grinned back. “You’re standing outside in the middle of a downpour.” He gestured to the sky just as lightning flashed and thunder erupted behind it. He winced a bit at the sound. He tried to hide his reaction, but I saw it.
“The lightning won’t hurt you.” I tried to change the subject. “The pegasi design the lightning to…”
“I know, I know…” He interrupted me. “It’s made to disperse in the sky so that it doesn’t endanger any crazy ponies who may be roaming around outside in the middle of it.” He shook his head at me. He was equally as soaked as I was. “I remember my grade school weather classes.”
“Then why did you flinch?” My grin twisted sideways. He narrowed his eyes, staring at me for a few seconds.
“I’m worried about you.” He said, not answering my question.
“I’m fine.” I repeated. “I just like the rain. It’s soothing.”
“Sure, but…” He struggled to find his next words. “I think you’re taking too much responsibility on yourself. You need to give yourself a break. Healing takes time.”
“They should be healing faster.” I glared out at the tops of the multicolored crystal buildings.
“I meant your healing.” He sighed. “See, this is what I’m talking about.” He reached out to grab a clump of wet hair that was covering my eye. I allowed his touch as he moved it aside, revealing the rest of my face.
“Did the royal guards find any clues in the aftermath of the attack?” I refused to remain on the subject of me. I didn’t want to talk about myself at the moment. Fortunately, Shining Armor took the bait on this one.
“Not really. We know the hive is in the mountains somewhere.” He took in a deep breath. “But, if we go on the assault, they may counter attack the capital while we’re trying to find the hive. Every potential solution is risky, including doing nothing. Either way, we risk losing more towns and citizens.”
“Maybe Captain Flash could…” Shining cut in again, and this time it made me absolutely livid.
“I’m going to court martial Flash tomorrow.” His stone solid eyes dug into me. I could barely control my bubbling rage. So many thoughts boiled to my mind, yet I ended up just curtly asking,
“Why?”
“He absconded with my sister!” His teeth gritted, and I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes.
“Absconded?” I repeated quietly. It was either muted speech or screaming. I was too mad to find an in between voice. I figured he would misread the situation, but I didn’t think he would be this short sighted about it.
“He abandoned his post to ‘escort’ the Princess back to Canterlot.” He put air quotes on “escort.”
“He didn’t abandon his…” I started to explain as he interrupted again. It was all I could do not to smack him across his square and chiseled jaw.
“He didn’t ask permission to leave his post in the middle of a crisis. And to make it worse, he convinced Twilight to fly in dangerous skies when she could just take the train back to Equestria.” Shining ran his hoof through his wet and sloppy mane. “He’s stepped out of line one too many times. I can’t ignore his behavior anymore. And he’s endangering my sister in the process. I have half a mind to…”
“I ordered him to escort Twilight!” I screamed in his shocked face. “You pig headed, macho meat brained, sack of garbage!” Ok, that was too far, but I really needed to get that off my chest.
“You ordered this?” He said softly, ignoring my insults. “Why?” His vulnerable eyes looked so hurt.
“Twilight was delayed because she went to help the guard with the Changeling assault earlier today.” I relaxed my tone, but I could feel my tightened facial muscles. My expression was still harsh.
“Oh…” Shining looked at the balcony floor for a second. “I thought he delayed her so that he could pull this escort crap.” He rubbed the back of his mane again.
“Who told you that?”
“Well…” He swallowed as if he didn’t want to admit something. “I asked a servant where Flash was when I couldn’t find him, and they told me he was escorting Twilight…” He paused as I waited for more.
“That’s all they said?” I asked, raising my left eyebrow.
“Well yeah, but then I reasoned that Flash must have…” It was my turn to interrupt him.
“You just assumed the worst possible scenario since that fits your poor opinion of Captain Flash.” I tapped my front hoof, waiting for his reply. He remained silent.
“Why do you hate him so much?” I shook my head.
“I don’t hate him.” Shining threw his hoof up in frustration.
“Could have fooled me.”
“You just don’t understand.”
“What don’t I understand?” I leaned into his face, until my face was just a few inches from his.
“I’ve been in the military a long time. I know what soldiers like Flash are like.” He looked at me as if I would cut in. When I didn’t, he continued. “They act all nice and cool. They make friends with everypony, and seem like a great all around guy.”
“You’re right. I hate him already.” I huffed.
“But, it’s all an act.” Shining narrowed his eyes at me in anger, as if he were talking to Flash. “He pulls the highest caliber tail he can find…”
“Tail?” I raised my eyebrow.
“Yeah, that’s what the soldiers would call mares in private.” His face looked lost in memory, disgusted at the behavior he recalled from his time in the service. “He wants my sister as a trophy, and as soon as he’s done with her, he’ll dump her for the next cute flank that catches his eye.”
He was serious. He really thought Flash was that kind of shallow service colt. He had no idea what the truth was. Probably because he refused to see it. He was too busy being overprotective of his little sister. Besides, he’d caught the eye of a Princess. Not much better “tail” than that.
“Flash isn’t like that.”
“How do you know?” His stare hurt. I knew because of what I’d seen in the closet. I felt the love vibes between them. If it was just sex he was interested in, his essence would have felt different. Even without my love magic sense, my intuition told me the same from his behavior and demeanor.
“I…” I couldn’t reveal what I saw in the closet. I was sworn to secrecy. Plus, it would just set Shining Armor off more if he heard about it. “I can just tell. I’ve talked to him.”
“No offense, Cadance.” He scoffed at me. This jerk scoffed in my face. “You only have two days worth of interactions with him. I’ve known him for years. I find it hard to believe that…”
I couldn’t stand it anymore. I lost my cool as I felt my magic erupt. A brilliant glow emanated from my body as if I were the latest flash of lightning in the storm. His eyes widened as my magic drifted over to him, settling on his face, connecting us. I didn’t quite know how my magic worked, and I didn’t want to attack him. I held it back as much as I could. As long as it was just a glowing light show, I could make my point.
“I am the Princess of Love!” I declared as my magic added an echoing reverb to my voice. “I may be a broken, half version of my true self. But I can read the love essences of anypony I meet. What I see and feel in Flash Sentry is genuine and true love.”
His eyes looked tired and weak as he stared up at me and my power. Starring up because I could feel myself floating a few inches above the balcony deck.
“You want to believe the worst in Flash because you’re too afraid to let your baby sister grow up. She’s not a little filly anymore. She’s a Princess of Equestria. You have no right to interfere in her life or her love. Trust that she’s making her own good decisions. She deserves that much from her older brother.” I released my magic and gently set myself back down on the white marble floor. I waited for him to get mad and argue back.
“I’m sorry.” was all he said. His sad eyes full of guilt. “I didn’t mean to imply you were weak or broken.”
‘Well, you did.” I over did it again. I couldn’t be subtle or let anyone off the hook. I had this curse of saying whatever I truly felt no matter what the consequences were. Maybe because my previous life had no consequences for that.
“I’m sorry.” He repeated. “Do you really think Flash is… is…?” He stumblingly asked before I could forgive him for the perceived insult.
“A good match for Twilight?” I finished for him.
“Yeah.” He nodded.
“It doesn’t matter.” I said and he looked confused. “Even if I’m wrong and you’re right about Flash, it’s Twilight’s life. It’s her mistake to make, and her heart to get broken. You don’t have the right to interfere. Even if you want to protect her, and care about her as deeply as I know you do. You can’t save a pony from living their own life.”
He considered my words for a few moments. His only response was to nod in agreement. It must have hurt too much to admit it outloud.
“Do you really think that you’re broken?” His question caught me off guard. “Is that why you’re out here in the rain?”
“You’re out here too.” I gestured to his soaking wet self.
“Answer the question, Cadance.”
“Fine. Yes, okay? I’m b-broken.” I looked at the ground, unable to hold his gaze anymore. Hopefully he didn’t catch that wavering in my voice.
“You’re not broken.”
“Yes I am.”
“With the magic you just displayed, you clearly are not.”
I waved his comment off. “It was a fluke. I assure you. I haven’t been able to harness any real magic since I woke up. Even when I need it the most. That’s the definition of broken.”
“Then we’ll fix you.”
“How?” I looked at him with tears in my eyes. I don’t remember starting to cry again. However, this time, with an audience, I was self conscious about it. The mascara that Pell applied to my eyes had long ago melted down my face. Shockingly, Shining looked straight into my naked unaltered wet mug. No dresses, make up, or fan fare to hide me anymore.
“Twilight will find a…” He started, but looked away. They were both hiding something from me.
“Twilight found something didn’t she?” I asked and his eyes widened in fear. “Something that neither of you want to talk about, so it must be bad news.”
“I… she…” he stammered.
“I’m not a child. I can take bad news. Just spit it out damn it!” I glared at him. He held his hoof over his mouth, lost in thought for a moment.
“Twilight said…” He swallowed. “If a memory wiping spell had been cast on you, she could easily research a counterspell to undo that.”
“Considering she hasn’t done that, I’m guessing that’s not what happened to me then?” I tilted my head at him.
“No, it’s not.” He shook his head, guiltily adding. “Twilight tried the counterspell while you were asleep last night.”
I raised my eyebrow, but said nothing. I didn’t like the idea of being experimented on while sleeping. However, I let him continue.
“Twilight says the only other thing it could be is a side effect from essence manipulation.” His face was neutral and unconcerned. He was a unicorn, but most unicorns didn’t deal with essence manipulation in their training. “In order to get your memories back, somepony would need to manipulate your essence to recover them, but…” He trailed off.
“Essence manipulation is incredibly dangerous.” I finished for him. “If you don’t know what you’re doing, you could permanently damage or kill a pony while messing with their essence.”
“That’s exactly what Twilight said.” He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. “And the only pony in Equestria and the Crystal Empire versed in essence manipulation was…”
“Cadance.” I finished for him. “In order to get my memories back, we need the magical knowledge from my lost memories.”
“A horrific catch twenty two.” Shining said.
“Chrysalis could do it.” I casually remarked. Shining looked shocked so I explained. “Stealing love is essence manipulation. The Queen of Changelings would have to be an expert in it too.” I shrugged.
“Chrysalis would never-” He started, but I cut in.
“Unless we captured her and forced her to do it with a blade to her throat.” Even I was surprised at how calmly I suggested that.
Shining Armor let out a surprised chortle before grinning. “I’ll keep that option on the table. Call it plan C.”
“What’s plan A and B?”
“Less blades to throats.”
We nodded to each other, hiding half smiles. The rain picked up, falling so fast it felt like bathing in the open. It was a good thing the weather was warm this time of year.
“Shining…” I began as my demeanor changed. “You need to consider the possibility that I may never…”
“I loved you from the moment I first saw you.” Shining didn’t let me finish. This was the first of his interruptions that I didn’t mind so much. I felt my cheeks flush from his sudden remark. Pell warned me that this doofus would put his hoof in his mouth, and now his earnestness had piqued my interest.
“Remind me. How did we meet?”
He smiled as if he won some sort of prize. It was my turn to bite on his subject change. He sighed, letting the memories of us wash over him. I couldn’t help but feel jealous.
“We both attended Canterlot Academy.” He bit his bottom lip, grinning like an idiot. “You were a Princess, and Celestia’s niece. Basically the most popular mare in school. And I…” He paused for a moment.
“Let me guess.” I rolled my eyes, grinning sideways at his blissful expression. “You were captain of the hoofball team, and the most popular Stallion at school.”
“Nope.” His grin widened as he shook his head. “I didn’t play on any sports teams, and I was probably the biggest geek in school.”
“No way! You?” My jaw dropped as I looked up and down his toned and bulky figure. “Were you…” I tried to find a nice way to say it, “...fat back then?” I failed. He tipped his head back to let out a deep and boisterous laugh. I watched as the rain poured onto his handsome muzzle.
“No, I was fit.” He raised his hoof and flexed for me. “Youth, workouts, and good genetics will do that for a stallion.”
“Lucky you.”
“My hobby of choice was Ogres and Oubliettes.” His cheeks turned pink against his snow white fur. “My buddies and I played in my parent’s basement all the time.”
I was almost too shocked for words. He really was a huge geek.
“You’re telling me you wasted that athletic body of yours on table top role playing games?” I raised my eyebrow.
“Hey!’ He said, playfully offended. “I was the greatest paladin a game master could ever ask for.”
“I’m sure you were.” I couldn’t help but giggle as I shook my head. “Do you still play?”
“Bi-weekly with the boys.” His smile suddenly faded. “Although I may cancel the next session while this crisis is going on.” He looked out over his kingdom. Some of the lights in the houses had gone dark. Families that had tucked their young in for sleep, and turned their lights off. It was getting late, and we had a big day tomorrow. Was it ever anything besides a big day for royals?
“You should play.” I said and he turned his head back to me. “We can’t solve this crisis if we let ourselves go insane from stress. We can set a few hours aside for you to play.”
He said nothing as he gave a single nod of acknowledgement.
“So, how did we get together?” I wanted to hear the rest of the story. Maybe knowing more about my past would help me recover my memories. However, I mostly just wanted to experience my past through his eyes.
“Well, I was a loser and a nobody.” He began.
“Nobody who has friends is a loser.” I rebutted.
“True. Although, my social clout wasn’t much to speak of.” He bit his lip again. “You were being pursued by Buck Withers. The charismatic captain of the polo team. Polo was more popular in Canterlot than hoofball. With the homecoming game coming up, we were in a race to ask you to the dance.”
“So, we knew each other? We were friends already?”
“Uh no, not really. Everytime I tried to talk to you, I couldn’t even get a complete sentence out.”
“Oh my gosh, you’re such a dork.” I rubbed my face in my hoof.
“So I’ve been told. Twilight reminds me of it all the time, and…” He paused with a bitter sweet grin on his face. “...So do you.”
“Some things are universal truths, I suppose.” I grinned at him and he cracked up laughing again.
“Anyway, at the homecoming parade,” He continued his romantic tale. “In order to impress you, my buddies and I built a float inspired by our current RPG campaign. And we all dressed as our characters and formed a band. We performed a song written just for you. I was the lead singer, and…” he rubbed the side of his neck as his cheek turned a little bit pink. “Look I’m not the greatest singer in the world, but I belted that song like I was the main event at a Las Pegasus show.”
I did my darndest to hold in my laughter. It was the dumbest and sweetest thing I had ever heard. I may not have laughed in his face, but I know my eyes betrayed my every thought.
“Did it go over well?” I somehow managed to ask without chuckling.
“We started to get some applause, but Buck and his friends made sure to loudly mock us. He turned the crowd against us. It was pretty humiliating.” Shining’s blissful expression didn’t match what he had said.
“Do you regret it?”
“I would perform that song live everyday to open ridicule if it meant winning you back.” He spat out quickly, forgetting himself. I felt my heart flutter with every word he stumbled out. “I mean… Not that I lost you erm… uh…” he rubbed the back of his head while looking at the floor. Splashes of water dripped out as his hoof ran over his scalp.
“What did I think of the performance?” I mercifully let him move on before he tripped on any more words.
“Well, according to what you told me later, you loved every second of it and wanted to be my special somepony.” He stated casually, which surprised me. I figured he would have declared that with a bit more triumph.
“Oh ok, so I guess you just asked me to the dance right after that? Easy peasy?” I shrugged as he shook his head with a widening smile.
“Actually, Buck asked you to the dance first, and you said yes.” He looked at me with that cocky smirk on his face. How could a stallion be so confident and so insecure at the same time?
“What!” I was genuinely shocked, and completely sucked into his story. “Why? Was I conflicted? Did I like him too? High school mares can be fickle like that.”
“No, you couldn’t stand Buck, especially after he had made fun of me. You once told me that you secretly wished I had asked you to the dance.” He bit his bottom lip.
“How is that possible? Why didn’t I just ask you first?” I rubbed my face with my hoof.
“You thought about it, but Buck caught you off guard and asked in front of everypony. I guess you felt pressured to say yes, and weren’t sure if I was fully interested.” He shrugged.
“Even after that power ballad?” I raised my eyebrow, as he just nodded. “I guess we were both just dumb then.”
“It gets worse.” He pointed at me. “Apparently, you and Twilight had spent an entire night going over charts and analyzing how good of a match you and I would make. Charts that Twilight had made, of course. She was our biggest supporter.”
“I was already foal sitting for Twilight?”
“Yes.”
“So I was in your house, meeting you and your family, and you never managed to make a move at all? Or even start up a conversation to feel out if I was interested?” I threw up my hooves in protest.
“Correct. I couldn’t form a coherent sentence around you, remember?”
“It’s a miracle we even got together at all.”
“Exactly.” His eyes looked into mine. He must have been remembering the mare he met all those years ago in school. How much different did I look now compared to then? “So you and Twilight had determined it was a done deal, but you swore Twilight to secrecy so I didn’t find out about that until much later.”
“What happened at the dance?” I couldn’t help but sigh audibly.
“Well, my buddies and I hatched another plan, as our previous two had failed.”
“Two?” I tilted my head.
“Oh yeah, I forgot about the game. We tried to sabotage Buck in the polo game to make him look stupid, but it backfired. Our interference just made him look amazing. Our team won by a landslide.” He shook his head.
“So, you basically cheated for him.”
“I…” Shining looked caught off guard. “I never thought of it that way before, but I suppose you have a point.”
“Okay, that’s two failures, what was the third strike?” I crossed my front hooves, excited to hear the rest of his tale.
“At the dance we tried to prank and annoy him so he would freak out and show his true colors.”
“Completely logical and reasonable.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Was I that oblivious to his true nature?”
“No, he pretty much showed his true colors to you right away, and you never had any real interest in him at all. I kept myself up at night wondering why you said ‘yes’ to him.” Shining looked a little embarrassed to admit that.
“Well, please tell me I ditched him and we went home together.” I buried my hoof in my face and shook my head.
“Long story short, yes we did.” He sighed, eyes lost in memory.
“Let me get this straight.” I held up my hoof. “I was in to you from square one, but you were too dense to realize it. So, you took the easiest layup imaginable, but made it so complicated and difficult for yourself that you almost ruined your chances entirely?”
“See!” He pointed at me with joy in his eyes. “It’s like you remember all along.”
“My poor little idiot.” I boldly reached out my hoove to touch his face. I moved some of his blue mane out of his eyes until I rested my hoof under his cheek. He tilted his head into my touch, taking in a deep breath.
I’m not sure what came over me, but I leaned into him and kissed him on the opposite cheek that I was holding. He took in a short breath as my lips made contact with his facial fur. His eyes stared warmly into mine, wishing for more contact. More of my touch. Feeling a little shy myself, I backed off a half step.
“I get it.” I said as he felt the cheek that I had kissed with his hoof. “I may not remember it, but I see everything in you now that I saw back then.”
“Cadance.” His breathy voice whispered my name. I stood there waiting for him. Waiting for him to pounce on me, wanting more. Wanting his wife, and everything he had missed out on since my memories were stolen from me. From us. I was nervous, but I knew that I would probably let him. Would he go for it? Would he take me now? Would this fool let his heart get ahead of him, as Pell said, and would I be ready for him to?
“I didn’t have a voice back then, but I do now. Will you go out with me?” He asked like he wanted to know what I wanted for dinner. I just stood there blinking, not sure how to react to that.
“What?” I asked about as smoothly as his pick up game was in high school.
“On a date.” He said it like it was obvious. “I-I was never confident enough to ask you directly back in school. So, I guess I’ll do it now. That way we can get to… we can…” He stammered, not wanting to finish his sentence.
“Get to know each other?” I finished for him.
“We do know each other.” He said defiantly. His eyes showed that spark of royal leadership and conviction. “We just need a reminder.”
I nodded slowly, not sure if this was the best way to approach this. However, a date sure sounded fun.
“I’d love to go on a date with you, Shining Armor.” I smiled warmly at him and he returned it looking like he might melt away. He moved towards me looking like he wanted to go in for the kiss. I trembled just a little bit as his face approached mine. He sensed my hesitation and redirected his muzzle to kiss me back on the cheek. I felt his lips on my fur, tempted to dive into his embrace as demand more. Before I could fall into desire, he backed away, looking at me with his boyish charm.
“Pick you up at eight?” He grinned out of the side of his mouth.
“It’s a date.”
He bowed his head to me before leaving me alone on the balcony once again. The rain was starting to slack, and my body felt much warmer than when I started my open air shower.
****