• Member Since 1st Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Shadowed Rainbow



T

Queen Chrysalis and King Metamorphosis are two ruling changelings from two separate Hives, each one having a certain enmity toward one another due to events in their past. When they separately learn of the wedding between Princess Cadance and Shining Armor, they plan to ruin it by taking the places of the ponies to be wed. However, they are completely unaware of each other's involvement or intent.

With both putting on a deceptive act toward one another, what happens when the deceivers are unknowingly deceived themselves? And can Shining and Cadance, each believing they must save one another from a fake, be reunited, or will they fall prey to the entrapment of the changelings?

An alternate storyline to A Canterlot Wedding.

Dedicated to Victor Frost, for without his Colt Version of "This Day Aria", I might never have come up with this.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 521 )

you have my attention.

Interest piqued, this should be an interesting ride. Is this going to deserve a comedy tag before it's all said and done? The Will Rogers quote you open with makes me assume you've got some crazy hijinks in the works.

I like Where the story Is going :twilightsmile:

As good as it was I would have liked to read about what had happened at the wedding :derpytongue2:

I will watch and wait

598200 Hey, keep in mind, this is only the first chapter - we'll get to the wedding, just not completely right off the bat - there's gonna be a tad bit of backstory first! :raritywink:

:598113 Come to think of it, I might actually go and add a comedy tag into it right now - there's gonna be a bit of comedy right off the bat with Chapter 2, so I think I'll go and add that now.

Not only did someone on Youtube describe this potentially being "The Comedy of Errors, with ponies" when I described the idea to them, but there's also another thing: have you ever seen The Swan Princess and the part with younger Derek and Odette at the song "This is My Idea"? Yeah, well that plus the song "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" is more or less gonna be shown to sum up the relationship between Chrysalis and Metamorphosis in flashback next chapter. :raritywink:

I don't always read some of the newer stories that come out, but when I do, I am pleasantly surprised. :moustache:

Oh goodness me. This is looking much better than I thought it would. Well done! I, Victor Frost, officially endorse this King Metamorphosis Fanfiction.

I am aware of how insane this sounds but I actually find Chrysalis' voice and appearance to be a lot better than Princess Cadence.

Of course, the changeling queen is evil to the core, but visually and vocally she's wonderful. I dunno. Part of this might be my deep subconscious desire to have an emo-with-a-heart-of-gold-girlfriend. Part of it might be that I don't really like the 'barbie doll' look.

Does anyone else agree?

ooh looks interesting, ima track and read it when its complete

599430 Oh my gosh.... Victor Frost you actually commented, wow! *dies of happiness because you've both read and liked what I have so far and you were the inspiration for this whole thing* Thanks so much!:pinkiehappy:

I'm probably gonna end up hearing all the parts I write for King Metamorphosis as being in your epic voice for him! (except the younger flashbacks, but hey.)

This is getting interesting, and I can sense the trickery levels nearly getting off the charts. The only way the tricks could get trickier is if a being of pure trickery would come in, kidnap the bride and groom, and trick everyone that he was both of them, changelings included.
Obviously we all know who could pull off such a devious trick.
img525.imageshack.us/img525/84/ocelotpartyll1.gif

- I've deceived you, I am changeling Queen!
- No, I'VE DECEIVED YOU! I am changeling King!
- ...
- ...
- So...
- ...we're imprisoned both bride and groom?
- Well, fuck.

Tracking and thumbs up. 4 teh LULZ :raritystarry:

Four kind of notes of construct. crit.

1)Opening with a quote by a human author is too off-setting and takes the focus off of the 'pony'. I'd cut that.

2)There's a whole hell of a lot of dry, descriptive language. "It was", 'There were', 'they were', etc. That gives sort of a... overly dull undertone to the whole thing. You might want to look over this and think about revising thing, or at least trying in the new chapters to be more character and action oriented.

3)The opening has a really... dull set of info being given. It reads a little like what you'd see on a college guidance adviser website. "There are changes coming. One must know said changes"-type language. I'd look at maybe revising that.

4)I may really be mis-interpreting things, but it seems like the changeling king might want more than 'love' in the magical sense from Cadence. Like he'd want to milk her for physical, emotional, and everything else. Maybe even 'fall in love' back?

Or maybe Chrysalis is wanting the same thing? This seems unclear. Do these changelings normally fall in love with each other, marry, and have foals like normal ponies do? How does this relate to their status as 'love' hunting parasite things?

Not a 'bad thing' about your writing at all; I just felt confused.

Would they notice when they can't feed from each other?

And hell if Twilight won't notice her brother's impostor if she noticed Cadance.

600317 I actually have to thank you for that constructive criticism - they do say, after all, that criticism like that shouldn't be seen as putting your writing down, but to help make it better. So I gotta thank you for that for helping improve my writing. :eeyup:

1. I see your point about the quote, so I took it out. Though Richard Adams put quotes at the beginning of his chapters in Watership Down, which was a novel about rabbits (and one of my favorite books) I can understand how having quotes may work in one situation but not in others - thanks for the critique on that!

(... I apologize for the long answer to the short critique)

2. Oh, there's definitely going to be more action in the later chapters, and hopefully a better mix of showing (describing what things are like( and telling (basically just quickly saying "This happened that's it", though ordinarily a writer should go on the "show don't tell" route. I can definitely see where you're coming from and try to revise that.

3. That I will most definitely revise, because, to be perfectly honest, I was kind of at a loss of how to properly open the story - they do say that the beginning of a story is the hardest part to write, and honestly I couldn't agree more with that statement.

4. And to make a point on your final crit., I can give you a little bit of background into what Chrysalis is based on in the show itself: Chrysalis is based off of a creature in folklore known as a succubus, which would appear as a normal female in order to seduce them (an incubus is the male counterpart). In the actual show, Chrysalis gets extremely close to Shining Armor at some points, and even acts that way toward a mannequin during her song when no one else is around, plus her assumed "exaggerated wink" when she sings "But I still want him to be all mine" has the same subtext applicable. Based on that point of basis, I've kind of employed it so both of them have that sort of succubus/incubus vibe to them. As for them being able to feel love themselves, all that will be expanded on a bit in the next chapter.

So, long reply aside, thanks for the constructive critique, it really helps.:scootangel:

600574 As far as noticing when they can't feed off each other goes, you have to keep in mind that romantic love isn't the only kind of love - for instance, in the book "The Sight", when one of the good characters protests to the main antagonist that she can't possibly love the one she's raising to be evil, the antagonist says, "You're wrong, I love his hate." In my view, one thing that both Chrysalis and Metamorphosis share a love for is power.

As for Shining... well, you'll see what Metamorphosis does and who ends up investigating his behavior. :raritywink:

The Comedy of Equestrian Errors. I can't wait to read this!

600926 Funny thing about that is that connection didn't even occur to me until someone else on Youtube pointed it out when I proposed the fic idea, and I actually read TCoE at the beginning of the semester for my Shakespeare class.:scootangel:

600938
If that person is jamezbond45, that's me!

600943 Oh, yeah, that was you! :pinkiehappy: I see you got my Youtube message!

600958
Yup! I'd review it now, but I've got 8 different fics to read (including yours) as well as finals to study for, so I'm a little swamped!

600995 Hey, that's okay, take your time! I understand how rough finals and such can be! (I had my finals two weeks ago, so I'm on summer break now)

600831
I'm glad that you took criticism well and didn't just snap... (like too many authors out there :duck: )

I've written about Chrysalis twice. One is a romance with Princess Luna (albeit a cloppy one :rainbowwild:) while the other is an adventure fic where she tortures poor :applecry: by holding the other CMC in danger and otherwise doing bad stuff to her to tease out her 'love'.

I guess I see her / them as more complex than succubii. I suppose I think of them as more like classic parasites in the sense of worms and such w.r.t love. Not just that, but the intellectual sense of being adored also feeds them. In a way, there's a left possibility that they could mutually feed from someone with strong enough love and an inner constitution and go from parasites into something like emotional symboties.

I sort of tried to do that w.r.t Luna, so that Luna's inner darkness and strength as Nightmare Moon (I'm also writing NM as not 'evil' per say, but as a part of Luna that was filled with external evil but is since now cleansed and good like a hero-- maybe like how Clark Kent is just a part of Superman)... means that Luna wants to de-fang / tame Chrysalis until they can be in a real relationship and maybe eventually have her take Luna's side as a co-Princess.

603177 Hey, your critique made good points and wasn't trying to be insulting or anything, so I was willing to listen! Also it gave me a chance to improve that open which I was having so much trouble with when I first posted the thing.

I do agree that Chrysalis/Metamorphosis are more complex than just simple succubi (it's why next chapter you'll get a bit on their backstory together), though I wanted to keep that inspired-aspect as part of their personalities. Although, the relationship thing is gonna get kind of complicated.

And you've wrote things with Chrysalis before too, sweet! :coolphoto: Though, when you mentioned Luna "de-fang-ing" Chrysalis, I honestly got a mental image of Chrysalis being like a cat and Luna helping to get her fangs removed at a doctor's or something. :twilightsmile:

603224
Though, when you mentioned Luna "de-fang-ing" Chrysalis, I honestly got a mental image of Chrysalis being like a cat and Luna helping to get her fangs removed at a doctor's or something.

OH GOD

I sputtered out in laughter, almost dropping my laptop

You are awesome

603325 Lol, glad you got a kick out of that! :yay::pinkiehappy:

Hmm, I think I like where this is going. Continue, please!:pinkiehappy:

612948 Indeed I shall continue - expect changling culture stuff next chapter! :raritywink:

This is looking to be quite interesting...keep it up.

Okay this will be interesting :pinkiehappy:

I'm not going to lie. You did an amazing job giving such in-depth detail to the Changeling culture and history. I'm impressed. :moustache:

632970 Thanks! I'm a big fan of books like Watership Down, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, etc, where they have their own culture and religion and stuff, so I thought. "Hey, I'm gonna go that route and give the changelings a culture because I love that stuff!

Also...

*glances up at featured box and happens to see story there*

:rainbowderp:....:pinkiegasp:

*Rainbow Dash 'ohmygosh', falls over and dies of happiness*

Well...this should be fun.

This is going to get exciting! I especially liked the looks into changeling culture.:twilightsmile:

Speaking of which, what's your reasoning for the names? Chrysalis and Metamorphosis have somewhat normal-sounding names, while their changelings have more exotic names. Are the names supposed to be in changeling? What is it?

633095 All of the changeling names are meant to be exotic changeling names - except one. Their goddess, Circe, is actually from Greek mythology, an enchantress who changed her form and that of others, and basically was quite a bit like Chrysalis (the plant that grew on her island even reminds me of the changeling crown a bit). The original lines from which Chrysalis, Metamorphosis, and the like all thus will have names that combine Greek words (I will elaborate more on those later, and already have one in mind for Chrysalis's ancestors), but eventually more surnames came about and the royal lines came up with their own names and terms, going from Greek to more exotic wordings. :eeyup:

633162

I see. Thanks for the info, and yeah, I know who Circe is to a degree. Thanks!:pinkiehappy:

633181 No problem! :pinkiesmile: The MLP team seems to like sneaking in Greek mythology references in the show, so I figured it couldn't hurt to add some in for the changelings! :scootangel:

NO WHY DID YOU HAVE TO END IT ON A CLIFFHANGER?!:applecry:
This story seems interesting,ill be waiting for the next chapter:twilightsmile:

I love this story so is the rivalry the caused for the hate between the two changelings or did they fall in love the something bad happens

633222 I ended it on a cliffhanger because I love doing things like that :raritywink: Even though I get in suspense when others end things on cliffhangers! Such is the way suspense works, I suppose!:scootangel:

633234 *smirks* Maybe... or it could be both... or something else different entirely... you didn't think I'd spoil it all, would you? :raritywink:

633249 I know u wouldent Im just trying to get hints or clues

633264 Well, those were nice guesses, and you shall soon find out for yourself - more flashbacks will reveal more things later. :twilightsmile:

You are a mean one:rainbowlaugh: you seem to be trolling me more than celestia trolls twilight:trollestia:

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