• Member Since 11th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 19th, 2020


Just a nice, polite Canadian.


It's official. Twilight Sparkle has entered the highly competitive world of book writing.

The only problem? Her stories are far too complicated, confusing, and long for most ordinary ponies to even understand -- Twilight's close friends included.

Now Twilight must try her hooves at something she thought nearly impossible.

Writing a simple story.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 29 )

Okay, this was brilliant. Showcases the trials of constructive criticism and the perils of writing complex narratives while being hilarious in the process.

I can see Twilight doing that, and I can see her being able to tone it down too. Quite enjoyable.

Noticed this:

“I cut out nearly three-hundred!”


The Ground That We Trot On Through a Forest Laid Bare: The Incantations of Machinations of Salutation into a World Of-

I see twilight shares Henry Darger's preference for exceedingly long winded titles.

So Twilight, in Super Nerd mode, writes a book that can only be appreciated by other Super Nerds? A fun idea, we need more of Twilight being brilliantly nerdy (and less Twilight as New and Improved Celestia. Meh.)

See Spike. See Spike run. Run, Spike, run! See Spike get eaten by a roc... :facehoof:


“I actually recall Lord Crumblypants burning down an orphanage just to collect the insurance money,” Twilight told her evenly, “all so he could use that very same money for his own nefarious small business, selling fake, unhelpful medicine to the sick and needy.”

Oh Twilight, you helpless nerd. Everyone knows orphanages have very little insurance money!

What you do is marry some rich mare and then put an extra-huge life insurance policy on her! Then you hire a 3-legged changeling to bump her off while disguised as Blueblood.. since everypony hates him anyway because Rarity that one time and you know, the thing! No one will question the thing!

The orphanage comes into play when you need to pay the changeling! You sell him the orphans' love! Have him show up as an adoptive parent again and again! Then he can shove them in pods and feed off them until they're lifeless husks and NEITHER of you have to deal with them anymore! It's win-win-win!

Then you invest half that money into an addictive sweet substance that gives ponies diabeetus, and the OTHER half into treatments for diabeetus, making sure that you can super-overcharge for the insulin they need to be not dead! Then you get ALL THE MONEY!

You can't fail!


"Alondro Interjects Various Ejaculated Protestations Betwixt Convincingly Reprehensible Quadrupedal Vertebrates Composed of Chitinous Exoskeletal Segments Perforated Indiscriminately Along Protuberances Protruding from the Central Body Mass"


"Alondro Argues With a Couple of Changelings"

A simple story about a really complex story, it's brilliant.

The twist at the end is what really got me.

I just noticed it's "naturalbornderpy" and not "Naturalbornderpy"!
gumbo is a Self Insert! /tinfoil hat

Brevity is the soul of wit, some say.

I see Twilight didn't get the memo. :rainbowlaugh:

“Did you know that Judge Fudge was actually possessed by the ghost of his grandfather all along?”

And here I thought he was just far too busy being delicious.

Me, reading the title: Wait, what?

Me, reading the description: Hey, now, I'm feeling called out!

Me, reading the story: Oh, I get the joke now!


Fluttershy: “A happy ending.”

Rarity: “Dashing fashion, obviously.”

Rainbow Dash: “Fights! And lots of ‘em!”

Applejack: “Traditional, good honest storytelling. The hero’s journey. That sort of thing. And anything related to apples doesn’t hurt, either.”

Pinkie Pie: “Sandwiches!”

As someone who enjoys those tropes, I can't help but feel slightly insulted that Twilight thought a 30-page children picture-book was the best way to use them. They can be used for epic long stories too!

Million words?
500 pages is nothing but if its something like hard reset with the chrysalis expansion...

Twilight, you adorkable nerd, this is why we love you.

She merely shrugged back. “I turned those pages into a flipbook. Wanna see me fly through the clouds and then eat a hayburger?”

ooh im interested:rainbowderp:

10252111 Thank you! :twilightsmile:

10251417 Adorkable Twilight is best Twilight.

10248723 That's what happens when you think of the title before the story. And then by the time you're done writing, you realize it really had nothing to do with simple stories. Yet you still like the title so it stays. :trollestia:

10247856 I agree! :yay: I think that's why I've always enjoyed the older seasons of the show. When Twilight was overly nerdy and Celestia was... more Celestia.

10247743 Corrected. Thanks!

10247444 Glad you enjoyed! Again! :moustache:

Let me guess: you’ve tried reading Gravity’s Rainbow?

No, Derpy, no...! :raritydespair:

An enjoyable read! :D Thanks for sharing!

I found Pinkie's story very moving:

“I meant the cake! I finished it all and, let me tell you, what an adventure that was.” She playing patted her protruding pink belly. “The ending satisfying, yet sad.”

Re. this:

“I actually recall Lord Crumblypants burning down an orphanage just to collect the insurance money,” Twilight told her evenly, “all so he could use that very same money for his own nefarious small business, selling fake, unhelpful medicine to the sick and needy.”

I don't believe this slander. I don't care what Twilight says. She's the author; the author is dead. Ponies are always so quick to accuse other ponies of burning down orphanages. Thank Celestia that we have justice in Equestria, and you can't convict somepony of burning down an orphanage just because he'd just taken out a big fire insurance policy on it, and was seen walking towards it with a can of gasoline sometime before it burned down.

I'm guessing Twi's friends set up that ending to make her feel better.


Personally, I was going to say Finnegans Wake, but I guess Gravity's Rainbow is a better comparison since, in Twilight's book, it's just the story that's impenetrable and not, you know, literally everything.

Also, am I the only one who found the ending actually very positive and meaningful - showing that even if most people ignore, don't understand or outright hate a work doesn't mean that it doesn't have an audience, however small and niche, and doesn't mean that audience is wrong for enjoying it any more than most people are for disliking it.

If nothing else, I doubt the ending made Twilight unlearn all the stuff she'd got from her friends and she certainly doesn't have a low enough opinion of their intellects to assume they're "just not smart enough to get it". I think she still knows that anything she writes for a general audience needs to be simpler. But hopefully she also now knows that there's nothing wrong with writing for a very specific niche.

Admittedly, I got a sort of sense that the implication of the story is that most of the other ponies in Derpy's group were hipsters who liked and figured it out only to say they could, but, if nothing else, Derpy herself seemed genuine in her praise and, even if she was the only one who liked it, I think that makes it worthwhile.

Well half expect rainbow to comment that a wonder bolt histotu hook was more entertaining. Hehe

Nice story, had me chuckling on several parts. Brilliantly written Pinkie pie and Twilight; well done champ!

“Duh. How do you think I got through it so fast?”


Brilliant and hilarious story! Also

And what was up with Twilight describing that one random tree for so long? It’s like… I know what a tree looks like, Twi! Move on already!

Nice Tolkien reference (?)

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