• Member Since 10th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Monday

Justice3442


Horrifically Fun

E
Source

Sunset Shimmer and Equestria’s own Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle have spent hours, literally hours, researching earth baby intelligence and have come to some startling conclusions regarding human Flurry Heart.

Cover art cropped from a piece by Calli-pi-zho.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 70 )

Fucking delightful. You made me wake up my girlfriend with my ridiculous, uncontrollable giggling. I must say, as a person who's suffered through hearing those movies from across a house, you simply must be stopped.

All I need now is a baby..

Okay, that was positively hilarious!
...though now I'd actually like to see an additional snippet of Princess Twilight babysitting both Flurrys on Earth and making a study about their respective learning curves as she tried to determine why Equestrian foals learn so much faster than Earth babies.

... Well now I wanna know how that fight went!

That was a great combination of the new episodes.

8118725 I suspect the girls kept the Dark Trinity busy while Cadance and Shining paired up Sunset's phone with a digital projector, and replayed the video of Twilight studying baby Flurry while watching a horrible movie. Then while the Trinity is distracted (and trying to stay focused on the hilarious sight of Princess Twilight trying to learn real facts from a silly baby movie without bursting out laughing,) they all get nailed by a spectrum laser.

Afterward, Trixie, Twilight, and Starlight promise to be better people/ponies, but only if they get to watch the rest of that movie...

You know, if I'm remembering the biology correctly, Twilight might actually be sorta right about CHS Flurry. If I recall, human babies are born with their brains not fully developed, because otherwise their heads wouldn't be able to fit through their mother's pelvis at birth, whereas equines get two or three extra months to finish up. So if Pony Flurry is better developed mentally than her counterpart, it's just because her mom's a horse so she got to bake a bit longer than human Flurry.

8118848
Also, as seen with the Cake Twins, Foals begin talking at ridiculously young ages. Then again, animals do mature a lot faster than humans do.

Ok, Twilight should really not leave Starlight and Trixie in her castle again. Or at least give Spike the Newspaper so they can avoid problems like this again.

Another funny fic, Sunset is so good at the trolling (probably kind of inherited from someone). Maybe Twilight can write this off as cultural studies of how stupid some movies can be?

Cadance chuckled. “Well, taking Flurry across dimensions certainly is something that her parents should discuss.”
Sunset nodded. “Especially since there is a very high chance that Flurry Heart will turn into an adorable destroyer of cities on the other side.”

She's right.

Trixie grinned mischievously as her horn glowed lilac. A hard-bound book with a lock and a small note that read, “Do not open!” with a skull and crossbones doodle at the bottom floated onto the table in front of the two mares. Trixie unceremoniously tossed the note away with a glow of her horn, produced a few tiny picks from her hair, and shoved them in the lock. With a small amount of fiddling, it unlocked. “Ta-da!”

Fool of a Trixie.

Shining Armor shrugged. “I don’t know, but they both know science and magic…” He motioned to the women across the table from him. “I mean… Look at those lab coats. They just seem so knowledgeable.”
Sunset nodded. “That we do.”

They DO have lab coats.

“I knew this would be hard for them to accept,” Twilight said, “but they really are just dismissing our findings right out of hoof… hand!”

To be fair, Equestrian baby mental development is probably quite different from human baby mental development.

Prince Shining Armor lifted his arm to wave behind him. “Also good luck with your less intelligent version of our baby!”

Dammit Shining!

“The Boss Baby,” Twilight answered, “Baby Geniuses… Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2…
Cadance and Shining’s faces immediately tightened into scowls which they directed at Sunset.
Sunset held a fist in front of her mouth. A fist that wasn’t quite concealing a smile.

Twilight, you've been trolled.

Let me tell you, that is some comedy platinum right there!”

I can imagine.

Shining Armor gasped. “And then we can record that and later show it to her so then we can watch Flurry Heart watching Flurry Heart watching herself!”

Jeez, this is starting to hurt my brain.

“Well…” Shining began, “… At least things couldn’t get any worse?”

You dense motherbucker!

It's incredible the credibility you can gain with a white lab coat.

So, for when will be the fic with the two pairs of Cadences and Shinings as swingers? :raritywink:

8118963

Jeez, this is starting to hurt my brain.

:trollestia:

8119034

And that just makes it worse. Ya jerk. Points for Spaceballs though.

“The Boss Baby,” Twilight answered, “Baby Geniuses… Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2…”

I get how she got the last two, but the Boss Baby is still in cinemas right now. Did Sunset Shimmer illegally film it and is now on the run from the cops? How did she get her hands on it before anyone else?

And while we're on the topic of the Boss Baby, why tho, Alec Baldwin?

8118848 If humans were as physically and mentally capable as horses at birth, relatively speaking, our gestation would be longer than the lifespans of most of our pets. In fact, the human brain is so powerful if it was any more powerful we would need to eat like hummingbirds. If brains were video games, and horses were Lon Lon Ranch, humans would be Breath of the Wild in scale and Duke Nukem Forever in development time. And look at what happens to games like Sonic 06 (Which the AVGN just reviewed in his latest episode), the AAA industry has basically become a MTG card with several repeat instances of Cumulative Upkeep.

8119082

That's your nitpick?!

8119357 I never said that it was a nitpick. What part of my dialogue makes you claim that I nitpicked that certain part?

I actually found that moment to be very entertaining and interesting, as how the movie is still being broadcast in cinemas across the globe at the current juncture in time.

Though I still wonder how Sunset managed to avoid having the cops come down on her like a maelstrom...

8119363

"Chief, we got one."

"Can't it wait, Lou? You know I don't like to leave the station before my morning donut."

"Sorry Chief, it's a big one."

"What? Homicide? Just send someone down with a roll of tape. Forensics can handle the rest."

"Bigger."

"... Double Homicide?"

"No, Chief... Someone illegally downloaded a CAM vid of Boss Baby on the internet."

"... My GOD, man! That's still in the theaters! Don't they watch the video explaining that's a crime?! What kind of monster..."

"Guess this scumbag has no respect for the law OR humanity in general, Chief."

"Alright, Lou, get SWAT on the blower. I'm not taking any chances with this one!"

:trollestia:

8119082 maybe this is in the future?

This was absolutely silly and I loved it.

Only thing I could really suggest for improvement would be to ground some of the scenes a bit more, but aside from that I was laughing throughout.

This has to be my favorite bit though:

KAPHOOOOOOM!

Everyone jumped as they heard a cacophonous noise from outside. A noise that Twilight and Sunset immediately recognized as magical in nature. The two exchanged worried glances and rushed towards the window of the lab while Flurry Heart began to cry and Cadance and Shining did their best to calm her down with a snail plushy.

Twilight and Sunset looked outside down at the mirror portal as energies from the portal bathed the Canterlot High Courtyard in unnatural light.

Sunset closed her eyes, crossed her fingers, and began to chant, “Not Midnight Sparkle… Not Midnight Sparkle… Not Midnight Sparkle…”

Twilight also closed her eyes, crossed her fingers, and made her own chant, “Not Starlight, Not Starlight Not Starlight…”

“Sunset Shimmer!” a feminine voice which reverberated with magical power called out. “I have come for my revenge!” Twilight threw her hands into the air. “YES!” she cried enthusiastically.

Sunset’s shoulders dropped. “Oh boy… Never going to hear the end of this one.”

Twilight tossed a smug smirk in Sunset’s direction. “Well… you deserve—“

“AND I’M NOT ALONE!” the voice added.

The two women immediately turned back towards the window as a purple skinned woman with a long central horn made of crackling electric blue arcs emerged from the portal. Her purple hair with an electric blue streak through it seemed to dance like lightning atop her head as she pulled herself through the portal revealing wings made out of pure electric blue current. “Twilight Sparkle, prepare to be Equalized!”

What actually happens when babies and little kids have enormous powers:

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/eb/48/37/eb48376d371b85868db8b8af952f832d.jpg

:pinkiecrazy:

“Shining, honey,” Cadance began, “how would the girls know if they’re anything spiritually wrong with Flurry Heart?”

Just then, Flurry Heart picked up a book and intoned in the voice of James Earl Jones, "Have either of you read "Dianetics" by L. Ron Hubbard?"

The exorcist was called in 10 seconds flat. :trollestia:

“The Boss Baby,” Twilight answered, “Baby Geniuses… Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2…”

Sunset made Twilight watch those movies?!
I knew it, she IS still pure evil!

“Seriously!” Sunset said. “I only get to pull this gag on you once. Maybe more than once if I pick the right movies, but I’m never going to have the opportunity to observe someone watching something as mind-boggling stupid as the Baby Geniuses movies with an expression of genuine interest!”

She's even purer evil that pure evil... she's concentrated evil! She's... she's that evil stuff that God made in "Time Bandits"!

1.bp.blogspot.com/-j34q9oP5WHo/TzU9CJ4us2I/AAAAAAAAFtg/HCxmDmtEKnI/s1600/Time%2BBandits%2BEvil%2BLeftovers.jpg

Of course I know "Time Bandits"?! Do you think I'm some half-plotted nerd wanna-be like today's hack frauds? I WAS A NERD BEFORE IT WAS COOL!!! (Alondro's Nerd Purist Revolt is founded... but quickly C&D'd by that other NPR).

I vaguely remember watching super babies when I was like, five. My dad joked that if I tried hard enough, I might be like them.

I now write horse words on the internet and look at memes.

At least I'm on honor roll at school.

8119385

"Guess this scumbag has no respect for the law OR humanity in general, Chief."

"Must be one of those Chinese bootleggers."

"Doesn't narrow it down much, Chief. What Chinese AREN'T bootleggers, these days."

"Good one, Lou. That'll teach those vile fiends of the International Chinese Communist Conspiracy!"

:trollestia:

Baby Geniuses?! Why would Sunset pick that garbage over the obviously superior Look Who's Talking?

8119908 Because in order to troll Twilight, you have to get past her language filter. And a movie with the word "Geniuses" in it is more likely to do that. :twilightsmile:

8119629

I don't get that part. :derpyderp2:

8120106 Everything just goes wrong, and left unsupervised, three former villains catalyzed a mass return to villainy. I just find that amusing.

I'm assuming your question was serious.

8120108

I just assumed the book Sci Twi, Stalight and Trixie were about to read was the Inspiration Manifestation, so they would perform crazy obsessive magic back in Ponyville

8119908
Look Who's Talking...? I finished the story, I heard of Baby Geniuses Franchise but OH!
OH! OH! OH! It just dawned on me! I KNEW that name was familiar!

8119126

You could make the argument that the species change from going through the mirror isn't to fit in, but rather a safety measure to stop ponies crossing over from receiving severe memory loss and brain damage since the magic required for their brains to store and process enough data to be sapient would not normally be present in the human world. Have to switch formats to something with enough physical processing power to store it.

8118725
8118782 Or Sunset Shimmer just hit the three of them over the head with a rolled-up newspaper, I'm told that solves this sort of thing.

8120502
Tirek kinda shot this idea down. Loss of magic in ponies lead to physical weakness, not to a loss of intelligence and ability to reason.

Comment posted by PegasusMesa deleted Apr 26th, 2017

8121640

It was a reference. "Rip off" would have been more appropriate if I had taken large pieces of the article or it in its entirety without changing anything and done a fic on that. Normally I applaud people getting these obscure references, especially to something nearly 20 years old and just being an internet reference, but lucky you! Enjoy your comment scrub and your block!

Good day, sir madame.

This was dissapointing. I can not explain how. :pinkiesad2:

8121836 I can't believe it took you this long to block that guy.

8122178

If she runs around being a sour-puss on my other works, I haven't noticed. Though, I think she has something of a rep with other writers that warrants block worthy attention from others or something?

I pretty much never block anyone or scrub comments, regardless of how stupid or useless they are, but I took one look at this one and quickly deduced a scrub and block would immediately improve my own life and the lives of those that read the comment section. :trixieshiftleft:

8121129 Funny, yes. But considering the set-up time spent on the video, it would be a shame to lampshade this over the course of the story and not actually use it at some point. :raritywink:

Trollset Shimmer strikes again! :pinkiehappy:

8121836 Hoo-boy, who pissed you off?

8123132

Just someone who caught the reference in the title and instead of pointing out where it was from and providing a link themselves decided to accused me of plagiarizing the entire (parody) article. Scrubbed the comment because I'd rather someone who will actually experience joy from figuring out the reference will still comment. Blocked the user because if that's the type of posts they leave on people's stories, I don't wanna deal with it. :ajbemused:

8123163 You mean the old Onion article?

8123318

Hah! We have a winner. :pinkiehappy:

para morir de la risa !!!!! muy buena !!! 10-10:rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy::yay::raritystarry::trollestia::twilightblush:

*Cackling.* Oh my god that is just brilliant! I didn't expect it to go the way it did, tbh!

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!