Shadow in the Snow
Apple Bloom's eyes shot open.
She slowly rolled over in bed and stared out the window. It was still dark out, and the near blizzard conditions made it almost impossible to see far into the empty trees. Apple Bloom glanced over at her alarm clock and let out a quiet groan. Four-fifteen in the morning and wide awake. Grumbling to herself as she sat up, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes as a nagging thought in the back of her mind said that there was no way she was getting back to sleep.
Still, no reason not to try. A glass of milk might help.
Apple Bloom eventually slid out of bed and stretched, letting out a contented sigh as her back popped. All the while the trees outside of her window groaned and creaked from the weight of the snow, while the branches brushing over her window for a brief moment appeared as though they were claws reaching out to break through and snatch her away, causing a momentary chill down her spine. However, she quickly dismissed the thought, shaking her head at the childlike foolishness.
Apple Bloom inched the door open and tip-toed out of her room so as to not wake the rest of her family, gingerly stepping over the creaky step in the middle of the staircase. She shivered as she made her way to the kitchen where a breath of cold air leaked through a small crack in one of the windowsills. It was too early for a fire, and Apple Bloom began longing for the embrace of her thick comforter. She hopped onto a stool, ran her hoof over the windowsill above the sink and grimaced when she felt the small gust of air seeping through a small hole in the lower-right corner. They'd have to fix that in the morning.
Apple Bloom sighed before reaching to the cabinet for a glass when something caught her eye. She lowered her hoof, then squinted through the window to see what appeared to be a flickering light in the distance... in the direction of the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse? She frowned and hopped off of the stool. Nopony should have been out there this time of night, especially not in this weather. She made her way in the half-light to the side door of the house. She creaked it open, and flecks of snow pelted her eyes and muzzle, which she wiped away while staring into the distance. The light was definitely coming from the direction of their clubhouse.
"Who in Equestria would be...?"
She flinched back as a blast of freezing wind hit her in the face, almost blowing the door shut. It was loud enough that it sounded like somepony screaming in the dark. She shuddered from the cold and stepped back. Maybe she'd just forgotten to turn the light off in the clubhouse before leaving.
She paused as she thought about that more. Even if she had left the light on, the lamp would have burned out long before this point. If the light was on, somepony was out there in this weather.
She gulped, then fully stepped inside to shut the door. Applejack and Big Mac would definitely want to help with this. Whoever it was must have been freezing from the night snow, and the howling wind wouldn't help matters. It blew hard enough that Apple Bloom could swear she heard it calling her name in the dark.
Come to think of it … the longer she listened, the more and more it sounded like there was somepony out there, and not just calling her name but screaming it. It sounded like...
"Scootaloo?" Apple Bloom called out. The voice on the wind called her name back. Her eyes widened. There was no mistaking Scootaloo's voice. She ran over to the coat rack and quickly threw her coat, scarf and hat on before rushing out of the house.
"Scootaloo! Are ya there?" The cold stung at her eyes, making her squint. The snow came almost up to her barrel, but she trudged through. With each step she took, the voice calling out her name became clearer and clearer. Somehow Scootaloo had ended up in this blizzard.
"Scoots!" Apple Bloom called out when she came closer to the clubhouse. She instantly spotted a dark shape at the bottom of the ramp, shivering, still calling out for help. Even in the dark, there was no mistaking her friend. "Scoots, Ah'm here!"
"A-Apple Bloom?" Scootaloo whimpered, her back to Apple Bloom. "Please help me! It's s-so cold, and I hurt my leg. I think it's broken!"
"Don't you worry, Scoots, Ah'm here now," Apple Bloom said. She raced for Scootaloo, tore her scarf off from around her neck and threw it over her friend. "We'll get ya inside and all warmed up!"
"Thank Celestia," Scootaloo moaned. "I don't even know how I got out here!"
"No need ta worry about that right now, okay?" Apple Bloom said. "Let's just get ya inside!"
In that moment, the light of the clubhouse went out, cloaking the entire orchard in darkness, with only a sliver of moonlight illuminating anything at all.
"A-Apple Bloom?" Scootaloo whimpered. "Wh-where are you?"
"Ah'm here, Scoots. Just keep talkin' so Ah can find ya!"
"I'm over here," Scootaloo said, but even then Apple Bloom could hear her words slurring. She didn't have much time. She lunged forward, and her hoof hit what felt like a foreleg.
"Gotcha!" She knelt down next to her friend and grabbed Scootaloo's foreleg, throwing it over her shoulders and lifting her up. "Come on, Scoots. Let's get ya..."
Apple Bloom's words died in her throat as she realized she didn't feel a hoof on her shoulder. She slowly turned her head and saw a set of five curved blades. Claws, flashing in the night despite the weather and the dark. One of them was gently running up and down her neck, almost as if lovingly stroking it. Her heart pounded in her chest as she turned her head in the other direction and saw a grinning mouth of razor sharp teeth.
"Apple Bloom," the thing said in Scootaloo's voice, its grin widening. "Please help me. It's s-so c-c-cold out here!"
Before Apple Bloom could even think about running, the mouth opened wider than Apple Bloom thought possible and lunged. She gasped to scream, but she couldn't even make one sound as fangs instantly latched onto her neck, tearing into her throat.
* * * *
Apple Bloom's eyes shot open and she sat up with a gasp, bringing a hoof up to her throat. She sat there for a few moments, just staring at nothing in particular as the events of her dream replayed in her mind over and over again until they slowly faded.
She took a deep breath. Her throat was fine. No creature of the night had torn into it. She let out a quiet groan and glanced at her alarm clock. Four-fifteen in the morning. She flopped back down on her bed and grumbled to herself. There was no way she was just going to go back to sleep now. She briefly considered waking Applejack up, but quickly pushed that thought out of her mind. It was just a bad dream—she wasn't a foal anymore.
As she lay there in the dark, she listened to the dead tree branches scraping against her window, like some clawed beast trying to break in. She grunted and slid out of bed. Her dream had shot enough adrenaline through her that she probably wouldn't go to sleep again until the next night.
Still, no reason to not try.
A glass of milk might help. Apple Bloom opened up the door and tip-toed out of her room, hopped over the creaky step in the middle of the staircase and entered the kitchen. She shivered as she felt a draft of cold air from a crack in one of the windowsills. She sighed quietly to herself. They'd need to fix that in the morning. She opened the fridge and pulled out the half-empty quart of milk, setting it on the table before nudging a stool in front of the upper cabinets for a glass. She hopped onto it and was just about to reach for the cabinet door when she froze.
Apple Bloom felt her stomach drop as she spotted what appeared to be a flickering light through the snowstorm out of the corner of her eye. She lowered her hoof and jumped off of the stool.
Every instinct in her screamed not to open the door. In the dark, the door appeared twice its normal size as she approached it. Her mind kept replaying her nightmare over and over again, and once she reached the door, she lifted her hoof and bit into her foreleg hard enough that she nearly drew blood. She hissed in pain when she put her hoof down again.
This was no dream.
She reached for the handle, her heart nearly pounding out of her chest. Perhaps there was some benign explanation. Maybe she'd left the light on when she'd left the clubhouse that evening.
No, the lamp wouldn't have lasted that long.
Against all her better judgement, she opened the door ever so slightly. She flinched back as a blast of cold air hit her right in the face, and snowflakes clung to her. Despite the wind and the snow, she never lost eye contact with the flickering light from her clubhouse. She gritted her teeth together and began closing the door again before stopping.
"Maybe it's the monster again," Apple Bloom whispered to herself before shaking her head. "Naw, monsters like that ain't real. Probably nopony out there in this."
Then she heard it once more: a voice carrying through the wind. It sounded like somepony crying out for help. Apple Bloom creaked the door open a little more and swiveled her ears toward the voice.
Scootaloo.
Apple Bloom gasped and ran for the coat rack, throwing on her coat, hat and scarf before rushing out into the bitter cold. The wind stung at her face as she trudged through the nearly barrel-high snow. With each moment, Scootaloo's voice became louder and clearer as the clubhouse came into view. At each step she cursed herself for not waking her siblings to help, but Scootaloo was in danger now.
"Hold on, Scoots!" Apple Bloom cried. "Ah'm here!"
"A-Apple Bloom?" Scootaloo whimpered, her back to Apple Bloom. "Please help me! It's s-so cold, and I hurt my leg. I think it's broken!"
"Don't you worry, Scoots, Ah'm here now," Apple Bloom said. She reached Scootaloo and tore her scarf off from around her neck and threw it over her friend. "We'll get ya inside and all warmed up!"
"Thank Celestia," Scootaloo moaned. "I don't even know how I got out here!"
"No need ta worry about that right now, okay?" Apple Bloom said. "Let's just get ya inside!"
In that moment, the light of the clubhouse went out, cloaking the entire orchard in darkness, with only a sliver of moonlight illuminating anything at all.
"Apple Bloom?" Scootaloo whimpered. "Wh-where are you?"
"Ah..." Apple Bloom stared at the dark shape lying with its back to her. Its only movement was shivering and the occasional twitch. Apple Bloom's legs started shaking in a way that had nothing to do with the cold. She raised a hoof to take a half step back. "You..."
"Apple Bloom, please help me. It's s-so c-c-cold out here!"
Apple Bloom snapped out of her stupor, and a snarl crossed her face. She shook her head and snatched the scarf away from the thing pretending to be her friend.
"No, Ah ain't gonna fall for it this time!" she cried.
"F-fall for it?" the thing pretending to be Scootaloo whimpered. "Wh-what do you mean? What did I d-do?" The thing twitched as if to roll over towards Apple Bloom, causing her to take a full step back. "I can't feel my legs anymore! I th-think I have frostbite."
"Stop tryin' ta lie ta me!" Apple Bloom growled. "You ain't mah friend!"
"What are you t-talking about?!" the thing wailed. "H-help me!"
"Ah know yer game," Apple Bloom snapped, stepping back more. "You can just stay out here and freeze ta death for all Ah care!"
The thing's head flopped down in the snow, and it could only lay there twitching. "I d-d-d-on't kn-know wh..." The thing groaned and gave a few weak flaps of its wings. "H-h-help me, App—"
"You ain't gettin' me!" Apple Bloom cried as she wrapped her scarf back around her neck. "You ain't mah friend! Yer tryin' ta trick me!" She turned around and began running back toward the farmhouse as fast as her legs could carry her through the snow. Her heart pounded into overdrive as the biting wind and deep snow quickly drained her energy. The air seeped through her thick winter coat, and she stumbled when she landed wrong on the leg she'd previously bitten.
She could barely see the farmhouse through the raging snowstorm, growing closer with each step. Each passing moment, her legs grew heavier and heavier, and it became increasingly hard to keep her eyes open. Her instincts screamed at her that it was no use—she could never make it. Better to just close her eyes and lie down for a bit. Maybe she'd be fine once the storm passed. She groaned and stumbled, falling face first into the snow. With the last ounce of her strength, she managed to look up to see the farmhouse. The front door and her sanctuary was only feet away from her, but that hardly mattered. It was time to give up. The snow was too deep and the wind too cold.
Just as she was about to close her eyes, she heard what sounded like a voice being carried through the wind, shouting one last plea for help. Her eyes widened. The voice was closer than before. The creature undoubtedly knew where she was and was coming to get her. If she gave up now there was no way she'd survive. Tapping her final reserves of strength and resolve, she pushed herself up and began crawling toward the farmhouse door. Her hoof hit the concrete of her porch, and she let out a half-laugh, half-sob at the first sign of safety. She flopped her hoof around, hoping to find something, anything, to grab on to so she could pull herself up even as her strength ebbed away.
Her hoof hit an old wooden box by the door. In the howling wind and freezing snow, it might as well have been Princess Celestia herself. She dragged herself forward, using the box as her anchor. She managed to flop on top of it, and looked up to the old wooden door handle that led to her sanctuary. She weakly reached out to grab it, but it was just too far away. The wind continued screaming as the snow beat upon her.
“H-help,” she whimpered. “Applejack. B-Big Mac. S-somepony h-help me.”
One more scream carried through the wind, shouting her name, even closer than before. Whatever had pretended to be Scootaloo was fast approaching. She could almost feel its fangs sinking into her neck, tearing her throat out before feasting on her corpse. With one last jolt of adrenaline, she lunged forward, her hoof connecting with the door handle. She turned it with all of her might and pulled. The door creaked open a few paltry inches, but it was enough. Apple Bloom slid her hoof through the crack, allowing her to open the door further and tumble into the house.
The door slammed behind her, quieting the wind and shielding her from the snow. She curled into a ball on the floor in the main room, shivering. She could barely feel her hooves beneath her. As time passed, warmth started spreading through her once more. She began uncurling as feeling returned to her hooves. The storm still raged outside, but she had made it to safety.
She slid out of her freezing wet clothes, tossing them at the foot of the coat rack. The coat and hat had protected her from the worst of the moisture, but she still felt damp all over from the weather. Now that Apple Bloom had warmed up, she had regained some of her strength.
The sound of something scraping against the door snapped her out of her thoughts, and she shot to her hooves with a little yip. She stumbled briefly as she put too much pressure on her injured foreleg, but she managed to fully get to her hooves and charge up the stairs to her room. Apple Bloom barely heard the creature call out for her again, trying to fool her one last time. She made it to her room, snatched the comforter off of her bed and bolted to her closet, throwing the door open and leaping inside before wrapping the comforter around herself. Darkness overtook her as she lay there, barely even breathing. She whimpered when she heard the scraping at her window again. Whatever that thing pretending to be Scootaloo was, it was now trying to get in through the window. If it did, only a thin closet door protected her from it, and not even Celestia herself could save her.
And so, Apple Bloom sat there in the dark closet, flinching every time she heard it scratch at her window. She didn't make a single sound, and shivered in a way that had nothing to do with the cold. Every creak of the old house caused her to bundle the comforter tighter around herself as she imagined the creature walking up the stairs to snatch her away into the night. Her comforter kept her warm, but its embrace still didn't help her sleep. She sat the entire night waiting for it to break in. Maybe it was just waiting for her to show herself—to feel like she was safe before smashing through the glass and clamping its razor-teeth around her throat. She wouldn't have time to get Applejack or Big Mac before it got to her.
The scraping continued through the night, only letting up when sunlight began peeking through the gap under her closet door. She slid out of her comforter and cracked the door open ever so slightly. Relief flooded through her body as she looked out the window, and Apple Bloom almost laughed at herself.
A dead tree branch had been brushing against her window in the wind. The creature had likely given up at the door once it realized she wasn't going to fall for its lies.
She pushed the closet door open and flopped down onto the floor. Her eyelids slowly started to droop as the realization that she was completely safe washed over her. She managed to crawl into bed, pull the comforter back over herself, and fall asleep almost immediately.
* * * *
Apple Bloom was awoken some time later by a knock on her door.
"Apple Bloom? Sugarcube, can Ah come in?"
She frowned and sat up. She heard something in Applejack's voice that she couldn't quite peg.
Pushing that thought aside, Apple Bloom got out of bed and looked out the window. The snow had stopped, and despite the overcast clouds, it looked like a pretty good day. She'd have to get together with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to build a fort or some snowponies. Scootaloo would probably loudly assert that she would have handily defeated the monster once Apple Bloom told her friends about her experience.
"Apple Bloom? Are you awake?"
She grunted and stretched a bit to shake off the last lingering bits of sleep. "Yeah, Ah'm awake. Whatcha wanna talk about?"
The door to her room opened up, and Applejack walked in. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her expression was... haunted.
Apple Bloom's stomach tightened into a knot. She'd never seen her sister like this. "Applejack?" She took a step back. "What's goin' on? What's wrong?"
"We... we're not quite sure what happened or how it ha—" Applejack's voice cracked, and she cleared her throat before continuing. "Me 'n' Big Mac went out ta see if there was any major damage to any of the trees an'..." Applejack took in a deep, shaky breath. "We opened the door an'..."
Apple Bloom's jaw wobbled, and she slowly shook her head as he legs started shaking, threatening to give out completely. "Applejack, Ah—"
"We found her... She'd..."
"Applejack, don't," Apple Bloom whimpered, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. "Ah don't wanna—"
"Scootaloo." Applejack took a step toward her sister. "We tried ta, but... She's gone, Apple Bloom. Wasn't anythin’ we could do."
Apple Bloom stared at her sister for a brief moment and tried to speak, but her shaking legs gave out from under her. She screamed in pure anguish.
Applejack rushed up to her and scooped her up in her arms. "Ah know, sugarcube," she whispered, "but we're gonna make sure she's taken care of. We're gonna find out what happened, Ah promise."
Apple Bloom only sobbed harder as she leaned into her sister's chest, holding onto her like she was the only other pony in the entire world.
No, Ah ain't gonna fall for it this time!
F-fall for it? Wh-what do you mean? What did I d-do? I can't feel my legs anymore! I th-think I have frostbite.
Stop tryin' ta lie ta me! You ain't mah friend!
What are you t-talking about?! H-help me!
Ah know yer game. You can just stay out here and freeze ta death for all Ah care!
I d-d-d-on't kn-know wh... H-h-help me, App—
* * * *
Throughout the day, ponies kept coming to and from the farmhouse. Apple Bloom stayed in bed, staring at the wall and only hearing snippets of everything. Scootaloo's aunts had come to try to find out why Scootaloo was frozen to death on the front porch with a broken leg, and not in her room at home. She heard what sounded like police ponies asking her siblings questions. The worst was when she heard Rainbow Dash barge into the house to shout at Applejack, blaming her sister for everything that had happened. She stuffed her hooves in her ears, trying to shut out the sound of Big Mac and Granny Smith trying to calm her, only for Rainbow to begin shouting at them, asking how they would have felt if it was Apple Bloom who froze to death in the snow.
The hours ticked by, and Apple Bloom didn't move. She didn't even twitch when she heard her sister come in to leave a tray of food on her bedside table. Applejack told her that her and Big Mac had to go into town to talk to some ponies about everything, promising to check up on her when the two of them returned. Hoping to provide some comfort, she assured her that Granny Smith was still in the house in case she needed somepony. When Apple Bloom didn't respond, Applejack consigned to quietly sigh and kiss her on the forehead, promising her that everything would be okay in the end. Apple Bloom could take no comfort in her sister's words, as all the while she was trying to force the memory of Scootaloo's pleas for help out of her mind.
You ain't mah friend!
What are you t-talking about?! H-help me!
You can just stay out here and freeze ta death for all Ah care!
She didn't cry. She'd long since run out of tears. She just stared ahead at the wall. As the day darkened into night, she became vaguely aware that the snow had started to fall again, though not as hard as the night before. She sat up for the first time that day and walked to the window. The dead tree branch had snapped enough from the weight of the snow that it no longer brushed against her window, leaving a clear view of the orchard beyond. The only things she could see were the dead trees and snow blanketing the world in front of her.
Then she saw it.
A mass of shadow sitting underneath the tree in her direct view. She stared at the creature, her heart beginning to thump into overdrive. She slowly shook her head, and her leg twitched, every instinct telling her to run, but her legs locked up, forcing her to stand and watch. After a moment, she saw a row of sharp, glistening fangs grinning up at her.
She opened her mouth to cry for help, but all she managed were a few weak gurgles. The creature's smile widened before it spread large black wings and took off into the night, disappearing into the orchard almost instantly. Apple Bloom still stared ahead at where it had been, unable to move. She wanted more than anything for Applejack or Big Mac to barge through the door to take her away and protect her from whatever was out there watching her, waiting for one mistake. In the back of her mind she realized that they hadn't returned from town yet. Applejack wouldn't have broken her promise to check up on her again when they came back.
As she stared at the spot where the creature had been, she saw a light turn on in the distance out of the corner of her eye. It was faint at first, but it grew brighter as she turned to look at it. The light was coming from the direction of the clubhouse. Apple Bloom whimpered, and her legs began shaking as dull green sparks shot into the air.
She could barely hear a cry for help from a voice that sounded like Sweetie Belle.
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I couldn't call this one Frozen for obvious reasons.
images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51ixtNVWPhL._SY445_.jpg
What? Which one did you think I was talking about? Kinda think that's the better one, actually...
I got chills man! literally!
10193369
Pun intended?
10193371
Yes pun intended
Definitely frightening (kudos in that regard), but I'm kinda confused by this monster you've created. It's in a dream, but it's also in real life (maybe)? It also somehow knows who Apple Bloom's loved ones are, and it's playing these weirdly-convoluted mind games with her for some reason? I'm afraid I don't really understand it, at least not right now.
Loved everything else, but that one thing still kinda irks me.
Predicable but not bad.
10193447
I kinda wanted to leave it up to the reader's imagination of exactly what this thing is. It's obviously playing twisted mind games with her, and has some knowledge about her and her friends (not hard since she spends a ton of time with them, so anything spying on her would figure that out pretty quickly) and has some supernatural powers. Many reasons it could be doing this. Just for fun? Maybe it's like Pennywise and fear makes children tastier before the kill? Perhaps it's not real at all? Plenty of reasons it could be doing this.
Puns aside, this was genuinely very chilling. Trippy, but chilling. A bit on the predictable side though.
Hey, thanks for the entry! I look forward to reading it.
That was riveting! I loved it, great work! Excellent suspense, I kind of did see the plot twist with Scootaloo coming but it's really cool to think the monster truly exists.
I just wish Applebloom would wake her sibs up already
. Foals am I right?
10193575
Well, they weren't there at the end. Whatever choice Apple Bloom made at the end, her siblings weren't at the farm, so there was no getting outside help.
10193587
Yeah that's true, I meant retroactively as well XD.
Woah, nice story!
Very good dark twists in this story, you did a really good job on this!
10193460
"First of Ten..."
Well done. Its nice to see a good MLP Horror. Sadly the Horror Genre is very poorly represented here, so when a great little short story turns up, it a refreshing change.
The Monk
“Because we killed all of the monsters we ever ran into, save for ourselves and Death. What better way to respect death than to give it the form of the only monster we could never kill?" - WhatMustIDo
10193587
i choose to think it was a dream at the end. with sweetie. 'they weren't back yet' seems to be strange in and of itself. likely fell asleep while they were gone. but i didn't write it so who knows
10193836
Maybe it was, maybe not. If it's some dream demon, then probably not real, no. If it is real, maybe it's not that late. It is winter, so the sun would set earlier. Maybe Applejack left half an hour before sunset. Also, a filly froze to death on their porch. That would take a while to sort out.
I have to admit, editing on a horror story gives you strange conversations.
"In terms of the end, is it better with Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo?"
"Hm, good question. You can kill Scoots first, then the plaintive voice at the end can come with a flickering hornlight out in the darkness, giving the reader an even more sledgehammer to the "Is it just the monster, or really Sweetie?" Always good to add a little."
Yes, I do have a heart. I keep it in a jar on my desk.
10193861
true. most creatures like this have an MO, so it likely is a dream, but only cause it wants her to know it put sweetie in the clubhouse like it did scoots.
:\
Tbh it's obvious the monster was a physical entity. A foal with a broken leg who's been out in the cold for who knows how long is not gonna be able to keep up with a fully fresh one who's only been out a few minutes. It's clear to me that it the monster was chasing her, but then dumped Scootaloo's real corpse on the porch when Apple Bloom got away.
10193861
it's a dream demon like the Tantabus and Apple Bloom is trapped in a nightmare it all will end when she wakes up unless the demon gets her the reason why she sees her friend scoots dead and why she can't trust her friend sweetie bell at the is because she has a deeprooted fear in real life like her friends dying or her friends changing who they are and she cannot recognize them the demon manifests these fears into life in the dream they're not dead but she will be if the demon gets her it's a Master of Disguise this again could be connected with an unknown fear of changelings
10193901
it's a dream demon like the Tantabus and Apple Bloom is trapped in a nightmare it all will end when she wakes up unless the demon gets her the reason why she sees her friend scoots dead and why she can't trust her friend sweetie bell at the is because she has a deeprooted fear in real life like her friends dying or her friends changing who they are and she cannot recognize them the demon manifests these fears into life in the dream they're not dead but she will be if the demon gets her it's a Master of Disguise this again could be connected with an unknown fear of changelings
10194278
very true. sweeties magic color doesn't help matters...
10194278
By the description is most likely a Physical demon, I think it's the new Fiddlesticks from League of Legends by the description, but it could be any other, the ending must be paranoia
Ahh, I think I've read it 3 times now! A nice good dark story with spooky horror thrown in! I kinda like how a bit of it is kinda up to the reader to fill in. Some stories make it too loose and confusing, but this just makes so many interesting ideas of what could have happened! What was dream, what was not, how much was the monster really tormenting AB.. if there was even one at all! dun dun duuun. Good work dude!
Ah, yes, leaving the reader to decide whatever happens next, I love it. Bravo, good sir
The creature has aspects of Freddy Kreuger to him.
You got me to press bruh button on the Desk. Good job
This turned out very well! Glad to have been a part of it.
Damn brony; this is legit. You actually allowed us to us our imagination which feeds our feelings and thoughts rather than telling us everything which makes for good horror story; which 99% of writers doesn't have grasp of nowadays.
I applaud you, sir.
Curses... the imagery was so good I feel physically cold from reading this story...
This might give me nightmares... good job
Glad to see you getting back into things after such a long hiatus.
loved it!
I loved the story.
This piece captures the readers' imagination. At first, the reader is inclined to think that it was a series of bad dreams with different endings. But nope. It somehow managed to perfectly imitate Scootaloo's voice and image in Apple Bloom's dreams, luring her in for the kill. And then, in reality, the same situation unfolds in front of a paranoid Apple Bloom, causing her to run away and abandon her best friend out there, leaving her to freeze to death.
And now it shows up in front of a crushed Apple Bloom, flies away, and now she hears Sweetie Belle's cries.
What is this monster? What are its intentions? How far do its abilities extend? The possibilities are countless, and that's what truly scares the reader. Is any of this even real? Can we be sure that this is not some twisted dream with Apple Bloom trapped in it, doomed to watch her friends die one by one with no capability to do anything about it? Or does this monster exist both in the real world and the dream realm, able to freely navigate both dimensions? Is there more than one of these monsters? Could it be that everypony Apple Bloom knew were in fact monsters in disguise?
The notions themselves are terrifying, and that's what makes this story so great. It reveals enough to stimulate the readers' imagination, but not enough to tell them what this monster is. And thus, a masterpiece that is comparable to the legendary Alien(1979) is here.
I wanted to like this story, but I honestly ended up more confused than anything else. It felt to me like it didn't have an internal logic, like it was just twists for the sake of twists. It seemed like there was a mystery being set up, but then there was no payoff for it. The actual writing quality of the story was good, but I just couldn't get invested.
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Well, it was kind of an up to your interpretation of exactly what the monster was and/or why it was doing what it was doing. I wouldn't call it twists for the sake of twists. They're intended for two horrors: 1. Apple Bloom let her friend freeze to death and she'll have to live with that. 2. Now she's faced with the choice of either letting Sweetie Belle freeze to death, or going out to try to rescue her and getting attacked by the monster. AJ and Big Mac aren't there to help her, so she's on her own. Thanks to the dream and now real life, she knows the outcome of both options. She knows what it's like to be attacked by this thing, and she knows what it's like to have her inaction cause the death of one of her best friends. She's under attack more or less by this demon thing of unknown origins and motivations, beyond psychologically torturing her. The story is largely about the horror of Apple Bloom's unwinnable choices. Very damned if you do, damned if you don't, kind of thing.
Dang! I actually had nightmares the night that I read this... Thanks for that!
In all seriousness, this is top class horror in my opinion. I personally love how much is left up to interpretation regarding the evil in this story. The atmosphere as well is beautifully vivid, to the point where I could feel chills crawling up my spine. You've created something special here, my friend, and it would be my winner if I was a judge.
Amazing work!
That was a fun bit of horror to read late at night before bed.
As for the creature I'm inclined to believe that it is a creature of dreams that causes the first of its victims into sleep walking into deadly situations
and visits its second victim giving them a vision of their death scaring them into not saving the ponies they care for most.
Now the question really is is this creature really only in their nightmares or does it have a physical form as well waiting for the pony to believe that it's simply in their nightmares and act to save the pony they care for only for the vision to fullfill itself... and it feasts.
One of the creepier stories I've read on this site in some time.
Took me back to being a little kid and being scared of random shit knocking on the windows and hearing voices on the wind.
Very sinister atmosphere.
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You can has review!
I now have a fear of dark, snowy nights.
Thank you for that!
Anyways, this story was fantastic!
I grew up watching horror movies, and this reminds me of one I can't remember the name of.
I like that you give the reader a very vague description of the creature, so they can imagine what it looks like themselves.
I also like that you took such a simple concept, and made something worth rereading.
10/10, would recommend!
This story is very well done. Poor Applebloom, getting hit with the one-two combo no-win scenario.
Dang! That was so sad and scary, yet so good! I feel so bad for Apple Bloom, but even more sad for Scoots! An excellent story, really loved it.
This story is truly something, the ending especially so.
Genuinely this scared me so bad I had to keep checking behind me to make sure I was safe, and I read horror novels for fun! I applaud your incredible story!