• Member Since 18th Apr, 2012
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Jade Ring


Dashing and daring, courageous and caring. Faithful and friendly with stories to share...

E

For as long as she can remember, Applejack has been deathly afraid of deep water.

Rarity wants to know why.

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Inspired by my very own personal fear.

Written for the Halloween in April Horror Contest with the Barcast.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 13 )

Well done! That was by turns creepy, terrifying and horrible!

I have a fear of deep water as well, but if I ever saw something like that, I wouldn't go near a dark swimming pool.

You managed to make a truly terrifying tale without the Mature rating.

VERY impressed!

Added to Tag-A-Long's Book Club, Brony Horror, The Goodfic Bin and Twilight's Library

Poor, poor Rarity. :ajsleepy:

I'd beg Applejack to tell the others, if only so that Rarity's end isn't forever unknown, her death in vain.


While I myself don't have much fear of bodies of water, when I was younger, I did have a near-drowning experience when the riverbed I was walking on suddenly disappeared from under me. Let me tell you, even if you know how to swim, it's no good if you panic. You must never panic.

10162298
Same. And I live within walking distance of the suwannee river.

jmj
jmj #5 · April 3rd · · ·

Your writing was wonderful and the character dialogue was perfect. I greatly enjoyed this story. Good luck with the contest.

The characterization here bugged me a lot. What first set me off was Rarity's insistence that there wasn't anything in the pond, it was just Applejack's imagination. If this were a story set in the real world, sure, I could see someone thinking that. But this is happening in Equestria, where both these ponies have personally seen a variety of freaky and/or magical wildlife. Applejack's assertion that there's something in the lake is totally plausible--so Rarity's insistence on testing it felt phenomenally stupid of her, and it sucked me right out of the story.

Then Applejack doesn't do anything about it, which... might be even worse? This, again, might be more excusable in different contexts, but my impression is that this is meant to be set post-season six, by the reference to Pony Point of View. So this is an Applejack who's friends with princesses, who's had to deal with Discord and Tirek and the like--even putting all the high-level magic aside, these are ponies who felt comfortable going up a mountain to confront a dragon. A monster living in a lake that can swallow a pony whole doesn't feel like it's done nearly enough to feel like an insurmountable danger, so it comes across as incredibly irresponsible that Applejack's not doing more about it.

Hey there! Looking forward to reading this!

10162743
Rarity's actions are simple hubris. I didn't want to spell it out, but I imagine that by the end of FiM some of the Mane 6 are so desensitized by huge world ending threats that the idea of something that may or may not dwell in a small pond being dangerous strikes them as laughable.

As to Applejack, a fear borne of such a traumatic event so early in life can be crippling, even after facing what could be seen as greater threats. Speaking from personal experience, as I'm thirty years old and still harbor an irrational fear of the dark because of a nightmare I had when I was five.

jmj
jmj #9 · April 3rd · · ·

10162880
Same. Snakes. I remember a time of thinking they were awesome and then had a rattle snake strike at me. Saw its open mouth coming straight at me and that was the end of sanity for me when it comes to snakes.

It's funny how trauma in childhood does that. I drowned once as a child and had to be resuscitated. Im not afraid of the water though.

Just snakes.

10162880

Rarity's actions are simple hubris. I didn't want to spell it out, but I imagine that by the end of FiM some of the Mane 6 are so desensitized by huge world ending threats that the idea of something that may or may not dwell in a small pond being dangerous strikes them as laughable.

I agree, it's hubris. I'm saying it's a ridiculous degree of hubris. The desensitization angle, sure, I can see that to a degree. But there's a difference between being, like, "oh, bother, there's another changeling invasion, no problem, let's go stop it," and being, like, "sure, Chrysalis, I'll stick my head in your mouth," y'know? One is, at worst, an overestimation of your ability--it's downplaying a problem. The other is just straight-up pretending a problem doesn't exist. Rarity's actions here fall firmly into the latter category, as far as I'm concerned.

As to Applejack, a fear borne of such a traumatic event so early in life can be crippling, even after facing what could be seen as greater threats. Speaking from personal experience, as I'm thirty years old and still harbor an irrational fear of the dark because of a nightmare I had when I was five.

I agree, totally. And as an argument for why Applejack personally cannot do anything to resolve the situation, I agree--I'm not saying she should, like, dive into the pond, find the thing and kick it. If she got over her fear to that degree, that'd be ridiculous.

But I don't think you can say that she's incapable of getting help. We see in this story that she relays the traumatic event in question to Rarity--why shouldn't she, at the end, be capable of going and doing that exact thing to some pony who doesn't have the same crippling fear of water so they can try and work out a solution? She's at a disadvantage here, sure, but the ending of the story makes it out like she's completely powerless, and I don't buy that.

10162743
I have to agree. These problems could be mitigated by the use of OCs rather than established, main characters, I feel.

How does this have an E rating? Is this allowed??

Why didn't AJ go to the princesses? They could have solved it.

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