One night upon awakening, Fluttershy sees two pinpoints of light starring back at her from the foot of her bed. Whatever it is appears to stare her down. She finds herself in a situation which may just be the end of her life unless she can escape before the Thing moves first...
Audio version done by Sparrow9642 YAY!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ab-6TKfCog
-You might like this story if you also like:--
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark
The Art of Stephen Gammell
Strange and Unexplainable Beings
A Fear of Bedrooms
The Things at the Edge of One's Vision
Perfect Story for a Pony Creepypasta Audio-Reading! /)(^3^)(\
Chapters (1)
Very suspenseful! Very well written.
I am now wondering, will there be a sequel? Maybe exploring what those pinpricks were?
Of course, the scariest part about a monster is not knowing what it is, and maybe it should be left that way...
Anyways, great job!
7328729
Thank you so much! *hugs* <3
Sequel? Maybe not directly, but who can resist re-using a good monster in another situation, right?
These creatures were actually inspired by an illustration from the artist Stephen Gammell in the horror book Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.
I wanted to put a pic of it on the image, but then thought it'd be too scary for people and I might be asked to change it by the mods :P
I'll be writing more scary stories in the future! Be on the lookout for them :)
Gaahh, this is so chilling. It's very well-written
I could feel Fluttershy as if I was her. This is really great. I deciphered that message as well!
Overall, great job. I love the usage of words, and the idea of this
7354961
Thank you! *hugs* Glad I managed to capture that feeling of fear perfectly! You can expect more horror stories later, most likely inspired by various monsters. I love monster tales! :D
7354983 I can't wait!
Here's a follow, for being a talented writer
7355040
YAY! A FOLLOW! Thank you! *HUGS LOTS*
7355051 VIRTUAL HUGS
Hope you don't mind me doing an audio reading of this. Great job btw :)
7367011
Thank you! *hugs* And I would LOVE to hear you make an audio reading of this! Just let me know when you do it so I can show it on my blog! :D
7367039 Will do. The recording and editing is done. All I really need is a cover art for the reading. I used an errie breeze sound effect for the background, and I had some trouble on some parts, but I think it came out good.
7367039 Also, if you are a fan of creepypastas, check out my stories, I'm sure you'd like them.
The whole premise reminds me of a short story I heard once as a kid whereas the protagonist sees a pair of eyes staring at him at the edge of his bed. He takes a shot gun and fires a round only to blow up on of his toes which was reflecting the moonlight coming in through the window. I think it was the first dark comedy I ever heard. I laughed out loud.
Alone in the dark is a primal fear. I was half-expecting something to just drag Fluttershy away, devouring her. Thankfully that didn't happen. I'd disown you if such a grim fate befell my favorite pony. :flutter rage:
Have to say that I really like the title. It's ambiguous enough that it brings to mind images of something dark and foreboding, each one unique to the reader. We all have our own nightmares that mimic what we fear in particular. For Fluttershy, who's afraid of just about anything, it's about not being able to escape.
That backwards writing things was creepy. Reminds me of one of my favorite grim darks of all time "NIgeb." It's on my Dark List. Check it out. If you really want to have nightmares, listen to Scribber's reading on youtube. Better sound effects than any movie, bar none!
7367384
OH my gosh that's wicked XD
Fluttershy is my heart pony and the one I mostly closely connect with. I don't think i COULD make something bad happen to her, not without feeling absolutely horrible about. In all of my stories, I think I may have "killed" one pony, except in my crackfics, cause whatever they're fine ( XD )...and it's technically not a true "death."
I like characters who use their wits to overcome a supernatural foe, which is actually why I'm working on a horror story tonight thanks to the inspiration from your works. It's a combination of Silent Hill and Eternal Darkness, and I already have the first 3500 words. Expect it extremely late tonight (closer to midnight Central Standard Time. It's 9:36PM right now)
Yep! I didn't want to say "Thing at the Edge of the Bed" because it was a little too on-the-nose, while this current title feels more ambigiuous and overwhelming in its implications. It seems that one of Fluttershy's key fears in the canon MLP show IS not being able to escape, which is why she's always hiding :) She even tried to be sweet to these monsters, which bought her some time but not the exact solution she needed.
That backwards writing things was creepy. Reminds me of one of my favorite grim darks of all time "NIgeb." It's on my Dark List. Check it out. If you really want to have nightmares, listen to Scribber's reading on youtube. Better sound effects than any movie, bar none!
Ohhh thats really good. The writer looks to be someone from EQD and I've heard Obabscribbler's readings before. Definitely looking forward to that one! Hey, apparently it's on the recommended list on the sidebar of this page too!
Thank you again for your kind words. I look forward to seeing you create your new horror works whenever that happens to be. :) *hugs*
7367373
7367906
HOLY SMOKES that was fast! :D *hugs*
Imma finish writing the first chapter to my creepy tale and then I'll get to listening to this, then making a post about it on my page. Oh you're SO AWESOME, Sparrow! *SUPER hugs*
:D
7367921 It was pretty simple. Nothing like Scribbler or Lost's readings, but I'm not that advanced. Hope you enjoy it, it was a fun read.
This connects with a fear i believe everyone has. Not a fear of the dark, but rather, what's in the dark
7521547
Oh heck yeah! I LOVE fear of the dark stories! This was a treat to write, inspired by Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark!
Check out this freaky cover from that book! Good stuff.
Graphic Spoopiness warning :P
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQEtm3pQUnkqtkB0y12M64n4ZX16At0LtfcuAZscHSlwQilnn4U
Jeez, that was tense.
7533085
Hehe thank you! This was based on my own fears I've dealt with in the past when the dark used to be something I was afraid of. I just translated it all into a story form. :)
Oh, if you really like horror, you should check out two of my more recent horror tales starring Marble Pie and human Megan Williams:
It Moves Below
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/337815/it-moves-below
The Rock Farm is isolated from everyone. Marble Pie knows that. That's why no one else has seen the mouth in the snow, following her wherever she goes. Every day it's closer, and today she's alone. And the snowfall has become very deep...
The Wishmaker: Megan's Descent
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/337009/the-wishmaker-megans-descent
Megan Williams has been living for 20 years without any sign of Equestria from her childhood, until several children go missing. Meanwhile, she finds a terrifying secret in the basement of her barn...a barn which never had a basement before...
7540566
Adding them to the list.
7540967
HOORAY! :D *hugs*
COO! Have fun!
Very creepy story. You did a good job setting the atmosphere and to convey Fluttershy's terror.
Just noticed one thing that I think is a mistake
Flip the bolded word, you get "eyelles", but shouldn't that be "eyeless"?
7637680
WHOA that's a heck of a good catch! I need to change that. Thank you for pointing it out and for reading my story! :D *hugs*
Wow, another good one c: This has been a long night of dark-themed fic-reading for me xD
Great Job!
7720786
HOORAY! Thank you again for reading! :D I've got other dark fics as well, including this one I highly recommend (though it be unfinished)
The Wishmaker: Megan's Descent
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/337009/the-wishmaker-megans-descent
Megan Williams has been living for 20 years without any sign of Equestria from her childhood, until several children go missing. Meanwhile, she finds a terrifying secret in the basement of her barn...a barn which never had a basement before...
Loved this. So both monsters were dangerous after all?
7875046
Thank you for reading! And to answer your question:
They were fighting over their food, so yes, both dangerous. :P
Amazing!
8882966
Thanks Flugel pone! :D
I started a dark/horror oneshot marathon at 10pm... It's almost 3am but that's okay, I wasn't gonna sleep anyways...
I will admit I was slightly confused on what the buck just happened
Maybe it was a pair of monster Furbies.
So I'm very good at reading mirror script and not gonna lie, that sent chills up my spine. Woof. Very well written!
Um, she just abandoned Angelbunny and the critters. I think Flutters' remorse will be much worse than death.
Well that was freaky. I'm just glad Flutters is ok.
This story is very suspenseful and very scary, yet it features a monster straight from my childhood. 5/5 stars.
That one kept me at the edge of my seat!! I love this!!
I'm a masochist, because i readed this with the wind sound effect at max volume on my headphones and turned off almost all the lights of my house to read it.
Had to.
Lol.
(Great story by the way, i loved the ending. If u still around here and see this, this is a good one.
Ps: The title of the video says "Relaxing" i was afraid of it all the time during my reading, just expecting for a screamer to come out to let me deaf. Lol xd
Ps of the ps: How u did the cover for this story, trust me is creepy as fuck, like a ring to the finger for this story. Good good job!)
Finished reading. Time to turn on the lights again, not gonna sleep without lights on, not now.
7367384
Wow well now i have to see Scribbler's reading of that story. Maybe with all the lights off like i did with this one.
7521547
Agreed, totally.
8890415
Now i wanna do that too pwp
"The thing kills in eyeless ways speak not or forever be at peace"
.....what the hell does this even mean????