Cadance and Shining Armor attempt to nominally fulfill one of Equestria's oldest and most intensely awkward royal traditions.
(Part of FanOfMostEverything's Imposing Sovereigns project. Many thanks to Themaskedferret for support and pre-reading services, and to many others for support. Tagged "sex" for repeated references in dialogue; no explicit activity on-page for which you will thank me.)
Now with a Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi!
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Oh lordy
Why didn't anyone tell me it was Crackfic Week? I specifically asked for someone to let me know the next time we were going to have a Crackfic Week. And now here it's Crackfic Week, and me without a Crackfic. I feel Crackfic-Naked.
Well, I can fix that. Pegasi killing kittens via wing flapping goes up tomorrow!
I....
...don't even understand. There's a joke here. I'm chuckling. But... there's some part of this I'm not getting, it's funny and I don't know why.
I'm not sure what I expected when you signed up for this slot. I can't say I was disappointed. Glorious madness throughout, especially the subtle bit of setup hiding behind all the ridiculousness. Thank you for this, and best of luck in the contest.
8024632
The question is, can you incorporate a princess of some kind? One of seven kinds, specifically.
“When people see a strong horse and a weak horse, by nature, they will like the strong horse.”
--Catherine the Great
Why Stevedores? Because it's exceedingly difficult to get Walters to love anything, Shining.
...
Of all the things...
8024676
Dude.
Why Stevedores? Why, it couldn't be more obvious.
Their job is to help with shipping.
I love how it just ended up reflecting her desire to please Celestia. That's hilarious.
Oh my god.
I can't stop laughing.
8024743
A very different style of punchline, and possibly a superior one.
8024642
Yeah, I've got no idea either. I mean, the only things we do know is that it's expensive, and Shinning wants it. I like the story regardless, but I really wish I wasn't missing the punchline. Y'know, unless it was really, really creepy. Then it might be a good thing.
8024632
Skywriter, you have done many great things. Making this story, writing in general...But now? You have convinced Estee to visit genocide upon small, cute animals via pegasus wings. God bless you.
8024642
I was totally expecting this to be full of poorly executed raunchy humor. It was not. I'm not sure what it is, but it's hilarious and confusing. Hilarifusing, if you will.
Also? Shining Armor for Best Husband! I don't know of anyone else in either universe who would put up with this sh*t.
8024632
My word, is it that time of year again? I've always viewed crackfic weeks as a sort of psychological delousing, where you dispose of all those awfully itchy ideas you can't get rid of by normal means.
I enjoyed this story throughout, and I especially loved the fact that this is so far the best explanation for the mirror's presence at the start of Equestria Girls. I'm left with the impression, though, that I'm supposed to have worked out what exactly Shining Armor innocently stumbled upon (and stumbled upon... and stumbled upon...) in his research, and I must confess that I have no clue. If it's supposed to be mysterious and vague, then that's fine — but at the moment I'm left feeling like I was supposed to catch something, only to have it sail over my head. Just like Google searches for esoteric maths and physics concepts tend to spike after a new XKCD comes out, the release of this fic will measurably raise the ranking of the search query "What is the difference between cuckolding and hotwife?"
Worst harem ever. Honestly, I think Cadance needs to talk to a therapist just a bit.
Oh my god.
Bwhahahahaha!
I was so convinced that the Official Princess Harem-Summoning Song was going to be the show's theme song. Guess not.
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now Reviews #105.
My review can be found here.
funny little story.
8025215
That also would have been a good gag.
8025269
Thanks for the review! I appreciate your taking the time.
8025571
Thank you for writing something this funny.
...I don't get it
I'm surprised she didn't end up with a second Shiny, or even her own doppelganger.
Cadance, duck, you have serious issues.
I snickered when Cadance said there were no stallions in the harem.
When I read was WAS in the harem, I snickered harder.
So. I have a question.
Is this funny?
8024642 You're not the only one. But at least you're chuckling I guess? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I...
I just...
WHAT?!
8025772
Hilarious.
8024743
I don't think I've seen this used since John Perry and his teamsters, but of course the best part of that was that it was the result of a misunderstanding.
Great work. Something tells me I'll manage to navigate back to this story quite by accident at least a few times over the coming days.
Trollestia played the long game on this one
The best reference of all.
I lovehate you so much now.
I don't know what I expected when I started this story. Definitely not what I got, though!
This was one weird and awkward and amusing read.
8025189
Impossible. By definition, anything Miss Harshwinny is a part of cannot be worst.
That said, it is rather far down there otherwise.
8025146
Yeah, this. What is the thing we're supposed to catch there?
I don't understand why everyone is calling it a crack fic. I mean your elders (especially the one that raised you) expectations can sometimes be very demanding even if the reason is silly
I don't get it, I mean I got all the refrences to Stevedores and such but to me it was like setting up a punchline and being disapointed.
I want to enjoy this but the most this got out of me is a smirk and for that I apologise for not getting it.
8026602
Okay, I wasn't going to do this, as I believe in letting people enjoy or react to the work in their own way without the author dropping Intent like a twenty-ton weight, but just to clarify:
There is no puzzle here. No close reading of the text will allow you to determine the cryptographically-obscured secret of what's on the page. I am merely employing the Lovecraft Principle, only with sexy times instead of eldritch abominations.
Thank you for reading, and peace out.
Hey, that's pretty good!
8026736
IDK, I think sleeping with an elder god might be two thirds more expensive. I'm just saying.
you know when you have the word "Harem" in the title of your story it shouldn't be ratted T
I can see it now. Celestia actually got a harem bakers, Luna got a Harem of Bronies, and stars help us if Twilight ever has a go of it.
8026922 "Hi, my name is Elon Musk... why do I have a horn?"
8026891
I can see why you might think that, but you're wrong.
8025931 Can you explain how it's funny without blatantly using the author's previous reputation to prop up your confidence in it?
8026736
And I just wanted to say that too! Heh.
In other news...
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/12/1/1034171__safe_artist-colon-bbbhuey_flash+sentry_spike_twilight+sparkle_equestria+girls_adorkable_blushing_comic_cute_face+of+mercy_flashlight_frown_gri.png
8025772
Some people think so. Others don't. Same as most humor, I guess?
8027094 Fair point, fair point.
I know there is a joke here that I'm missing. I can see it just out of the corner of my eye but not getting it.