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In the early days of Equestria, a dragon threatens the fledgling realm. It falls to Clover the Clever and Smart Cookie to find a way to defeat the beast.
Princess Platinum's helping too, though. Whether they want her to or not.
Cover art from the gallery of scrimpeh. Proofread by themaskedferret. Written for the Imposing Sovereigns contest and for the Marching Forth theme for the Time Action Glory Challenge! group.
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Silly Carabas. This isn't how you spell the next chapter of Wedding March.
Joking aside,
Discord? Is that you?
Error. Royal cannot brain, please turn her off and back on again.
Ever the optimist, Smart Cookie. If only.
All of the negative aspects of Rarity amplified. Ugh.
...this sounds suspiciously like Twilight before her whole Nightmare Moon ordeal.
Woah. Hidden Depths indeed. This reminds me of Rarity.
That's the spirit! But unfortunately, spirit won't help you beat down a massive dragon with a hostage, unless the Creator is out of his mind.
And if the Creator is out of his mind, you have bigger things to worry about. O.O
A relatively same assumption. I agree with this style of dragon fighting.
Dammit, Carabas! They were doing so well, why do you have to punish them?
Nerves of steel. I admire her confidence that she will win.
Curiosity killed the cat, they say. Now I am a headless body, Carabas, why did you have to write that in such a way?
Is this how Canterlot was founded?
Well, this was a superb action princess story! Platinum having berserker rage tendencies was delightfully unexpected, with some subtle hints of what is to come.
Is Clover Starswirl's daughter? Mother? Time-travelling companion? They both seem too close to Twilight not to be connected somehow.
Wonderful. I read the whole thing in Rarity's voice.
Of course she did.
To be fair, given what mortasheen does to horses, that's a very good reason for her to fly out.
Nice touch with the clotting clouds to explain why pegasi can't solve the problem.
Hmm. I'm not a big fan of characterizing the founders this close to the Mane Six, Pansy especially. The pegasus culture of the time just doesn't seem capable of producing someone as timid as Fluttershy. Or if it did, it wouldn't tolerate their presence for very long.
Ironic question coming from a pony who was once frozen solid because of her close-mindedness. After all, coal burns much more easily. Still, I suppose unicorn royalty is bred for skull thickness even more than most.
I found myself reading Thorn's lines aloud. Always a good sign.
"all of the utility of the jewels they wear" is especially menacing when one considers Thorn's diet.
All told, a very enjoyable there-and-back-again. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the contest.
8022377
Spelling is hard. I shan't be judged.
Glad you liked so many wee bits here and there, and that the whole thing was to your liking. Those last remarks from Platinum atop the mountain do indeed pertain to the founding of Canterlot. As for Clover/Starswirl/Twilight, I wouldn't say they're related to any significant degree. They're just all smart unicorns for their own days and ages, who probably look back to the previous one's notes and crib for dear life.
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A good voice for any narrative.
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Glad you liked the piece overall, and here's hoping it makes a good showing of itself in the contest! It'd be no disgrace for it to not fare too well, though - there's some real heavyweight names in there, and plenty of good stories surely in the offing.
Characterisation-wise, it's a tricky thing to work with, and I'll admit I might not have gotten it right - us having only the main six's interpretations to work with complicates matters. Though in defence of Pansy, if she's famous for forging unity with other ponies on top of being a low-ranking pegasus, then it seems fair to say she was a bit aberrant among her folk.
Yes! You finally made a story about the tribes. This pleases me to no end. I noticed that they still call them tribes instead of Equestria. When was Equestria first established as a single nation? Also, who has ultimate authority? I assume no one considering that the tribes had only just allied each other and each leader is not willing to let themselves be ruled over by another. This does bring into question that if the tribes governed themselves like Equestria does today, who would rule if there were no alicorns? Would they stick to becoming a council like they did before Discord came along or would their be more like Capra where a monarch was chosen out of the three pony tribes? In a way Celestia and Luna were only given their crowns by the ponies because they were alicorns and the ponies didn't mind being ruled overed by two ponies who were not part of any one tribe.
Seems legit. After all, no one can question that logic.
How surprisingly thoughtful. It seems that the unicorns were more caring of their subjects then one would assume. It this tradition still in Equestria today, just that only now it's unicorn nobles instead of royalty or did the tradition fell out of use after the royal sisters gain their thrones?
When was Canterlot built? I suppose somewhere between Discord's defeat and the Nightmare Wars considering the fact that Luna knows the Canterlot Royal Voice. Why did Celestia choose Canterlot as the new capital after the old one's destruction?
Luckily for ponykind, Princess Platinum's successor is better, hopefully. That is not to say that Platinum was a bad princess, just that she is the not best unicornkind has to offer. Though she is an enjoyable character to read and she has some redeeming qualities and seems willing to change for the better. How good were Platinum's successors anyway or was Celestia and Luna the only princesses after Platinum?
Instruments were invoked in Creation? Why did you not invite me to play the clarinet? I would have been great at causing all kinds of discord in the Palaververse. Also, did you played the drums to sink Antlertis beneath the waves?
Why is Horse apples an insult considering they eat apples?
Were the royal sisters' crowns made for them or were they relics from dead unicorn princesses?
Anyway, a excellent read. It has my seal of approval. Whould love to read more about the founders and their adventures.
Her I rather like the idea the last ruling unicorn princess( Celestial and Luna where coronated after Platinum as far as I know) has such an insane berserk button moment. Sure she didn't take Thorn out alone, hut harming a dragon with out any training to fight them is impressive. And she comes of like Rarity, prissy and little snobbish, but generous to the extreme under it all.
This is a most splendid Platinum. Tarnished, covered in dirt, yet if you polish her she can shine.
Well, until she inevitably falls into the mud again.
Incidentally, was the Dragon Queen alive at this point? Or I suppose, somedragon likely told this story to Celestia and Luna, eventually. Which can't be that far off unless ole Starswirl really mucked with time. Gotta imagine poor little Thorn became a laughingstock amongst dragons for a while, seeing as he was beaten by food.
At least, until a few more foolish dragons tried things and ended up even worse off for it.
Ooh, a warrior Platinum!
Nice mix of action and humor, and proper pony mood. I liked how the ponies here echoed the Mane Six while remaining separate. While Rarity for example has more guts than you might think at first sight, she's not as utterly fearless as Platinum -- nor, it must be said, nearly as arrogant nor dimwitted. Smart Cookie has some of Applejack's pragmatism and solid common sense, but she also seems to have much more of a temper. And Clover is not very clearly not Twilight, despite tantalizing similarities.
A delightful story! I am personally taking it as a "what if" in the sense of "WI the founders of Equestria were as much like the Mane Six as in the play" , so I don't mind the characterization.
OK, what the heck is a mantaghast?
"Smart Cookie wore the somewhat hunted expression of a pony who’d just cast off a lifeboat to escape a burning ship and had watched it spontaneously turn into a flock of ducks and fly away."
"Next to me, Smart Cookie had adopted the same expression as before, with the addendum that the ducks had circled round and were coming back with fangs bared, thirsty for blood."
"“How about the Chancellor? Puddinghead’s got some dangerous talents under all her goof, she might be able to—”
Now I am imagining Puddinghead being able to employ Pinkie's reality-bending abilities in actual combat rather than just spot gags: it's an idea both delightful and a bit frightening.
All in all, I'll give this one an A and two gold stars.
The world always needs more Clover the Clever and Princess Platinum stories.
Just like a unicorn to throw money at a problem until it goes away.
Wonderful story. I especially liked the bits about Platinum's redeeming qualities.
8022777
Tribal stuff's good fun to write, as it turns out.
Glad to get a seal of approval!
As of Noblesse, it's a power-sharing council, with a lot of formal procedures as yet still being hammered out and precedent being set. Early days for pony unity as yet.
It's fallen out of tradition, though the unicorn monarchs did keep it up for a time, up until Celestia and Luna's ascension.
Decently central, good infrastructure that could be adapted for government purposes, and easily-defensible compared to a lot of the alternatives.
A few more centuries and a fair few more princes and princesses stand between Platinum's and the alicorns' days. Some of said princes and princesses were good, some affably incompetent, some bad. A mixed bag, not without its bright spots.
Sweary-words are mysterious things, and their origins usually decline to be easily understandable.
Made for them. And they've gone through quite a few.
8023421
Berserk buttons are always useful things to come attached to one's princess. Lets them get away with terrifying the living daylights out of entities they'd ordinarily have no business terrifying.
8023553
Lovely assessment of Platinum, that.
The Fire Queen that features in other stories is either on the cusp of hatching or a newly-sprung whelp at this point in time. Even by her standards, this is ancient history. And Thorn's probably not going to be held up as a role model for her either.
8023732
Glad they seemed distinct enough from the main cast for you - their portrayals definitely leaked in and exercised more influence than they maybe should have done, but it's good to know some distinct notes made it through.
Warrior Platinums are always good fun to write, whenever they've been written.
8023756
A and two gold stars gratefully received! Glad you liked it!
Mantaghasts are horrible flying beasties I came up with for an older story, which are essentially manta rays if manta decided to give both flight and spitting lightning bolts at folks a go. They've not had the chance to torment anypony for a few years by now, so I thought I'd give them a wee throwaway mention.
8024024
Doesn't it just.
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Giving entities money to piss off is a grand old tradition, and Clover just happens to take it to more exciting and violent and literal places than most.
Glad you approve! Platinum's redeeming qualities may be in scarce supply, but it's nice for them to shine.
8024537
You know, given your rather evil response to poor Shadow there, now I can just imagine poor befuddled Sailears hearing 'Horseapples!' and asking a subtly trying not to laugh Celestia as to why ponies seemed so upset about that, when they are basically horses and as far as he knows they love to eat apples, so what's so bad about apples from horses?
New story! Yaldi!
Oh, Platinum. She's 30% Rarity in PETTY DRAMA! mode, 60% Veruca Salt, 10% murderous combine harvester in equine form. What a dreadful little pony. And yet...there's just enough knowledge of noblesse oblige in her to make her worthwhile. After all, she understands her eventual duty will be to keep the stars in motion.
I like Clovers' voice throughout too. Weary, slightly acerbic, but tolerant. Some lovely turns of phrase in her internal narration.
Very fun story. I hope it does well in the competition!
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8024903
This wins the 'description of Platinum' gold medal. Nothing else can come close.
Glad you liked the story, and that some of the good flipside of Platinum's Platinum-ness showed past the traits listed above. The motion of the stars is very much in her future hooves, and she knows it.
I see that confirmation to this story's canonicity to Palaver-verse continuity you did there!
Sun and Moon, this was wonderful. A funny and gripping tale and great characterization of Platinum.
This made me happy.
I think this was what sold the story to me and it just got better from there.
I was waiting to see what redeeming quality Platinum had. I think I still prefer sharp tongued spinster Platinum over this version but she's still a good character.
8024537
So, would that Unicorn prince currently residing in Canterlot have any relation to the Platinum line, or does his title come from Celestia's side, or both?
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Throwaway references tying a'hin together are a guilty pleasure wild horses and the most refined and tortorous of therapies couldn't get me to renounce.
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Nuckelavees are always lovely entities to rope in initial interest, in my experience.
Glad you liked it!
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Plenty of good things to be done with the founders. A sharp-tounged spinster could have been entertaining to play with as well.
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He's the current (and very vestigial) Prince of Unicornkind, yep, with an ancestral line going all the way back to Platinum. The title may have diminished greatly in importance, but the bloodline itself has hung on like grim death.
Quite an interesting characterization of Platinum. I can definitely see her as the ancestor of Blueblood, and equally similar in spirit to Rarity. That line about "other dragons" makes me wonder if they were living in Equestria first, and how much house-cleaning the tribes are going to have to do in regards to other original inhabitants.
I enjoy your use of the Mane 6 for their characterization of the founders, although to nitpick I should point out that according to the books Hasbro spits out, Hurricane was a stallion. (But then again, it also says that Starswirl was considered the ultimate authority until the Regal Sisters showed up).
I'm loving the story, and while I know the occasional error will happen here or there, I felt I had to stop and mention this paragraph:
So you're saying it's silent.. silently silent, in the forest, the forest that's tall and full of tall trees which aren't silent...?
8027788
There's definite familial similarities even centuries down the line, Blueblood-wise. A bit of Rarityness should leaven out the not-so-positive aspects there.
Interesting detail for Hurricane, that. I've not read any of the books, so I rely on more competent folk like yourself to keep me in the know there.
8027791
Cheers for pointing it out, though!
Ah. Hmm. Might need a wee bit of artful rephrasing, that.
8027796
i.ytimg.com/vi/GD6qtc2_AQA/maxresdefault.jpg
Very entertaining for me
.
Her monologue in the cave to explain what a princess is defined her completely. She takes her role very seriously.
Well done
8027871
That monologue's pretty much core to her own sense of self - she deserves all the perks of nobility, but she's determined to act in a way that lets her deserve them.
Glad you liked it!
Interesting story but the discussion the the comments got me thinking. I always assumed Celestia and Luna came before the founding of Equestria since they're on the flag after all. However the timeline seems to be different here.
8028097
I've personally always rolled with Celestia and Luna appearing a while after the founding - it'd have been a bit odd for them to not feature in the Hearthswarming tale otherwise.
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Ah that makes sense, I always figured they just had a more hands off approach then as apposed to now. Sorta like them being the spiritual leaders of all three tribes but not the ruling authority yet.
Is this a crossover with that Korean comic about the sort-of-but-not-really-vampires?
8022385 Mortasheen?
8025073
8027796
8027788
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A long time ago, I had an idea dealing with the premise of Blueblood being Platinum's descendant. Namely that the three leaders had hammered out a promise to wed their first-born to strengthen the peace. This contract was lost before it could be fulfilled, however... before turning up in present day Equestria.
Now Prince Blueblood needs to find the descendants of the other leaders (or their seconds in command) or he could loose his station. I'm reminded of it here because of how much Smart Cookie, Pansy, and Clover reminded of Twilight's friends.
Coincidence? Maybe. But maybe not.
Blueblood better work on that flirting skills either way.
8028489
A disease spread by nuckelavees, lethal in horses. And pretty much everything else, but horses tend to be the preferred vector.
8028884 There is no greater wisdom than, after having your rump beaten up and down the block, pretending you took a dive as part of a cunning plan.
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8028151
Also a reasonable interpretation.
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No idea what comic that would be, so safe to say no (intentional) crossing-over happened. What's the comic?
8029217
Hah, that's a fun premise! Contract shenanigans are always good fun, and Blueblood would make for a good hapless lead there.
Always bring your berserker princess with when you go to fight a dragon.
8030010
They're surprisingly useful assets in that sort of situation.
8029910 Uhm... it's called "Noblesse"... so, that.
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/manga-reference/images/9/96/Noblesse_cover_2.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20121003050945
It should be noted that I generally hate vampire stuff, but this one managed to interest me. That speaks quite highly of how engaging it is.
8030571
Hadn't heard of it before, though since my manga knowledge is woefully deficient, that's maybe to be expected.
Ah, that clarifies things.
8030584 I know all the everything.
My omniscience has driven me completely mad! MAD, I TELL YOU!!!
8029910
Thing is, your Princess Platinum is such a perfect percursor cum setup! You know her better than I, of course, seeing as you wrote the character, but do you think that's something she could do? Agree to such a contract? Would she understand it in terms other than royal duties and a most glamorous wedding to come? She's such an adorable, stubborn, well-meaning airhead that I could see that idea actually coming from her (or thinking it came from her when it actually someone else, like an outsider diplomat) and Clover doing everything in her power to distract Platinum from having her poor kids go through with it.
For that matter, which character would you think best fits as a descendant of the Old Tribe Leaders (and lieutenants)? No joke, someone thought Gilda would be fun. "So it turns out, Puddinghead got around in her time. A lot."
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Not sure what other characters would best fit as descendants of the other tribal leaders, especially for Chancellor Puddinghead (Gilda could suit marvellously for getting-around purposes). That said, part of my wider worldbuilding does include both Celestia and Luna being descended from the last of the pegasi Commanders. Trying to enforce a contract at them could be tricky, unless Celestia's sense of humour is playing up again.
Dear me! That's quite a horrible demon! They'll need to surround it with channels of fresh water to capture it.
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Someone kens their Orkney folklore!
It's my belief that when the rest of of us on the Scottish mainland were coming up with kelpies, loch-dwelling horse-monsters that devoured unwary travellers and left their viscera by the shore, Orcadians looked on contemptuously and said 'Oh, that's cute.'
Such a mean dragon!
Must be one of Garble's ancestors.
8032824 Bah, kelpies are the nicer relatives of the each uisge. They eat everything but the liver. Because even demonic predatory horse monster demons think liver is gross.
I know about many monsters. I live in the NJ Pine Barrens, after all.
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Well, if rainbow manes run in the family, Rainbow Dash would serve well as a descendant of Hurricane's. Though it could be hilarious if she's actually related to Pansy instead.
With the others, both pudding pie and apple pudding are a thing. And Gilda's family apparently are bakers, going by her selling their family recipe Griffonscones...