• Member Since 17th Mar, 2013
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Carabas



T
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After a magical accident, Celestia and Luna must try to restore harmony. Celestia's duplicate, however, is having none of it.

Check out the companion pieces, Amphelion, by monokeras and The Banach-Tarski Dragon by CCC, tackling the same premise in a different way.

Cover art from the gallery of mysticalpha.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 123 )

Add a sex tag just in case

4631399
Probably won't be necessary. Nothing explicit or on-the-page should happen to warrant it beyond a few lewd references and jokes by Celestia.

(Though here seems as good a place to admit as any that the original 'brain kicked around by a hoofball team' line was originally ... somewhat less decorous.)

Interesting, I'll keep an eye on it.

... ... ... This is gonna be fun!!!:pinkiehappy:

4631814
4633705

Thank you both! Events will proceed in an entirely civilised manner, I assure you.

4633985 I hope it's not too civilized, or else it won't be fun:pinkiegasp:

4645695
Civilised things! Honest!

(Please note, earlier promises of civilised events may have been contemptible lies. This one isn't, though. Really. Cross my heart.)

great story. I hope that wild Celestia is really affectionate to and happy to see Twilight instead of regarding her as someone there the likely end her fun

Great job so far! Love the concept. Can't wait for more!

4646244
Thanks! id-Celestia's reaction to Twilight should satisfy, I hope. :twilightsmile:

4646348
Thank you!

...My dreams will come true... A drunk Alicorn!!! AND IT'S NOT EVEN MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

4658303
:pinkiesmile:

4666812
Ask and ye shall receive.

So is that end? Darn that was such a good story..

4673231
Glad you approve!

It's nice to see what Celestia might do is she decided to let her mane down. :yay:

I don't care what Microsoft Word's spellchecker says, 'purpler' is a completely legitimate word.

Considering LibreOffice's spellchecker's quirks (it doesn't recognize teleport, for example), consider yourself lucky this is the only word it didn't recognize.

4674128
That premise alone made this good fun to write. :pinkiesmile:

4674317
Credit where it's due, it did manage to recognise and help me spell rthym rythym rhythm after several attempts and much teeth-grinding. (In retrospect, I could have probably made things easier for myself by checking it immediately rather than regarding the first red line as an affront to my writing honour.)

CCC

Hah. I love the note Starswirl left on his spellbook's cover.

Great story. And do I detect the influence of Pratchett in some of your lines? Certainly a worthwhile influence to have. :twilightsmile:

4678827
Glad you liked it! And Pratchett and Douglas Adams both have contributed more than their fair share to my sense of humour (though I'm far off being able to come close to either of them.)

An excellent story, and an excellent moral as well, being not forced at all. Props to monokeras as well for an excellent idea. Let it be known, also, that there is not a single thing you have written so far that I have not enjoyed, even if I often have nothing to say to this effect. I look forward to your next tale.

4688432
Glad you think so! :twilightsmile: The next tale may be a wee while in coming due to internetless holidays and suchlike (check my blog for details on that), but it's a'coming.

4688432
Thanks! I think it’s fun to share an idea among a little group of people and see how each one adorns it according to his/her own sensitivity. Somehow like a contest, but just for fun.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand favored. With much laughter. It is sad that so many modern ponies do not understand what a scrimmage is. :trollestia:

4732535
It is a word that ought to be used more often, regardless of the sense or context. :twilightsmile:

Celestia hitting on Fluttershy. Yellowquiet will never be the same, after that.

5039410
Psychologically tormenting Fluttershy shouldn't be the guilty pleasure it is, and yet I find myself drawn towards it anyway.

Amm

I can only imagine this character speaking in the voice of Celestia from the Mentally Advanced series.

5079650
Ooh. Probably a little too menacing and too ... forethoughty for this particular version, in my own judgement, but an appropriately twisted match regardless!

Amm

5079711
Oh entirely. But, the voice certainly added an entirely deeper level of humour to the story for me. I think this is actually one of my favorite stories that I've read here. Thank you very much for the pleasure of reading it.

Magnificent. Every word. :pinkiehappy: If the RCL hadn't already featured you literally four hours ago …

I do note, however, that the abhorrently low view count on this one does make it eligible for Seattle's Angels. (As well as my "Hipster Favorites" list.) Excelsior!

5153023
Gracias! :twilightsmile: I doubt this is up to Seattle's Angels standards (and I'd be mixed parts bewildered and horrified if it was) but I'm glad you think so.

I gotta admit, my first thought was that somehow Starswirl had taken over her mind. I much prefer this option though.:rainbowlaugh:

Also, AJ and Dash on the train nearly killed me with laughter. It's beautiful.

Very impressive. Lovely piece about the crown by the by.

5181487
Glad you approve! :twilightsmile: Bickering mane six is great fun to write, as it turns out.

Awww.. More words are required. :pinkiecrazy:

Also, I think Celestia could use a vacation. Nopony needs her to ever drink that much at once again and she shouldn't be pushed to the point of tempting a fate a second time

5190329
...Now there's a prompt for a follow-up if ever I saw one.

"Sister? I found the chest broken and - thou didn't cast that spell again, surely?"

"I decided my energies could be reasonably split between work and play," said Celestia, eyes down as she wrote behind her desk. "I'm sure I'm attending to the latter as we speak."

Elsewhere, on sunlit shores.

"RUM FOR THE SUN-PRINCESS! TEQUILA FOR THE BOTTLE THRONE!"

"Creator save us all, it's surely war!" screamed a fleeing zebra, his voice echoed by others.

Your similes are fantastic :rainbowlaugh: I liked "descended like a sunset doesn't".

5191982
I'll thank you, and also render apology to the ghost of Douglas Adams for cribbing from him for that particular line. :twilightsheepish:

5192011
Well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery :)

5191693
Oh, dear. By all means if that seems good to you, go ahead and write it. I'll get around to reading it eventually.

I really enjoy this story. I think it's written very strongly, the humour is fresh, isn't forced, and the plot dancies a merry, frantic jig in its time.

But I feel it's a strong enough written piece to take a fair critical assessment in stride.

The story is fun, certainly, and ripe with colourful action and colourful dialogue, but I felt that your oppurtunity for a little bit more resonance, a little bit more character exploration, was let go. The conlcusion in particular left me a little sad in its implications.

There's no reconcilliation between her aspects other than eventual direct confrontation. It even seemed to me that after getting rainbow'd back together, everything Celestia said I read as Shackles reasserting and justifying her dominance, and Distinctly More British For Some Reason Celestia is more or less dismissed. In a way, this story is a comedy lathered over the plot structure of a tragedy. And that made it a bit dissonant for me. Took the wholeness from some of the laughter.

So...there's certainly a missed oppurtunity for tenderness. I call to mind the very well written moment where Twilight says "it would make me sad." For her, that's a great leap and concise statement. It's a moment that SaysItLikeItIsLestia genuinely, emphatically reacts to. But the moment passes very quickly without much consequence.

As it was written, ShakeDatPlotlDevicelestia is a plot device for: Drink, Sex, Inappropriate Humor, and Fighting. Shackles is an even less striking entity for me. And despite the internal statement that specifically states that they haven't been polarized to good and evil Celesitas, the story makes full use of them as if they had been. That's very unfair, and even the characters treat them that way.

Luna is, oddly enough, kind of impotent here, both in terms of power and characterization. The only thing she achieves at all is calling in the Elements. She briefly asks just why CatsOuttaTheBaglestia isn't giving her the time of day, and the answer's handed to her perfectly: From breath one Luna's been an antagonist on her existence. But does Luna listen at all? Nah. Likewise, Twilight is never in the least bit curious about 18+lestia. Twilight's every interaction with her is always in the mindset of: "how do we shut her down?" Again, the story states that Freelestia is not some kind of evil counterpart, but the narrative, even the characters that should care for Both her parts, Equally, with deep love and consideration still treat her as...a dangerous inconveinance more than anything.

I was rooting for Debaucherylestia all the while...but nothing came of it. Bilestia was born, raged, drank, raged some more against the fate set before her, and then was subsumed wholly in it, her existence explained away by the counterpart she's eternanlly subjectified to. No character ever actually bothers to listen to her. Not once, and a sprinkling of grim comments from both halves about a deep dissatissfaction with the world leaves an eerie note hidden in there. Comedy indeed.

I get that this story is really just a fun, divisionary romp not meant to be read at that level of seriousness, and for what it was meant to be Second Sun does pretty good. It's entertaining and sweet and flirty superficially, but I can't look at it without seeing all the other things it might have addressed at a deeper level but didn't.

5303094
Firstly, thank you very much for this sort of critical assessment. It's immensely gratifying to have this sort of reader engagement with anything that I write, especially when it's as well composed and articulate as this. I apologise in advance for my inevitably far less intelligent response.

You're right in that the story was largely conceived as a comedic vehicle for WineStallionsAndSongLestia to maraud her way around an otherwise serene setting. It was a light-hearted, bawdy romp in its original conception, and I tried to stick to that idea as much as possible when plotting out the events and character interactions. However, the overall storyline could lend itself equally well to something with a Tragedy or Sad tag ("a comedy lathered over the plot structure of a tragedy" is spot-on) and it's possible I would have dwelt more on the character dynamics and elements you mention if I'd started off with that sort of premise.

That said, no story ever suffered from the writer putting deeper consideration into the characters and narrative, and it's perfectly possible that a stronger and more powerful comedy could have been produced if I'd considered those things you describe. And since I did give some amount of passing thought to some of your concerns during the writing process and failed to pursue them further, I can't rightfully claim "just a fun, divisionary romp" as a shield against your sort of critique.

With that, I'd like to touch on a few points you raised.

And despite the internal statement that specifically states that they haven't been polarized to good and evil Celesitas, the story makes full use of them as if they had been.

I'd disagree with this point, that Shackles and Chaoticelestia are used by the narrative as touchstones for good/evil respectively. I'd agree that YOLOlestia does function as the narrative's antagonist, being the disruptive force that has to be contained by the protagonists - but I wouldn't peg her as an evil and/or unsympathetic antagonist. Her existence and resistance to the protagonists does mark her as a threat to Equestria's stability and peace, but she's not malicious, and gets scenes aplenty in which she can argue for her own actions and reveal her motivations to readers.

Antagonist? That's definitely her function in the narrative, no arguments there. Evil? Not my intention, and I apologise if that's how her treatment came across.

Again, the story states that Freelestia is not some kind of evil counterpart, but the narrative, even the characters that should care for Both her parts, Equally, with deep love and consideration still treat her as...a dangerous inconveinance more than anything.

Your points about Twilight and Luna's reactions are pretty fair, and I hope I would have made them more nuanced and sympathetic if I'd focused more on their viewpoints. (But there's that 'No excuse for lack of thought' thing biting me in the arse on that number.) In their defence, I would argue that they don't get the same exposure to the inside of Unfetterlestia's head that the reader does. From their perspective:

A) There's a seemingly-mad duplicate of Celestia running around, behaving aggressively to foreign ambassadors, attempting to ravish guards, alienating internal authorities, and generally being a menace to the harmony of Equestria.
B} While the two Celestias will subsume each other again in time, but if they don't do it properly, then the reformed Celestia may spiral off into full-blown Nightmare-dom.
C} The other duplicate of Celestia, who's a lot closer to the full Celestia in personality and mannerisms, is strongly advocating that they stop IdCelestia as speedily as possible before any more damage is done.

From the outside, we can sympathise with FuckThePolicelestia's plight and wish to remain unfettered. From the inside, the other characters have to balance their love with a great many other pressures and competitors for their attention. Luna should have definitely had a more potent role in retrospect, though, so that's an entirely fair critique.

Beyond that, I'm again grateful for this critique and the care and effort put into composing it - that you rated the story highly enough to deserve the critique is gratifying in itself - and that you enjoyed the story enough in spite of where you felt it failed to live up to its potential.

5304973

I never meant to say Trollolololllolllolllolestia was actually evil, as such, but that her role in the story as antagonist fits very much in line with that of a villian-antagonist.

In further consideration, I suspect that a lot of the points we've discussed stem from one thing - the style of JustDoItLestia's motives: Sex, hugs and rock and roll. Again, that brings it back to the comedic design, but it's hard to think that these things are what InappropriateGestureLestia truly wants other than as the first big rebellious rush/fix after being popped into being like that. Of course, these are the bread and butter for the comedy, but it's not hard to believe there's deeper, truer emotional motives for this situation.

To reference the Twilight moment again, I'd have thought that, say, just being able to really hug Twilight without restraint and say in ad lib, without reservation, what she thought and felt would be a much deeper desire than getting plastered. Likewise for Luna, even if it's to express for example, sans-Shackles, some rather unpleasent truths or the like.

5307110
Maybe there's some mutual difference in our interpretation of the terms? To me, an antagonist is simply that entity which opposes the protagonists in the narrative, with 'villain-' acting as a modifier when the narrative takes up a moral stance which casts the antagonist in the wrong. Both villain-antagonists and boring garden-variety antagonists necessarily perform near-identical roles, with the only difference being how the narrative and other characters treat them.

I disagree that I overtly present RebelWithoutACauselestia as a villain-protagonist in the narrative - though if I do accidentally do that via an unrealistically cold reaction to her by the other characters, I accept that as a mistake on my part. It's quite likely that deeper consideration of her motives and unearthed desires, coupled with more sympathetic responses by her nearest and dearest, could have alleviated that.

5307644

You've put it very concisely, what I was trying to express. Thank you.

5307684
Excellent! I should go into the thoughtful critique business as well. What are the going rates?

Much obliged for the chat. It's nice to get this level of analysis.

No elaborate review from me.
This was glorious and I loved every second of it.
I finally cracked up for good when Celestia started singing her rendition of 'The Good Ship Venus'.
Thanks for the ride; I'm in good spirits for what the rest of the day may throw at me.
Since I've already done the 'want' part; maybe I should focus on the 'ought' part now.
*sigh*
Oh Celestia, I'm with you.
:trollestia:

5389058
Glad you approved, and glad it's put you in good spirits!

There are some writing activities that really do require you to step back and take stock of all your bad like choices, and crafting a My Little Pony-themed version of The Good Ship Venus was one of them.

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