• Member Since 17th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Carabas


Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 78 )

I have to pity whatever poor souls were in charge of getting telegraph wire up the Canterhorn. Though I suppose it's not as bad as the ones who had to lay the train tracks. I wonder if they hired goats to handle it.

An oath escapes us, which — if the absence of consternation or blushes from anypony else is any measure — has thankfully been forgotten over the preceding millennium.

One of the perks of a millennium of absence with your sister guiding the historical narrative. All the things you'd hoped were forgotten have been.

I'm not sure what I love more, Celestia double-checking Luna's awareness of cultural shifts or Luna's own disgruntlement over her lack of properly regal sparkliness. That said, the shed pronouns trump both.

We hope that the name will spark some recognition, some appropriate reaction. Alas, our lot this day is confusion. “Cirein-cròin, Your Majesty?” Dame Nox asks.

At least they got the pronunciation right.

But plurals cannot be great respecters of singular promises.

This is a fantastic early Luna thought.

But then he moved on from Corva, and came to Equestria.

I see something can cross over Antlertis. Though for Cirein, it's likely just stopping by the homestead.

And should ye wish to know how long it would take for an unattended enchantment to fade away, then a thousand years will do it almost every time.

I wonder if, at that moment, Luna thought of any of the millennium-old nuisances that Twilight and company would have to deal with.

"Long and slender as redwoods" is a brilliant way to express the scope of the creature in question. Especially the juxtaposition of "slender."

Cirein-cròin’s burr is unsettlingly thin and dry and soft for so vast a creature, like rustled papers given a voice.

Having met you, I can't help but think of your voice. Only, you know, evil.

Our horn twinges anew, and this time

Something ate the rest of this sentence. Possibly something from Saddle Arabia.

Brilliant work in tying together everything established earlier as Luna lies in the depths:

Do as I have done, and learn to be better.

Careful, Luna. He may take you up on that offer.

Magnificent work indeed. Thank you for a story fit for a princess.

Georg #2 · July 15th · · ·

"Dude." Night Valor nudged his fellow guard at the rail of their airship. "Hey, dude. Remember last week when we dared you to ask Princess Luna on a date?"

"Uh?" responded Sanguine Humor, the eternally cheerful guard who had not moved from the rail since the giant monster had emerged from the sea.

"Just wanted you to know we understand totally if you back out," said Valor.

"Buck no," breathed Sangy, as his fellow guards liked to call him. "She's perfect."

9732774

Magnificent work indeed. Thank you for a story fit for a princess.

Deeply flattered you think so, and obliged to you for reading, Fan! This was excellent fun to write, and getting into the present-tense/first-person/royal-We headspace of Luna was an endeavour all its own. Delighted to hear it's paid off. :twilightsmile:

Something ate the rest of this sentence. Possibly something from Saddle Arabia.

Sentence fixed! Rest assured, if it had been something from Saddle Arabia that had gotten to it, it'd be beyond fixing, or any more mortal concerns for that matter.

Having met you, I can't help but think of your voice. Only, you know, evil.

Understandable, and I've no objections. I'm one of those dreadful and sinister individuals, as was made plain. :pinkiehappy: Part of this got itself written in your continent, I'll add. Nearly everything up to Luna's own disgruntlement over her lack of properly regal sparkliness.

9732786

"Look, don't judge me. I've realised my preference. That preference is power, apparently."

"Sangy, for the love of -"

"So basically, whoever won there, I'd have been fine."

"...Sangy, one of them was a stars-damned sea-monster-"

"Don't judge, I said!"

I've been here for six years, and this is the first story that finally made me love Princess Luna.

There is a drive in some people to seek the heavens, the very tallest peaks, the very bottomless fathoms.

To drive every onward until the pinnacle is sought, reached, and left behind as dust an echoes, till only they remain.

Some, because it is duty, some because of the challenge. Others still try for little more than because it was there, or to achieve the unknown.


We see a luna that seeks to stand, to be whom she can and is to her minds eye. And we do, hell bent and hard fought. She lives, and she thrives.

And all the more the raw tenacity she does such with in the end to stand under.

9732845
No sense in rushing these things. Glad it had that effect, though. :twilightsmile:

9732848
Say what you will about Luna, she's a tenacious mare. She kens how far she she ought to rise. And she kens how far she can fall. And she'll be damned before she gives herself or ponykind a taste of the latter ever again.

Aaah. After the last few seasons of the show and their Princess-humiliations, it's sooo good to see Badass Luna again.

9732998
Badass Princess, whatever the princess, is always a joy. :pinkiehappy:

Luna has always been my favorite MLP character ever since I joined the fandom back in 2017. Her design, her backstory, her quirky speech patterns, her personality...I practically fell in love with the Princess of the Night. A Canterlot Wedding may have been what got me interested, but it was Luna who anchored me to the strange, wonderful world of Equestria.

I think seeing her go (and retire to boot) is going to be one of the hardest things about the show ending for me. Between Dark and Dawn helped alleviate those concerns...she and her sister may be gone, but they won't be forgotten.

But this...this was amazing. You captured her character so well, and the battle was incredibly well-written.

You've earned my upvote and my favorite, Carabas. 10/10. Well done.

Princess Luna vs. Kaiju FTW!

Oh my Stars. This was a phenomenal ride. Edge of seat stuff. Wonderful work, I love me some badass Luna. Badass dialled up to eleven in this case.

Very well crafted. I couldn't skip a word!

Amazing. Simply amazing. It also kinda makes you wonder what would happen if Luna was present during the Changeling Invasion.

Thrilling. Action-packed. Marvellous.

Luna is the mvp here for sure!

Yeah. When an engagement ends on a razor's edge, you absolutely did not plan it properly. And considering the cost of defeat vs the cost of retreat and benefits of victory... Luna undoubtedly made the worst call.

But then this IS Luna, isn't it. Fresh off the Nightmare, caught between her insecurities and percieved duty. Impatient, eager to prove herself. Excellent portrayal of her, all told.

Also it's curious to see that the Guard disregarded her orders and decided to deploy. Guessing she's not far off the mark at all in her suspicion that her subjects have no confidence in her yet. Least the victory helped with that.

Is this another Austraeoh-derived fic?

Hmm. This was a good read. I'll want to read this once or twice again, I'm sure there are things I missed on my first go-through, but... I liked this quite a lot.

Still, I loved the way you captured Luna's personality and speech. Both when at her regalest and when barely coherent after having almost gotten herself killed.

And likewise I liked the theme of privilege also coming with some very difficult duties attached. First to be honored, first to suffer.

You know, I think this is the first place I ever saw mention of the Cirein-cròin outside of its Wikipedia article. I wonder what he is... one more terror that bygone Antlertis, in its wisdom, left for other people to deal with? A kin to dragons and sea serpents, turned vast and monstrous by the magic of the Black Ocean?

Whatever he is, he's evidently able to just swim right through the same ocean that ate every attempt at being explored, which does make Luna managing to shove him back into his can while half-dead from exhaustion all the more impressive.

There were a lot of feelings in my monster bashing. Truly a lot of wonderful feelings, and the bashing was great too. The imagery had the kind of epic proportions that keep you mouth agape, and the colors were vivid and alive. In certain scenes it was like a painting, and a humbling display of writing craft.

Thank you for it.

Loyalty, Honesty and Laughter make for a straightforward mare, and what is authority without duty?

I dunno what it is, but I'm getting Austraeoh vibes from this.

I have not the strength to fashion a new weapon. But here the rust-eaten old one yet lies. A faded and broken relic. But even faded and broken relics can achieve impossible and parlous things.

YO THIS PART WAS NUTS I NEARLY JUMPED FOR JOY IN MY CHAIR AND IT'S CURRENTLY 2:30 AM

This is a really beautiful story about S1 Luna and it's so genuinely exciting and epic in scale and mood––you really feel like you're both there, watching Luna fight Cirein-cròin and like you're in Luna's head. The action is written wonderfully.

The first person perspective being written in Luna's old timey dialect is something that I personally haven't seen before on Fimfic, though my memory may be failing me. I just have to say though that the switch from 'We' to 'I' in Luna's inner monologue is so good.

I have nothing bad or negative to say about this. Luna's not too angsty or angry or sad, she's an equal balance of everything and her post-redemption state of mind is very tastefully executed. I honestly love this. Thank you so much for writing it holy shit

Alondro walks up to the monster (of course Alondro can walk on water, duh!) and yawns, "So, like, stop being a jerk."\

Monster, "Nnno!"

Alondro, looking bored, "Come on, I got shopping to do. Behave."

Monster, "Thhhbbbbt!"

Alondro sighs, "Fine." ONE-PUNCHED PLUS-ULTRA!!!

Monster doesn't say anything cuz it's kinda splattered everywhere and little fishes are busy eating its myriad tidbits. Alondro manages to make it back to the store in time to use his coupons and the day is saved.

images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/614VmsFwoNL._SX425_.jpg

(And this is the proper way to craft an anti-climax.)

:trollestia:

Like the night, Luna is brilliant in art and owrite.

I wasn't expecting an actual battle, to be honest. When it started off, I expected Luna to rush out, battle-ready, desperate to rekindle her sense of personal glory...

only to find her foe has grown old and tired and has no interest in a fight.

Hmm. That might be an interesting story hook too. An ancient foe returning to Equestria, goading Luna into a fight... but they truly are ancient, too old to be a threat, and Luna realises they're pretty much throwing themselves on her sword to go out like in the 'old days' and how being stuck in the past can be hurtful.

Anyways, intense combat. The power scale of your princesses is difficult to pin down, not sure if that's because of the flowery language (in good ways) used. They should be mostly invincible going by what is shown, definitely not having to worry about any of the threats from the show.

9733514

Also it's curious to see that the Guard disregarded her orders and decided to deploy. Guessing she's not far off the mark at all in her suspicion that her subjects have no confidence in her yet. Least the victory helped with that.

Oh, I'm not sure it's that. They could also simply have decided if Luna jumps in, they will too. Disregard orders, do what feels right, that kinda deal. A bit like what Luna herself did.

Luna does X. Tops feature box. FIMFic never changes.

There are no words I have to describe how this story made me feel. While I adore both Sisters, Luna is still the one I would serve, and this story . . . There are no words. Thank you, for writing this, from the bottom of my heart. :heart:

Great work! I was really sucked in by this story. Its the best I've read in a while.

9733077
Much obliged for your upvote and favourite. :twilightsmile: And I hear you about Luna. She's been iconic ever since the very first two-parter, and when she started making more and more appearances in the show from season 2 onwards, she's only gone from strength to strength. The Princess of the Night's rock-solid, and great fun to write for.

9733291
Delighted you approve! Delivering some good edge-of-seat action was what was hoped for, and plonking Badass Luna in there made it that wee bit easier to deliver.

9733466
Thank you very much! :pinkiehappy:

9733495
Another alicorn on the scene could definitely have tipped the balance another way. A shame for Luna she wasn't there, but at least she undoubtedly got a blow-by-blow account afterwards.

9733504
Those are all flattering words. Thank you kindly! :twilightsmile:

9733514
Glad you like this portrayal of Luna! She's definitely keen to live up to her role and prove herself a princess once more. Might not have led to her making the most sensible of choices, but I doubt she'd have found it conscionable to leave Whinnigoe at Cirein-cròin’s mercy for however short a time. Derpsly here has the right of the guard situation as well - 9734334. They'll live up to the example just set for them. :raritywink:

9733522
Yet to read Austraeoh, so no inspiration taken from there, alas. What's similar?

9733778
Glad you liked it! Trying to capture Luna at both her most regal and at her most arrgh-arrgh-everything-hurts-arrgh was a fun challenge, and I'm pleased to have pulled it off.

I wonder what he is... one more terror that bygone Antlertis, in its wisdom, left for other people to deal with? A kin to dragons and sea serpents, turned vast and monstrous by the magic of the Black Ocean?

He's mysterious. And, alas, not the most forthcoming. :raritywink:

9733845
Thank you for reading, Kettle, and very glad you liked it! :pinkiehappy: Strove to get in a lot of good bashing, as well as all the appropriate feelings associated with said bashing. Making a pretty painting of some bits is a welcome bonus.

9733930
She's an excellent mix of Harmonious virtues, Luna. And keenly aware of her duty to boot.

9734018
I'd be keen to know what those similarities are. A bit of accidental overlap's always good fun.

9734019
Now there's one heck of a flattering review. :twilightsmile: Really glad you thought of it so highly, and thank you for reading. I wanted to get across the sheer epic scope of the fight, while also conveying Luna's own up-close thoughts and perspective. I didn't want her to come across as excessively angry or angsty, and someone reckoning her execution there was well-handled is gratifying.

Likewise for the old-timey dialect. I didn't want to go too old-timey because (a) folk'd struggle with it and (b) I'd mess it up. Getting across some sense of antiquatedness was what I aimed for.

9734163
More than one way to skin a Cirein-cròin. :raritywink:

9734179
She's as brilliant as her own night sky, nae denying that.

9734330

That might be an interesting story hook too. An ancient foe returning to Equestria, goading Luna into a fight... but they truly are ancient, too old to be a threat, and Luna realises they're pretty much throwing themselves on her sword to go out like in the 'old days' and how being stuck in the past can be hurtful.

That is a good story hook, and one well worth pursuing. It wouldn't have been quite what I wanted to go for with Parlous, but that sounds like it could strike a beautifully melancholic note, and present a good chance for growth and reflection on Luna's part as well. Definite The Last Hero vibes from it, and I'd love to see it written.

I hear you about the power levels as well. Nigh-demigods, like I tend to write the alicorns as being, can be frustratingly hard to pin down in that regard/ Having Luna try and keep track of her own mounting fatigue and drain was my attempt to compensate there, though it's hard to tell how well that worked.

9734362
It's a great never-fail formula. I'm not sure why I've not been taking advantage of it sooner. :raritywink:

9734371
Thank you very much for reading, and glad it inspired such emotions in you! I'm glad you reckon I did Luna justice. :twilightsmile:

9734464
Glad you approve! I had the notion that first-person present-tense would suck readers in and immerse them, and even if that wasn't the case, glad it immersed regardless. :pinkiehappy:

9734602
The description was wildly short and was in the same vein as Austraeoh, so I just assumed this was similar. I never read Austraeoh or your story, but I did read Andromeda, which was an Austraeoh-inspired fic.

9734662
Ah, I see the similarity there. The Austraeoh series is good for succinct descriptions, from what I've seen of it.

Truly, a magnificent epic, befitting of the glories of the Night. Stars bless you, friend.

9735004
Glad you think it befitting, and much obliged for the stars' blessing. :twilightsmile:

Congrats on 100 likes

"a scrunching voice" looks like a typo for "a scrunching noise", as it doesn't appear to have been a speaking telegram. :twilightsmile:

Also, "Our flight takes me clear of the cliffs" - is Luna having pronoun uncertainty here, or is this an error?

9735227
Thank you! :pinkiehappy:

9735491
Speaking telegrams and pronoun uncertainty fixed. Much obliged for spotting them. :twilightsmile:

9735674
You're most welcome! There's also one misspelled "Whinnigoe": "Whinnigo, a dark dot of a town".

9735681
Also fixed, and thank you!

Can we um... turn this into an epic series?

9734602
Well, I suppose. High risk high reward gamble that payed off certainly instills confidence, and what transpired is the best outcome, no doubt. And, presumably, Luna would 'grow out' of both her weakness and glory seeking, so the scenario would not repeat.

Still... There's a lesson there, on pride, and confusing personal wants for duty, that both the Guard and Luna might have missed.

You know when I first read the description I thought it said, "Luna flies north..." Great fic.

Excellent story, as usual! Despite your (traditional) description of Cirein-cròin, however, the first thing that sprang to my mind was somewhat… shinier. :pinkiecrazy:

So my free association goes to odd places at times — sue me. You’re reading this on this website, aren’t you?


9732774
I have to pity whatever poor souls were in charge of getting telegraph wire up the Canterhorn. Though I suppose it's not as bad as the ones who had to lay the train tracks. I wonder if they hired goats to handle it.

Between pegasi and unicorns, I doubt it took more than a few days to run telegraph lines up to Canterlot. Resolving the sightline and zoning issues in the nobles quarter, however, took years.

Awesome story! Really good job on Luna's dialogue, Cirein-cròin was a lovely almost lovecraftian giant monster; I'm totally stealing it for an upcoming d&d session.

9735721
No plans for spinning this into a series, alas, but glad you reckon it merits it! :twilightsmile:

9735750

And, presumably, Luna would 'grow out' of both her weakness and glory seeking, so the scenario would not repeat.

Yep. She's especially vulnerable right now, due to the recency of the Nightmare and her desperation to live up to being Equestria's Princess once again. That'll pass in time as she becomes more settled in her role and works through some of her demons. Growing into more of her old power and stature shan't hurt much either.

9735781
Thank you! Similar-looking words can be a faff like that. :raritywink:

9735817
...god, if only I'd had the inspiration and talent to give Cirein-cròin his own musical number. If only.

9736334
Glad you approve! Steal Cirein-cròin, by all means. He's borrowed from Gaelic folklore, where he's got a couple more talents than I gave him here. They could be worth incorporating into your game as well.

9736440
His ability to disguise himself as a small silver fish is hilarious, but i can see why you left that out.

An excellent action Luna story where she's a fine, mythical warrior. (No seriously, I think it ought to be mentioned that too often Action Luna veers into being written as weirdly sociopathic.) It's always good to see a story with magic, monsters, and more than a fair, fun helping of adventure Luna. Great work!

9736466
Imagine the fun you could have deploying that on your players. :raritywink:

"Come on, dice, don't fail me now ... ah, damn, that's a botch. How exactly do I botch a fishing roll? GM? Why are you smiling? Oh god, they're smiling."

9736509
Thank you! I wanted to write a good Action Luna throwing down with some appropriately great and terrible foe. She's a character who lends herself to that sort of nigh-mythic contest, no matter how diminished she may be.

9736522
Very true, though while that's a concept that works so good with MLP in general, Luna is just the strongest poster pony for it of the cast. The Dazzlings are probably the runner ups for that, with their unshakable Greekiness, but even that's more debatable. I really can't think of others who fit a follow-up to that sort of thing without thinking of someone else.

9734602

Yet to read Austraeoh, so no inspiration taken from there, alas. What's similar?

A similar story to Austraeoh?
Right now the closest I can think of is Homer's Odyssey.

Except in Austraeoh things kind of start in media res and what's going on unfolds as the story progresses.
Admittedly I don't quite recall how the Odyssey starts things off, but I'm pretty sure there's a lengthy preamble.
:twilightsmile:

So which Antlertian Mage-Lord got drunk and was like "what if I make a sea monster, but big. Really BIG. Also he can control storms?"

The more creations of the Mage-Lords we meet, the less I think of them as malevolent geniuses, and more akin to "that one engineering student in college who would build a bong out of any object left within his reach for a few hours just because."

9737080
In essence, the Odyssey's narrative starts off at the end of the actual chain of events, after Odysseus' ten-year journey is over and done with and he staggers into the Phaeacians' kingdom after being shipwrecked onto their island; the bulk of the story itself consists of Odysseus telling his hosts what happened to him beforehand.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!