“So I have several questions,” said Twilight as she and Celestia trotted along the passages leading to the throne room. The other five, along with Stiff Strut, had raced to where the Elements of Harmony were being kept in storage.
“I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” Celestia’s stride was smooth and unhurried, perfectly regal.
“What are we dealing with, exactly? An evil clone of yourself?”
“No.” Celestia sighed. “Suspect Focus’s focus didn’t assign the two halves of a pony’s mind any such subjective labels. Neither do my other half or I fit them. We are each lesser than the Celestia you know, but still purely of her. Think of it this way. I am what I – Celestia - holds up as the ideal she must live up to. Every musing on matters beyond the next few moments, every consideration and act of forethought. The threads of her conscience, every scrap of morality she has assembled over a very, very long time. I am what Celestia feels she ought to do.”
Twilight was silent for a moment. Then, “And that makes the other Celestia?”
“She is what Celestia wants to do.”
The door to the throne room loomed ever closer. There seemed to be a great deal of muffled shouting coming from behind it.
“Bear that in mind when you speak to her. I intend to approach her with tact and diplomacy, but we needs must consider what she will respond to. Appeal to affection and her gentler instincts, rather than issues of higher morality or the good of many. And she – I – a pox on the pronouns of this situation – we will respond to you with affection, feel no fear. Perhaps she will be made to peacefully consent to the application of the Elements of Harmony in resolving this whole matter.”
Twilight looked up at the alicorn, who kept an aloof distance from her here in the quietness of the corridor. “You are a lot like the whole Celestia. Different in some ways, don’t get me wrong, but I get the impression she uses you a lot more than whatever I’m about to meet.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” said Celestia, smiling gently. The door rose before them. She gestured at it with a hoof. “Shall we?”
Twilight breathed out. She could do this. The sight of Princess Celestia – a Princess Celestia – doing things that wouldn’t have otherwise intruded on Twilight’s mental model of Celestia in the lifespan of the universe shouldn’t disturb her too much. She wouldn’t have to spend too much time in therapy after this. Probably.
Twilight reached out with her magic and opened the throne room’s door.
She was greeted by the sight of the long marble floor strewn with ashes, the fragments of half-burned tapestries and hangings trailing from the ceiling. Glass shards glinted amongst them, and she saw that several of the stained glass windows had been shattered.
Past a thin haze of smoke, she could see the shapes of two alicorns near the throne, with something in between them.
“Do not give her the spirits! She has had quite enough, and does not deserve them in any event!” The one on the left could have only been Princess Luna, her Royal Canterlot Voice decidedly hoarse around the edges.
“My sparkly flank I’ve had enough! Wheel that trolley over here!”
Trotting cautiously closer, Twilight peered past the smoke and was able to pick out the distinct figures of the two princesses, Luna at the side of the room and Celestia on the other. This Celestia had the accoutrements of state the other Celestia lacked, but her posture seemed more relaxed.
Between them both, a terrified-looking earth pony maid stood paralysed behind a wheeled drinks cabinet.
“As Princess of the Night, I order thou to not move one step towards her!”
“Your princess commands you to deliver her bloody whisky!”
The maid, who couldn’t have come so much as approximately close to anticipating this situation in her training or subsequent service, looked as though she were about to burst into tears.
“Princess Celestia?” Twilight called out.
The Celestia in the throne room looked in her direction. For a moment, her expression was one of brief irritation after looking away from the alcohol to this distraction.
Then her face broke into a smile that outshone the dawn, and Twilight barely got to comprehend the sudden grab of magic all about her before she abruptly appeared before Celestia. White legs unfolded and seized Twilight in a sudden tight embrace, and white wings came around to cocoon her.
“Gcck,” managed Twilight.
“Shush, my most faithful student. Give your princess a hug,” said Celestia gently, nuzzling the top of Twilight’s head and narrowly missing her horn. “How’ve you been?”
“Fine. Still studying. Somewhat air-deprived,” Twilight squeaked.
“Sister, let her go,” Luna said wearily, the Royal Canterlot Voice falling like a weight from her shoulders. “She’s growing purple. Purpler, rather.”
“Whoops, sorry,” said Celestia, releasing Twilight. “I don’t do that as much as I should. It needed doing.” She lifted her head, and glared at the Celestia standing in the doorway.
“You know there are reasons for the decorum,” said the Celestia in the doorway. “And you know that there are other important reasons to try and maintain a little detachment. We are immortal, and our sanity is often all we have. If we become attached again and again -”
“Stick our sanity where our sun doesn’t shine. It’s hardly done much for our happiness,” snapped the Celestia holding Twilight.
“After a few generations had come and gone, attachment would prove unbearable,” replied Celestia softly.
Celestia grunted dismissively before smiling back down at Twilight. “I value and love you very much, Twilight. If I ever hear you’ve been working yourself into a tizzy over disappointing me again, I’ll smack some sense into that pretty lavender head of yours.”
“I … er … thank you, princess?” said Twilight. She drew in a breath. She had a duty here. “I was going to ask you something. For something. As a favour.”
“Ask for anything, my faithful student, and I shall cross the Black Ocean, roll dice with Discord, and plunge into the Abyss itself to place it in your hooves.” Celestia’s smile was bright and guileless.
“I’m …” Twilight took a moment to collect herself, taken aback by what this unfettered and open Celestia would do for her. “I’m here with my friends from Ponyville. We were called here by Princess Luna to try and reverse the accident that split you and your double apart.”
Celestia nodded. Something brittle had entered the cast of her smile, but she maintained it with only a brief glare in Luna’s direction. “Ah. I see. Luna mentioned all the grisly details, did she? Told you to put us back together with the Elements, did she?”
“Not exactly. She just mentioned that there was a crisis that needed us to come to Canterlot. I met your double when we were coming into the palace. She explained the situation and how we might be able to use the Elements to fix it -”
She was cut off then. One of Celestia’s hooves pressed gently against her mouth. The princess, still smiling a brittle smile, stood straight once more.
“Can’t grudge you spilling the details with our sister,” she said to the Celestia in the doorway. “She’d have probably figured the details out, tried to put us back together in any case. She was involved from the get-go; no fault for conspiring with her to snuff me out.”
“We both know that -” said the other Celestia.
“But then you did something very stupid,” said Celestia, her smile slipping away, her voice still soft. “You decided to recruit Twilight Sparkle and get her to do the deed. Get her to destroy me before we’ve lived. Make me have to confront her.”
Her smile vanished altogether. Her eyes flashed golden. The muscles under her white coat tensed, ever-so-slightly.
For a brief moment, looking into Celestia’s face, Twilight had the fleeting mental image of the whole world burning down.
“There wasn’t another recourse.” The Celestia in the doorway stood stiff and unflinching.
The instant later, a yellow-blazing fireball, the heat of which was sufficient to crisp Twilight’s eyebrows from a distance away in the brief moment it lasted, sprang out at that Celestia. It smacked her right off her hooves and she flapped backwards, blinking but utterly unharmed. She fixated the Celestia next to the stunned Twilight with a look halfway between reproach and annoyance.
“You just hit me with a portion of our own sun’s power. What did you think that was going to achieve?”
“Not going to lie, I was hoping for a bit of pain, a bit of running around screaming with your wings on fire and your horn melting down your face, that sort of thing.” Celestia stepped past Twilight, her wings flaring and her stance becoming lower and more predatory. “Suppose I’ll just have to get creative.”
“Princess!” Twilight seized hold of the back of Celestia’s leg as she swept past. It was like trying to hold back an avalanche; the most she could hope for would be to get the princess’s attention. “Don’t attack yourself!”
Celestia’s great head craned around to regard Twilight, her eyes still simmering like embers. “But it’ll be both productive and therapeutic. Why ever not?”
Twilight’s mouth opened and closed several times as she sought for an answer. Finally, “...it would make me sad? And leave deep-seated trauma from seeing you fight yourself?”
Celestia blinked, and her eyes had been restored to their gentle magenta hue. The tenseness in her subsided. She glared back at the other Celestia.
“You ought to be thanking our student,” she growled. “There’s nothing apart from her and her adorable face keeping me from beating you into paste, you underhooved dungstain.”
“I was rather hoping thine consideration would take mine own adorable face into account as well, dearest sister,” Luna muttered.
“Your adorable face was committed to undoing me and my freedom from the get-go, dearester sister. And you helped draft Twilight Sparkle for the same purpose. You’re only my favourite sibling right now due to the technicality of being the only one.” Celestia snorted and looked around. “Also, I’m sure there was a maid here with a drinks cabinet not two minutes ago.”
“She departed. I helped.” Luna’s gaze was cool and steady. “The time for indulgence is over. Equestria needs its princess back and adequately functioning ere she can wreak more damage. Stay here, wait for the other Element Bearers to come, and this can all be put to rest.”
“Equestria’s a big country. It can take care of itself. In fact, why don’t you and Shackles here -” Celestia indicated Celestia, “- take care of it yourselves? This spell is temporary besides, so don’t worry about Equestria never getting one more miserable princess back. I’m going to spend some time indulging in indulgence before that happy hour, thank you kindly.”
“For the good of the realm, I will restrain thee if I must,” said Luna, stepping forwards. Dark magical energies flickered around her horn.
Celestia snorted. “No,” she said. “No, you couldn’t.”
Hoofsteps sounded from the direction of the door, and everypony’s attention turned there. The other five Element Bearers had arrived, Elements already donned. The Element of Magic was held by Rarity in an aura of magic. She tossed it to Twilight, who swiftly seized it and settled it atop her own head.
“Woah,” said Rainbow Dash, glancing from one Celestia to the other. “This is freaky.”
“Don’t worry, Princesses Celestias!” Pinkie Pie sang. “We’ll get you fixed quicker than blinking!”
The Celestia in the throne room shook her head with another laugh.
“Nothing personal, you lovable bunch of lunatics, but I’d rather not be at hoof when that happens. I believe I’ll now take my egress and see what Canterlot has to offer by way of entertainment. Don’t worry; I’ll be back later to meet and greet you all.” She winked at Fluttershy. “Especially you, gorgeous.”
“What?" trilled Fluttershy in the exact instant that Twilight cried, “Get ready, everypony!” in the same instant that Luna and the other Celestia yelled, “Stop, don’t you dare -!”
The instant after, Celestia vanished amidst a torrent of golden fire.
The ensuing curse from Luna shattered the remaining windows.
“Alright, let’s not get into unwarranted panicking here,” said Applejack, once an emergency meeting had been arranged a few minutes later. They stood around a circular table in Luna’s own royal office. “How dangerous is she on the loose? Let’s get a clear estimate of that.”
“She’s only a demigoddess princess with power over the sun, the magic of a hundred unicorns, the strength of a hundred earth ponies, and the swiftness of a hundred pegasi,” said Stiff Strut, who was muttering and poring over Starswirl’s notes with Twilight. “We’ll be fine, I’m sure.”
“She’s more likely to damage herself and others in her current state,” said Princess Luna. “Magnify that potential damage by the might of an alicorn. Securing and healing her must be our utmost priority.”
“How likely is she to damage others, though? We know Princess Celestia. Unwarranted violence just isn’t … well, her style,” said Rarity.
“No,” said the Celestia at the table with them. “It’s not my style. Do you wear your ugliest impulses in the light of day, try to adopt them and condone them as part of who you are? There have been occasions – far too many – where the whole Celestia brought battle against Equestria’s foes, and those times were not always grudging. Violence isn’t alien to our nature. Far from it.”
“Count that as an additional difficulty in bringing her to heel.” Luna sat in consideration. “She would be especially eager to fight herself, though. If thou were to act as bait to draw her out, then I could assist in containing her while the Elements are readied.”
“A fair plan, though we do not know if she’s currently receptive to bait. She may be otherwise distracted by something or somepony.”
“Then let there be a sweep of the city with the combined Dayguard and Nightguard forces currently on duty,” said Luna, bringing forth the magically-glowing lines of a map of Canterlot on the table before them. “Captains Eyewall and Tenebrae will have to be summoned to this meeting so that we may outline an approach. What is it?”
The muttering between Twilight and Stiff Strut had reached an anxious fever pitch, and both stiffened upon being called to by Luna.
“The spell’s parameters indicate an additional complication,” said Stiff Strut. “Unless our comprehension of the sygaldry and thaumic mathematics involved is completely wrong, Starstupid the Bearded designed this to work within three standard deviations of the average for latent arcane potential in ponies. Alicorns, you must agree, go quite a bit beyond that.”
A pin fell from an improperly placed pincushion and echoed in the silence.
“Basically, this spell wasn’t designed to work with alicorns. It could partition their minds, but it couldn’t handle the complexities of putting them back together again,” said Twilight. She gulped, her eyes wide. “I don’t want to think about the implications, but -”
“Divided wills. Madness. Surrendering to our Nightmare to make the chaos and sadness finally depart.” Princess Luna’s voice was like a stone dropped into a cold pool. “We are acquainted with the worst of the implications.”
“So … there’s not going to be a smooth joining-together once the spell’s time limit is reached?” said Applejack. “It’s really gonna be an Elements job or nothing, huh.”
“Looks like it,” said Twilight quietly. “And if we don’t work fast, then Celestia could be damaged – or worse - forever.”
“No pressure,” added Stiff Strut.
Stalwart had his back turned to the door of his bar when he heard it open. He sneaked a glance at a clock; it was early in the afternoon as yet.
“A bit early in the day, isn’t it?” said the earth pony stallion, preoccupied as he finished polishing rows of bottles with a dirty cloth.
“Of all ponies, I think I get to decide what’s early in the day and what isn’t,” came the clear, female voice of the customer.
The earth pony stallion turned with a chuckle. “I’m sure Celestia might have a thing or two to say … regarding … that.” He looked up. “Oh.”
“There’s something deeply and unintentionally funny about what you just said,” said the Paramount of Equestria and the Dominions Thereof, Sol-Wielder and Dawn Bringer, who had all of a sudden wandered into his bar. “You’ll get the joke soon, most like. For now, pour a thirsty mare a drink.”
Stalwart nodded, his mouth suddenly dry and his mind in complete revolt. Bartending autopilot smoothly took over. “C – certainly, your Majesty. Could I get you a glass of wine? We’ve got reds, whites, and rosés. Some good Ovish brandy? Whisky? A few bottles arrived from Corva just yesterday. There’s a bottle of honey mead from Zebrica I’m sure I could fish out, if you’d like?”
“Ooh, such choice,” said Princess Celestia, settling her full weight into a creaking bar stool. “You know, we’re about to do something, you and I, that hasn’t been attempted in – goodness, I don’t know how long now.”
“What is it, your Majesty?”
“We are about to see what it takes to get an alicorn drunk. Start with the brandy. Brandy till my back teeth float.”