Dweomerlayk
The heavy tome slid off the desk, held tight within an aura of shimmering golden magic. A red ribbon bookmark was tugged free from the pages and, with the same gravity that accompanied the unsealing of a tomb, the book was opened. Light whispered into the dingy basement from seemingly nowhere, illuminating its pages.
“I wish it to be noted, so that I may put myself past any allocation of blame when the whole matter inevitably devolves into flames and shrieking and the fracturing of all we know and love, that this is a mistake,” said Princess Luna, who watched the book and the alicorn holding it with wary eyes.
The title, originally picked out in tiny specks of black jet, was still barely legible. Collected Musings of Starswirl Pon The Venture Arcane. Below that, in a slightly less formal script, Keep out, ye Bloodie Snoop-thieves. Thise will slay ye horriblie an ye bollock arounde with it.
“So noted. But your fears seem unfounded.” Princess Celestia, Paramount of Equestria and the Dominions Thereof, Sol-Wielder and Dawn Bringer, absently flicked through page after page. “We’ve worked with this book before, you’ll recall? We do owe something of our current positions to it.”
“I am aware. I also distinctly recall picking it up from a pile of ashes that still contrived to scream the first time we laid hooves upon it.”
“Hence why I’m exercising as much caution as is due, and why I’ve requested your vigilant attendance,” replied Celestia. “If anypony’s to make sense of Starswirl’s Partitioning Dweomerlayk, then it should be me. I have one thousand and two hundred years of magical practice to draw upon. I can shrug off arcane backlash that would slay any normal pony. It’s only sensible that I sound out this spell before passing it onto the School’s research division.”
“Very selflessly argued.”
“Thank you -”
“And I’m sure the fact that thou hast resented the lack of capable supervision these last thousand years preventing thee from indulging in projects this dangerous in good conscience has nothing to do with thy keenness to try it out and damn the risks.”
Celestia paused in her reading long enough to briefly frown. “This poses no great danger. And I’m not so foalish as that.”
“Indeed. I’m sure the Parliament’s recess for today and the brief pause in the holding of court were happy coincidences and little more.”
“I have served Equestria as its sitting princess for more time than I care to recall,” Celestia said crisply. “If I did not take the odd chance to unburden my mind and attend to something more fun, I would go mad.”
Luna watched her sister pore over the tome of ancient and eldritch lore with eager attention. “An unimaginable and terrifying outcome, I’m sure. What will this spell do exactly? Dost thou even know?”
“He never goes much into the actual description, as you know. He only ever really described the arcane notation and sygaldry to be composed in mind. But this was one of the few he left written notes in the margin for. Past the spidery hoofwriting and his bizarre code, he discusses bringing higher rationality to the forefront, accenting it and dividing it off from the mean impulses which govern us at our core. That hardly seems to pose a great threat to my life and limb.”
“I mean not to cast too harsh a judgement, but most ponies in possession of a functioning brain would think twice, and then thrice, and then once more for good measure, before they attempted anything that threatened the integrity of their mind.”
“The effects of it are temporary before the original mind reasserts itself. The notes make that clear enough. The conscious will and intellect aren’t affected at all; nothing foreign is put in place. It only condenses and sharpens what is already there.” Celestia looked up from the book with a wry grin. “And if it does hone my higher functions, then that’ll hardly be to Equestria’s detriment. I could even make a regular habit of casting it.”
“Let’s not look that far ahead. Both thineself and civilisation in Equestria still have to survive the next few minutes.”
Celestia studied the book for a few more minutes in silence.
“Get Twilight Sparkle to attend to it. She’s of a scholarly nature and will relish the task. She might even compose thee a letter on the results,” Luna ventured once more, without much optimism.
“I deserve this, Luna,” Celestia said quietly. She looked up, a note of pleading in her magenta eyes. “Give me a moment of recklessness. Of discovery on my own terms. I’ve missed it.”
Luna regarded her silently, and then said, “The matter stands that thou art an idiot.”
“Is that agreement to supervise this?”
“Yes.” Luna took up a steadier stance, facing Celestia with her horn levelled and ready. “What should I attend for?”
“Starswirl describes a flash of light around the pony,” said Celestia, placing the book back upon the desk. “Beyond that, there’s little to say. I won’t be angry should you intervene based on your best judgement.”
“Believe me, that’s already been sharply curtailed when I consented to this,” muttered Luna. “Cast on, then.”
Celestia closed her eyes, letting golden light begin to coalesce around her horn. It was a slow build-up, the light growing in intensity ever so gradually until it blazed like a torch, chasing skittering shadows across the dusty stone floor.
Luna knew better than to interrupt. She waited in the shadows of the palace’s basement, poised to snuff out Celestia’s own magic with a blow to her horn if need be.
The light built and built, and when it made Luna’s eyes hurt to look at it, Celestia’s own eyes slammed open. They were spheres of pure fire.
“Oh,” she said with vague displeasure. “Well, that’s not what I’d -”
And then the world exploded.
Luna was unprepared for the light flashed forth from Celestia, a blazing torrent that blinded Luna and left her unprepared for the shockwave that followed on its heels. Only the almighty grounding and resilience of an alicorn kept her standing, and she shook her head sharply back and forth, trying desperately to clear the spots from her vision.
“Celestia?!” she yelled as she stepped forward, peering around in vain for something, anything, as panic mounted inside her. “Sister? Answer me!”
Why hadn’t she put up more of an argument against this silliness, why hadn’t she intervened partway through the ritual, why had she let Celestia convince her?, screamed a thousand different parts of her mind all at once. Losing her like this after a thousand years, Equestria losing her? Unthinkable. Not permitted. But the horror had unfolded before Luna’s eyes, because of her non-intervention –
The flash cleared, and an alicorn-shaped figure seemed to be rising to its hooves just before Luna. The panic blazed away like burning cobwebs, and the younger alicorn bounded forward. “Celestia! Are thou well? Did it - ?”
“By all in Tartarus, shut up,” growled the figure of Celestia in Celestia’s own voice. “My ears are ringing, and my brain feels like it was wrenched out of my skull and kicked around by a hoofball team. Shrieking at me doesn’t exactly help there, you pretty little nitwit.”
Luna paused mid-bound. “…What?”
The figure of Celestia strode from the fading effect of the flash. She was the same size as Celestia, still had the same coat colour, the same mane and eye colour. Celestia’s regalia lay forgotten on the floor at her back hooves. But the gait of this one seemed faster, more hurried. And when her magenta eyes glanced around to Luna, they radiated grumpy impatience.
“You shouldn’t gawp like that. Flies’ll fly in. Ponies’ll make unflattering remarks on your breath. The wind’ll shift and you’ll be stuck like that forever,” said Celestia. “I’m fine. Idiot, my sparkly flank. I feel more than fine for the first time in I-don’t-know-how-long.”
“But th’art -”
“Still young and beautiful, I know. I’m of a mind to find some cider and a handsome stallion disinclined to refuse his princess’s charming overtures, and stars save whatever fool courtier tries to get in my way.” Celestia smacked her lips and strode right past Luna, making for the stairs leading to the palace proper.
She stopped only to turn around and say, “And these are my shiny things,” before vanishing around the corner. The golden tiara, collar, and shoes of state were seized aloft in an angry golden glow and obediently bobbed out after her.
Luna looked towards them as Celestia picked them up, and then found herself preoccupied with staring right past them.
There on the floor behind where they had lain was another recumbent Celestia. She looked up at Luna with slightly fraught and tired eyes.
“What?” said Luna, barely-managing to resist the impulse to break out the Royal Canterlot Voice and shout her sudden swathe of problems into oblivion.
“Ah, Luna,” said the second Celestia. “Something of a problem may have just arisen.”
The letter that was sent to Twilight Sparkle two minutes later was written in a different hoof than the one she was used to, and though it used a route both she and Spike were used to, it came from a different sender.
Honoured Twilight Sparkle, Royal Student to Princess Celestia,
Gather together the other Elements of Harmony, and come to Canterlot immediately. The realm is in crisis.
Again.
Princess Luna.
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Add a sex tag just in case
4631399
Probably won't be necessary. Nothing explicit or on-the-page should happen to warrant it beyond a few lewd references and jokes by Celestia.
(Though here seems as good a place to admit as any that the original 'brain kicked around by a hoofball team' line was originally ... somewhat less decorous.)
Interesting, I'll keep an eye on it.
... ... ... This is gonna be fun!!!
4631814
4633705
Thank you both! Events will proceed in an entirely civilised manner, I assure you.
4633985 I hope it's not too civilized, or else it won't be fun
the end of that letter.
I love me some understatement.
but...how can something glow angry golden?
am I missing a point ?
Well, now we know why there's such fanon of Twilight screwing up spells, she was just preemptively taking after her mentor.
Really? Seemed like my favorite sort of Saturday.
I friggin love snarky Luna.
8640504
Snarky Luna is Best Luna.
Hang on.
Oh.
It just translates to "This will kill you horribly if you mess around with it."
For a minute there, I was thinking it was saying "This will kill you horribly, and your testicles as well.
8657428
Could be both. Ancient eldritch tomes of bygone lore can be awful entities like that.
I'm glad I found you again. Loved this story. Really. I don't envy Celestia all the apology notes, though. But then if you're an immortal alicorn what's the point if you can't mess with ye olde and "Ancient eldritch tomes of bygone lore" and cut loose now and then? Especially if you have a sister willing to spot you. A thumbs up and a favorite for you.
9065000
Glad you've found me again, and glad you liked Second Sun! No small amount of consequences for Celestia after going out on the skite, but like you say, she's got more excuse than most.
Not even immortal alicorn princesses dare to plumb the grammatical void wherein dwell linguistic horrors such as 'quarce', 'quaice', 'quadrice', and ... 'fource'.
11426173
Twilight may well be the first alicorn princess to know all the linguistic horrors. Notice how nearly every other alicorn princess retired and stepped aside in obvious terror of her power. I don't mean to draw a link between these two facts, except that I patently do.
Is this part of the Palaververse? Or at least in a state of could-have-been?
You mentioned in when talking about Nightmares way before... https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/566559/part-11-of-the-palaververse-modern-equestria#comment/3577918
And this is fun(ny)! But I'm also hunting down a source for: https://tvtropes.org/Fanfic/ThePalaververse:
----
A "Flash of light", I guess it gets stronger the stronger the caster is, etc.