• Member Since 1st Mar, 2014
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Baal Bunny


Part of the AugieDog family of companies


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A simple exchange of gifts between the Royal Sisters becomes not-so-simple as the fun gets doubled, then quadrupled, then very nearly octupled.

The original version of this story took 4th place in The Writeoff Association's December 2014 contest, "Behind Closed Doors."

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 73 )

Very nice! I actually really like having it split into chapters this way, too.

This escalation is bestcalation. :pinkiehappy:

5390412

Thanks!

I'm led to understand that riding escalators is very "in" this time of year as well... :eeyup:

Mike

5390331

Thanks!

Chapter titles, I always find, are a cheap way of introducing story elements without having to actually put them into the text. :twilightblush:

Mike

5390856
I agree. Also, I love things that are cheap.

Well... some things that are cheap.

Okay, well, I love doing this too. Anyway.

Sublime. I love your skill at wordplay.

DISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWASGREATDISWAS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

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5391022

Perhaps one should say:

"Efficient" insteada "cheap." But, hey, y'know, either way, right?

5391084

Thanks!

I've written Luna before, but after I typed that first sentence, I knew she was gonna be absolutely extravagant in this one. I'm glad it works for folks!

5391110

I'm gonna guess:

You enjoyed the story? :trixieshiftright:

Thanks for all the characters!

Mike

Oh... Oh, BaalBunny....

There is so much beauty packed into this story. It starts off light and fun, but that's just a lure to distract you from the solid, meaty impact right to the heart that lurks when Luna declares, "...that's not good enough." I didn't have to read the following lines (couldn't very well anyway, given all the tears) to know exactly what they meant. Then Twilight and Pinkie offer comfort, and another glowing star is added to the night sky that shines with my love for Luna.

Love is my goal for myself and everypony I can affect or catalyze or help into finding and realizing it. And this tale is so full of love that it leaked down my cheeks as I read it. Thank you for creating and sharing it.

Light and laughter,
SongCoyote

Seriously, this did for me what Thou Goddess did for you in the competition you ran. It was the first thing I read in the writeoffs, and there was never any doubt that it was going to earn a 10.

Thank you for it. :heart:

That... was beautiful.

5391288 You bet your sweet bunny ass I did!

5391654

Thanks!

I had way too much fun writing Luna with this voice. Talk about indulging myself! :twilightsmile:

Mike

5391423

Thanks!

This time of the year combined with the "Behind Closed Doors" prompt made me think of wrapping and hiding presents. So that's the feeling I was aiming for, and I'm glad folks are enjoying it!

5391483

That's right--you always read the stories from bottom to top, don't you? And it's funny how everything always comes back to Luna stories, isn't it?

5391973

My fiery cotton tail thanks you.

Mike

5394123 Wait... Your name is Michael, too?! OMGOODNESSTHECOINCIDENCEISREAL.

This was such a warm and charming story throughout... I loved the idea of a war of one-upmanship of affectionate gestures, with the gradual folding in of the mane six.

And I have to admit that while "fun-at-tics" makes more sense, "foo-natics" really is more fun to say.

This was one of the most amazing pieces of art I ever was allowed to read.
I can't really discribe all the goodness you brought, but it felt very warm and exremly good inside my chest.
Thank you ^^

5396222
5396385

Thanks, folks!

If I can't warm anyone's hearth, I reckon their insides'll do in a pinch.

I've been thinking about trying to do a recording of this story, but which way to pronounce the title leaves me scratching my head. :pinkiehappy:

Mike

This was just lovely and exceedingly smart. Thank you :pinkiehappy:

That was just wonderful, I had a big grin on my face the entire story long. It got a little bit wistful during the third chapter, but that's not a bad thing.

"Can't? Don't mind if I do!" :pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh:

5399445
5400726

Thanks!

The major comment from folks during the Writeoff had to do with deepening the story a bit--adding a little bitter to the sweetness, as it were, to improve the flavor. So I layered in the stuff that leads to the wistful moments in chapter three, and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

This time of year, all my metaphors seem to involve baking... :twilightsheepish:

Mike

5400876 You seem to be one of the only authors who's taken their write-off criticism seriously instead of blowing it off and publishing basically the same thing again.

5405223

Anytime anyone's willing:

To read my stuff, I'm more than happy to turn it into a workshop situation. :twilightsmile:

Mike

5406304 Turns out TD did as well. He made extensive changes to Through Glass.

I wrote a review of this story here.

5405223
This seems to vary immensely from writer to writer, though it may also be that the folks who publish faster are either simply impatient to publish - or it could also just be a function of the fact that Rough in the Diamond and Dressing Room placed very highly and their writers simply felt that they required less work.

Though to be honest, after I read GaPJaxie's comments, I think that I understand why he didn't change his story very much; the disconnect between Star Power and Twilight was wholly intentional on his part and meant to be rather cynical, that she wanted to be more like Twilight but couldn't be, even though she knew what she was doing "wrong". I'm not sure if that was the right choice, but apparently it was intentional on his part that things weren't entirely well in Star Power's world.

Several of the other stories haven't been published at all, so it may also just be that the people who do less work on their stories are more likely to publish them promptly.

5406591 I was thinking also of past write-offs. But I don't think there was any consensus on what needed changing in Dressing Room anyway. But I am probably over-generalizing.

5406556

Oddly enough:

Tea has never been my cup of tea. Iced or hot, I've never found any sort that I enjoyed. The same with coffee and all types of alcoholic beverage. So I'm well acquainted with the vagaries of personal taste. :twilightsmile:

5406944

Pineta released:

"The Brightest and the Best" earlier today, too, with a rewritten beginning.

Mike

And if a few more fillies and colts perhaps find themselves enjoying dreams full of mathematics, well, I can't see how that does anypony any harm.

:pinkiehappy:

5407153
So what does that leave to drink? I've got water, soda, juice, and dairy left on my list of drinkables.

Also, the story was real heartwarming, glad to have read it :twilightsmile:

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Thanks!

Yeah, I'm a water and milk guy. When I've got a head cold like I do now, I indulge in Italian lemon soda, but other than that...

Mike

5438088
Italian lemon soda. That sounds fancy, even though it really shouldn't. XD

Sentences feel long, jerky, and confusing.

The idea is cute, the prose is a migraine, owing mostly to the use of present tense in first person perspective. It is hard to establish any flow or cadence within the words.

Wonderful, and a chapter to go no less.

"Will you maintain a mere minimum of mayhem?"
"Only 'cause it's alliterative!"

Luna's found pinkies weakness :pinkiegasp:

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I wanted to try:

Semi-archaic prose for a semi-archaic pony. I'm sorry it didn't work for you. :twilightsheepish:

Mike

5418550

It's when:

I start dreaming of quadratic equations that I know it's time to wake up.

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Thanks! I'm quite fond of Pinkie and Luna as a team: "The Laughter and the Night" is a whole mini-epic poem starring the two of them that I wrote under my other identity here on FimFiction.

Mike

5445815 I'll give it a read...sometime...my read later list is 190+ strong! :twilightsmile:

knighty really needs to put in a cute/adorable/heartwarming/WAFF tag to help distinguish stories like this one. Well done!

(BTW, last one stands for Warm And Fuzzy Feelings)

And realize that this means war.

Well then.

This is pretty great so far.

I came in for something that looked amusing and stayed for the warm and fuzzies at the end. Quite the enjoyable read.

Also
Foo-natics > Fun-at-tics

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I hope you brought:

The proper sort of helmet. :scootangel:

Mike

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And just the thing:

To start the New Year! :pinkiehappy:

Mike

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Thanks!

Warm fuzzies are the best fuzzies, after all.

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Behold the power of foo! :rainbowdetermined2:

Mike

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"Mmmm…" Pinkie's whole face curves into a smile. "And the kitchen here is just the dreamiest. So…many…spatulas…"

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I do:

All my holiday shopping there! And it's yet another "Pinkie Pie/Weird Al" connection, isn't it? :eeyup:

Mike

Get that princess a symbolic rosebush. Princesses love symbolic rosebushes.

Give that princess metaphorical birdsong. Princesses love metaphorical birdsong.

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