• Member Since 3rd Sep, 2011
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I review horsewords and stuff. :B Tip jar cuz I'm broke. :C



This story is a sequel to Beer and a Knife Fight 2: Celestia Discovers Iced Tea

Twilight and Celestia have endured quite a lot in the course of their relationship. Now, poised on the cusp of matrimony, a sudden revelation threatens to tear their love asunder. By the end of the day, life as they know it will end. The South will rise. The fabric of space-time will be rent asunder. Words will be said that cannot be unsaid. And one thing's for sure:

There will be beer and knife fights.

tw: epic offscreen sword fights, Southernisms, super-double secret incest, convoluted plots, more than enough mind-control, and considerable amounts of trolling.

Cover by iisaw!

"Shades of Man of Steel... before everything turned into everything." -Icy Shake

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 61 )


You monster.

Author Interviewer

Don't worry, it'll be here tomorrow.

Unfortunately. :V

I'm not sure whether to be flattered or horrified.

8007266 I recommend a healthy dose of both.


Well, good luck in chemotherapy, I guess.

Give me one good reason why you didn't put this in my contest. :duck:

Whatever the case, I'm eagerly looking forward to whatever insanity follows. Also, good on Twilight for removing her dress before bathing in wine. Those stains would never come out, and then it would be Rarity delivering a death whinny. That would not end well...

Author Interviewer

what contest :V

(It wouldn't have been fair, I had this completely written well before you announced it.)

ok form the looks of this pic Who ticked Twilight of this time

Despite the mind-disaster that this story is, it was still quite enjoyable to help pre-read and edit. Heh


I second that.

Can we grandfather it in to force more from him? Or did someone already choose her?

~Skeeter The Lurker

At this point in time, the only available Celestia and Twilight slots are in the Partier category. And while Twilight is drinking like a champ, I don't think this quite counts.

I feel like Three-Wolves should have that sword. It definitely seems appropriate.

In any case, now that Twilight's witnessed a heart-blade, I can't help but suspect that she will forge one even stronger, more terrible, and more horribly named than anything Celestia can imagine.

Author Interviewer

a combination summoning/conjuration.

Please for the love of Sunkillswordbutt let this be an intentional incomprehensibility. Conjuration is possibly one of the magic words most lacking in a universal definition. It could mean anything from the creation of an illusion to being literally another word for summoning. If this is intentional, then I applaud you.

If not, I feel I should inform you that I am currently experiencing a joint headache-stomachache, and have elected to blame the above phrase.

Also, this is the most hilarious entry in the trilogy.

Once again, Present, you have enriched my life.

Twilight is a mean drunk... but a sensible one. She knows better than to get Rarity angry at her! :rainbowlaugh:

I can't wait to see how this sword fight gets even more ridiculous.

I hope I'm wrong, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Luna's would be called YeOleFullethMoonRiseth.

Looks back through some write-off shenanigans... Twilight's would be called... NeoAlicornCatgirlSparkleSwordChan.

Does anyone have a clip/sound byte/link to that Battle-cry? Please?

:rainbowlaugh: Magnificent. Especially the revolution's resolution. What self-respecting uprising would get started with such blatant hypocrisy?

I was kind of expecting mentions of them deliberately ignoring the epic sword fight going that was destroying the landscape... But this joke was pretty funny too! :pinkiehappy:

"You mind-controlled me?"

Oh, so NBD. If there's any lesson of Season 6, it's that a little mind control between friends is something to laugh off like nothing. :V

Dozens of implements, from knives to swords to something that was most definitely not meant for cutting (it was vibrating),

Well, things like chainsaws might be described as vibrating--or electric bread knives, or the Ripper.

"Y'all're fixin' t' get yer hides tanned"

Was the double entendre intentional? :D

This chapter reminded me of a few of the dumber things from Perils of the Past.


Ponies shouldn't have alcohol. Ever.

No need them to go drunk more often at lest Twi, Tia, and Lulu this is fun to watch on that note anyone want to place bets on how much of the city they damage before the fight is over?

Surprised there are no free cow regiments.

Wow... that got even more fucked up in two seconds flat! :pinkiecrazy:

Celestia could never bring herself, until this moment, to reveal the truth to Twilight, but she sure as Tartarus could bring herself to have weird incestuous sex with her lovechild; that's way easier.

That, right there. Most insane thing I have read in this story. :pinkiehappy:

Well, guess now we know that Twilight doesn't get jealous--or if she does, at least sexy-jealous.

Well. That could have gone better. Indeed, I'm not sure how it could have gone worse. Though I'm sure they'll find some way to make situation deteriorate even further.

8014125 Chrysalis, Tirek, and the Smooze all team up

The way to finally win without violating property rights is to just bribe Discord into placing an iced-tea thundercloud over Canterlot Castle, and not removing it until Celestia surrenders.

Author Interviewer

Pretty sure he's from the North.

8016514 You're thinking of Sombra. Or maybe thinking of that time Discord turned himself into a giant carpetbag.

umm... ok

Shades of Man of Steel there before everything turned into everything.

And it's still not done. 0_0 Where is there left to go?

Author Interviewer

Wait and see! The story finishes tomorrow! :V

Also, I'm quoting this.

Whatever. That club had been dumb anyway.

Also in Manehattan, but this is clearly a story where such trifles as logic and geography need not apply.

Also, definitely one of the better immortal portrayals of the diarchs' father that I've ever seen. I find myself wondering what the Literally Unspeakable Ritual entails. And how the sisters are related to Discord, because I'm definitely seeing some family resemblance between him and their father.

I have no idea how this is going to resolve, but I'm looking forward to finding out.

Author Interviewer


Umm...I'm almost afraid to ask, but exactly how is this going to get weirder? Cause it's pretty freaking weird right now!

As if I could ever be disappointed with a Hark! A Vagrant! reference.

Thank you for this glorious insanity. :twilightsmile:

Suddenly and without any warning, Discord appeared!

"Celestia," he cried, "I am in your room now!"

What? Not "I am your room now!"? Am disappoint.

Well, if Southern Equestria doesn't have the craziness of the princesses going on, maybe they have a point. :V

Author Interviewer

Well, "I am home" is grammatically sound. Never considered interpreting it otherwise. :C Darn.

This is a thing of beauty! I was going to quote several of my favorite lines, and decided that was a bad plan when I'd gotten two pages full of copy-pasta'd text. Seriously, man, this thing has levels... and I'm not just talking about the mind control!

It's me, I am the voices crying out in shipping anguish.

I hate you. Worst ship.

Shylestia 4evr

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