What would happen if some events happened sooner while others never happened? and others yet that should never have happened happened anyways? Grimdark
TwiLuna
Chapters (8)
- Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Last Friday
Dark0592
Here lies the wistful delusions of the sleep addled mind. Actually wait, no, just me.
Dark0592
Joined 18th Mar, 2012 ·
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Story is starting well, didn't notice any obvious mistake.
I say keep it up man.
interesting...
i was confused for a while as to why twilight was so social, but since it is an alternate universe i guess that makes sense (i didnt see that tag at first)
edit: noticed something:
*“Why do the two Fillies get their own room?” Alexander asked. “Due to...special circumstances Twilight Sparkle has to have her own room for now, and having Night Shadow join one of you four in your rooms would overcrowd it*
should be shade i presume
379357 thanks, I'll fix that. and the only one she's really social with is Nightshade. she tries to be with the others, but they're more like associates. I've recently gotten back into the groove of this story so Updates will be coming so be ready for epicness!
379425
very good chapter, im already loving the story.
a few small errors in spelling and how a few sentences were written; nothing major though. and right now i dont think the description really describes the story, its not really a twiluna right now, its looking more like a almost-like-luna-OC + twi; but i guess that will clear up soon enough as you already wrote that you edited it to match later chapters.
but i have to say, parts of this chapter went very quick, to quick in my opinion. the reason it felt so quick was in my opinion because of luna; i think you should have paced the advancement from when luna appeared in front of the guards differently, for example; the guards practically acted immediately upon her arrival without showing much surprise and directly called her nightmare moon, even though she has been gone for a thousand years. and i think celestia should have shown a little more surprise to the fact that NMM were suddenly standing in front of her instead of just directly moving in between the girls and her. basically its from when luna appears in front of celestias door up to the point where luna said “Tia...it is I...” that is bugging me, everything just leaps forward.
everything else in the story is very good though, its just that part.
edit
btw, im adding this to the groups twiluna and alicorn twilight, hope you dont mind
380307 dude I was seriously about to add it to those groups lol! and yeah, I was at a sort of block on that part and I was rushing through it to get towhat happens after before I forgot it. I literally write just off of the top of my head as I go, and I'd rather not revise parts to fit what I come up with as much as possible. I agree with you, it does go a little too fast...but it can't be helped. glad you like the story
Pretty good!!!
but I agree that it's a bit fast, I felt like I was whizzing~ and then the chapter ended 
380592 it slows down more, at least to me, later. the Luna thing was a super rush and I know it, I'll try not to do it but at least it's just that part and not the entire story
380671 It's cool if you do that in future chapters
I myself have been learning as I write, and I really owe those who have helped me improve. Looking forward to next chapters!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! why you end it right there it was getting good
JK hahaha, but yeah keep up the good work.
Hmm, an OC and twilight alicornification? fun! This is in the LunaxTwilight group, so is that the pairing then?
Made it seem NightxTwi for a bit, so had to ask.
Look like a good stoy though, You get a thumb and a track, maybe a favorite later
381951 that was the original goal, but i decided against it. wait for updates!
OOh Mummylestia rather than trollestia, this is a nice development :)
I am really enjoying this story, keep up the good work. Also, any more d'awww moments like that and my heart might explode
382021 oh im full of these, I do them without even realizing it so be sure to cash in on your life insurance!
awesome chapter, nothing went to fast this chapter and i think there were a lot less errors (i usually dont see errors as my mind just fixes it for me while i read, usually there has to be a lot of errors or major ones for me to notice, and since i didnt=less errors
)
have to ask though, you said something about it earlier in the chapter but i still have to hear it be affirmed, twilight and nightshade, in their minds (and body i guess); how old are they?
382106 I went through this and edited most of the mistakes before I uploaded, and technically they're about seven but mentally- and physically due to magic- they're around the age of Adult Mares. in chapter six, which I'm writing right now, I clarify. thanks for the positive feedback, really makes my day to see people enjoying my stories
382218
Okay, thanks for clearing that up. Luna was getting a little creepy without that bit of info.
Another AWSOME! story hahaha keep up the good work
382580 eh, Luna's got a filly's mind, she loves to joke around. besides, I've seen MUCH worse things on this site
Celestia becomes Night,s mom. And Twilight is left alone forever
. That is sad i kinda hoped that Celestia will like twilight more like the show and becomes sort of her mother. I must say u did a good job. When i read you fanfiction i feel sad for Night and Twi, then happy when they become good frends, and even anger when Celestia wants to adopt just Night. I rearly feel anything for fanfiction. Keep up the good work.
382903 uhm dude. Twilight is dating Luna, if she was Celestia's daughter that means she would be dating her aunt...read more of the story
382920
.
Yea, ive read that. What i wroted is what i hoped. Not what was in the fic. Please try be a little more nicer
382937 I would have had Celestia adopt Twilight...but that would make it much too awkward...I think Sister-in-law is close enough
Its hard to imagine what kind of conflict may spark because of all this, between the sisters and there daughter/marefriends or whatever. I think it left a sort of mind-fuck of what is going to happen next.
386248 you'll have to wait and see...but because of either chapter 6 or seven, I'm definitely going to have to put the dark tag on it
386305
Well, I did notice Nightmare Moon in the main characters, although she was only mentioned for like 1 paragraph, so I think I may see where this is going then.
386324 heh, you might. you might not. It's going so many different ways right now I don't think all of th tags could describe it completely
this fic suddenly went it's own way. i like it...
386932 thanks, always glad to see happy fans. besides, I love writing dark fics...Don't really have any on here besides oneshots so I decided I'd add a little...nah not just a little...a whole lot of dark, It's going to get much more epic as time progresses
OMG THIS IS AWSOME!!!!!!!! keep it up
387750 glad you like it, hope you like super grimdark ponies because I think that's where this on is going
387801
YESSSS superdark ponies are awesome. You should totally make Twilight go insane. Insane Twilight is the most dark Twilight :).
^ Lawl at obvious.
387801oooooo very interesting
387965 hm...perhaps. i could make it fit
this story, while i do love it, everything is everywhere...although that is one of the reasons i love it
...everything happens so incredibly quickly, but not quick enough to make the story bad, like this last chapter:
a great NMM fight -> then suddenly! Discord! -> everyone prepared to fight -> Discord simply says chill and lets be friends...and everyone basically just accepts that(!?). that explanation was a bit extreme but its kinda how it feels to me. in a way it feels like you cut out most of the non-major/important events, and although i usually like the in between scenes, your style for writing just makes it work
so keep it up, looking forward to more. i definitely wants to see how discord is gonna fit in
389465 the next chapter I have written kind of gets more into Discord. and it was supposed to happen fast, not all epic battles between strong opponents take a while. ancient samurai warriors used to be able to end a battle just by unsheathing their Katana. and everypony accepts Discord because Celestia does...plus they're all too confused and their minds are all too jumbled to make any sense out of anything. and this is an alternate universe
389480
yea, im not complaining, i love it, and i said it was a great NMM fight, i didnt say anything about the length, when i said everything happens so incredibly quickly i meant things before and after the fight, but again; not complaining.
389498 eh i know
for some reason on chapter 6 Rarity's name comes up as sparkler...
I always saw discord like this... wow i want more now
397141ill upload the next chapter tomorrow
397172
YES
O GOD MORE SHIPPING!
I like when stories do not make Discord as an ultimate evil but simply chaotic and sometimes even nice. Unfortunately, it is rare. So please continue!
Hmmmm. You have a vocabulary that is well and truly impressive, and I like how you capitalized Twilight's title, e.g. "Lavender Pony". Very creative. Minor spelling and grammar mistakes, but that's standard in a majority of fics, and when you're an avid reader such as I am, you learn to excuse those to see the story.
but seriously, it's just because you have so many fics worth of mention. Beyond that, I'm probably going to stalk someone else's profile tomorrow. Hahahaha.
So, excusing the obvious go-to complaints of most, I have to say I'm thoroughly impressed with your work. Also, just for to add a little to your hubris, there was a fic I read of yours, I believe, just recently called "immortal tears", an interesting read to be sure, and I think it really proves that you've got a great set of writing skills in combination with this. Anyway, great story, hope to hear some more stories... Oh, and if you're wondering why it seems I'm stalking you with how many of your stories I just finished reviewing,it's because I am.
679882 go ahead and go through all of my stories, the older ones are a bit meh but the newer ones I am rather proud of. the remake of lavender night made the featured box for two and a half days
Amazing. Simply amazing. But is it done? Because I'd love to read more. I'm mighty impressed by this, really.