Beer and a Knife Fight 3: Beer Hard With a Vengeance

by PresentPerfect

Epilogue: "Ponies! Make Wa'r!"

Beer and a Knife Fight 3: Beer Hard With a Vengeance
by Present Perfect

Epilogue: "Ponies! Make Wa'r!"

At Ma Hooffield's exclamation, the crowd of assembled would-be revolutionaries rose to do battle. Ponies rolled birds (and Filthy Rich) in magazine pages as fast as their hooves would allow. Torches and pitchforks sprang up like so many trees. A pair of brothers from Appleloosa looked at each other, destiny shining in their eyes. Property rights be darned, their time was at hoof! They would retake the Ponyville Line!

That is, until Applejack rushed into the center of their group, waving her hooves like a madmare. "Stop, stop! What're y'all doin'? I thought we gave up an' were marchin' home now!"

A stallion pointed at Ma Hooffield. "She said we could make war!"

Applejack rolled her eyes and let out the biggest groan, you guys.

"Land's sakes, that ain't what she said a'tall! She said 'make water'!"

"Wadder we doin' again?" asked a pony.

Applejack face-hoofed. "Wah-tur!"

Ma nodded sternly. "I dunno 'bout all y'all, but after drinkin' all that tea, I could out-piss a camel! So if'n ya gotta piddle, I figger right here's the best place for it. Stallions go that-a-way, and fillies this'n!" So saying, she trotted off the path to the trees on the left, grumbling, "Honestly, y'all gotta learn to speak Equestrian."

The pitchforks and torches were lowered sullenly. The brothers from Appleloosa shared a defeated hug, swearing that next time would be their time. But as the group of ponies surveyed the woods around them, they had to agree, it was a fairly nice spot, worth stopping in for any reason. The wind rustled the treetops gently, carrying soft birdsong through the peaceful wooded meadow.

It was pastoral panoramas like this that they were fighting for: the true beauty and majesty of South Equestria. Try finding a place like this in Canterlot! You couldn't. Some ponies even began to weep openly at the sight, so filled were they with patriotic splendor. If revolution was not to be for a day, a year, or a century, they would keep this feeling close to their hearts, and live the true Equestrian life their ancestors dreamed of.

Then they were all eaten by bears or sharks or something.

THE COMPLETE AND FINAL END

Author's Note:

That's right, there will not be a Beer and a Knife Fight 4. I don't think I could live with myself if there were. :V

Many thanks to iisaw -- who also did the cover art -- Syeekoh, Filler and Garnot for going way above and beyond the call of duty with feedback on this thing. I mean, seriously, this is just a stupid crackfic, far too much work has been put into it. If you've read all three stories, I salute you and your stellar tolerance for bullshit. I hope it was worth it.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

As if I could ever be disappointed with a Hark! A Vagrant! reference.

Thank you for this glorious insanity.

[Icy Shake]

Well, if Southern Equestria doesn't have the craziness of the princesses going on, maybe they have a point. :V

[iisaw]

This is a thing of beauty! I was going to quote several of my favorite lines, and decided that was a bad plan when I'd gotten two pages full of copy-pasta'd text. Seriously, man, this thing has levels... and I'm not just talking about the mind control!

[Sunny]

YES ITS DEAD I CELEBRATE FOREVER PP YOU HACK!!!!!

NOW WE SHALL ALL PARTY IN GLORIOUS CAKEORGY

[The Blackwolf brony]

What the hell did I read here all three stories just what the hell just happen

[DannyJ]

Well, after all that, what is there to say but...

...Wha?

[cogwheelbrain]

I think Lauren Faust just downed a gallon of bleach so she could roll in her own grave.

[PresentPerfect]

8198384
Glad you enjoyed the series. :)

[Moosetasm]

That's right, there will not be a Beer and a Knife Fight 4. I don't think I could live with myself if there were. :V

I wish I could truly believe that... but, “what is light, without dark—”no, wait... “there is another sky—”no, that’s not it... “these pretzels are making me thirst—”wow this is hard, and I don’t mean as hard as Twilight in chapter 6...

“Evil, true evil, will always return.” There, I put it in quotes, because I’m not actually sure where it’s from, but it’s poignant enough to not be a me original.

[Neece]

This has certainly been a shitpost. An hilarious one for sure, but still a shitpost. Bravo Present, bravo!

[PresentPerfect]

9903418
Danke. :D

[Daedalus Aegle]

Because of reasons I don't fully understand, today I reread these stories. And found that I apparently fell out after the start of this one? Which I have now read in full.

It was the Hark! A Vagrant meme that finally tipped me over into upvoting. So that says where my brain is, I guess.

All hail Mister Bingus.

[PresentPerfect]

11429386
clearly, you have excellent taste :V I hope you enjoyed the whole trilogy again!

[Daedalus Aegle]

11429609
It was good messed up fun :D