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Scootaloo isn't one to care about her looks. To her, awesomeness outshines all. That is, until her school dance. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were asked out... and Scootaloo wasn't. As she walks home alone after the dance, she can't help but wonder... is she pretty? At all?
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love this
Great job, even thought this one was hard to read for me. I've been in a very similar situation several times and it is not a nice feeling.
Rainbow: Alright, before you go out with Scootaloo, I've got to ask you something.
Some colt: Yes?
Rainbow: Are you on your hooves all day? Does the contact pounding cause your ankles, knees and back to ache? Hi, Rainbow Dash here for the world’s greatest insole, Impact Gel! Why am I smashing my hoof with this hammer? To show you the amazing protection you get from Impact Gel! And this hammer is real! The same gel technology is used in our Impact Gel insoles! If you have sore, tired, aching hooves, Impact Gel absorbs more shocking pressure than other insoles! Unlike regular insoles that break down over time, Impact Gel is injected into the areas that provide pressure relief where you need it most – the heels and balls of your hooves! The gel never breaks down! And when impact occurs, the insole soaks up the shock and the force now ripples throughout the gel pads! No regular insoles can do that! Even after continuous pounding, these M&M’s don’t break! Imagine the relief you’ll feel in all kinds of shoes! They even work in cowboy boots! I use them, and they work! Talk about shock-absorbency … I’m going to run over my hoof with this 6,000-pound car! That’s the power and protection of Impact Gel! Whether you’re a runner, a professional or a stay-at-home mom, you deserve the comfort of Impact Gel! Stop spending hundreds on inferior insoles! Remember, nothing absorbs a shock quite like Impact Gel! Call now and get a pair of our Impact Gel insoles for only $29.99! But that’s not all! We’ll also send you a pair of our Impact Gel inserts free! They’re perfect for dress shoes and casual wear! But I’m still not done! Call right now and we’ll double the offer! Just pay separate shipping and handling! That’s right, you’ll get two sets of insoles and two sets of inserts, a $90 value, all for $29.99!
Wonderful Scootalove giving me those warm fuzzies ~
Nice work my man!
Indeed, Rainbow Dash is a great role model for Scoots.
Very enjoyable fluff.
Good fic, and let me say Scootaloo you are pretty, don't let anypony ever tell you otherwise.
In the immortal words of Silver Quill "oh I'm going down" dies
We all know who'll make the perfect colt for Scootaloo.
Awww, of course you're pretty Scoots, you're adorable!
Nice story man... tells me I need to write some SoL stories, but honestly... I'm not good at it
I'm that writer who writes grimdark stuff, death stuff... sad stuff...
Wow why do people follow me? I'm depressing!
Nice story, love it!
An excellent read
I really enjoyed this
Either Rumble (too much used TBH), Pip or Spike come ask her for a date
The technical writing here is fine. One thing that a lot of writers don't realize is that you don't capitalize stuttering when it's at the beginning of a sentence, like so:
instead of
The exception is when it's a word that would normally be capitalized, in which case you do capitalize the stutter, like so:
The narration strikes me as too telly, and Rainbow's voice didn't really sound like her. She reminded me of a dad trying to bond with his daughter instead of the older-sister figure you say you were going for. The story also feels like it's trying too hard to make people feel bad for Scootaloo, which is probably a result of the instances of telling instead of showing.
Keep in mind that sometimes less is more, and that principle certainly applies to stories like these.
I can sympathize with this.
Poor Scoots. I know this feeling all too well from growing up, and am dreading my own kids' teen years for this reason.
Pure adorable Scootalove. I approve.
Hey it's featured! *Squee*
An awesomely cute story my friend.
Big sister Rainbow to the rescue
Nice job
Cute. Simple premise that I'm sure a lot of readers can relate to (myself included).
Personally I think Scootaloo and Pipsqueak are a good pair. I think I did a story on that once actually. Meh.
Cute story. Simple, sweet. I've been there too, though I didn't have a Rainbow Dash.
Aww... You can't help but love stories with big sister Rainbow in them.
Don't you go listening to those thoughts Scootaloo, you are as cute as a puppy
Also, Big Sis Rainbow gives me life
Pff. How this isn't on the featured list yet I don't know.
7580749 I'm guessing it probably won't
7580758 Well, you're terribly unlucky. I've been on this site two years, and have never seen a story so highly rated and not make it. What have you done to upset the mods?
7580773 Nothing
The featured list is actually automated, so I'm not sure how it's algorithms work. I'm guessing frequency if likes and views, but that's just a guess.
7580778 Oh well... you've created a lovely, poignant story... guess that's enough... (Looks like it's gonna have to be...)
Aww!
Goodness, this really hit right at home. I've been struggling with the same insecurity for a while.
A lot of us have been there. The night of my senior prom I didn't even go because I didn't have a date (had, but she injured her leg and couldn't go) and i just sat home feeling awful about it. Didn't help that the girl was a friend from another school because I couldn't even get a date from my own. Talk about bad flashbacks. At least Scoots had RD there to pick her up. I didn't.
...anyways. I liked the fic. It could have been a bit more fleshed out and there's always room to improve on the descriptions and setting, but doesn't everybody? You can always expand your narrative with different senses, right? Is Scoots cold, is RD's hug warm, what does RD smell like, what does the ground feel like under them? Stuff like that. Tiny little details that bring the moment alive. For a short story it definitely delivered a nice moment between the two best sisters, so I'm happy I got to read it.
7581198 not a writer by trade, mind you
But I do know what you're saying. I'll keep that in mind next time I write. Thanks for reading!
It's hard to say when you're sort of a palette swap of other ponies but with different hair and tail.
Sad thing is, this would be a perfect subject for the writers to tackle. Dash and Scoots, unashamed tomboys, eager to embrace femininity for once. But I doubt it.
7580778
Word count also plays into it.
7581530 Oh okay.
Man, I was really happy with this one too. Oh well...
At least some people seem to like it
I liked it. Hope we see more ScootaDash in future episodes
Aw... we've all been there. Hey, we're bronies.
"Am I pretty?"
No.
The end.
Sorry, but the dawwww of this story broke FIMFiction.
I was only able to upvote it ONCE!
This was a great little story. We rarely see the fillies being insecure about their appearance and attractiveness. Have a like.
That... was... beautiful
totally fits the characters their more about sportiness and being awesome then dating.
Not a bad piece, but I felt like it lacked the emotional impact it really needed. You should work on cleaning up your showing and telling. Let the emotions roll off the page on their own instead of spoon feeding them to the reader. Then you might break a few hearts.
Witholding upthumb until I see some more effort put into this.
7588496 Hmm, well sorry it didn't satisfy.
Can you give me some specifics? I want to get better. Mind you, I'm not an author by trade. I'd like to get better though
In IRL parlance, Scoots would be what's known as "the ugly friend". You know, the belligerent female linebacker that you have to get through before you can buy your actual target a drink?
7588529
Tell you what. I'm on my phone right now, but later I'll have my laptop and I can give you a full review then. Proofreading as well as concept advice. Sound Good? I can give it to you here or Via PM if that's easier.
7588610 PM maybe. I appreciate it. Thanks for the help.
I came up with this on the spot one day, so it's quite flawwed. I just seek to please my readers
7588625
Not a bad goal. I'm just a fiction aficionado who's seen a few good and bad stories run the mills. I love helping new authors when I can. It's really a treat to watch someone you've helped succeed.
This is so sweet. I know how Scoots feels. It can be tough, but it's important to remember how awesome you are no matter what.
Aww, that was so sweet. I really liked the way you portrayed their almost sister like relationship, and it was an insecurity I can sympathize with.
I myself hated school dances because no girls had ever been interested in me, hell, the teachers almost had to physically drag my from the class room to the dance back in 5th and I think 6th grade because I wanted nothing to do with it, hell can't even remember WHY we had dances in those grades.. And I dropped out of high school before those could even be a concern, but if I had and some girl had shown interest, by that point I would be suspicious and ask her who the fuck was putting her up to it or what what kind of sick joke she'd be trying to play on me before telling her to fuck off... probably still would if any women showed an interest in me all of a sudden because that is just how jaded I am.