• Member Since 21st Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen October 2nd

RaylanKrios


It is a good and noble thing to tell a good story.

T

This story is a sequel to Promises


Scootaloo's settling in to life with Rainbow Dash. It's smooth sailing from here right?

Once again this story wouldn't be possible without the pre-reading and editing efforts of:

juter4397, The Patriot, eggynack

So if you like this, go give them a thumbs up.

You probably don't need to read Promises to understand what's going on, but it would be useful.

Featured on day 1, thanks guys.

Chapters (23)
Comments ( 685 )

*ponders*

While its true that Twilight's library apparently holds the answer to everything, wouldn't it be faster and more efficient to just take her to a doctor? Or Zecora. She probably has some weird zoodoo that bulk up those chicken wings.

Two stories in the feature box at the same time? That's quite an impressive good sir.:moustache:

4390960 thanks, but promises doesn't really count because its only update was, hey this story now exist.

Something tells me Rainbow is going to be more than a sister to our dear little Scootaloo
derpicdn.net/img/2014/5/1/614961/large.png

IT IS BACK!!!

]In extremely unrelated news, I got the Deep Cover Operator in Team Fortress 2.

Nother Flight training story.

4391000 Is this before or after the season four finally?

Also, I seem to notice about the "Flight Exams" in the middle. And the last time I checked, there is a dark fanfiction with the flight exams to determine if a pegasus could fly or not, know what fanfiction I mean.

I often think of Silver spoon as the mindless stooge, but honestly my favorite stores with her are the one where she's shown to have a conscience and can actually think for herself. Following Diamond out of friendship desperation or some other reason

4391368 I guess it's before only because a certain structure is still standing.

I assume the story you are talking about is the infamous Rainbow Factory?

4391461 Of course, and like I said I saw you put the flight exams in and it makes me wonder if Scoots has to take the exams as well. Get where I'm going?

4391489 I think I'll nip this line of questioning in the bud. The flight exams I speak of are akin to an entrance test for pre-school. If you fail you take them again until you pass, you are not slaughtered in gruesome fashion.

This is probably my absolute favourite way an author can take Rainbows relationship with Scootaloo. I find the idea of Rainbow being a luving parent figure so heart warming. And I've always been a sucker for Scootaloo feels

4391503 So you are not putting in the Rainbow Factory.

4390701
I dunno but RD implied that the doctors are more likely to cut Scoots wings off than know how to make her fly.
Zecora might work, cause a little detail like having no logical connection to anything to do with pegasi is probably not going to stop her. :trixieshiftright:

4391937 that is correct, in my version of Equestria Rainbows are made via refracting ligh through a prism and or some stuff involving water droplets and magic, but in no way are they made through murder, which actually always bugged me about Rainbow Factory, How did the gruesome murder result in Rainbows?

4391985 keep in mind that it's been established that physics does play a part in a Pegasus's flight. maybe the problem is a physical abnormality, rather than a magical one? i mean, it's not like she can't fly, it's just not very well. if the problem is a physical one, then maybe Zecora could make a medicine that could fix it.

4392356
It could be a physical problem.
But, how is a zebra going to know anything about pegasi anatomy?
For that matter, why would a zebra know how to make something specifically for wings?

I have no doubt that Zecora will know both of these things. Just that she has no logical connection to that knowledge, which won't stop her cause she is Zecora.:trixieshiftright:

We'll see where Raylan takes the story, I can't wait to find out! :yay:

4392402 it's not 100 percent certain where I'm taking this story yet, so speculate away.

My issue with zecora is that because she rhymes she's super hard to write dialogue for, and I've run into some fics that have tried and failed miserably and the result is story breaking, and the longer the conversation is the bigger of a risk it becomes. So I'm worried that if I try I'll end up with something terrible like:

Hello Rainbow Dash, what brings you here in a flash

and then I'll hate myself and other people will also hate the story.

4392562

Oh that is a good point. I had not considered how bad rhymes would ruin the experience.
Sounds like fun though.

Hello there Rainbow Dash, I've heard you are no longer quite as rash.
(Get it? Cause she has to act all responsible for Scoots now?)
Yeah okay maybe I should practice that some too. :unsuresweetie:

Speculation::rainbowwild:
Weak fliers were common enough that traditions formed on how to deal with them. It may be possible that some of the dodo's banded together in Support groups of sorts. They might have above average knowledge of the causes and solutions, though depending on bigotry it might be and underground(undercloud?) organisations, and finding that could be hard, i guess they might find weak fliers themselves.

4392562
Zecora only speaks in rhyming couplets which isn't too hard, so long as you understand meter and emphasis—which to be fair, plenty of authors that write dialogue for her don't.

If you want to use a remedy from Zecora but don't want to actually feature her, you could always have a character see her away from the narrative focus of the story.

4392727

Hello there Rainbow Dash, I've heard you are no longer quite as rash.
(Get it? Cause she has to act all responsible for Scoots now?)
Yeah okay maybe I should practice that some too. :unsuresweetie:

You're actually not far off, but your second line of the couplet is slightly off meter. It can be helpful to think of it as pairs of syllables. Your first part has 6 syllables, therefore 3 pairs of syllables; your second line however, has 10 syllables or 5 pairs, throwing off the meter. You want to aim for within 1 pair of each other, ideally matching exactly. The meter of the line "Hello there Rainbow Dash, I've heard you are not quite as rash." being 3 & 4 respectively flows more easily.
Hope that helps you in any future attempts at Zecora dialogue.:twilightsmile:

Forgive me if someone has already pointed this out, but in the first story doesn't the doctor mention, when they took Scootaloo to the hospital for her wing, that they were underdeveloped and that was why she wouldn't be able to fly? If I remember correctly Twilight went to the records office and found out that Dash's theory that Scoot's mother drank during pregnancy and caused the undeveloped wings was right, and that even Celestia couldn't fix her wings with magic.

I do remember 'dark magic being mentioned that might possibly fix her wings, but since it's forbidden and likely involves demonic pacts or blood magic...

Actually never mind that was probably another similar story I got mixed up with in my head :rainbowlaugh:

I'm one for dark stories but MORE! forgive my other personality that can talk to me but nice job! Keep it up!

4393329 Yep, that'll be the one! I really should learn not to read similar stories one after the other, or they get blurred together!

This is fated to be a great sequel! :rainbowdetermined2:

This is so cute! I love Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. I'm going to be writing a Scootaloo story myself soon, so I'm trying to read as many as possible for inspiration and this was a great place to start :scootangel:

4392939

You're actually not far off, but your second line of the couplet is slightly off meter. It can be helpful to think of it as pairs of syllables. Your first part has 6 syllables, therefore 3 pairs of syllables; your second line however, has 10 syllables or 5 pairs, throwing off the meter. You want to aim for within 1 pair of each other, ideally matching exactly. The meter of the line "Hello there Rainbow Dash, I've heard you are not quite as rash." being 3 & 4 respectively flows more easily.
Hope that helps you in any future attempts at Zecora dialogue.:twilightsmile:

These concepts are completely new to me. (5 pairs)
My true thanks for teaching this so clearly. (5 pairs)
I am sure this will come of use soon. (4.5 pairs)
For now I shall study the cartoon. (4.5 pairs)

I don't think I quite have a handle on it yet, but I might be able to find more by googling the concepts.
It had never occurred to me there might be actual mechanics for rhyming.

Nice start for the sequel. If you do want to go the Zecora makes a potion route, just have Rainbow or Twilight visit her off screen and come back with the potion while writing a bit on Scootaloo and the Crusaders passing the time.:scootangel:
4392402 Zecora knows about the properties of plants, it's not to hard a stretch to think that she knows the ingredients that can work together to produce an effect that would work for a member of any tribe. Universal problems like colds and flues are probably easiest for her, but I'm almost certain with some experimentation and help she could make a potion for anything. Especially if something like Heart's Delight is involved. Heck, in Cutie Pox she was making a potion to let a rooster crow again.
4391417 Personally I love fics where SS steps out of DT's shadow and becomes a good pony and friend to the Crusaders.

4394539 It's reasonable, though you'd do better to maintain completely static line length, and maybe try to work in better rhythm, My version of what you've written would look something like,

These concepts are so new to me
My thanks for teaching so clearly
I'm sure this will come of use soon
For now I'll study the cartoon.

That gets pretty close to iambic tetrameter, though the second line may still be off a little.

is it wrong to say that right now if i could i'd go into the universe of your story and brutally beat diamond tiara.

Well, I sat and read the first story and loved it, now I'm reading this one and loving it just as much.

4393014 Just got an idea! Want me to tell you in your PM?

:ajbemused:Screw you, tiara. At least scoots has somepony who loves her for her and friends that like her for being her. Any friends(and I use the word lightly)you have only hang with you either because they're scared you'll start picking on them or because of your money. Seriously, scoots got it way better than you, flight or no flight

*Head cannon time*

What if the Pegasian parents used a magical steroid to not have to throw their children away?

4399219

I figure thats what happened with Bulk Biceps.

4399369
Exactly what I was thinking. He has small wings, so steroids made him be able to fly.
(although, I was thinking that it would make only her wings grow faster ( Magic could do anything, right?))

4394077 thanks, you should check my favs for scoots stories that I like if you want to read some good ones. (particularly soral instincts).

GOD DAMMIT WHY THE CLIFFISHMAYBEHANGER (totaly a word)

:scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh: out of all my things so in other words i rate this a 9000/10

Some good developments and some bad ones... I hope Rainbow and Scoots can work out their problems.

Baking Bad... Sounds like a show about what not to do in the kitchen. :rainbowkiss:

1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/5 is my rating! keep it up!

When I saw this update I was like "YES! :yay:"
. . . but then it only had about 1600 words . . .
quickmeme.com/img/34/348ce37175181c0853a5ad8e35ba43e49008e9a296f6ebc12be2e13dfbc5a672.jpg

Good chapter.
Since this one was only ~1600 words, I would assume that the next chapter should come out faster? Lets hope.

4404286 of course it's a word it's right next to hanger
Han-ger
Violent hunger.

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