Moodswings
"HOLY CRAP I'M IMMORTAL!" Twilight shrieked suddenly.
Starlight Glimmer gave her an odd look. "...Yes. Yes you are. Are you... just now realizing this?"
"I--N-no!" Twilight protested, flushing oddly as she refused to meet her student's eyes. "I just... wanted to shout that! Yeah!"
"Oh...kay then." Starlight cleared her throat, once more looking down at the parchment in front of her. "So, this map of the palace--"
"WHO CARES ABOUT THE MAP?!" Twilight roared. "IT'S WORTHLESS!" She flew up to the bookshelves and started ripping whole tomes to the ground. "EVERYTHING IS WORTHLESS!"
Starlight backed up. "Twilight? Are you feeling okay?"
"...oh sweet Celestia. I--I'm so soooooooorrrrrrryyyyyyy!" The alicorn swooped down, blubbering inelegantly as she wrapped her hooves around the unicorn's neck. "I'm such a meeeeeeeanieeeeeeee...."
"...Okay, I'm going to be totally honest here: This entire situation is scaring me."
"You know what always calms me down when I get scared?" Twilight perked up, giving her student a brighthappy grin. "Ice cream! Tubs and tubs and tubs and tubs and tubs of ice cream! It tastes great!"
"You know what? This is a friendship emergency." Starlight pushed her off, turning toward the door. "I'm going to go get your friends, and they're going to deal with this, okay?"
Twilight's dead stare was barely visible from behind her bangs. "I have no friends," she droned. "All I have is the temporary illusion of companionship provided by a few short-lived mobile sacks of flesh, only different in the fact they choose to associate with me."
"...wow, that's depressing."
"Oh, sooooorry! Don't want you hurt your precious little feelings!"
Starlight leaned away from her livid face. "Twilight, you do realize you're having moodswings so rapid that basically every time I open my mouth you go from--"
"OHMYGOSH!" Twilight jumped forward with a huge grin. "I CAN SEE ME IN YOUR EYE! HELLOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEE!" She giggled. "I am a pretty pony!"
Starlight took a breath. She lowly let it out. She contemplated, not for the first time, the exact series of events that had brought her to this place, at this time. This, obviously was just another part of her atonement. One that didn't make any sense, but which was happening.
"Twilight, I--"
"I will eat your heart when you die."
"...WHAT?!"
"That way, you'll be with me forever! And ever and ever and ever and ever and ever--"
"Twilight, that's not how necromancy even works!" Starlight pointed out in exasperation.
Twilight held up a hoof for a second. "You have a..." She stared at her hoof, twisting it left and right. "Wait... where are my fingers?"
"Fingers--Twilight, you're a pony. Who's apparently been drugged."
"YOU DRUGGED ME?!" Twilight shrieked, stumbling back in horror. "STARLIGHT HOW COULD YOU?!"
"I didn't do it!" Starlight protested. "You're the one that's--why am I even arguing this, I need to get you help."
"Don't go!" begged the alicorn, latching onto her rear leg. "Please! I don't want to be alone!"
"Well I can't exactly take you out while you're like this!" Starlight grunted, trying to tug her leg free of the surprisingly tight grip.
A salacious smirk formed on Twilight's face. "Who says we have to go out at all?" she purred, clambering slowly up Starlight's flank.
"Wh--I--" Starlight flushed. "Twilight, you're not thinking straight! I'm your student, not your marefriend!"
"You---you don't want to be friends?" Twilight whispered, tears threatening.
"Of course I want to be friends!" Starlight cried in exasperation. "And since I want to be friends, I'm legitimately worried about you! That's why I'm trying to get you help!"
"I don't need your help!" the alicorn insisted, shoving her across the room. "I don't need anyone's help! I'm perfectly fine on my own!"
"YOU'RE NOT FINE!" Starlight exploded. "You're going from crazy happy to crazy angry to crazy sad at the drop of a hat and you're getting ideas like eating hearts and thinking ponies are just walking sacks of flesh and also trying to feel me up which is not okay we need to at least have gone on like five dates or something even if you are pretty but that's entirely besides the point which is you are not acting normal in any way whatsoever and you need help and I don't know how to get it but I am going to get it because that's what ponies do when ponies freak out and you are just going to SIT HERE until I get back with somebody who knows what the HAY is going on!"
She glared at the alicorn, huffing and panting in frustration.
After a moment, Twilight raised a hoof awkwardly. "Um. I can explain this."
"REALLY."
"Yeah, it's... Longevity Unilateral Mental Projection Syndrome. Celestia told me about it when I became an alicorn." She coughed into her hoof. "Basically, there's a part of my brain that factors in all the implications of immortality, and keeps them from affecting me too much. It just, you know, occasionally needs to be purged, which... releases a lot of hormones, and, yeah, makes me act crazy..."
Starlight blinked.
"Wait... what?"
"Yeah, that was my reaction too. I didn't actually believe her until I saw what Celestia went through, and... she's been purging once every two years for centuries now. Even then, she goes bonkers." Twilight rubbed the back of her head. "Thing is, this was actually my first case of the LUMPS, so... I didn't know what to look for."
"So what you mean to tell me," Starlight said slowly, "is that alicorns have a part of their brain that drives them temporarily crazy at regular intervals."
Twilight nodded. "We're pretty sure Nightmare Moon was caused by a hormonal imbalance in the Imortallis Gland."
"I... the leaders of ponykind... regularly go insane."
"Yes."
Starlight stared at Twilight.
"...that's it. I'm done. I'm out." She turned around, ready to leave.
"Hey Starlight?"
The unicorn sighed. "Yes?"
"...thank you for staying with me. And trying to help. And..." Twilight flushed. "Could you... not tell anypony about this?"
After a moment, Starlight Glimmer shrugged. "Well, if you don't try to eat my heart out, I'll consider it."
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Now, in my head, I'm just imagining the Princesses having the LUMPS during the Grand Galloping Gala
Twilight Sparkle, eat your heart out.
that's a fair deal. Twilight can just eat you out instead.
7484402
*Cough* Fic rated E, children might read *Cough*
So, is that Discord's problem? He has an overactive immortality gland, causing him to have constant mood swings, leading him into insanity?
And this is why Starlight was not wrong for wanting to create a society with no masters or servants.
Suddenly...
Headcanon F
ING accepted.
She goes bat shit no one cares....
7484454
Discord is just wacko. So combine that with Nightmare's issue and...... Wow. Makes perfect sense why he could be domesticated is the only word comming to mind for some reason.
So this was the reason I follow you. You somehow made those moodswing jokes work perfectly far longer than one ought to be able to.
I accept this story as my new
master and overlordheadcanon. All the other stories about angsty immortals can go take a hike.Huh.
Not bad. I giggled a little. But then again, I am a little drunk.
Does this happen to Tirek?
What about Chrysalis?
. . . Gummy?
7484454
7484674
... What if his works in the reverse? That when he goes through LUMPS, it has to be 100% drained and he experiences periods of complete and total rationality and logical thinking as it "recharges"?
7484895 We saw what happens with Gummy goes through it in Slice of Life. It makes him extremely philosophical and contemplate the meaning of his life.
7484921
Some people (Like me) do that all the time, so that may be his normal state of mind.
7484895 when gummy needs to release the crazy he gives it physical forms.
Surprise
Discord
Pinkie pie
Cheese sandwich
Your mum
All from gummy.
7484895 This is why villains happen. The villains have their LUMPS cycles fairly synced, that's why there have been so many of them so regularly.
Interesting bit of headcanon there. *nods sagely*
7484906 That would be hilarious as a story if only because of how much all the ponies would freak out about him being so calm and rational.
slowly
7484895 I assume the Canterlot Invasion was the result of Chrysalis forgetting her purge. Why you would go for a frontal assault with a race of spies is beyond me.
On another note, that cover art killed me.
Maybe Cadence got lucky and had hers during her pregnancy. It would just look like pregnancy hormones. Or maybe everyone else got unlucky and Cadence had hers during her pregnancy. Which highly increased the level or her pregnancy craziness. Poor Shining Armor and the whole Crystal Kingdom!!!!
Well, guess that's one way to deal with immortality. Funny to see Starlight stuck dealing with Twilight in this state, it makes for an interesting combination. Spike is probably used to dealing with Twilight's insanity as is, its funnier to see Starlight having to adapt.
Well, Twi had an unexpected case of the crazies.
She'll certainly start scheduling it from now on.
Celestia's first time for this had to have been pretty hilarious though
"Alicorns have congenital brain damage that keeps them from thinking about the future too much" actually explains a surprising amount of the events of the show.
7484419 Ha Ha, yea... But they won't understand it, And if they do... Well then, they've gone and been blessed by the Internet.
7485137 unexpected? By who? Who wouldn't expect twilight to go crazy at random by now.
thats kind of twilight's thing.
not gonna lie... kinda want a sequal to this
7485181 Unexpected for Twilight herself. I probably wrote my thoughts wrong - what I meant was that it caught her off guard
This was a beautiful thing. Glorious, glorious surreal insanity.
Sometimes an alicorn just has to take her LUMPS. Preferably not where anypony else can see it.
Have all of my yeses! This was so funny and crazy. Great job.
-BFBL.
7485199 "Actually, that explains a lot. All my life I've felt like there's something wrong with this country, as though if anyone ever looked too closely at the way Equestria is run they'd realise it doesn't make sense. Do you know what I mean?"
"Absolutely. Nothing to do with LUMPS, though, life is just like that."
This could be harassed for good you know, next time it happens tell Twilight to create immortality for her friends so she won't be alone...
FOREVER!
7484419
L.U.M.P.S.
New head canon accepted!
Foreverrrrrrrrr...!
Praise the sun
This was a great story! I hope there will be a sequel!
7484375 That would be so funny!
7485428 Well, with the whole 'avatars of friendship' thing tying them to the tree, aren't they all immortal anyway?
7485550 I've actually wondered about that myself really...
7485550 does a certain plastic pony manufacturer have a need for an alicorn mane 6 yet?
7485537 I know!
I'm with Starlight that is depressing.
Great fic dude very amusing and definitely got several laughs out of me.
Starlight just said what the majority of Ponyville newcomers say when they hear what happens around the town.
Also, this story was hilarious.
Pretty damn great. That was pretty damn great
7485550my headcanon says no. There conduits, not battery's for the power. If they actually held the power within one of two things might happen. One they become powerful and immortal. The second is they quickly burn up and burn out. And we have only seen them power up just one time outside a dreamscape created by Luna.
7485735
They're the actual elements of harmony in the same sense that Applejack is an orchard. Using something isn't the same as being something. Never even mind that, you know, at least two other people held them in the past.
Yeah, I'm with Starlight, this is all a little concerning.