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Darth Link 22


I'm a mysterious man with a large Viewer list, despite being very self critical of my work. Looking to write professionally someday.

T

Twilight Sparkle suddenly finds herself caught up in a grand tradition for the immortal rulers of Equestria: holding their own funerals. What can possibly go wrong? The answer: a lot. A whole lot.

Sex tag is for only the mention of it happening. Nothing truly explicit happens.

A commission from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 71 )
Georg #1 · Aug 8th, 2016 · · ·

Simple,” Celestia said. “Legally dying means we can legally reset our ages every hundred years...

Don't tell Rarity or she'll die every year.

“For the last time, we did not order a crate of broken glass!”

“Well, you could have told me that before I opened it up!”

:rainbowlaugh: You got that bit from 'The Emperor's New Groove'. Gotta say, I don't know how I feel about Discord sticking Rainbow Dash with Zephyr like that.

Also, please tell me that Rarity didn't pair Fluttershy with Discord.

“You know what? Sure. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Meanwhile, in Chaosville.

Discord sat on his couch, reading a book backwards, and eating each page as he finished it. This method really saved time on murder mysteries.

As he set, he suddenly felt a chill up his spine. He looked up, then looked around. He smiled. “Ooh! Someone said it! Someone said it! Ooh, the next few days are going to be fun!”

Well, this was... something.:rainbowlaugh: Though I may have to let it sink in for a while before I can fully appreciate it.

...for what it's worth, I totally ship post-Shining Twidance.:pinkiehappy:

I'm so glad I decided to start reading About Last Night just yesterday, or else I wouldn't have gotten a few of the jokes here.

Twilight reached in, pulling out a slip. She looked at it and immediately frowned. “Death by sonic diarrhea?”

It was at this point, as I started laughing hysterically, that I decided this was the greatest thing I had ever read.

I love physical comedy, but I love it even more when people get hurt.

But, um...

“Tibbles, sweetheart! Mommy needs you to sit on her face for a while!”

Phrasing? Are, are we still doing 'phrasing?'

Are you sure this is not Defender2222's Cadance?

That was a fun over-the-top comedy story. I noticed a few typos here and there but the story itself was hilarious. Not sure which part was my favorite.

7464504 I don't think she'd want to be perpetually 1. Maybe every 20 years or something.

Personally, I ship Sunset with SciTwi, and I think Applejack goes better with Rarity than with Rainbow Dash.

lol too fuuny.

Grammatical errors here and there (which are easy to fix; just get an editor or two to proofread your work), but otherwise a very enjoyable tale of silly shenanigans. :pinkiehappy:

This needs some serious love from an editor. There were quite a few formatting and word choice errors. And for some strange reason the letter "i" just kept showing up where it shouldn't. At the end of sentences after a period, before or after an article or pronoun, and a few times it replaced whatever word should have began a sentence.

I understand this was for a commission, so the word count ends up being limited, but it felt like it suffered quite a bit. It's all well and good to have jokes coming fast and furious, but only if they stand on their own and make sense in the overall flow. A lot of the time the jokes came flying from left-field and were gone again just as fast in the middle of a scene. Non-sequitur humor is great in small doses and to provide emphasis, but when you literally "inject" something into every other scene, it starts to be distracting.

All in all, I thought it was kinda funny. Some of the jokes were good and really hit home, but the other issues end up detracting from the whole.

“Seriously, how can you two have lived thousands of years and still be such prudes? My death should not be the ending of love. That’s why I would want all my mourners to really let loose and...”


Have an orgy.

That's it really.

Fluttershy sheepishly lowered her “Timberwolves Deserve Life Too” sign and stepped back.i

Last time I checked ya don't need an i there

Um... there are a few places where Twilight is mentioned as a unicorn rather than an alicorn.

Suddenly cheers rang out throughout the hall. “Twi’s great, best princess! Twi’s great, best princess! Twi’s great, best princess!”

Dudududududuuu, wander over yonder. Dudududududuuu, wander over yonder. Wander wander over yonder, wander wander over yonder.

7466814 From what I can tell, the only times "Unicorn" is used are referring to Rarity or the cult member.

"Oh no! Twilight!" Pinkie said ,her eyes pouring out of her eyes in great quantity.

i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/316/462/a22.gif This is a whole new level of WTF people. There are now ponies having eyes come out of their eyes and the Internet doesn't have a gif or video of it!

7467097 Looks like it was edited, as I had read "lavender unicorn", referring to Twilight.

Twilight should have not gone through with it, instead she should have waited while Celestia was signing papers to add one into the pile, stating on the ruling princesses death that the next princess in line is made the ruler of Equestria, that way it would be Twilight since Cadance is stuck up north ruling the Crystal Empire, once they swear in Twilight she would leave Celestia and Luna disconnected from their bodies for a day or more while she fills out paper work so that she can BAN this kind of thing from ever happening again, this way she would have gotten the last laugh in at Celestia and Luna while also making it so neither of them or Cadance can EVER do that .

:rainbowlaugh:

--
Small typo

Fluttershy, you're turn.

your

EDIT
Also here:

She sighed as she watched a husband and wife team come up and accuse her of not caring enough about them to send some tax dollars there way.

their

See, this is what happens when you pick your captain based on whoever Cadance finds hot.

whomever

He was actually happy, at first, when the Spirit of Chaos had announced he would do something about Zephyr, but this... this was pure evil.

I'm not sure but isn't that part about Rainbow Dash?

My God, that was hilarious. Have a thumbs up and some mustaches. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

Ri2

This was a wonderful story. Need of more editing aside, one of my only serious complaints waswondering why TRIXIE wound up joining the harem...

7467237 There's some more typos that you missed,but I think the one that's the funniest is... well I made fun of it.

Edit:Saw the author change them dismiss the topic.

This is one of the first commissioned fics I've ever enjoyed. Great job, Darth! Had me laughing my ass off.

JMP

This was definitely one of the silliest and hilariously stupid stories I've read. Well done; I had a blast reading it.

silly and funny:D thanks for the story.

This is how you make one really stupid idea. Go all Gunho with it and make an amazingly comedic masterpiece.

Granted the premise is ridiculous but all the references:rainbowlaugh:

Nicely done. My favorite parts were the jabs at Twilight romance ships and the reference to the story Twilight's Harem by KnightyMysterio

“And why am I paired with Sunset Shimmer?” Twilight demanded.

Because Rarity is best pony that's why. :pinkiehappy:

For a second i could have sworn you did a past sins meme

What can possible possibly go wrong?

Remember, your long description is the first thing anyone sees of your story. Be sure to keep it in tip-top shape!

Why can I see Celestia doing this without too much difficulty?

“You know what? Sure. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Meanwhile, in Chaosville.

Discord sat on his couch, reading a book backwards, and eating each page as he finished it. This method really saved time on murder mysteries.

As he set, he suddenly felt a chill up his spine. He looked up, then looked around. He smiled. “Ooh! Someone said it! Someone said it! Ooh, the next few days are going to be fun!”

That makes waaaaaayyyyyy too much sense.

“For the last time, we did not order a crate of broken glass!”

“Well, you could have told me that before I opened it up!”

...DID YOU JUST REFERENCE THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE?

Celestia was struck rigid. “Her words came out slowly. “How much have you seen?”

“Quite a bit.”

“...Even...”

“Oh, yes, even that. I wonder how the citizens of Equestria will react to learning all the little things you like to do in bed.”

Please...someone kill me...:pinkiegasp:

Putting the fun back into funeral.
Good job :rainbowlaugh:

Brilliant. Thoroughly enjoyed the trip. Thank you.

Wow. Just...wow. I have so much material here to comment on that this might just legitimately be one of largest comments I've made simply because of the sheer number of segments of the story I feel the compulsive urge to respond to.

...

I think I need help.

As he set, he suddenly felt a chill up his spine. He looked up, then looked around. He smiled. “Ooh! Someone said it! Someone said it! Ooh, the next few days are going to be fun!”

And this is one of the reasons I love Discord. Immense power and genre savy enough to know that's a bad thing to say himself, but also smart enough to know it'll be hilarious when someone else says it.

“Seriously, how can you two have lived thousands of years and still be such prudes? My death should not be the ending of love. That’s why I would want all my mourners to really let loose and...”

Well, I guess Cadance is entitled to the "dirty" side of love as well, although that's more lust and who am I kidding she's likely always been just a bit of freak in this regard.

Cadance sighed. After a moment, Rarity came into the room. She turned to the white Unicorn. “Did you show her the chart?” “Yes, but I’m afraid she didn’t seem all that into the idea.” “Give it time,” Cadance said. “I’m willing to play the long game. I married Shining Armor, after all.”

:facehoof:

I don't know what to say here except they really need other hobbies.

Twilight was cut off by slipping on a banana peel Pinkie had left on top of the stairs. With a cry, she started falling down the staircase, hitting her rump on each and every step.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

Honestly, that does seem like the way Twilight would go-something embarrassing and decidedly unprincess like.

Twilight’s mind was reeling. Sunset liked her? In that way? That was... that was amazing. She had to talk to her after this was all over.

That was honestly a rather nice, emotional confession that seems like it could work out on both sides.

...

How are you going to derail it?

.Sunset walked off. Moondancer was next. “Oh, Twilight.I one day I get the chance to tell you when you’re conscious how much you mean to me... I love you”

“Oh, Twilight Sparkle! I have to be honest now, the real reason I tried stealing Starlight from you was because I think you look sexy when you’re angry.”

"And I also have something to confess. I was just playing along during the time travel incident so you wouldn’t punish me. But then I fell in love with you along the way...”

Sweet Creator, why?

:facehoof:

Yep, that would do it. Also, Twilight's love life is going to be incredibly interesting/traumatizing for everyone involved for the foreseeable future.

“It’s true! I wanted to see you get angry, then after I knew you’d inevitably accept me as your friend, I could seduce you with my great and powerful sexiness!” Trixie sighed. “I actually feel pity that you can’t go to Paradise, there are thousands of mes running around for you to admire and make love to.”

You know, while not related, the image of hundreds of Trixies arguing over who is the greatest and fighting for over a box of peanutbutter crackers cracks me up.

“Oh, I can make her have a sex drive. Believe me.”

:twilightoops: And that's the scariest line of this entire story.

“...I don’t understand the question. That’s like asking what if fish could fly and birds could swim. Have you ever heard of something so stupid?”

:facehoof:

Kudos on good characterization of arrogant Trixie, but...sheesh.

Luna felt like crying. Half of the ponies who had come up to her casket accused her of playing some long cone against her sister, while the other half were just saying that they never thought she amounted to much. For crying out loud, she did plenty!

Genuine criticism here-I'm pretty sure you meant "con" instead of "cone" here.

Discord smiled. “I loved mental games.”

Yet another reason to love Discord/. Also, kudos to you for capturing his more cunning, manipulative if playful nature. Not that Twilight appreciates it, but still.

So, you’re saying this guy’s been mooching off of Fluttershy’s family this whole time?” Discord asked, his fists tightening.

“Oh yes. Her parents are too meek to stand up to him, so he’s still living at home.”

Discord looked at the picture of Zephyr Breeze with tightened fists. “Don’t worry, I’ll just need thirty minutes

Wow. You are just on fire with Discord, aren't you? I can't think of one appearance he's had yet that didn't at least make me smile.

In the interest of cutting off this bloated comment because I could say something about practically every sentence in the entire ending sequence, I'll just say this entire story was a joy to read from pretty much the first sentence, and got many genuine laughs and smiles out of me. On top of that, I felt the writing was pretty clever and well written all around, and I loved everyone's character, how vivid their personalities were, and so on.

Edit: Then I realize this isn't even that long a comment and I've made longer honest critiques before, and now I just feel silly.

Heh, that was great~

A fair amount of grammar and quite a few spelling errors (got past and present tense mixed up).

Still was a pretty funny and all around decent fic.

Oh god, that ending :rainbowlaugh:

Nice, loved the ending for the most part. Feel bad for Luna but otherwise this was pretty hilarious. Especially RD getting screwed over in the end.

A little over the top with the comedy to the point that I felt like it was almost being forced way to much. Although as a whole I'm in love with it.

“I should have allowed you to have me!” Rainbow Dash said. “No pony should have to go through life without tasting the Rainbow!”

This part right here is when I knew that this was an insta fav sort of story.

Basically I was LMAO the whole way through. :rainbowlaugh:

-BFBL

Surprised that are favorite Changeling Queen didn't make an appearance, that would add to the hilarity of things, along with more confessions to love Twilight. I mean imagine if Bonbon and Lyra, and/or Vinyl and Octavious actually talked about adding her to their relationship and if Applebloom confess both Applejack and Zecorra does have a crush on her but never admit it.
Now I think about it, this needs a omake chapter with all the confessions that happen if they had time and the consequences of it with the princess having a few more like the cooks complaining to Celestia and Luna get to see her adult suporters even she doesn't necessary wants to know them.

Celestia put a comforting wing around her. “Do not worry too much, Twilight. This isn’t nearly as awkward as finding out one of my students had a crush on me.”
Twilight tilted her head. “What’s so bad about that? Foals get crushes on their teachers all the time.”
“He was an orphan I had signed the adoption papers for years ago.”
“Ah. Then yes, that would be awkward."

I think you meant to say hot.

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