• Member Since 8th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

DuskPhoenix


"If I can't be accurate, then I'm sure as hell gonna be extra." -BDG

T

After a particularly nasty run in with a monster during a mission from the map, Twilight discovers that she has apparently gained immortality due to her ascension as an alicorn. With this realization, Twilight and Spike go to visit the Royal Sisters to study immortality and get some advice.

Instead, Twilight finds herself flung into a whirlwind of confusion.


Now featuring significantly less errors! Thanks to everyone who pointed those out in the comments, and if you see any more feel free to point them out too.


Written for F*** This Prompt 13, "Immortality makes ponies very emotional."

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 108 )

Fun! Very well written too I might add. The characterization was solid and it didn't drag on 8/10

"What the shit." Celestia blankly said

You got me pretty good with that one! :rainbowlaugh:

Great story couldn't stop laughing from start to finish. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Element Barers

Bearers. :twilightsmile:

Celestia, Luna, you're supposed to warn the newbies about this sort of thing... :rainbowlaugh:

Reloading the story so hard to be the 100th like now. I wonder how many people are doing this or just started doing this at the moment? Oh well.


Edit:Failed to do it so now i'm the 111th like.

"I got better."

"How did you pull yourself together?"

:rainbowlaugh:

This reminds me of something I wrote.

Sup. Madness sent us here. Congrats on winning the bet. He's squirming like a gutted fish. Or, at least, I like to imagine he is.

7487583 Oh shoot, thanks for catching that! I'll edit that after FtP ends so I don't break the rules.

7487821 Thank you! I actually didn't expect to win the bet but now that I did... I'm totally holding him to it even if I have to tape him to his keyboard. :trollestia:

And thanks a ton for the watch! :twilightsmile:

D48

Well, that was entertaining. I was admittedly hoping to see some shenanigans as someone decided to "test" Twilight's immortality, but this was still good.

Well... I should have seen that ending happen, but I didn't. Well played.
Ah, the mindlessness of crowds. One can be intelligent when alone, but when a part of a herd (hue), they tend to do stupid stuff.

Anyway, a highly amusing story! Gave me quite a few laughs. Good job.

well that reporter is dead :twilightangry2:
good story really funny

Could use a little beta-checking for minor editorial issues, but on the whole incredibly hilarious. Extremely British style of humor, too, which is always a joy.

7487555 Profanity is most effective when the person you least expect uses in the most perfectly placed circumstances.

Not when it's every other word in a narrative laced with stupid puns and wanton sex humor.

*glares at "Sausage Party"* Rogen... my critical wrath will one day destroy you... :trixieshiftright:

Would've been funnier, I think, if the spell ascended Twilight even MORE and turned her into this massive astral entity which then spoke in a voice that echoed in non-Euclidian fashion deep into all the ponies' minds and drove them mad, "Well damn..."

:trollestia:

Come on, Twi, there's a lot of benefits to having a cult dedicated to you. Uhm… :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright: not that I would know… I certainly don't have any personal experience with anything like that, I swear. :pinkiecrazy:

Ha! No one said the immortal ponies had to be the overemotional ones! Brilliant twist on the prompt, and a very funny follow-through on the twist. Still, I can't help but think a few divine proclamations and condemnations might have helped. You know, no sacrifices, no fighting the infidels (who, incidentally, aren't,) go about your normal lives, let any who distort the words of the Goddess forever languish in Tartarus for the sin of altering true information in the name of a personal agenda, the usual.

In any case, thank you for this. Best of luck in the contest!

*checks Google Translate* ... Ah. Clever and fitting title. :trollestia:

7488451
Indeed.
It reminded me of the "Messiah scene" from Monty Python's Life of Brian.

Interesting. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

In half?

"Got better"

This instantly popped into my kind:

When one rises from mortality into a higher state of being like you have, and the ponies at large discover it, the affect on the national morale is astonishing in its weight."

effect

Faved solely for this line:

"Twilight Sparkle," Celestia spoke suddenly, her tone endlessly patient, "you are the only pony I have ever known who would ask me if I am well immediately after informing me that you have been cleaved in twain."

"Better! She's right outside the door!"

"Sister, our staff just mopped these floors!"

Ha. Ha.
:facehoof:

I love the timing and delivery of that line.

Phew. For the first few paragraphs there, I thought Celestia was going to inform Twilight that Alicorns are like starfishes, and that there were two of her now.

this is hilarious. but my question is Are Luna and Celestia inmortal to?

Good story. I can't help but think, though, on what would happen if Twilight decided "screw it, I'm a goddess. NOW BUILD A LIBRARY-TEMPLE IN MY NAME."

And then years later Equestria is more literate than ever before and their space program is building colonies on the moon and Celestia and Luna are like "why didn't we ever think of this?"

"There! Okay?! I can die again!" Twilight roared out to the crowd.

Not gonna lie-I honestly thought someone was going to assassinate her right then and there to see if she was lying.

Hey, some incarnations of Twilight would LOVE to be called the Lady of Knowledge! :trollestia:

"Well," Twilight ventured, "I got better."

She turned me into a newt!

Nice reference.

contained entirely to the Element Barers who were present at the time

Uh, what? maybe you mean Bearers, i think?

the affect on the national morale is astonishing in its weight."

should be effect, me thinks.

I'm sensing this was heavily inspired by Monty Python. I love that.

There are definitely a few gold moments, but overall it is actually a disappointment. A number of elements are definitely Monty Python-esque, but many of the actual scenes garner a chuckle or two rather than full on laughter. It is like when we were all fairly young children, still in that awe of our parents. Like if you had a father who was an excellent woodworker, and you wanted to emulate him, so while he worked on his project you got some wood blocks. He finishes his fine cherry-wood rocking chair and you have your cobbled together block thing. The child definitely gets an A for effort and enthusiasm, but in the end it is still the differences between the master-craftsmen and a child's toy blocks.

There are a lot of works here on FiMFiction where the writers achieved some pure comedy ecstasy, many inspired by a lot of similar things and managing to achieve their own merit. I don't think this story or writer should stand with those just yet. More experience, a lot more writing, and a ton of refinement need to occur first. It is an excellent first try, but I think it is being overrated.

"Unfortunately that means anything big changing can cause mass reactions like this."

Something is... off... with this sentence.

--RW

7491983 I'm rather sorry that you're disappointed, but I also understand and actually kinda agree. I'm definitely an amateur author, and I've got a long way to go before I make a story that's truly great or really even close. I've actually been pleasantly shocked that this story has stayed in the featured box as long as it has and gotten the likes it's gotten. :twilightblush: Thank you for being honest with me, though. I'll do my best to keep improving from here.


7492263 Huh. You're right, it really doesn't flow that well does it :rainbowhuh: When judging is done, I'll be sure to fix that and all the other mistakes people have kindly pointed out. :twilightsmile:

My latin is rusty but I'm assuming that chapter header means "I am not to be put of/with nobility"

7493252 You're very close, but my extremely reliable source of Latin information (google translate lol) told me that it reads "I do not think, therefore, I am of noble birth." I mean I don't know how correct that is because I've not taken Latin and also google translate is google translate, but that's the intent.

Equestria is a great nation, and its ponies are prosperous. We have an overabundance of food, magic, and vaguely shaped modern art.

Something about the delivery of this line in particular really cracks me up.

7489946 That gives me an interesting story idea; let me think about how I want the question to present itself...

"How did you pull yourself together?"

:rainbowlaugh:

Also, this exchange reminded me of the one where Twilight turns all her friends into liches.

"Sister, our staff just mopped these floors!"

:pinkiecrazy:

the affect on the national morale

effect, in this context.

"She is testing our faith!" A pony yelled, and everyone else took up the call.

"I think you're testing my faith, buddy. :facehoof: "

"What the shit." Celestia blankly said

:rainbowlaugh:

What? Awww, that's the end? I thought it had another few chapters. That was really funny. XD I'd like to see more of a conclusion, truthfully - something to indicate where and when everything calms down for Twilight.

Favorite line out of the whole thing: "A blanket made of anvils."

SOLD. And sold hard.

Brilliant work, mate.

~Skeeter The Lurker

And it just gets better.

Face it, Twi, the original remark of "everypony is crazy!" was spot on.

~Skeeter The Lurker

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