• Member Since 11th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Pascoite


I'm older than your average brony, but then I've always enjoyed cartoons. I'm an experienced reviewer, EqD pre-reader, and occasional author.

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Every morning, Princess Celestia wakes up in terrible pain, and every morning, she chooses to endure it. Until one blissful day grants her the blessing of feeling normal.

Few things in her life have ever frightened her so much.


6th-place winner in the /fic/ write-off "Look, I Can Explain..."

Featured on Equestria Daily!

Reading by Skijaramaz

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 159 )

Very nice work!

2tail #2 · Jun 30th, 2016 · · 1 ·

It look over 1000 years of suffering, but she now has a way to end the curse without hurting anyone outside of a short time Twilight is hurting.

I very much enjoyed this.

One question, though: is there actually a reason for Tirek doing this, or is it all merely for the purpose of making Celestia and Luna suffer?

Good story!

Up until the timeskip, I was firmly convinced that Celestia would succumb for a moment, and it would turn out that's what first started Luna down the path to Nightmare... and maybe that's the answer to 7352042's question, what Tirek was hoping to do? But she stayed strong, and Twilight did too.

Couldn't Celestia or Twilight simply have said, "Never let it be said that I have never loved you."?

Wow... That... Jeebus. That's pretty heart-wrenching. Well done!

You don't deserve half the views or likes you have.
Why do you constantly have one sentence that communicates one idea, only to have the second sentence basically echo it? You feel so inclined to detail your story, that it ends up just being more work to read.

Inappropriate paragraph breaks were numerous. Your story was interesting in some parts, but then you broke the flow of it by having several amateur, unimportant sentences mixed in with your beautiful details. It's as if you can't keep hold of the story for more than a few sentences, like you had to let it go to waste.

7352072
Interesting theory. But from the way the curse was places it may have been meant for the words to be said as a lone sentence.

7352100
"Spike, what would you do if I said something bizarre or unusual - something completely out of character?"
"Like what, Twilight?"
"I have never loved you, Spike."
"Gee, Twilight... That's harsh. Doesn't sound like you at all. Everything OK?"
"It is now, Spike. It is now. And for the record, I love you more than I can say."

Karna #10 · Jun 30th, 2016 · · 1 ·

And then the spell forces Twilight to say "I love you.". Because it appears to be somewhat sentient.

Thank you so much for writing this. It was just beautiful:heart:

:twilightangry2: Spike, I never loved you!
:moustache: ?
:trollestia: No it was a curse
:moustache: If that's the case Rarity and I'll eat your share of ice cream
:twilightsheepish: I'm freeeeeeeeeeee
:duck::moustache: We're still eating your ice cream
:trollestia: Will there be cake?
:moustache: chocolate
:trollestia:

7352082
Really not seeing it, I gotta say. Perhaps you just have too short an attention span.

What a painfully beautiful piece of writing. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, wondering and waiting if yes or if no. This honestly does seem like a dastardly deed only Tirek would do. And that last line tugs at the heartstrings perfectly.

Loved the story.

7352082
I have read countless stories and I fail to see how having separated single lines, which is a fairly common practice, is really that big a deal, particularly not in a story specifically underlining speech.
Also the way in which he reiterates the lines, appears to only happen with characters speaking insofar as I read back to check.
Which is mostly unnoticeable, also fairly irrelevant.

BTW people are obviously rating this story for the story not the writing.

Don't you just hate when people use compulsion magic on you. Compulsions are just the worst.
7352147 You can find loopholes even better than I can. We could start a business.

7352082 You're not going to get very far telling people what they are and aren't allowed to like. That's the worst kind of critic.

It's also not very helpful to assert something without backing it up. Where are places you feel like there's redundant information? And I don't mean things that caused you to dislike it. I mean things that you can put together a reasoned argument that they're objectively wrong. If you're finding things over-explained, all I can say is that this comes from the experience of doing lots and lots of these write-off events where I've found a happy medium between spelling everything out and writing something nobody understands. If that makes it too unsophisticated for you, then so be it. A few months back, someone (Bad Horse, I think, but I'll link it if I can find it again) wrote a good blog post about the tradeoffs involved in subtlety. Given that this story comes straight out of one of those write-offs (and was voted highly by people I respect as good judges of writing, like horizon, bookplayer, and AugieDog), it directly addresses things that those readers didn't understand, and they're people I've found worth listening to. Again, if that makes it too lowbrow for you, then I'll live with it.

Likewise with the paragraph divisions. What is it that you found inappropriate? What argument can you make that it's objectively wrong? Cold in Gardez posted the first in a series of blogs on paragraph structuring a few months ago (which I helped with), and I don't see any violations of the principles he laid out there. In fact, the conclusion he came to is that this is going to be a very subjective thing to evaluate, and I agree. The several very gifted reviewers I've had look over this (including the aforementioned write-off participants) didn't make any complaints on that front (or the first one either), so it's going to take more than a generalized assertion to make me believe you over them. And it really is presumptive to say that other people are wrong for liking something.

I've read your blog post, by the way. You're not even trying to be helpful. The whole thing just speaks to an intention to dole out insults, which isn't any sort of criticism. I'm guessing this is an alt of someone who has a bone to pick with me, especially given that your famous works don't turn up in a Google search.

7352042
7352052
Tirek wouldn't have been able to predict Nightmare Moon, but anything to drive a wedge between them would have satisfied him. He didn't go into it with a plan, though; he took his last scrap of magic and lashed out at Celestia just to do something to her as a last-ditch effort.

7352072
She could have tried, but Tirek never would have accepted that as fulfilling her side of the bargain.

7352082

You've earned more dislike in two hours than I get for having unpopular opinions or attacking assholes on this site in two or three weeks.

Hats off. Also your opinion is shit and so are you.

7352369

>> TheLastBrunnenG

She could have tried, but Tirek never would have accepted that as fulfilling her side of the bargain.

So it was an intention-based curse. You couldn't use clever wordplay to get out of it, it's something that had to be said flat, in a way that would cause strife, or actually meant.

Somebody needs to go wreck Tirek :C

Interesting concept and well written to boot, but I felt Celestia came off as kind of hypocritical in this... By her logic, her thousand-year-old sister should never have to hear those words under any condition but it should be fine for the dragon child as long as she explains it.
I get it, she could muscle through the curse but can't bear to watch someone she loves suffer so she decides to place some above others.

7352369 Well done emotional piece. The pacing was well done and the feel was just right for this. :twilightsmile:

Upvoted and yes you do deserve them all.

7352369
I suspect that "PakolaZechnost" would have slammed McCarthy for taking too many words to describe pointless things, Fitzgerald for having unrealistic characters, and Borges for not knowing the difference between fantasy and reality.

Remarkably well written! The cliffhanger was especially well-executed.

It makes sense in retrospect just how cruel and vengeful Tirek was from the beginning. Here is a centaur so wrapped up in his own selfish greed, that his remaining effort is spent doing anything and everything he can to hurt someone, anyone, in the worst way possible!

Here is Celestia at her best, giving all she has to protect her beloved sister the only way she knows how. I understand her reasoning for having Twilight say the words to Spike, when she could prepare him beforehand. It would be infinitely harder to ask Luna forgiveness after suddenly negating all of her "I love you"s for so long, than it would be to explain it to Spike before the damage could sink so deeply.

I, too, thought this would end up being Nightmare Moon's catalyst, but the way it turned out felt much more natural, much less forced, and had a much greater impact on the reader. Very nice.

Keep it up, my good man!



Also: :pinkiegasp: Just figured out you wrote Let a Smile be Your Umbrella. That's one of the best fics I've read, like, ever! You're amazing! :pinkiehappy:

7352082
I'm not sure how that information can help. If you criticize paragraph breaks and sentences but fail to give examples of which breaks and sentences you didn't like (and why), there isn't any meat to help the author improve the story.

7352476
Thw way I read it I feel like its 2 things, first, the explanation side; the way things worked out he was the target for Twilight but since Cele knew what was going on she could explain the situation and it despite it being said with intent to harm, he knows then why it was said and that its not meant, wheras before by herself and the curse, there was no way to forewarn Luna and Tirek's point was you can say anything after ward but its useless by then. I bet if somehow Twilight could understand the situation but Celestia had kept the curse Twilight would have explained to Luna and let her take the hit knowing its all a lie and would gladly ignore it, especially knowing Cele had been defying it and telling her she loved her for centuries deapite the agony.
Secondly, I'd say Spike could well be the most emotionally stable character in the series. He's a rock that keeps the intense personalities of the mane 6 grounded. I mean Twilight is a neurotic mess and he's been by her side for years. I think he's wise beyond his years enough to understand the severity of the issue and Celestia knows he can take it and has enough love for Twilight back to take a harsh word when be knows its not true to save her. And if my mother/aunt/god-queen tells me to ignore someone, I'd ignore them! :scootangel:

7352082 You are not a critique, you are not helping, your feedback is cruel and unnecessary, and you do not need to be in this community if you are going to say things about us such as, "Who knows, one of these men might stop playing with their horse plushies for one second and try to become a better writer." This is fanfiction my friend, they are not masterfully written novels that wins awards. Take your toxic criticism to a site that actually wants it.

wow...I really enjoyed that, and...i'm not sure why?

I am confused, yet, pleased greatly. The ending was interesting. it leaves the reader to wonder what twilight was forced to say. I really liked it!

Well executed. I find I have very little to say otherwise. Faved and liked.

On a completely unrelated note, I notice your stories get featured on EQD incredibly swiftly. Do you wait for the EQD feature before pressing the submit button?

That end was chilling :twilightoops:

all right i dont usually comment but this was really good and deserves a fav

Celly didnt waste time prancing around when it was gone, she knew there was more to it.

Good read.

Such a minor discomfort to endure for her sister’s sake. If Tirek—or whatever that thing was—had so little control that he could manage no more than that, then so be it. Her sister meant far more.

ted.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/1202/challenge-challenge-fate-accepted-mariand-demotivational-posters-1329395649.png

Damn. That's...insidious, and paints Tirek as both a powerhouse and a malicious manipulator. Still, while it seems to end on a good note, I can't help but imagine that Tirek had tricked both of them-that Twilight's first words to Spike would be, "I love you, and I always will." Now, if this was just it by itself it wouldn't work, but right before Celestia told him not to believe a thing Twilight said? That would hit hard.

I know the scenario is illogical-Twilight could have said it immediately and been done with Tirek's remnant or whatever it is, but the thought of Tirek manipulating them into saying something horrible remains.

7352476 Well, it's a little different than that. She couldn't ever tell Luna, because she'd have no way of explaining it. Now, she can have Twilight tell Spike, since Celestia can now explain the situation. Spike will know why Twilight said it. Luna never would have. But... look at what Celestia says when Twilight doesn't trust her at first. Celestia is about to tear away Twilight's magic to take the curse back with it, because she knows that Twilight would be able to explain it. Celestia was about to go say it to Luna.

7352732 Twilight was in the same situation as Celestia. Tirek wanted her to tell Spike she never loved him, but because Celestia is free of the curse she could go ahead and tell Spike not to believe her, that she was being forced to say it.

7352742 Yes, I got the approval email late yesterday, so I figured it would go up sometime today, and posts normally go live right on an hour. So I just checked EqD each hour and published it as soon as I saw it show up. If it still hadn't by the time I went to bed I would have had to just go ahead and publish it. I definitely don't publish anything until it's been accepted, since I want to use any feedback and get edits out of the way before anyone sees it.

7352082
Someone's mad that they're not getting what they feel that they deserve.

um, Pascoite? this story is a perfect metaphor for how i feel every day. how i feel right now. and i don't understand how you knew exactly what i needed to read. but i think i understand what you are saying:

"share your pain, because it is everyone's, and if you do that, they will bring you love instead of fear". is this right, Pascoite the genius pony-writer, who i have always admired and loved? will you tell me it's right so i can take all my awful feelings and spin them into something beautiful, like you have done here?

7353080 That was an undercurrent of it, but jeez, you shouldn't be calling me a genius writer. You're the far more successful one, and I don't mean successful as a euphemism for "popular." I mean actual achievement.

I'm glad I was able to touch you with something. You've always been a demanding judge, but one who pushes people to be better. Hope all is going well with you, and I'm glad to see you hanging around again. The Skype room's still there, but with quite a few old people gone and new people in.

Twilight: "Spike..."
Spike: "Yes, Twilight?"
Twilight: "I never loved Princess Luna."
Spike: "Ummm... OK?"
Spirit of Tirek: "DOH!!!"

:pinkiecrazy:

7353108 Ha! I like this.

7353052 That's clever. It'd never work for me though because my punctuation and syntax alone won't get past EQD quality control, let alone the actual content. :twilightblush: You've got a lot of confidence doing it your way. :rainbowlaugh:

7353108
7353115

... ... Of course a truly evil soul would force the next words out of her mouth to be "Spike, I love you."

7353123 If EqD said "thanks, but it's not quite there," you could go ahead and publish it or leave it unpublished for a round of revisions. I've had to do that before. Not a big deal either way. And I know for a fact you've gotten a story accepted, so you're plenty capable. I also remember "If I Were a Pony" being more an issue of fixing up the editing and telliness, so the tougher things to get right, like plot and characterization, were fine. It shouldn't be too hard to get that one in good shape.

7353097

I mean actual achievement.

what is an achievement, Pascoite? i write porn for money, and lately i can neither write nor get people to give me money. i stand atop a tower of filth, and you have beauty after beauty in your catalog. a genius is someone who a genius views to be a genius--you can debate semantics w/ me if you want, but we know who will win.

the point is... i don't know, Pascoite. you know everything. i'm not that bright.

7353165 I also know about all the regular stuff you write and what high standards you hold for yourself, even with the clop. That's what I mean by achievement. You have written things of genuine literary merit. and whether people don't see that or overlook it for what draws the most readers, it's their loss. Cold comfort at times, I know, but you have the respect of people who know good writing.

darf #47 · Jul 1st, 2016 · · 1 ·

7353201 cold comfort indeed, my friend. for what is respect to a man lying on the street corner? what does the hobo say when you tell him he is a blessed soul, kinder and wiser than a saint?

i don't mean to guilt trip, Pascoite. it's just hard lately. and you inspire me. so thank you.

Ohh chilling. Way to build up the anxiety!
I love how you make TwilightnSpike and LunanCelestia's relationship so powerful. NEarly brought a tear to my eye

7353221 I wish I knew more of what you needed, but at least remember that you still have friends in the same old places, and we'll do what we can for you.

7353052 ah, well even then, it's a very nice story. good job ^^ and I hope to see more stories from you in the future!

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