• Member Since 9th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen May 5th, 2019




"I've got crabs."

Those three little words, spoken to Rainbow Dash over the phone, set Canterlot High School on fire.

Because even though most of the student body has forgiven Sunset Shimmer for her past transgressions and she has more friends than ever now, some gossip is just too juicy to ignore.

Besides, everybody's more than a little curious as to the finer details--and who else might be dealing with the same problem.

(Rated Teen for discussion of sensitive topics.)

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 262 )

Get Rarity to attack their weakpoints. That'll do it.

Is this a sequel to "Sunset Shimmer is FedUp"? Cause it really should be.

The 'twist' was rather obvious from the start, but still hilarious.

That's nice Sunset... Blue or King?

Come to think of it, is Sunset even human enough to get human diseases?

6970805 Let's call it a spiritual sequel. The FedEx joke at the end was more a callback than anything.

6970805 could be a prequel, you never know.

Somehow, I knew for certain that this was a literal story about Sunset ordering a ton of live crabs and everyone misunderstood what she meant.

...I'm now picturing a spin off sequence entitled "Sunset Shimmer's FedEx Frustrations", covering all the possible things that could go horribly wrong due to FedEx shipments and bad communication related to said shipments.

...Dare I ask what brought this on?

The actual punchline was kinda obvious, though I suppose the real question while reading was whether or not there was a punchline. In any case, it was a fun little story, and I got a few laughs out of it.

Do I even WANT to know...?

No? Okay then. I'm just going to walk away and be done with it.

Seriously though, where do you come up with these ideas?

Wow, I made this comment as a joke before I even read the story.

I looked up crabs to understand this fic better, and it turned out to be pointless in the end. I kind of expected something like that, except with more boiling water and butter.

Poor Sunset. Even with photographic proof of what she was really talking about, school is going to be hell for her when she goes back. At least Flash Sentry was mature and intelligent about it.

6970863 I'm just having a really shitty day and needed to write something stupid to cheer myself up.

6970886 Damn, now I'm hungry for Red Lobster.

Okay I kind of figured it was gonna be a play on the whole crab thing but seriously I gotta know. Why.....WHY would Sunset have all those types of crabs sent to her home. What possible use could she have for them?

6970928 She didn't. FedEx screwed up. :derpytongue2:

Don't worry, Sunset... Rarity knows exactly what to do...

6970888 You know, Rarity sort of has a thing about crabs. Sunset should TOTALLY have her help get rid of them.

Rumor has it she sort of kills these things in her spare time.


That was totally a coincidence. :derpytongue2:

Ooooh Ooooh OOOOOH! Is this a sequel to Sunset Shimmer is FedUp? If so its hilarious! If not, its still hilarious!!!!!!

When I saw the title I immediately thought of the little things that live on beaches and occasionally run restaurants, then I saw the sex tag, then I remembered who I'm reading.


Sounds like a good reason to me. I hope it helped. :pinkiesmile:

...And once again I prove how innocent I still am, because I have NO idea what everyone THOUGHT she meant by "crabs", and I dare not look it up.

...And now that I've said that, everyone here is going to tell me what it means.

Well I thought that it would go that way but I was on the fence. What got me was I thought that she just got like a few pet crabs not an apartment full of them.
Well I got a good laugh out of this so good job.


How do you screw up something like that?

6971010 Pubic lice. Infamous for being transmitted via intimate contact, though that's far from the only way to get them.

6971048 By being FedEx.

You know, is this going to be a thing? Sunset despising and being screwed over by FedEx repeatedly in any and all fanfiction? Because that is definitely something I can get behind.:pinkiecrazy:

Rarity pulled her phone out of her purse and took several pictures of the inside of Sunset's apartment, then recorded a video of the coconut crab locked in combat with an Alaskan king crab over Sunset's TV remote.

Now, this is a lovely detail that I thou roughly approve of and, strangely enough, stays very true to the series. No matter the situation, they're still friends, and ever thoughtful drama gossip queen Rarity is already taking actions to minimize and counter any abuse other students might throw her way.

Anyway, all I can say is that this was a riot the entire way through, and the FedEx punchline was beautiful.


Oddly enough that doesn't help. What's next are they gonna send her a Great White Shark....Actually that would be kind of awesome. It'd be weird as F$%^ but for this series I wouldn't question it.

6970815 Crabs aren't exactly a disease. They're a type of lice, and assuming she has the correct type of hair, she could totally get them.

Celestia and Luna here are perfect.

"Is this our life now?" Celestia asked. "Seriously, is this it?"
Luna slumped forward onto Celestia's desk, burying her face in her folded arms. "We need to get laid."

So I take it this is a different canon than your other stories where they engage in "sisterly love?"

Haven't even read it, yet, and I totally know it's not those crabs.

This just sounds like a delicious infestation. Unless there were any of those Japanese spider crabs, those things creep me the fuck out
In case you don't know what I'm talking about:
Enjoy your nightmares, kiddos.

Here lies Red Jasper. Recently departed, due to the hysterical nonstop laughter caused by the story Sunset Shimmer has Crabs.

6971093 I think Sunset Shimmer's FedEx woes are going to become my new "Pinkie Pie's sworn enemy is the city of Hoofston". I love having little running gags like this throughout multiple stories. And yeah, I felt like adding that bit with Rarity getting proof of what actually happened would be fitting.

You just loooooooooove shoving our filthy minds in our faces, don't you. XD

Hey, at least some of those crabs are good eating. She'll need lots of butter, though. Oh, and I spotted something:

Ah'm pretty that ain't th' case


"Pinkie Pie's sworn enemy is the city of Hoofston"

Huh. What stories were that used in? I don't recall seeing it.

6970935 One could argue that they delivered the package intact, and that's a first in Sunset's experience.

... Saw that twist coming a mile away. Just one question: WHY?!:raritydespair::rainbowlaugh:

No point in reading; the comments spoiled the whole premise (granted, it was obvious from the start, but still)

6971184 Yes. Yes I do. :trollestia:

6971195 Fixing it momentarily. Also, the Hoofston thing, I've mentioned in...maybe three stories? Mostly really old ones nobody reads.

Boooo! Return to sender. Package. Undeliverable

... this was amazing.

<Insert comment about how I saw the twist coming a mile off and how Rarity fights them and should assist Sunset>


6971126 :applejackconfused: I forgot about those things.... *shudder* No me gusta....

OMG!:rainbowlaugh: Well she did say she has crabs!

"Is this our life now?" Celestia asked. "Seriously, is this it?"
Luna slumped forward onto Celestia's desk, burying her face in her folded arms. "We need to get laid."

Best. Part. EVER! :rainbowlaugh:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!