• Member Since 9th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen May 5th, 2019

MythrilMoth


LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Sequels1

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During her time in the human world, Sunset Shimmer has experienced many things.

Including, unfortunately, the frustration of having to deal with incompetent, negligent, or just plain rude package delivery service.

After putting up with one package delivery nightmare too many, Sunset Shimmer decides enough is enough.

Now, it's time to make a delivery of her own.


For Zef.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 276 )

You say it's for Zef, but I can already tell you wrote it specifically for me. Ilu.

As of today's shipment tracking check, I officially had a FedEx SmartPost package sit on the same truck for just under five days before being turned over to USPS custody for final delivery.

Total distance traveled on said truck: 1.6 miles.

So personally, I consider this story to have an unhappy ending. The driver lived.

6943836 Ugh, SmartPost. Don't get me started on SmartPost.

This was oddly catharticly satisfying. I can't count the number of times delivery people haven't bothered to do what they're supposed to with my packages (mostly USPS though, especially when those who are bringing certified mail that need to be signed for don't even bother to come to the door before sticking the "no one available to deliver to" thing in the box). It felt good to see someone actually pay for it.

I just lost a follower, but this fic really improved my mood. Thanks.

6943854

Why not? It would move the discussion forward. Also, it would be the first time SmartPost would be associated with moving something forward in the last three months.

6943867 Ugh, they've done that to me here too. Our local USPS carriers have a tendency to be lazy, randomly decide to just not deliver mail on Mondays, and leave the "you weren't there" note in the mailbox without making an attempt to deliver the package. They've done the certified mail thing to me before, and after three days of agonizing over it and five calls to the post office, the damn thing finally came and there was no need for it to have been sent certified mail in the first place, they could've sent it first class and spared me all that drama.

Lately the USPS likes leaving packages just outside my door or wedged between my front door and screen door--without ringing the doorbell or knocking.

6943874 :rainbowlaugh: True!

But yeah...I've had the misfortune of getting a package stuck in SmartPost. More than once. Not fun.

6943880

Same. They're the ones who managed my Blu-Ray drive fiasco in December, and I've had a couple of other recent packages basically show up on the day before Amazon would authorize a new shipment, which probably would have gone out through FedEx again.

I have a fantastic, careful, conscientious and quick UPS driver -- and no way of consistently getting anyone I receive shipments from to send UPS.

6943878
I don't have the patience for "should I or shouldn't I" over those things. When it happens to me, I either call up my local USPS branch or march straight there and file an official complaint about it, and make sure to make a stink. There have been enough considerate workers (one particular nice old mail man actually brings the regular mail up to the door for us if he has a package to deliver, whether certified or just too big for the mailbox, or if we've scheduled a pick up) that we want to ensure those who aren't considerate, or are downright thoughtless, are weeded out so as to not make the nice ones look bad by association.

Fortunately I can say I've never had package problems like poor Sunset in this. Then again, I also don't buy stuff online unless I know I'm absolutely not going to find it without going somewhere far out of my way. Still, kudos to that manager for, at the very least, knowing when Sunset had him by the balls, and then actually correcting the problem on multiple levels.

Estee #12 · Feb 17th, 2016 · · 1 ·

All downvotes on this story will be placed by FedEx employees.

We know who you are.

6943915 Oh, I make plenty of noise when they ass up around here, because half the carriers and at least two of the assistant managers working for the post office here as lazy bastards. Or just plain assholes, like one mail carrier I ran afoul of (by proxy) shortly after moving into my current residence.

This is a true story: After moving in, I had a lot of mail coming here for a previous resident. I've always been taught that the right thing to do when this happens is to write on the envelope "Return to Sender -- Incorrect Address" or something to that effect. So, I diligently marked every single piece of misdelivered mail and stuck it in the return slot.

After a few days of this, the postal carrier put a VERY nasty note in my box telling me "DO NOT WRITE ON THE MAIL! JUST PUT IT IN THE SLOT!"

I didn't report that and I just threw the note away, but when I started having other problems with that particular mail carrier later, my aunt told me (and so did a clerk at the post office) that I should have kept that note. Because they were wrong to do that.

I actually don't have much experience with deliveries. There was that incident with my sister-in-law struggling to get a replacement for a heat-sensitive coffee mug she accidentally ran through the dishwasher, but I acquire very little online that isn't pure data. As such, I'm coming into this with rather less empathy for Sunset than most other people. Plenty of sympathy, though, and when it comes to bureaucracies, I can definitely empathize. When someone on the other end can actually help you, it's a wonderful thing. And in my experience, a lot of people actually do want to help. They just aren't always able to, due to protocol.

In any case, a lovely bit of catharsis. Thank you for it.

Pre-reading comment: I spent a year working at FedEx as a box humper. While I tried to be respectful to the packages I handled, their somewhat insane load rates (iirc, about 400 packages per hour, relating to about 1 every 6-8 seconds) caused a lot of damaged or broken packages.
I can tell I'm going to like this story.

That manager is freaking boss, and so is this story! Also, :yay: you, Lee :twilightangry2:

God I wish more people were like Sunset and beat the crap out of dumbass delivery guys.

I ordered a flatscreen from a store online and it was suppose to be delivered to me on a Wednesday (which I had off) but on Tuesday after work I saw a note from UPS which said they would try again tomorrow. Wednesday I stayed home all day and got jack sh1t. I called those SOBs and they said that I had to pick it up at one of their locations. Yeah no, f*ck that!

If I wanted to pick it up then I would have gone to the actual store myself! One time I had to actually go out and catch up with the driver to get my package from that dumbass!

THEY ARE DELIVERY COMPANIES THEY SUPPOSE TO FREAKING DELIVER! Do we have to put shock collars on the delivery staff that will shock them whenever a customers is pissed? Cause that seems to be the only way to improve their performance for a very simple task.

Listen guys I know that it is very straining mentally and physically to pick up a box or package that probably weighs a few pounds and carry over to a house with the same letters and numbers on said box/package. You don't have to know what they mean just that they match both in shape and sequence.

Post-read comment: Very satisfying. I personally have not had mishandled packages, but the stories I have heard, and the general attitude of the deliverers left a lot to be desired.
So, I'm glad one got his comeuppance.

6944022 What motivated me to write this, for the record: (1) My friend Zef stayed home from work (telecommute FTW) today to accept delivery of an exercise bike, and while he did receive the bike intact, FedEx goofed up the delivery, left it in the wrong place, and the box was pretty badly damaged from what he said. (2) While we were talking about that, we pulled up video after video on YT of shit FedEx, USPS, and UPS drivers have done that was caught on surveillance cam--including two dipshits who liked to kick the extra point with packages (AT THE SAME HOUSE) and one ended up on the goddamn roof.

Seeing paid delivery people exhibit this level of obscene behavior motivated me to write this.

"If only I could use Paypal at the local stores,"

It's called a Paypal debit Mastercard, it lets you spend your Paypal balance anywhere that takes MC.

Yet another flawless story. I don't know how you do it, Moth. :twilightsmile:

Thankfully, everything that has ever been shipped to me or someone I know has never been damaged in any way. But if it was, I would probably react in a way quite similar to Sunset's. Minus the beating up part. I would probably just yell and slap him.

Can't say I have experience: all the delivered goods I order work. But I'm speechless at how things like this actually happens.

Gentle Lee

I want to laugh at the irony of his name.

6943878 That's a THING?!!? I can't believe they would do that! One time, September 2013, to be exact, I was at school, my mom was at work, and pretty much no one was home, and they STILL left my Halloween costume at the doorstep anyhow!

I forgot that Sunset can kick that hard.

6944015 Why don't we TASE them instead. It gives a good shock!

6944209
Hmmm true, but why can't we do both?

Gentle Lee was released from the hospital on June 11. On June 13, he reported to the unemployment office.
He now lives in a van by the river.

HAH
Saturday Night Live:rainbowlaugh:

Jesus, US mail must suck, if the (embellished) fic and comments are anything to go by.
Here in the UK, I've had a lot of experience with the Post Office (nationwide mail service, government funded etc.) and third-party carriers (Parcel Force and UPS to be exact), and have never had any problems sending or receiving packages or mail.
Hell, just the other day i was sending some CCG cards to a buyer I had. For reference, I send the cards in a toploader in a bubble envelope, so usually it counts as "small parcel", not "large letter". Well, the kind lady at the counter saw that it was *just* larger than the standard large letter size, so she just sent it off as a large letter.
10/10 would recommend.

He now lives in a van by the river.

And is now the new neighbor of Matt Foley.

Huh, that's weird, I've ordered tons of stuff online and it always comes in fine.....Save for one instance where I ordered a blu ray boxset and it had a huge ass dent in the cover, so I returned it for a new one.

That being said I could totally understand where Sunset would come from. If any of the stuff I ordered got damaged in someway, I'd be royally pissed off.

Now, having worked as a paper carrier for a good chunk of my life, it still surprises me that occasionally my customers will outright THANK ME WITH TEARS IN THEIR EYES that I do my job with some proficiency. Then I learn about how more professional delivery services work (or lack thereof) and I just have to sit back and try to comfort Fluttershy here. :fluttershysad:

So please, essential delivery service professionals everywhere, let us be mature and dedicated in our work. So we do not make Fluttershy cry. :fluttercry:

I'll say this, I've never had a horror story like what Sunset has here. Then again, I've never used FedEx. Strictly UPS or USPS for me.

Seriously, though, I'm wondering if it was always the same driver. And I'm wondering what, exactly, happened to the dress.

6944222 The shock from the collar and the taser will definitely KILL HIM

6944527
Not at the same time, the collar shocks them whenever they miss a delivery or pass an address or forget to take a package with them. A pissed off customer can come in and tase them if their package is damaged or missing.

And here I was thinking we were alone in shitty post companies. This might as well be about Australia Post.

It's funny because i work for FedEx. XD

6944512 I believe I've seen and/or read enough adult only material to have a good idea what happened there...

"If you'll give me a copy of that video, I'll forward it to the regional manager along with my incident report. I think we can make you whole."

Yeah, just search for <insert upload channel name here> on Youtube. It should be one of the most recent uploads.

I feel sorry for anyone who had this happen to them in the real world. Too bad not everyone can have things work out as well for them as things did for Sunset. I almost don't want to know what happened to her costume in first incident but it almost sounds like someone took a crap in it, or whatever could cause a terrible smell like that. Kick that douchebag's ass Sunset!

He now lives in a van down by the river.

Here is a fix I would suggest for this line. Great story and this is why package drivers are told not to do things like this because of the proliferation of cameras these days. I did driver helper for UPS over Christmas and believe me this would have been an immediate fireing.

6943878

It may have to do there time allotment. FedEx drivers are paid for every package they touch, so the more packages they do the more they get paid. The USPS is not hiring (in my aria at least) as many people as people leave or retire. UPS drivers are encouraged to knock so people know they are there.

6944636
Bikini, also known as underwear you don't get arrested for having on in public. The sexy kind.
Wrong hole m8, welcome to the internet.

First of all, how DO you manage to get EVERYTHING you write on the featured list?

Second of all, I wanted to hug Sunset so badly for this. The sad part is that this stuff ACTUALLY happens. I ordered some cards online months ago, and I'm still waiting for them. I think they just never delivered them.

"No," he said, a small, grim smile crossing his face. "I don't think we need the police."

[...]

"We might need an ambulance though," the manager said. "Apparently one of our drivers had an accident with a broken garage door."

Okay, I like this manager. :rainbowlaugh:

"YOU!!" Sunset screeched.

Okay, this almost made me wake up my mom while she was sleeping from how hard i was laughing/gasping/coughing. :rainbowlaugh:

If an animator that worked on Equestria Girls were to make the video of whatshisname jerk drop-kicking that package, it would probably actually go viral. :pinkiegasp:

And how does it take three minutes to get from a street to a door? That's just unrealistic. :facehoof:

6944949
The three minutes thing is actually more than possible I lived in a two story apartment complex the parking spaces were off to the side with a grassy lot in front so ya I've lived it.

Legally speaking, if a FedEX or UPS person did this sort of crap a lot, couldn't someone call the FBI or similar federal organisation that deals with crimes? I'm pretty sure opening other peoples packages and hastily closing them and/or kicking/throwing/ect. them would fall under TAMPERING WITH THE MAIL which is a federal offense in of itself.

This is why I'm glad UPS delivers everything in my area. The drivers around here have never done anything like this. Hell, if they think we're not home when they deliver, they'll tuck the package away in a spot where we can see it, but it's still out of the way.

omfg. This was so cathartic at the end, I love you so much Myth.
Never had to deal with fedex though, but USPS lost a check, and UPS has lost an expensive battery so far in the last month. I can't trust anything anymore :ajsleepy:

But fuck, the punting her tablet thing. I wanted to tear him a new asshole SO BAD.

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