• Member Since 4th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen June 19th


One day, you will all come to my funeral just to make sure that I stay dead, but today is not that day | https://ko-fi.com/chillybook



When Twilight pays her CHS friends a visit on Hearts and Hooves Day, she expects to learn a bit more about their strange world and it's rituals. She did not expect to find out just how much her friends actually think about her. Sex tag is for raunchy language and mild suggestiveness.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 79 )

Haha, that was actually pretty funny near the end. Usually I hate stories that wait that long to tell the punchline, but this was entertaining throughout to begin with, so the joke at the end just sold it. Nice job. :rainbowlaugh:

That was shamelessely awesome!
It's a shame we didn't hear Rarity's though...

Yeah, I had something planned for Rarity, but I felt like the whole thing was dragging on way too long. Maybe next time, eh?

5626151 yeah...wait, did you say NEXT TIME?
...a sequel, maybe?

Who knows what the future holds? Maybe a little bit of Twilight's revenge, which slowly spirals out of control and ends up in an even more uncomfortable situation? I dunno yet. I just threw this together for Valentine's Day. Never expected anyone to actually like it. This was something of a bet I made with myself.

Sounds like it paid off. Are you new to writing?

I've been writing for a little over a year, but I feel like I'm still learning with each story. I've only recently started posting to FimFiction, as well as FanFiction.net. I guess I saw this site as "The Big Time", and I didn't think I was ready until... Well, I still don't think I'm ready. But, I'm practicing, I'd like to think that I'm getting better, and I hope that I will be able to stop feeling like such a noob. Some day.

Do you think that this would make it onto Equestria Daily? I really hope so. You should try submitting it!

If I had any idea how, I might. I've never even considered it. Hell, I'll give it a shot. Thanks for the suggestion!

I've been at the writing game for about five years, and I still don't think I'm ready for "the big time". Of course to me that means a published physical copy of a novel, but the point is that as long as you're writing and striving to improve, you're moving in a good direction.

Definitely send this to EqD. I don't think it will make it in the first time, but this is a decent enough start that if you follow their advice to the letter and apply the proper polish you might actually make it by your second or third try. Go for it.
Or if you'd prefer, I might know a few people willing to offer some more in-depth critique than my mere compliments.

I read through their guidelines, and they unfortunately do not accept "Humanized/anthro stories". I guess I'll have to try something else if I wanna end up on EqD. I certainly do appreciate the kind words and inspiration. Little things like this make me love the Brony community.

Mention that it's in the Canterlot High universe. That's a canon thing.

When they say humanized they mean when the girls are humanized for a non canon reason. "There's a time and place for everything, and I believe it's called fanfiction"~Joss Whedon. Basically, fanfiction is where you make whatever you wish could happen in canon, happen. However, there are a few red flags that some experienced writers know to look for when trying to weed out amateurs, and unnecessarily humanized characters in the mlp universe is one of them. Equestria daily tries to maintain a quality of fanfiction for their viewers, so blacklisting certain red flags is one of the most efficient methods for screening quality.

They have a section in the submission box where you can post comments. Use that section to *briefly* explain that they're human because they're from the Canterlot High universe and they'll at least look at it.

Okay. I'll do it. Despite my overwhelming fear of my inevitable failure, I'll give it a shot. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get lucky. Thanks. I needed this push.

And if you know people who would be willing to critique this, grammatically, thematically, etcetera, I wouldn't say no to that.

*gulps* Well... Wish me luck

Luck wished. Actually, this is short enough I might give it a look over sometime this week if I find the time. :raritywink:


Speaking as an Equestria Daily pre-reader, we're happy to look over EqG-style fics. Don't be afraid to toss it our way!

Ha! I had a laughs! I would have liked to hear Rarity's idea though.

5626164 that would be so fun to read:rainbowlaugh:

Even funnier ending would have Pinkie on the other side and she pulls out a pineapple and just makes the situation worse lol.

:rainbowlaugh: *falls over rolling with laughter* Dude, that was hilarious.

Cracked me up multiple times :pinkiehappy:
Good thing nobody else was at the office, couldn't have that explained :twilightsheepish:

That was funny as Hell! I think Pinkie's been watching too much Breaking Bad.

“Yo, Fluttershy!” she shouted. “Big Mac is here! He doesn’t have a shirt on for some reason!”

Pinkie’s bathroom door swung open violently, and Fluttershy tripped out, smashing into the ground with her pants around her ankles and her butt aimed at the sky.

“Ow…” she whispered. Rainbow Dash seemed to be the only one amused by the situation, laughing while everyone else clamored to see if she was okay.

“Face down, ass up…” sang Rainbow. “That’s the way we like to-”

That scene right there earns you a fave and like AND a follow.

Oh dear lord...:fluttershyouch:
This was hilarious and I loved it to death. Insta-follow :D

Wow, this was hilarious. And slightly disturbing. But mostly hilarious. Good work!

6023005 Thanks! I appreciate it!

said Rainbow Dash, shaking her head. “That day, I became a man.”

Rainbow is a man!?:twilightoops:

6107647 She is in her heart, man

6107693 so she's really human!

I think I died a little choking on laughter. “This is why.” and everyone know's what she's talking about! Poor Twilight, so hopelessly lost. Sigh, I could keep telling you parts I liked, but it seems a waste of space to copy-paste the whole thing ;)
Aside from content, I enjoyed the pacing and the explaining-things-Twi-doesn't-understand-because-she's-new-here motif in the beginning. I'd've liked to have seen more of that towards the end as well... but I suppose she probably stopped trying to understand because she didn't want to know. :P

“Spike! Get the bleach! I need to cleanse my brain.”

That's a pony after my own heart...:twilightsmile:

Fuck. This is funny.

6585141 Glad you liked it. Hope to see you around some of my other stuff.

Least Spike didn't have problems with the CMC.

6611347 Heheh, that might end up being an idea in of itself. I do ship Sweetie and Spike, by the way

6611357 Does it involves those two in a 'together closet'?

6611376 No... Well, perhaps, but not quite like you would assume. Just a fun thing for fun.

6611386 Not THAT closet I meant like playing hide and seek where those two are in the same hiding place.

“Ya know the one that starts like ‘Fun’ and ends like ‘Firetruck’?”

Did you just...

6661550 That fic brings back so much memories for me because it was the very first fic in Fimfiction that I've read.

6661561 Wow, really? I'm glad I was able to give you some (hopefully good) memories.

Get the bleach! I need to cleanse my brain!

...said every barony ever at least 6 times in their lifetime.

6747591 Barony? That sounds like some sort of alcoholic sub-species of brony. I like it!

6747640 I know, I just like poking a bit of fun.
Sorry about that :twilightblush:

its akay. I was just poking fun at your fun-poking.

6747645 A stunning verbal riposte! You sir/madam are quite the worthy adversary! Now, excuse me while I listen to a ten-hour loop of PFUDOR.

1: I am a lady
2: yes, yes I am.

Do actual teenagers talk as explicit as the girls did in this fic? I'm scaeed d for high school:raritydespair:

Login or register to comment