• Member Since 3rd Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen Sep 13th, 2020

One of the Crowd

<---- Drawn by mix-up. All I have to say is disappearing is easier when its a crowd of people that are exactly like you.


This was my last year of high school, and I was getting ready for college when I was forcefully pulled from my home by some crazy horse thing. That however was only the beginning of my problems as when I woke up I was no more than a child. Things became rather difficult when I was able to get away from that mare. I don't rightly remember what happened next, but now I'm staying with a kid named Button Mash and his parents . Even though no one believes me about my home I will find a way, I have to.

<-----Cover art done by mix-up.

Featured August, 30th 2015 and September, 12th and 13th 2015

Chapters (48)
Comments ( 1516 )

well i gotta say, i really like the begging of this story. there were a few punctuation errors

At the end "Chance" should be capitalized because it's a name

It said in a very calm quite voice that didn't really make me want to run from it in fact when I heard the guards shouting behind me I took cover under its legs.

there should be a comma here
It said in a very calm quite voice that didn't really make me want to run from it, in fact when I heard the guards shouting behind me I took cover under its legs.

also this next sentence just seems....clunky

I know it was a stupid decision, but I was terrified and alone and the only thing that didn't seem to want to hurt me was right there so i figured I could hide and be safe.

try saying this out loud, it's... odd, wrong even.

also at the begging it was hard to discern where the story was taking place. i thought he was in Ponyville but then you wrote hedge maze and i was like "what?, where are we?" so, i dunno maybe write about tall buildings or a lot of unicorns or something, just to help new readers.

other than that I like how this opens. it's short, sweet, and sets the tone very well.

and lastly a few questions.
-how old is he in pony form?
-race? colors? Cutie Mark?
-is he gonna have to go to school? is the new school year just starting or is it summer vacation or something?
-will he have to talk to a psychiatrist?
-are you gonna make Diamond Tiara an irredeemable bitch? please don't

6287277 Thank god someone who can help me with my grammatical issues in my stories! First off thank you for the info about the errors and I'll try to fix them as soon as possible.
Answers to questions:
-He is around 9 in pony form while his actual age is about 18
-unicorn, Dark blue coat with red mane, no mark
-Yes he will attend the school
-A bitch maybe, but to say irredeemable and without reason wouldn't be good writing now would it.

Again thank you for your comment and for pointing out those errors for me.

Edit: I've just tried to figure out a way to fix that sentence so it's not so awful. I Just do all the editing while I write so things that look good at the time tend to end up like that. Oh and before I go yay for Screwball pictures!

Someone finally said they like my Screwball picture. OH HAPPY DAY!

Really excited about these kind of stories. can't wait for more

When this story showed up on the Human Turned group, I though "FINALLY! a story about an adult being turned into an OC colt/filly finally came up!". There are many, but there aren't many quality ones, and MUCH less ones that are complete. This one looks promising and I hope to get a lot of laughes out of this.

Hm... this story seems a bit rushed with not much information about the "colt" or how he ended there. I think that's information that should be in the prologue.
I will keep an eye on it and see what the next chapter is bringing.

6288568 Screwball is awesome who wouldn't say they liked the picture.

6288594 Well I'm going to finish this story for the exact reasons you just named. I hope to that this story will be one that you shall enjoy, and do not worry I have a rule that says I have to finish my stories.

6288610 :twilightblush: My mistake, I'm still trying to improve my writing here so I can write higher quality fics. In other words thank you for contributing to improving this and future stories! :pinkiehappy:

6289570 No problem. And the Idea with a human turned colt and then ended up in the Button houshold is a fresh idea. For that alone I would give you a thump up.

Maybe you could try to rewrite the Prologue.

6289718 Maybe I should try to rewrite it. I didn't think it was a fresh idea when I started since button is so popular I figured that it was already done and I just never saw it. Anyway again thanks for the help and I hope to make this story one worth your time.

6289782 There are a few HiE stories where Button has maybe a chapter or two, but I haven't seen any where he was direktly involved in a HiE story. Try your best. If you need advice for an idea, you can ask me. Except for grammar.

6289793 Got it, and for ideas thanks for the offer if you are serious about it because I have ideas, but I don't know which are good and which should be scrapped. Again thank you for your time, and before I forget GRAMMAR.

6289819 Grammar is EVIL! It's the enemy of every writer!

6289848 Gather the soldiers because I hereby declare mustache war on grammar!

6289850 All Troops! Aim for the Prologue!

Need periods a the ends of the dialogue.

I can't really say anything that hasn't been said already. But yeah, seems interesting... :eeyup: Just gonna leave now.

6290097 Baby come back, you can blame it all on me.

Thank you for taking your time to comment!

6290212 Yeah no problem! :twilightsheepish:

... I'm just gonna... just gonna go now... again. :eeyup:

Man the catapults, launch the edits!

when there compatriots



I don't really blame you for this one (archaic language can be confusing) but in this case it's 'Why art thou screaming in terror', or alternatively, 'Why dost thou scream in terror'


You wont find my family.

missing apostrophe in won't

end of the hall.I was making good progress to

missing space after the full stop

this to requires 'too'

6291542 Thank you nice grammar person! :pinkiehappy:

6291548 I think you forgot a word in the last parts:

"what happened to me but he didn't that I wasn't actually a pony."

"what happened to me but he didn't believe me that I wasn't actually a pony."

And I think it's a good rewrite. There are enough informations about the protagonist for a prologue (at least in my opinion) and the rest can come with the other chapters. Keep up the good work! I'm looking forward to more.

P.s. I will give a fav when I approve of the next chapter.

6294114 Thank you for pointing that out for me. As for the next chapter I hope to earn that fav!:twilightsmile:

There are a few capitalization errors in places, but I'm enjoying the pacing and the story. Does this Loving Care include Gibson? If so, the family has a kid both his physical and his mental age.

6296579 Wait, who's Gibson? I didn't know Button already had a brother that we knew the name of.

Edit: Yay for improving the pacing! :yay:

6296605 Jan Animation's fanon. The Button Adventures. The second one wasn't completed before he was struck with the curse of cease and desist. (Luna bless his soul...)

6296629 Indeed, I knew that button had a brother I just didn't know if said brother had a name yet. Well Now I'm conflicted with continuing the story as originally planned or to modify it to include Gibson.

6296633 It's Fanon anyway. It's up to you if you want to give him one or not. It wouldn't detract from the story any.

6296656 Well that's a relief. Anyway thank you for reading and taking the time to leave a comment. :pinkiehappy:

I like the pacing so far, and the way you introduced the character of arrow and got his description out was smooth and easy. it really felt like we already knew him.

other than that not much jumps out about this chapter, but that's okay, it dosn't need to be all feels or comedy yet (that comes later) right now it's just what this story needs. a few sweet, slow moments to introduce the characters and set the scene.

I'm excited and eagerly wait for more.

Well, your writing has really improved from just one chapter. I like Arrow and how he interacts with Chance, and how Chance is adapting to his "temporaly" new life as a colt. This visits to the therapist will be certainly getting interesting when the Doctors can't "cure" him from his delusion of being a Human.

With this chapter, I will give you a Fav. Keep up the good work^^

6296684 If you want to include the brother, but not in the same houshold, then maybe he is at a music college and just visits from time to time. Then you would just have to write him one or maybe two chapters.

On another note:
This sentence is a bit confusing for me: "I still regularly visit that therapist for 'treatment' when there is nothing wrong with my head in the first place, well nothing he's trying to fix."

I think I know what you want to say, but how you have writen it doesn't make sense to me.

I think you mean: "I still visit that terapist regularly for 'treatment' even when there is nothing wrong with my head in the first place."

At least, that's what I think it means.

6297254 woops. :twilightsheepish: Thank you for pointing that out, and like I said I went back to the writing guide on the site for a quick refresher. Thank you for the fav and for the advice on how to incorporate his brother if I choose to.

Your doing great can't wait for more

Now I'm curious if there's a ponified Conker's Bad Fur Day.
Or if you'd even NEED to ponify it.

I definitely would be wearing something but not the something you might think.
I would wear saddle bags. I've lived too long with pockets, going anywhere without them would be madness. MADNESS I SAY!

Also your grammar has improved quite a bit. no noticeable flaws anywhere.

I would totally try to find something to wear.

Something... like this!

6310040 :yay: Finally fixed my grammar to a point I'm happy with!

6309813 I'd love to read that just to see how they do The Great Mighty Poo!

6310664 Thanks^^ It's sadly not from me. I just did the sketch.

6310683 The sketch is still a large part of drawing something. You sir deserve a medal, but you're getting a spike so here you go. :moustache:

I was skeptical about this story at first seeing all the mistakes in the prologue, But it's starting to come out nicely now. I would perfectly understand why that being nude can be troubling at the beginning specialty when you are from a culture where nudity is frowns on in public. when I went to japan, the idea of public bath was strange to me.

6310808 Yeah, after everyone pointed out those mistakes, I went back and attempted to improve my grammar, pacing, etc. Anyway thank you for commenting! :pinkiehappy:

Interesting to see that along is married in this story. I wonder if the guy is going to bring out the Playmare magazine. Loving' reaction would be hilarious.

6315084 I don't recall saying it wasn't hers. :pinkiecrazy:

6315088 Button's reaction: Mommy, why do you have a magazine of mares posing and giving weird looks while wearing saddles?

6315137 Button's mom's answer: well dear, when mommy get really lonely she uses this magazine to help.

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