Chapter 42: I Missed you
We all were silently walking back through the forest back towards Ponyville. Cold had found a path shortly after the incident with Lucky was over with, and those flames around me died down. When I finally calmed down enough I started feeling extremely sad in a way I could barely describe. I had lost the only pony that cared about me in this world, and I couldn't do a damn thing to save him.
Dinky was walking extremely close to my side to my great annoyance. If she didn't come in here then Arrow wouldn't be dead, and me and him could be relaxing at a lake or something. He came in here to save her stupid ass from something he knew nothing about and it cost him everything. Why did he have to try and be a hero?
Cold on the other hand was also being dead silent and would occasionally glance my way with a pitiful expression on his face. Was that bastard feeling sorry for me?It's his fucking fault too! If Arrow didn't have to slow down for him so much he wouldn't have gotten bitten so much and could of kept on fighting. We should of left them to their fates.
'you don't truly believe that, do you?' the voice of my pony self spoke. I thought I told them not to speak while I was awake so I didn't appear to be crazy.
'Arrow went the extra mile to protect you so why shouldn't he do the same for them?'
"Because he was my friend, not theirs," I said under my breath which caused Dinky to look at me perplexed.
"Did you say something?" She asked while looking me in the eyes.
"It's nothing, just leave it alone," I didn't want them to go and say I was crazy now of all times. Arrow was the only one that could actually stop Insight from mind wiping me. Without him the crown will leave the decision up to Insight only because 'he knows best'. The best probably involves erasing Arrow from my mind.
I started to feel the tears welling up in my eyes though I kept on walking as if nothing was wrong. I have to be strong, I can't go back to being that scared kid I was when I first came here. I have to hold onto the confidence Arrow had given me while he was here.
"I'm sorry," Dinky said quietly which earned her a slight glare from me which she shrank away from. I wanted to yell and scream and tell her that it was all her fault my best friend was dead, but I realized it wouldn't solve anything. It wouldn't bring him back and it would only serve to make things even worse for me.
"Don't worry about it. Let's just get out of here and I'll...I don't know. I don't have anything anymore," The tears started to well up even more in my eyes as I said that. I 'm trapped in a land of horses with no guarantee of a way home, and the only pony that I could trust was dead. My brother was enslaved by a demon and I made a kid witness his parents fight that will most likely lead to their divorce. I'm just a shitty person who can't do anything right.
The trees were starting to part and light began to pour into the forest though it wasn't much. It turns out that we had been in there almost all day, and it was currently sunset. I just had to go home and do something.
"Where are you going?" Dinky said while stopping me with a hoof.
"Back to Button's. I'm done for today," I said while taking her hoof off of me.
"We have to tell the princess or-"
"They wont believe a word we say. They'll chalk up Arrow's disappearance to wild animals and forget about it." These people wont look into anything we say. They'll just call us insane and tell us that they'll handle it while they sat on their fat FUCKING ASSES!
"They have to! We all saw it happen," I really wanted to believe that they would believe us, but they didn't believe me when my brother went missing so why would they believe us now? I felt a hoof rest on my should which caused me to turn and face Cold.
"I'm sorry about what happened, but we have to get help. If we don't then Arrow will have died for nothing," When Cold said that my blood began to boil. What gave him the right to say that Arrow would have died for nothing. I threw his hoof off of my shoulder before I semi screamed at him.
"You didn't even know him! The only reason you even care is because you need more ponies to say what happened! Well if you want me to say anything then bring my friend back! Oh, wait you can't because he's fucking dead!" Cold shrank away from me as I yelled that last part. "I'm going home,"
I stormed away from them completely angry over everything that happened because of their stupidity. Why would they think that anyone would even believe us about this bullshit. Turning a corner I was finally on the street that Button's house was on. Something felt wrong however, almost as if someone was watching me.
"Hello, Lucky," A terrifyingly familiar voice rang in front of me. Out from one of the alleys on the street came a forest green unicorn with golden eyes and pale mane. I froze when I saw her, and a chill ran up my back every time she said a word. "It's about time I found you all alone. I was beginning to think I would have to deal with that guard myself."
She smiled after saying that and slowly began to walk towards me. Her horn began to glow a full yellow and a tingly sensation covered my entire body before I realized I couldn't move. I tried to scream, but nothing would come out of my mouth. My heart began to pick up its pace, and I was about to go into a panic attack when everything started to go dim and eventually black.
***Cold***
What was that mare doing to Chance? I tried to follow him and talk with him more about going to the authorities when I saw that mare come out of nowhere. I hid behind a trashcan so she wouldn't spot me, but after a moment she wrapped her magic around Chance while calling him Lucky for some reason.
Wasn't that kid in the forest named Lucky? Now that I think about it they look extremely similar, but why would she be kidnapping Chance. I could see him trying to scream when her horn glowed even brighter and he stopped moving in her magic.
She started walking down the street with Chance on her back. I have to follow them or who knows what will happen to Chance.
Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! ARROW CANT BE DEAD!!!!!
6543277 Chance is going to see Arrow again. Whether it is alive or dead has not been decided however.
Maybe the reason is because you made constant updates. I won't lie, I find the plot a little confusing with the demon thing, Chance's personality shifts and refusal to let go of his brother by burning the books despite endangering others, Open Seas' unexplained animosity to Arrow, Cold's personality shift in this chapter, and Lucky's past. Still, you consistently make updates near regularly and your writing is good, so despite your views on the pacing and the plot, it still is a nice story to read.
6543331 Yeah this is a story that I don't even recognize anymore. Would you believe it was actually supposed to be a light-hearted comedy where the biggest problem was just a bully? I don't even know how it became the way it is.
DangDangitit cliffhangers!!!!! UGH!!!!!
I really want cold to be a hero and not be a dick anymore
Jungle Vine is back
Poor Arrow
=========
I remember when i first found this story on the new story side. i thought, "this might not go any where but might as well give it a shot"
it was, well, a bit clunky at times and a few grammar errors here and there but I saw something I don't see all that much.
Potential
a lot of times i see stories that can only end one of two way. but this story had many possibility's, different paths it could take and I really liked not knowing where it would go.
also it was really cool knowing that the author not only reads the comments but actively responds to them too. it felt...more...personal? that's probably not the right word...I dunno
anyway, after I read it and posted what I though I put the story up on one or two groups, some others found it and it just kinda grew. more liked the story and the more likes lead to more publicity which lead to more finding it and so on and so forth
I guess what i'm trying to say is that the Story, if i'm being honest, is good, not great but good never the less
I mean sure, it's not some epic drama delving deep into the mind and soul of our very being, nor is it a great tale of heroics and hair raising action.
but besides all that, for it is, I like it. I enjoy reading it. it's a nice break away from reality when I get home and makes me smile occasionally
but I think I like the little sense of community that seemed to grow from this thing a bit more.
Heck half the reason I got into this fandom is because of the community
the people, the in depth discussion, (though, I admit, for the last couple of chapters I have been lacking in that regard) the Chance (hehe) to see an author grow and get a little better each chapter.
That's what i really like about this story
in conclusion: I'll be sad to see it go, but this/is was a fun ride to be on
Thanks for that
Edit: good god. I read what I just wrote and am literally choking on the sappiness
...still posting it though
COLD! FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE BE USEFUL AND KICK THAT FUCKING MARE'S ASS!
6543460 Take my hand! I'll pull you back up with another chaptermlater!
6544261 Yay for semi redemption. He's still going to be an ass, but a heroic ass.
6544068 I always thought that me replying to comments helped in someway actually, but I didn't think that it really made that much of a difference. Also now I find the one who put the story in those groups! Thank you so much for that as it helped it grow even more than I thought it ever would and it's all thanks to you.
As for the story getting ready to end remember that there are still a few chapters and going to be at least 5 endings (though the cannon one I'm going to let you all decide on.) Thanks for being with me since the beginning, and before I forget. After reading that well...
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7625-manlytears.png
6538849 Sorry I didn't respond sooner! I got distracted when I first saw your comment, and kind of forgot to reply. The fire demon was the last person with Arrow so he might not be dead, but I really haven't decided on that yet.
I personally agree with Moongaze14 for Cold's sudden shift in attitude, I think that his sudden worry for Chance and the others wellbeing is a little too soon. It is not that I think he should stay a dick forever but his general fault in personality is that he is self-centered and that he would sooner cover his own ass rather helping some pony else. Cold has no actual excuse to follow Chance in the Everfree Forest other than to beat Chance to a pulp and every pony else know that, and Cold would have to explain himself of why he went after him in the first place and not wanting to be in trouble he it would be easy for Chance to convince him to keep quiet about it and let Chance explain to the Royal Guard what happened for Arrow, which he was attacked by Timberwolves and keep him out of it. Cold concerns for Arrow is a little out of place for me, and his speech of him dying for nothing doesn't fit him well at all ( I would have expected Dinky to say something like that) but he would word it so that it would look like he had nothing to do in a of this. I would have imagined that Chance would have beat Cold up to keep him quiet or to play with his pride by calling him a coward.
As for Insight wanting of mind wiping Chance I he has to prove to others specialists of the field that Chance is emotionally cripple and that he is a danger to himself and others around him. This situation would be perfect for him depending on how he spines the tale to them. You would have to show that Insight totally believe that he sees no other options left for Chance and as unprofessional. But remember that he got his authority from the princess, because she trust his good judgment, that his professionalism to his work is unquestionable, so you would have to think very hard on why insight would break protocol like that.
Tel me if I’m wrong about this, I believe One of the Crow that you might be a little tired from working so hard on the story that you just what to get it over with regardless if the end is actually near or not. I think the story still a lot more potential to grow al lot more but, I think you haven’t really considered putting it on Hiatus and rest for it for a few months to think how it could go before continuing. I could imagined this story to continue another 100000 works more if you actually take the time rest and to think about it.
As for what got me into the story, well I got into it from the first chapter. Well at first I really didn't think much of it at first, but you had shown so much progress in your story in even the second chapter and that your comment that you mentioned that you listened on the comments and responded to them so well had help me a lot to appreciate it much more. It showed that you had a willingness to improve on your part and that you were opened to criticisms on your comments. The story itself is unique in the sense that the human turn colt is much more proactive than most stories of the sort and that you had put a lot of interesting plot twists that open a lot of interesting new avenues that has never appeared in those types of despite some of the screw-up that you did, in your hast to write the story that none have done in the past. Normally the writhers of these stories are very hesitant to put the characters into another situation then just being taken care by other ponies and try to keep the secret, but you didn’t worry about it and that makes all the different. There is also the fact that your where so receptive to my comments that has helped me to keep attention on your story.
I wouldn’t be surprised to think that the great looking coverart might have help you a little to get attention that you have so far, maybe you should thank the artist again to have provided it for you in his free time…
I would have loved to say about 2000 more words on the comments but I have to work know.
Can't yu make chapters a little bit longer? THESE CLIFFHANGERS ARE WHAT I HATE MOST!
Ahem. What I was trying to say is that chapters are too small to feel satisfying.
Cold's change in attitude is a little too sudden. It may have been better if, instead of being worried selflessly, Cold instead decided on a reason for why he needed Chance. Cold is convinced that he doesn't like Chance, and consequently the sudden need for Chance would cause friction between his actions and thoughts. So he, instead of simply being friendly and kind, would find ways to convince himself that what he is doing is not in conflict with his thoughts. Cognac dissonance and all that.
Good job other than that, though.
We all weep for Arrow
Game Over Arrow
Probably should've said this a chapter ago
6545110
6544723 I wrote a lot more originally, but my brother stole my phone and I had to go get it back from him. While chasing him he ran into my room and started messing with my laptop until it locked us both out.
Anyway I wrote Cold like I would Dinky by accident, and I'm thinking about going back and swapping the characters around. As for Cold feeling bad for Chance is because he realizes Arrow was really important to Chance.
Finally Insight will have a reason to break protocol over Chance soon enough. As for me reaching the end of the story is mostly because I've written most of what I wanted and only have a few more events to write. At the end I will have an announcement that you all might like to hear. Thanks for sticking with me since the start.
6544750 I try to keep the chapters small so people that don't have much time don't have to stop reading to go do something. Also cliffhangers are a must in stories.
6545606 Close enough!
You are popular because you update often. Several times a week is easier to empathize with than twice a year.
6546049 Really? I knew updating once a year annoyed people, but I didn't think that my updating so often would make people like my story.
6546164 Maybe I should rephrase that. Frequent updates help a story to get the appreciation it deserves. And sporadic stories have to be much better to get as high. As you said, infrequent is annoying and impairs the experience.
6546201 Oh, that makes more sense. IN exchange for quality more frequent updates are appreciated. So because I update so often my story doesn't have to be on par with Griffin the Griffin to be considered good.
6545953
Ah Family (Okay i couldn't figure out witch picture i liked better so the top 3)
1.
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2.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/4/28/611929__safe_twilight+sparkle_rainbow+dash_pinkie+pie_fluttershy_rarity_applejack_princess+luna_princess+celestia_upvotes+galore.jpeg
3.
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Edit: just found this last one related to number 3. it's...it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen
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6546293 They all fit so perfectly
6546311
I know!
Literally could not decide
6546381 I'm glad you showed me all of them then.
6543285 You sick son of a bitch--now we have to read on!
6544531 I can't reach your hand there's too many questions in the way! Like is Arrow still alive? What is Jungle planning? Will cold manage to save Chance? And will the doctor ponies decide that after Jungle's recapture of Chance that he will be too mentally unstable to live without the mind wipe?!! HELP!
I think two of the reasons is all the cliffhangers, it makes us want to read more. And you responding to almost all comments.
6547649 I'm not sick! I'm just...unwell.
6547697 I believe I will be able to answer two of those questions in the next chapter.
6547910 Cliffhangers are always good, and I didn't think being polite was enough to get people to continue reading.
6548817 Communication is what we humans do on a daily basis. Even in the main show id say 25min out of 30 there is somepony talking, even big mac talks.
NOOOOO!!!!!! Not her! Not her!
Fuck, that bitch is on my shitlist. Also, did you honestly think lasers could keep me down? Shame on you.
This is getting quite interesting, and dark. Don't forget dark.
This is getting good.
6550350 eeyup.
6550947 Hello again Daemos, Sera, Necro. It's good to see you all again, and yes it is getting dark as it is night in the story or borderline night.
6551015 Amazing. Good to see you as well.
You cheeky dickwaffle.
Wow, for once Daemos didn't insult you. Debatably. You know what I meant. It is good to talk with you again.
6551196 I'll take what I can get. So what's up?
6551220 Nm.
My standards, bye.
What the fuck Daemos?
My objective was to make him uncomfortable!
...
... I don't even know where that came from, and I don't want to know. Maybe the Dark room has lasting effects?
6551238 Well I feel pretty comfortable so I guess you didn't succeed. What's in that dark room anyway?
6551290 The Dark.
Many, many bad/good things.
I have never gone there.
Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnn
Things are happening... let us watch with glee
6552632 Alright then I wont ask again.
6552856 Que horror movie music.
6553553 Alright.
How long until I can revel in the misfortune of your character (shitty as he may be)?
Yes, how long until the next update?
6553561 I'm planning on writing some more today and hopefully getting the chapter out also, but I also have to write for I'm Famous so that might delay things.
6553589 Okay.