Lightning Dust gave her all when it came to attacking a treacherous Discord. It turns out that she was sent to Earth with a good number of other ponies. What will Mike do as he slowly turns into the Wonderbolt? What will he do with his family? His friends? His job? He has to make decisions that will affect everyone.
She's found compatriots, and family. She is dedicated to making sure they are safe. But that's not going to be easy.
A Five Score Divided by Four story
Many thanks to my collaborator Phenrys, and his story Dust on the Wind: Irony's Story
And I now have three pre-readers, helping me keep this story going, providing encouragement and constructive criticism. They are the immortal Phenrys, exsnaggerwes, and Kitsy-Chan. Thank you to all who comment and enjoy the story as much as I do!
And I made it into the feature box!!! On 3/17/15! YAY!!!
In case you didn't know, this story has a sequel. It's called the Epsilon Pegasus. I hope you enjoy the read!
Yes! Another five score side fic!
I'll likely read it either way, but just a heads up please; how closely does this fic try to adhere to Five Score canon? Is the "inspired story" line suggesting that you'll be diverging significantly in some respects?
I'm trying to adhere to the cannon of Twisted Spectrum's masterpiece as much as possible. I've been in contact with him talking about the concept and the basic premise. I do plan on adhering to the chain of events, though from a different perspective.
I love how you portray Mike feeling about bronies. Made me laugh.
*begins bad British accent* bravo good sir! Bravo...
God i suck a British accents!
Anyway, this is well written and I'm loveing it so far. This is actually probobly in my top five five score fics. The only problem is that there are so many that very few people are willing to give it a try.
Believe me when I say I will do my best to promote this.
4643119 Why thank you!!! I really do appreciate that. In fact, I'm collaborating with Phenrys on his Irony's Story, another 5 score story. Expect to see my characters pop up in his, and his to pop up in mine.
That being said, I wrote those 30k words in about 2 weeks. And I've got another story burning to get written as well, so I plan on going to my usual weekly update cycle for this and my next planned project. I hope you enjoy the updates as they come out. And THANK YOU!!!
Thank you for your honest assessment. I felt that the early part of the five score stories were a bit long and dragged out, and wanted to get to the meat of the story. This five score story isn't about the transformation, but more along the lines of what the characters will do with the fact that they have transformed. There is a lot more going to go on in the story, so I do hope that you keep on with the story, if not, it was nice to have you read as far as you have. I will adjust the 32 to 34. I must have gotten those confused, I thought I had adjusted that before, but it will get fixed. And you would be surprised that a man who works a physical job, wears a cowboy hat, and hunts would think in scientific terms when confronted with the impossible.
plz continue your story
4647615 Fear not, this story will continue, I've been writing quite a bit today. And I'll be posting more soon.
Just finished reading the last finished chapter and I gotta say this story is pretty good thus far.
However I have one thing I wish to bring to your attention, the pacing. It seems to quick too me, problems are resolved within a couple sentences with no sense of accomplishment for it. Its a common problem for a lot of us writers and Celestia knows I still find myself doing it two years later.
But again, all in all a very interesting and good story. I look forward to more.
4650547 The rapid pacing is actually intentional. I hope it's rapid, but not too rushed. I wanted Mike and company to be ponies fairly quickly, as the meat of the story is after they turn into ponies, and before the exodus to Equestria through the portal. I've got about a month in the story to play with, and I'm going to keep things going on that.
That being said, we will have to figure out if Lightning Dust is going to go through the portal, and what the consequences of her decision will be regarding the other ponies with her, and what happens here on Earth. Twisted Spectrum left plenty of loose ends in the story for others to work with, and I'm really enjoying the direction my story is going. But as always, comments and thoughts are always appreciated, criticism is listened to, and if possible, addressed. And overall, enjoy the story as I bring it out.
S/he is going is going to meet that human again now, It has to happen. And it will be ackward as hell for him/her
4660715 not a bad idea! Muwahaha!
Still awesome!
Cool
Excellent. Just excellent.
Eeyup, now that song is stuck in my head again!
I love it when a plan comes together.
...ok good but I could do without the romance bits. Eh what can I say. I've never liked shipping and clop. Not what I'm here for. Otherwise great chapter!
4717894 I'm not a big fan of clop myself. Though I've read some absolutely excellent stories that are very cloppy. So I've gone from disdain over the very idea of clop, to accepting of it.
When it comes to romance though, I really enjoy writing it, and the emotions of the characters really appeals to me. So I do write romance, and I've been told it's pretty good (by my wife no less). If you don't care for it, I apologize, but I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
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CLOP CLOP CLOP CLOP!
All joking aside, clop isn't for everyone, and neither is romance. However, Sparky, I do think you do a great job at the romance. And this is a damn good story, imo! (Yeah, I know I might be a little biased, but still...)
4718056 Nah, no bias at all here.
In all seriousness, I've read some really good erotic stories that have nothing to do with our ponies. And I've read some really good clop. If someone doesn't like clop, it's up to them, but I'll say this, if you ignore a story because it has an adult element to it, you just might find you are missing some really damned good stories.
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I most definitely have to agree with you there. Ignoring something because of one small bit of it is just plain foalish.
Holy cow. Every time i read your work all seems right.
I NEEEEEEED more updates.
4723161 I had originally planned on a weekly update cycle, but I'm finding that I can write these massive chapters fairly quickly, on some days the words just pour out. Rest assured, I'll keep updating, I love this story, and I swear I've completely gotten into Dust's head (poor her) when it comes to the story. I hope you enjoy the updates as they appear.
4722728 And thank you so much for that. It feels pretty good to me to do the writing, I find myself visualizing the scenes while I'm at work, so I'm pretty ready to write when I'm done with work for the day.
Finally caught up on this. For some reason I forgot to mark it as read later when I first saw it. Now marked as favourite instead.
Pretty good, although it is awkward that it is running at least a couple days ahead of Irony's Story.
The story is progressing quite quickly, and for the most part that's fine but every now and then I see something that appears to be a mistake only for it to be explained later more clearly. The main point I'm thinking of is Mike's age and how that deviates from 5 score/4, but that wasn't the only moment.
4724296 I was deliberately inserting elements that are not typical of a 5 score story. Mike being 35, but the reason is because of LD's magic (I discussed the idea with Twisted Spectrum and he said it sounded interesting). And I try to be aware of those 'mistakes', because I do have a purpose. This story is a 5 score story, but it's my own twist on said story. I will be referring to what happened in the main story (the blast in Seattle, RD tripping air defense, and other events) because I want to tie in. And yes, Lightning is going to go to Iowa and talk to RD. The rapid pacing in the beginning is intentional as well, as the meat of the story starts when the transformations are complete.
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I know you did it intentionally but the reason for it didn't become clear until after I would have expected it in the story. When something messes with the pony's arrival, I expect the explanation to either be in the flashback or specifically in Discord's rhyme (and possibly contextualised immediately afterwords). In this story, I didn't catch the reason for Mike's extra ten years until somewhat after that.
4726244 Ahh, I thought the inference would be obvious when Dust said she was going to push Discord a decade out of time, but in fact got herself pushed a decade. Discord did not know that her magic would affect his that way, his intention was five score divided by four. I'll work on seeing if I can make that a little more obvious.Thank you, as always, for input on the story.
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Maybe I was just reading too fast and skipping past things. That happens sometimes.
I just reread the passage and I think some sort of little tweek would be enough. Perhaps ruminating on "decade out of time" when he wakes up, or taking an extra moment to mention the issue when next discussing it with someone else but not as though it were assumed knowledge.
4726561 I'll ponder on the addition. Thank you for the input. I love input, lol.
I thought it was twenty-five. Y'know, five score divided by four =(20×5)÷4=100÷4=25
4746777 Actually, chapter 3 tells you why Mike is 35 when he turns into Dust. In a nutshell, LD has time displacement abilities, and she was using them on Discord when his spell mixed with her bolt, throwing her 10 years back in time, and also adding 10 years to her sentence as a human.
dun dun duuuunnnnnnnnnn
The way that's phrased, it sounds like you're calling venison and pork white meats. It might be better to phrase it as exclusionary, such as "she likes meat, but it can't from any animal that was intelligent in Equestria, such as beef or buffalo."
I do like the "pony brothel" showing how disgusting some people are. just eww
Spy stuff? Engage music!
4748517 Fix applied thanx
The story is... an interesting version, I guess. But I still can't get over the fact Dust was a human for 35 years. It just doesn't make sense.
And don't give me the time displacement bolt hitting him for 10 years, because that would have has only 2 effects. Either Dust would have appear'd 10 years before everyone else, thus the spell ended 10 years early and he turns into a pony 10 years before everyone else. Or he arrives 10 years later, and is a 15 year old human while everything in the universe happened and starts turning 10 years after it's all over. Discord spells traps them in human form for 25 years, and nothing can change that except Discord casting a different spell. All that being 'displaced for 10 years' would do, is change what year the change happens in, before or after the normal events, but it would still be 25 years as a human. This bugs me to no end.
Also the fact that Irony is in this story, and if it is actually linked to the Irony story, just that Irony's side will be from Irony's point of view, which is way way back from lack of updates, that is going to be soo boring.
4752478 I respect your opinion, and I also disagree with you on that. The magic's mixed, and the theory (as I'm presenting it, since it's my story) is that temporal magic and chaos magic mixed, amplifying discords spell, and throwing dust a decade farther in time than Discord planned.
As to Irony's story, Phenrys is writing, and we are collaborating back and forth, and we are deliberately not having his story be mine from a different perspective, there will be times that Dust isn't around and Irony's story works, and there will be times that I've glossed over parts of the story that Phenrys will go into further detail on. It's a collaboration, and we are in near constant communication. I know Phenrys isn't doing the volume of writing that I am, but he has more of a life than I do. (During the week, I'm in a hotel after work, nothing to do but play on the internet and write). But I can perhaps slow down the pace a bit and let him catch up. He's still keeping pretty regular on his updates.
On the whole, when I communicated with Twisted, I had the idea that instead of a 25 year old, who may or may not be married, doesn't have a permanent career plan, and is basically starting off in life, I have a main character that is established, successful, and has the disruption of becoming a pony, and the decisions s/he makes during the transformation, and the eventual opportunity to go to Equestria. If you don't like it, I'm sorry. But I love this story, and I'm staying with my original outline. I strongly encourage you to keep up with both stories.
4752619 I can respect that, it is your story after all. It just bugs me to know it because of how it is explained. As I said in my other post, the explination given really only gives 2 out comes, and your out come isn't either of those. I mean, if you really gloss over it, you're explination works. I just see things really.... logical, with what I read and how it is worded. From the way you worded it, if I remember right, She was hit by her own bolt, then Discord cursed her, or the other way around. So one would happen first, then the second one would kick in. Discord's spell, after all, is not an item or a 'thing' that the Displaced bolt could have 'hit' and messed up.
But that's just me, and it bugs only me. As far as I know, haven't seen anyone else pointing out that little 'flaw'. But then again, most people go 'It's Magic :D' even tho most books/games/movies/things that have magic in their world, like DnD that MLP is part of (kinda), or skyrim, or Magika, or even most Final Fantasy games o.O, has 'rules' for magic and 'laws of the universe' things they can never break. Kinda funny people don't think of that unless they like me and love magic, mages, DnD, and other Fantasy worlds.
4753522 I can understand what you are saying, and no worries. But I don't view it as a flaw. As my explanation goes it wasn't one magic then the other hitting, but both magic combining and then hitting Dust. I'll quote from the story... "In moments my charge is ready, I bring my wings together in front of me in a mighty flap, loosing the bolt from both wings at the same time. Just as I fire, his head turns to me and he sends a bolt of power right at me. In horror I watch my bolt and his magic mingle for a moment, then the entire mass of energy comes right at me. I have no magic left, I can't defend myself. It hits me. I scream as his voice fills my ears." The magics combined, providing the effect that I've described. I try to be a logical thinker as well, and so those little details bother me as well, but I thought that my workaround worked as written. Well, if you enjoy reading, I'm working on more chapters, I have one at my editor now, and I'm powering through another, and I really like the chapter I'm working on. I hope you, and everypony else reading, like it as much as I am.
And I agree when it comes to each magic having it's own rules, I'm a huge fan of the Wheel of Time series, and the rules of the One power. As well as the rules of additive and subtractive magic int he Goodkind Sword of Truth series.
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I love intellectual debates, and I like seeing people who are able to have them without making them personal and devolving into personal attacks.
You both speak of some of my favorite things, from books to gaming to TV. But do you know what makes all of those things work best? Balance. Without balance they stop being fun and interesting. I'm not saying there aren't imbalances, but where there are, you can see the world doing its best to correct that balance. That is where the excitement comes in. Without dark, there can be no light. Without bad, there can be no good.
I have heard many people wish for a utopian world. I say that such a world, even if you could make it happen, could not exist for long. Balance is where you learn to appreciate the good.
Wow, that turned a little preachy, sorry about that.
Eeyup, I love Mindy! She makes everything more fun! Everybody Conga!
this is nice
4769616 I am holding with the theory that the sonic rainboom happens at Mach 5,or hypersonic speeds. This is due to the fact RD has a mach cone around her when accelerating to do the rainboom.
4769616 What about RD? Some dudes on youtube figured out that she flies at mach 10 when she does a sonnic rainboom (Maths 'n' stuff)
4773333 I have seen the vid, if I remember correctly, her speed doubles to mach ten when she hits the sonic rainboom. Either way, she`s really fast
I love the pony pile. Makes me smile at how cute that is.