Spitfire growls as she whirls away from Rainbow Dash. She stalks up to me, putting her snout in my face, somehow I know what’s coming, but I can’t do anything about it. Her hoof comes up, pulling the gold medal out of my uniform, off of my chest. I feel the tears welling in my eyes as she points back to the barracks.
I look back for a moment, then continue slowly walking towards the barracks, two stallions walking with me, I hear spitfire behind me, “You’re no wing pony, Rainbow Dash. You are a leader.”
At that my emotions break through, I leave a trail of tears all the way to the barracks, barely noting the other cadets shadows as they flow over me. My dream is over, I’m done.
I take a long time packing, the Wonderbolts have been my dream since I was a filly, watching the Baltimare team perform. I’ve trained long, and hard, and when I finally got my letter, I was on top of the world. But now, I’m the lowest of the low, I’m not a Wonderbolt, not even a recruit or a reservist. I’m a washout, I’m a failure.
The trip back home takes forever, but finally I open the door, my family home in Baltimare. My sire is in the living room, he smiles, I’ve always been a daddy’s filly. Then he sees the look on my face, “Didn’t go well, sport?”
I shudder, folding my wings around me, I shake my head slightly, “I’ll go to my room.”
He smiles gently, and gets up, I’m caught by his magic and brought over for a hug, “My little Lightning Dust, you’ll always be a Wonderbolt to me.”
I am able to give him a watery smile, “Thanks, Daddy.” I walk slowly to my room, my cloud bed has dissipated in the week I was gone, I don’t have the energy to go get another one, so I curl up on the floor. Though I’m not even really able to get comfortable when the door opens. I look up, a bright blue pegasus is there, with a golden mane, one wing folded at her side, the other, gone. I look at my mother’s missing wing, and shudder. I look at her face, tears in my eyes, “I failed, mom.”
I’m quickly brought into a hug again, while she lost her wing as a young filly, she has told me some nights that she wishes she had her wings, that she could soar in the sky. I feel sobs wrack her form as she holds me, and I let go the dam that I had built within. My own tears flowing down my face, I tell her everything, how I did the best at the dizitron, only slightly slower than another recruit even though I had it going faster than anypony else. How my team beat all the others at finding the flags, how we totally kicked plot at the obstacle course. Then I really start sobbing, as I tell her about the tornado, I thought we would win, busting all the clouds, until those ponies came up in that balloon. Finally, I’m able to wind down, “Mom, I knew I was the best there, I flew better than anypony, I pushed myself harder than any Wonderbolt. And I lost, I failed.”
Once again, I’m held tightly, finally she pulls back, wiping the tears out of her own eyes, then using her wing to dry my tears, “Oh, sweetie. You are back, that means the Wonderbolts aren’t for you.”
I go absolutely stiff, “Mom, I’ve dreamed about this for years, I’ve applied every year since I was fourteen to become a Wonderbolt, and on my eighteenth birthday, the letter comes, accepting me to the academy. That was my dream.”
She smiles, “Was, Lightning Dust, was. You aren’t there now, and you were kicked out, you need to move on. I know how hard it is, but you can’t wish things to go your way, you must deal with life as it is.” She looks back at her missing wing, then she looks at me, “They kicked you out, and you know as well as I do it wasn’t because the other recruit was better, it was because of you. You went too hard, you overdid it. That other recruit, Rainbow Dash, she clipped her wing following you. You know you should have worried about your teammate.” She sighs, “Your temperament just isn’t that of a Wonderbolt. They value team work, they value working together.” She taps my nose gently with a feather, “You are simply too independent, Dust.”
I look down, thinking about her words, and finally hug her again.
The next couple of years pass by in a blur, I end up working small jobs, finally moving away from Baltimare. Then I’m sitting in my little apartment, I had moved to Manehattan, working for the weather service there. Pushing clouds all day, not the most exciting of jobs, but it paid the bills. When I get a knock at my door.
As I’m heading to the door, my ears prick forward, I hear a voice I haven’t heard in a long time, “We’re calling HER in to help? Is the fate of Equestria really worth it?” I shudder and sit there for a long moment, long enough for the ponies on the other side to knock again, finally I open the door. Rainbow Dash is there, so are the other element bearers.
I look down, my ears splayed back, “Rainbow Dash.”
To my surprise, she puts a smile on her face, though it seems a bit fake to me, but there’s something there.
“Lightning Dust, I was just made a Wonderbolt.”
I turn away, “Congratulations.” I walk inside, not exactly slamming the door in their faces, but they apparently don’t take the hint.
Rainbow Dash flips over me, and we are muzzle to muzzle, causing me to sit down, “Lightning Dust, I need you.”
I feel a blush spread across my face, I look the other mare up and down, “Just you? Or all of you?” I am able to waggle my eyebrows just a bit.
She blushes, “Not that way, as a flier, as a Wonderbolt.”
I shrug past her, all amorous thoughts squashed, “I failed, Rainbow Dash, I didn’t complete the Academy.”
Once again, she’s in the air and lands muzzle to muzzle with me, I growl, “Leave me alone, Rainbow Dash.”
She growls right back, “Dust, you are pretty much as fast as I am, and the Wonderbolts need you, you need to join back up.”
I shake my head, I don’t know if I’m understanding her correctly, “You want me back, to be a Wonderbolt?”
She nods, a smile on her face.
I look down, unsure, “But what if I fail again?”
I feel a wing over me, Rainbow Dash smiles, “You won’t fail again, I believe in you.”
I look at her for a long time, “Fine, I’ll try.”
She turns and trots towards the door, “You will do, Lightning Dust, there is no try.”
“Dust, wake up.” Helen’s voice penetrates the fog, I was dreaming? It felt so real, I open my eyes to her smiling face, “It’s almost ten in the morning, and you are still sleeping, don’t you want your present?”
I shake my head, “Present?”
“In case you forgot, it’s our anniversary today.” Helen and I have continued celebrating our anniversary, even since we’ve formed the herd, but now it’s more of a family event for all the mares and stallions. Though Helen always tries to do something nice for me.
I smile at her, “I haven’t forgotten.” I’ve got her present done. With Moon Shadow and Sunset’s help, that is.
She giggles, “But I want to give you your present.” She points to a large cardboard box she had deposited on the bed.
“What is it?”
She smiles, “Something for the mare who has everything.”
I frown, “I don’t understand.”
She touches my nose with a finger, “I think you’ll like it, love.”
I flip over and walk over to the box, it’s not taped, so I simply open the flaps, then I’m rooted in place, I reach in the box, pulling out the gold and blue cloth, “This can’t be real.”
She smiles, “Oh, but it is.”
“A replica of our Wonderbolt uniform, amazing.” I lift it up to inspect it, “The stitching is right, the colors are perfect.” I look closer, “They even got the thread of gold right in the accents.”
She laughs, “Dust, that’s not a replica, that was yours. From Canterlot.”
I look at her, then at the cloth in my hooves, the back to her.
Helen moves closer, “You know where I said I was going to Missouri to visit my folks? I lied.”
“Huh?”
“I went through the portal, Dust. I knew a couple of ponies in New Beginnings that wanted to go back to Equestria, so they went with me, helped me learn to walk like you guys, and we went to Canterlot castle. It’s been put back where it belongs. And we went into the Wonderbolts locker room. I found your old locker, Lightning Dust, it had your color, and your cutie mark. I grabbed everything in there and brought it back to the portal.”
“My spare uniforms?”
She nods, “And your EUP dress uniform, your flight goggles, both pairs. And even some personal correspondence you had in your locker. Some bits and bobbles that always end up in the bottom of a locker.”
I had three pairs of goggles. Very expensive ones, nothing but the best for the Wonderbolts. One of them was on me when I was hit by Discord. It’s getting hard to see through the tears as I look at everything in the box. I pull out the other clothing, neatly folded, and smelling clean, I look at Helen. “There must have been thirty years of dust on all of this,”
“I took them to a place in town, to get everything cleaned up, everything is as good as new. Though I wonder about something.”
“What?”
She gets up, and goes to another box, much smaller. She opens it and then turns around. It’s like lightning through my mind when I see what is in her hands, a flight feather, bright blue in color, tied to a leather thong long enough to go around my neck. I leap forward, landing in front of her. “Mom’s feather!” I scream.
She hands it to me, and I take the feather with a wing, looking at it, yes, it’s my mom’s alright. I hold it close, tears streaming down my face, I turn to Helen after a long time.
“Thank you, love. I don’t think there is anything more perfect than this.”
I put down the feather, looking at Helen, I walk up to her, my wings spread, I kiss her, but keep it quick. I think I had better give her my present. I open the closet, and reach into the plastic storage container that I had stashed the present in. I cradle it in my wings and give it to Helen.
She sits down and opens the small box, and she pulls out my gift to her. She looks at the deep sea blue crystal in her hand for a long time, “What is it?”
“It’s an Equestrian memory crystal. Look into the individual facets of the crystal.”
She gasps, “it’s you!”
“Turn the crystal.”
She complies then gasps again, “That was you, before the change.”
I nod, “Check out another facet.”
“Moon Shadow.” She turns it, “And that was her human form.”
I smile, “It has all of the herd in it. Now, let’s show you the kicker.”
I reach in the box and pull out the small pedestal. I have Helen place the crystal into the pedestal, and I flip the switch. The small light in the pedestal shines through the crystal and the images in each facet glow as they flow up. Forming a ring of images, all of the herd, in human form, and pony.
Helen chokes back tears, “It’s beautiful, Dust.”
I smile, “Moon and Sunset helped imprint the images. The crystal is Equestrian, though I got it from the UK.”
She looks at me, then gently sets the crystal and pedestal on the bedside table, then grabs my neck fur, pulling my face close. She kisses me, lighting flowing all over my body as her tongue invades my mouth. I can feel my body responding to her, my wings are tight. I want her so badly right now. I push her gently back on the bed, continuing to kiss her, feeling her body under mine. Finally, I pull away. “Helen, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” I say as I bound through the door, my wings helping me down the hall, and I soar over the railing and land in the living room, right in front of Sunset Shimmer.
“Sunset, I need you to use some pretty strong magic on me.”
She furrows her brow, “Um, what?”
“Make me into a stallion, for a few hours.”
She snorts, “That’s pretty strong magic, Dust. Are you sure?”
I nod, “I want to make love to Helen, how we did before all of this, before the change, I know you can change me to a human, but it would be my human self as a pony. I wouldn’t be Mike anymore, so it isn’t worth it. Please, just change me into a stallion.”
She thinks about my words for a long time, then she smiles and her horn lights. I feel the magic envelop me, a flash of light and I land on my hooves. I look down between my hind legs then look up. Sunset seems a bit tired after that, but she smiles at me, then she leans forward and whispers in my ear, “Gonna let me in on some of that action, later?”
I give her a kiss and my wings bring me back upstairs. I close the door and hop, letting my wings guide me back on the bed, “Okay, now where were we?”
Helen looks at me strangely, “Dust? What did you do to yourself?”
“I had Sunset do a little spell on me.”
Her eyes are big, “Gender changing isn’t a little spell. You know, I like you as a mare.”
I lean forward and kiss her, after time immeasurable, I pull back, “I know you do, and I love making love to you as a mare, but I want you, I want you so badly I can taste it. I want what we had for sixteen years before the curse wore off. I may not ever be able to be Michael again, I can never be the man I was before.” I look down, “I do want you, Helen, I want to make love to you, as close as I can from when it was just the two of us.”
She looks at me, then brings her hands to either of my cheeks, “Dust, you don’t have to change for me. I love you the way you are.” Then the look on her face changes, to one of lust, “But I’m not going to complain about the additional equipment right now.”
***Cloptional 71***
I have been thinking about what I’ve been told by an old man. I need to lower my antlers, as the saying would go. I flutter down to the garage. The original garage for the house has long since been replaced, it’s more of a mechanics garage, to accommodate Irony’s maintenance needs. She also maintains some of the other vehicles owned by my family. I can hear the faint metallic click of a ratchet inside. I walk through the open garage door. I can hear her, she’s in the pit. The Mustang is there, the hood up. I can smell various chemicals in the air.
“Irony.” The sound of the ratchet ceases.
For a long time I wait, then finally I step forward a bit, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I harassed you about Zed, I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
Silence from the mare in the pit.
I feel tears starting to fall, “I’m sorry, I’m so terrified of losing you, of losing anypony. I took it out on you, and I need to apologize. I hope you can forgive me.”
The silence is starting to get to me.
“Irony?” I call quietly. Only to get silence, “Irony please.”
“I hear you, Dust.” Comes the quiet reply.
“Can you forgive me?”
I hear a soft sigh, “How can I forgive you, Dust. When I can’t even forgive myself.”
I move over next to the car and crouch down, looking at the midnight blue mare, “Irony, you don’t need forgiveness, you need healing.”
“Henry’s been healing me, Dust. It hasn’t changed anything. Except that I’m in a lot less physical pain.”
“That’s good, right?”
She turns and glares at me, “No, Dust. It’s not good, some pain is gone, but other pain is still there, in fact, it hurts worse, and is harder to ignore.”
“Do you still want to die?” I whisper.
She looks at me for a long time, and finally turns away, picking up the ratchet again, “I don’t know, Dust.”
I walk slowly from the garage, tears in my wake.
***
I sit down in front of the door to my guest bedroom, I look at the door for a long time, then finally I knock. After a moment a white face with a two toned pink mane pokes her head out, “Oh, hi Dust.” She smiles at me.
“Hi Sugarberry,” I sigh, “Henry in?”
She nods and backs away, I put a hoof over the threshold, and stop, looking at the pink stallion reclining on the bed, he’s got the TV remote in his hooves, holding it with magic apparently. He looks at me, “Something I can help you with Dust?”
I walk the rest of the way into the bedroom, and sit down, my ears drop, I sit there for a long time, then finally nod.
Perking his ears forward, he tilts his head, looking at me, “What?”
I feel tears leaking from my eyes, “I’ve been an unmitigated bitch, to you, Henry.”
His ears droop, his tail clamps tight to his rear as he lowers his head a bit, “Dust, I know it took a long time for me to change, and I couldn’t do everything at once. You had a right to be upset.”
I scuff a hoof on the floor, “No, Henry, I was never mad at you. I’m thankful for what you are doing, seeing Irony with both eyes, and actually the occasional smile, it’s been wonderful having you here. You have been completely selfless when it comes to this. You have given up your human life, willingly.” The tears are really coming now, “You’ve even refused the money I’ve offered.”
Smiling, he looks up, but his ears stay splayed back, “Dust, I don’t want your money, I told you that already. Between Sugarberry’s pay and my income, we will do fine.”
“I know, but I want to say something.”
He stops, ears perking forward, his tail starting to relax a bit, “What?”
“Thank you, Henry. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for doing what you’ve done to help Irony, to help my family.”
He smiles, “Dust, I’m not done with Irony yet. And I don’t expect thanks. You and your family have been so generous.”
“Henry…”
“You can call me Star, or Star Crossed, Dust. It’s my true name,” he smiles and winks.
I smile a bit, “Star Crossed, what I’ve done is nothing compared to what you’ve done. You are healing somepony who has been through hell. I am forever in your debt.”
He looks down at his hooves for a long time, “Dust, you don’t need to.”
I strike the floor hard with a hoof, “Oh yes, I need to. You name it, if it’s within my power, it’s yours.”
He hops off the bed and sits on his haunches in front of me, “Moon Shadow has told me how rare a healer is like I am, and she’s explained the dangers.”
I nod, “Security is being set up, you will always have Royal Guard ponies with you when you leave any pony settlement. We will make sure you are safe.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about, Dust. Though thank you, but what I’m worried about is, if my abilities are this rare, how can I help others?”
I smile, “We will take that one step at a time, I’ve had a few ideas on that, we can discuss later.”
“Would you come to our wedding, Dust?” Sugarberry blurts out, her face red.
I look at Star and at Sugar, “I knew you two were close.” I look down.
He chuckles, “We’ve been talking about it, Dust. And yes, we are planning on getting married.”
I smile, “That is awesome, and yes, I’ll be there.”
Both of them smile, then Star Crossed stands up, “And speaking of Irony. I think I’m ready for another healing session, want to join us?”
My tail tucks under my rear, and my ears splay back, “Oh, no. I’ll let you do that.”
Even though Star is smiling, his body still reacted to me, his own ears drooping, and his tail tight between his legs, Sugarberry nuzzles me as she passes, “Thank you Dust.” She pauses for a moment, smiling at me, “You know, he hasn’t really figured out his pony body, he displays every emotion he’s feeling.
I am able to smirk, “I noticed.”
She giggles as she follows Henry down stairs, I watch them disappear down the hall. “I think I’ll take a nap.” I say as I turn in the opposite direction.”
***Irony***
Once again, Star Crossed is working on me. He’s had me shift to sit more comfortably on the couch. He’s sitting on it too, his horn touching my forehead, all I feel are cool chills throughout my body as he keeps working.
“I’m not finding anything here, Irony. What would you say your pain level is right now?”
I think for a moment, I haven’t been on two hooves long enough for my headache to appear, and physically, I feel pretty good, “One, maybe.”
He sighs, “I know there is something more. I felt it the last time I was working on you.” After fixing my ability to transform, Star has spent a couple of hours like this, his magic washing through me. I feel fine afterwards, but he’s always woozy, and stumbling a bit. This kind of healing always takes a lot out of him. I appreciate his dedication, but nothing he has done has made me feel normal, how I felt before I was stupid and got myself taken. Though one good thing about this. Everypony in my herd has been accepting of me. Even Dust, in her limited way, has shown me that she accepts who I am. Do I really want to die? I can’t honestly answer that question now. Which is a far better answer than before Star started working on me, when the answer was an unequivocal yes.
I sigh, “You know, Star. Maybe you have done all you can.” I look down, my ears splaying to the sides, “Maybe I can’t be fixed.”
“No, I don’t believe that.” The heat in his voice is unmistakable.
For a long time, I feel just the normal chills of his magic, then I hear something, a small voice screaming.
“Mommmeeeeee!!” Zed gallops up, skidding as he makes the turn at the end of the couch, he makes a giant leap into my lap, I catch the colt and hold him tight in a hug. As I’m doing that, the cool chill becomes dunked in ice water for an instant, then Star leans back, a smile on his face.
I look at Moon Shadow, who is standing at the end of the couch. She’s smiling, then I look at Star, his face is nearly split with his grin, I look back at Moon, then back at Star, “What?”
“I found it. I knew there was something, but I couldn’t reach it somehow. I had Moon bring Zed in here, I needed to be connected, to feel your reaction to stimuli that always causes a strong reaction in you. You’ve been pretty dead emotionally for a long time. I suspect you’ve suppressed as much of your emotions while you were a captive. You don’t think about your feelings.”
“But I feel fine.”
He shakes his head vigorously, “I’m not talking physically, I’m talking emotionally. Most of your physical damage was relatively easy to heal. But your emotional scars, what you have suppressed to keep yourself from being hurt, and you’ve done it so long, and so hard, that it required a jolt to get you to feel.” He looks at Moon, who is smiling as well, “You opened the door for Zed, and I used that burst of love to help. Irony, I can’t say you are cured, only you can say that. But we’ve made a big step today. You will find your emotions bubbling to the surface easily, not just pain and grief, but happiness and joy. You haven’t let yourself feel happy for so long.” His ears fall and tears start to form in the corners of his eyes, “You haven’t let yourself feel the love that is all around here, the joy, the true blue equestrian magic that centers in this town, and in this house, since you’ve gotten back.”
“ You’ve walled up your emotions, but this little one.” He nuzzles Zed quickly, “has broken through the wall. And him coming out here, and you reacting to him, showed me where that break is. I couldn’t shatter that wall, but I opened up a lot of cracks.” He looks at me seriously, “I have no doubt that you can demolish that wall fully.”
I think about what he said for a long time, then I bring Zed up and hug him tightly enough that he squeaks, then look at Star, “Thank you Star Crossed.”
He hops off the couch, stumbling a bit, he walks slowly toward the kitchen, looking back at me, he says, “I was just glad I could help you, Irony.”
***Dust***
The doorbell rings. I’m working on my computer in my office. I have to keep up with the books, or the work will bury me. I’ve already got a full time bookkeeper, but every year means more regulations. I always have this work to do.
The doorbell rings again, I shout out, “Is someone going to get the door?”
No answer, and yet the doorbell rings again, I huff, “Fine.” I hop off my office chair and a quick trot has me at the front door.
Grandfather is standing at the door looking down at me, “It is time, the spirits have sought you out.”
A second native man stands with him, looking somewhat confused himself but abiding by Grandfathers wishes.
“Yes, well.” I clear my throat, “I’m actually pretty busy right now, perhaps another time. I can get the family down to Gallup.
He looks at me severely, “The time is now, Lightning Dust. My friends have found a place to set up away from prying eyes, at the edge of town near the woodlands. While this is not traditional holy land, I feel it can be done. Bring Irony and Moon Shadow.”
Turning Grandfather walks down the street towards Lake Luna, speaking in Navajo again.
I watch the old man as he shambles down the street. Then I turn and head upstairs. One thing about the sound proofing in my bedroom, it works both ways. Everypony is taking a nap apparently. I gently wake up Irony and Moon Shadow and we head out. We get downstairs to the other native man.
“When Grandfather asks us to do something we do it, it’s in our blood, it’s in our DNA.” Turning, he jogs up to catch up to Grandfather.
***
In somewhat of a dip away from the sight of others, several humans have set up a medicine fire. Sitting at the head of it, Grandfather taps his rattle gently, chanting looking into the flames.
As we approach, we are ushered to the three other cardinal points. I sit across from Grandfather, Moon to the west, and Irony to the east. The drum beats pick up as the elders keep singing, following Grandfathers lead.
I handful of herbs is thrown into the fire. The vision of great herds of horses, deer, and Buffalo running across the plains fills the smoke. The thunder of hooves in time with the drum beats, as the singing continues.
Another hand full of herbs, and a great eagle rises twirling, and soaring across the flames. Its shriek cuts thought he air as it arc’s over and dives back into the center of the fire. The flames roar up and the image of a powerful stag stands true.
“Thorn, is something wrong, we were expecting to hear from you sooner?”
“Noble spirit, Prince Bramble, I have brought the troubled one to the healing fire.”
“I see, Lighting Dust of the Sky Dancers. I am Bramble son of King Aspen, about 25 years ago several of our kind ventured in different directions looking to find what happened to the ponies. They never returned. They may have been caught and cursed by the Spirit of chaos.”
“Our kind do not have the same ties to magic as yours do, we are creatures of the forest, of the wild. We use potions to help with and live in harmony with nature. If possible could you help them find their way?”
I look in amazement, I’ve heard stories of Prince Bramble, and King Aspen, after a bit, I finally find my voice, “Prince Bramble, three of your kind have made their way to New Beginnings.”
He sighs, “So, Chaos got them.”
I nod, “there is a problem though.”
He looks at me expectantly, I look down, “In this world, deer are commonly hunted. Their lives are in danger.”
He growls, “Then they must be found as soon as possible.”
I nod