This story is a sequel to Dust on the Wind
The year is 2045 and mankind has taken to the stars. With colonies on mars and the moon, we’ve left the cradle of Earth behind.
It’s been 25 years since the ponies first appeared on earth. 25 Years since the fall of Discord. I was born June first, 2020. The day of the invasion, the day the ponies took back what was theirs. The day Equestria was freed, and I am the last. The last of the 5 score ponies, the last one cursed, and the Last to change.
And this is my story.
First off, I want to give a wholehearted thank you to Kitsy-Chan for her giving me the story idea, and for helping with the research to make this story work.
Cover art by Alkarasu It's AMAZING, btw!!!
Note: This is a Five Score Story in Dust on the Wind continuity. Reading Dust on the Wind is not required, but strongly encouraged.
This story would not happen at all, if it weren't for my pre-readers, Phenrys, Exsnaggerwes, and Kitsy-Chan. Thank you to all of you, your hard work and dedication has helped me to get farther along than I ever would have believed!
And awesome news, I now have an editor for Loopy's story. She's Purple Pegasus and she's been doing an awesome job!
Great story so far i can't wait to see where it goes.
...and so it begins.
Now I have one more story to wait for updates for.
some how I think a simple little idea / troll from KC has spawn a huge hit here.
Sparky Brony you just seam to find ideas for super story's every ware.
so yes I just love love love this story.
Harts Fire
A start to what I suspect will be another wonderful story. Glad to see you updating so many stories at once, too.
6288935
I've got 200 stories i'm waiting on.
6289668 I got a bit more. They tend to accumulate.
6289772 yeah
One thing that was forgotten is the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.
And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more. This is a complete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.
Ah … ! What’s happening? Er, excuse me, who am I? Hello? Why am I here? What’s my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Calm down, get a grip now … oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It’s a sort of … yawning, tingling sensation in my … my … well I suppose I’d better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let’s call it my stomach. Good. Ooooh, it’s getting quite strong. And hey, what’s about this whistling roaring sound going past what I’m suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that … wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do … perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I’ve found out what it’s for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What’s this thing? This … let’s call it a tail yeah, tail. Hey! I can can really thrash it about pretty good can’t I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn’t seem to achieve very much but I’ll probably find out what it’s for later on. Now – have I built up any coherent picture of things yet? No. Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I’m quite dizzy with anticipation …Or is it the wind? There really is a lot of that now isn’t it? And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like … ow … ound … round … ground! That’s it! That’s a good name – ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me?
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the fluffy white sheep as it fell was "Oh no, not again."
With that out of the way, seeing as your story takes place in the future with humans heading out into space feel free to refrence/cross over with my Five Score fic Five Score, Divided By A Different Time seeing mine is about The Doctor.
Yesssssssss!! Another story from my favorite Fim writer
Nice by the way. I like it!
Interesting concept to have your character be the last ever pony to be Five Scored..... but something about that.... would Discord have had the time to curse a pony on "D-day", I'm not sure since they basically warped in only a few hours after the portal opened.... And.... I think that Twisted Spectrum did a critical mistake with the original Five Score story's portal..... We know the portal opns once every 2.5 years.... and we know the first time we saw it being used in-canon was just before the Fall Formal dance.... now that dance is called FALL formal..... I don't think June is a month in fall anywhere on this earth....
And nevermind for the point I had, I hadn't read the story yet when I wrote this.
But.... how many thousands of ponies did you choose to leave on Earth for the whole immigration to work out, as after all, we already know from the original Five Score that going through the portal adapts one's body to the world it links to, thus turning a pony into a human on Earth and a human into a pony on Equestria
And... how did you get the story to go through FiMFic's "30 000 word" requirement for "side-stories"
6290002
The 30000 word rule is gone. Disappeared a few months ago at least.
6289823
now now.... you must not comprehend the magnitude of this.
Agrajag had finally just come about a true awareness of self. He was on a new world and he was free. There was no further risk of trouble. Except for the fact that he was a goat, his life wouldn't be that much worse. He'd been a rabbit before after-all so being a goat would be a peace of cake... and why is this shadow slowly expanding around him... Is it getting dark early? with a glance upwards he saw the whale coming to meet him. "Oh not, not again."
Though to truly understand this one must first understand the true nature of the universe, and realize that a young pony name Arthur had just stepped through the gate into Equestrian. Luckly for Aurthur, the Whale had been enough of a distraction to allow his entry to go unknown thus answering his prayers.
Well, it has a few grammer and flow issues, and I'm not getting into editing yet another story, but I like it. Premise is good, and you do set up the world well, even if it's more tell than show.
I look forward to seeing where this goes.
6291274 this chapter kinda had to be more show than tell. Future chapters I plan on being the other way around. I know I need an editor, but seem to have trouble finding one.
6290002 In my other story, Dust on the Wind...it's fairly established that over a hundred thousand ponies decide to stay, to not abandon the homes they had built, the lives they have. And so they built fully functional pony cities in our world. And have been of great help to humanity, and to each other.
6291292
100 000 O_o, that's a lot of ponies.... especially when you don't know how many Equestrians there initially were.....
looks like Discord had fun with the Five Score curse from your PoV
6291541 well, I'm postulate ng there were at least a couple million ponies, considering the size of manehattan in the shiw, given the population density of new York... I would think a couple million would be a very conservative estimate for the entire nation of equestria. He likely depopulated quite a few towns. And yes, he had fun.
In New Beginnings, the population was about 25k, that was before the Chinese ponies came over. And while most went through the portal, New Beginnings population doubled there.
By the time Dust on the Wind ended, I would say the population was nearly 75k ponies, with about a third of the population under the age of 10.
6291554
oh and don't worry, I'm not saying your stories are bad. I just love nitpicking on the most random things sometimes.
But I guess your theory for population makes sense..... after all... we have seen only 2 big cities.... Canterlot and Manehattan, I don't think there are 7 billion ponies in Equestria.... but a few million make sense I guess... and since it's not just ponies but all manners of Equestrians that can get stuck on the other side of the barrier....
And I very much like the idea you had of saying: "By the way, not all the cursed ponies got cursed in 2020." It makes more sense that there were other ponies who got cursed in between May 1995 and May 2020 than not get cursed. It makes so much sense that I was thinking of using that as an epilogue idea for a Five Score fic I've been thinking up for a while.
6290002
It would be true if it's exactly 2.5 years. In case it's shorter by only a week, it'll move the date by 2 month in 10 openings that happened during Discord's reign. A week and 3 days will place it from September to June.
6291760
I make that comment several times in my story. That given discords 25 year reign there are chances of ponies turning all the way to 2045... hence the premise of this. the last pony that changed...Loop de Loop thinking she gave her life based on a dream... She went out and distracted discord not knowing the reason other then it had to be done... had she known there was a chance discord would have found out... so instead, on blind faith and hope... she distracted and magically blinded discord long enough for the ponies to open and come through the gate.
In my story though I talk about the implications of a 25 year rule and how for the next 25 years, if it were common knowledge would or could live in fear of their changing... how some counties could implement checks based on peoples birthdays to ensure they haven't started changing... and how a short term change in society would likely happen based on the chance of a change at the age of 25.
6292726 At the end my fic UNIT (UNified Intelligence Taskforce) sets up a division, headed by Big Macintosh, spasificaly for locating Equestrians (ponies, girffins and other) and people yet to turn back into them as well as dealing with Earth-Equestrain relations. You should check it out if you haven't already.
6292105
I feel like they probably did mean it that the portal opens once every 2.5 years exactly as they say 30 moons, which means 30 months (so long as they don't use moons in the literal sense in which case blue moons will come fuck up the timing). After all... it would be weird to have a portal whose opening time decays every time it opens
6293099 I don't want to start yet another flame war about how long "one moon" is, but since they have to tie that cycle to the moon somehow (and, apparently, it needs full moon to open), we have to consider the fact that moon month is a day shorter than calendar one.
And in the original FS portal actually opens pretty close to the full moon (in June 2020 it's 5'th).
On another note.... how certain are you that the Invasion started on June 1st? I dunno why.... but I have this inkling feeling that when I read the original Five Score one month ago, Dash had made her Sonic Rainboom on May 21st 2020and then I believe it took another week before one of the random foals asked about using the EG portal and Dash thought about the "not in this time", then it toom another 2 weeks I believe before Twilight figured out the location. So wouldn't that make the earlier time for the portal to open based on the original story at sometime around the 13-14th of June?
but anyways, I'm pretty sure the last date we ever actually see in the original story is May 21st.... and I have a lot of difficulty accepting that they filled the barn to over a thousand ponies in only 9 days
6296795 I asked Twisted Spectrum what his time line was for the story. So, June 1st is when the ponies took back Equestria.
6296973
well, if the date comes from Twisted himself.... I guess that's it then.... even though there are many inconsistencies... like the 2.5 year rule possibly not being followed (but then someone did make a point about it)
6297040 I know, I tend to roll with the inconsistencies, I don't think they are bad enough to interfere with the story telling.
6296795
So you don't have any trouble accepting several thousand ponies just jumping from the wilds the moment M6 open the portal?
Tens of thousands by the moment it closes.
6300295
oh don't worry, that too I had problems with... mainly with the fact that at the speed they were going I think they would have finished sending all the "recruits" around... Day 3.... (and even if it hadn't been that long ans they sent recruits in at a rate of 20 every 2 minutes, it still would have taken more than an hour which would no longer be enough for a surprise attack)aka the last day before the portal closes... and I don't think Discord would have been distracted that long.... but there are so many inconsistencies now.... the story itself was amazing.... until Twisted decided to start a war with Discord to end it.... using a portal that is not setup to stay open constantly (like it now is in the canon story). That final war is so inconsistent.....
6300336 Well, you may thank Kitsy, she had fixed at least that one.
As for the portal not being set up to be open constantly, even if we forget that RR is not canon to the original FS (they mention EQG as the only movie ever made several times), do remember that it took a lot of tinkering from Twilight while she was at her prime and with the resources of the entire Equestria to back her up. Doing the same while being memory-wiped and with nothing magical at hoof, or expecting Discord to preserve her original rig, is madness, MADNESS I TELL YOU!
6300373
don't worry, even if RR was canon to Five Score, I still wouldn't think a constantly open portal is a good idea... not only because of Twilight not being at her prime but also because of potential rift damage on the two worlds (which I think is gonna be a plot point for Friendship Games)
6301221
Well, they had established in the comics that it's a bad idea, so yes, quite possible.
Starting off strong.
I see what you did there
NEEDS to be a pun. No exceptions.
Heh. I'm from the midwest
still not sure why it's called that when it's east of everything but the coast.
Mary seems priveliged to me, possibly too much so. She has a plane and a dirt bike, and enough down time to fly and ride. But there's also this:
I've come to the conclusion that she built the plane and doesn't own a car, but that's still quite a comfortable way of life she has there.
6290002 1. The rule is bunk. The story "has to have ponies" is the official rule. Not only that, but the rule for 30k words was self-imposed in the group due to the flood of fics at the beginning and is now no longer a rule since the story matured.
2. 2.5years means that it would be the opposite season each time the portal opened. Say the fall formal was sometime in August or September, then 2 and 1/2 years later, the portal would open in the spring time. Let's call this Spring of 1995, when Sunset Shimmer sealed the portal after its second (official) opening since her redemption.
3. Luna said "30 moons" which is a lunar month, which is every time the moon circles the planet. Luna raises the moon every night.
4. Lunar months on Earth are different from solar months, so the 2.5 years thing is an approximation.
5. This was just for fun. Please don't take offense to this or be mad at me. I hope I could at least make you smile with these antics
6307582
about your point 3.... it's still about 30 months as Luna still probably has some "olden" speech in her and in the old times, a Moon was the same word as a month basically, heck, that's where Month comes from.
Also, in Rainbow Rocks, somepony said the portal wouldn't open for a very long time, if it was every lunar month. (aka 30 MLP days), they wouldn't have said that.
and anyways.... I went and accepted that "every full moon" is a "moon" and as such, over a period of 5 years, the portal opening decays by about 2 months
6307809 I agree with that point, since in order for Twilight and Luna's "month" in the conversation to be equal, Luna would probably have figured out how long the months actually were. In fact, one bit of Luna being the one to raise the moon is that she could keep it on track even if our moon isn't the same length. I still believe ponies define their moons as an equivalent cycle to ours, but I think their "months" unit would be more like seasons instead of 30 day periods.
Basically, a moon is a month to them, and the reason Luna said 'moon' instead of 'month' is because they don't actually have months like we do.
6307558
Even if that's the last Wigeon ever built, it's almost four times as old as her (twice as old if we count her time in Equestria).
6307872
...only they do have months, they mention them regularly.
6308405
I'll admit that I have never heard of such a machine, but if I had, I'm sure I would have known better. Still, I'm sure someone could build one themself, much like Irony building (restoring) a car older than her.
I also didn't remember ponies saying the word month until actually thinking back to Pinkie wishing the baby cakes a happy "monthaversary"
You got me lol.
6308423 She specifically mentions buying it and then spending money on restoration via unicorn. I have no idea what's "first settlement payment" that she used for that is, though.
As for the word...
"Three months of winter coolnes
And awesome holidays..."
I'm not as thorough as Kitsy... but I try.
6291279 speaking of, I should mention that I may throw in a few grammar corrections and editing things when I read, but may not be the most reliable on timing. One of the things I want to bring up before anything else is that you could probably do without putting the name of the character above their scenes when switching perspective. Context should be able to show that much when the reader comes across such a change.
6290658
Good to know.
A new story from Sparky brony AND the idea was a collab with Kitsy-Chan? I am excited!
Also you know the difference between a barrel roll and an aileron rolls so thats a win. Have a like.
You don't use some contractions it seems.
You are = you're
They are = they're
It seems like anything with 'are' you don't contract when you should.
All in all I like the story, but these grammer quirks make it harder to follow at times.
Also, you could slow down the pace just a touch. You are saying " this happened, then this and this". You don't really include the charecter internal reactions, or rush them a lot.
Becoming a magic user? There's a lot of emotion and hesitancy there. Same with becoming a pony or visiting dust's estate. By lengenthing these out a bit, including body language, pauses, internal guesses and thoughts you can make the story much more immersive and flow much better.
6320404 thanks for the suggestions, I do have a tendency to pace things quickly. I am working on it, promise.
I am really liking this story to say the lest and as normal you threw me a loop with Kendra I was sure she was going to be Nimby, but I should know better bye now to even try to guess one of your story's plot lines.
it is funny dust in the wind ended a few weeks ago now and I still fine my self crying over dust she means so much to me. Dust on the wind is the first story I read of yours and I hold it close to my hart every day and to know the pane Dust is in hearts but that is dust.
ok this chapter really kicked this story in to the fast lane good work SB .
and before I start rambling more I will just stop there. talk with you latter friend.
Harts Fire
33.media.tumblr.com/ff5b7b0be7a56ce86543d0279a2cac5f/tumblr_inline_nsdwr5JerT1rleg6z_500.gif
Does feels a bit rushed with Loopy, though. But that just may be a result of 25 years of experience with the curse victims.
6321085 I wouldn't say its rushed, remember loopy had some acceleration due to her memories Being brought back by moon shadow.but she's still very early in her change, and its a bit of a whirlwind from her pov, but that is because a lot of ponies have transformed, the ponies are used to the phenomena. There is more to happen before loopy ends up on four hooves.and a lot to happen after.
6321548 Actually, Moon Shadow's part is exactly what feels rushed - usually there at least some memory recovery period, even CMC was halfway transformed before they got theirs.
But then again, every other FS story is set before the return to Equestria, and this is 25 years after with ponies being a part of everyone's life for so long, so that's most likely my duckling syndrome talking, it'll go away eventually.
6321565 I actually added moon shadow because the Dust scene wasn't just right, I planned on Moon Shadow coming in after loopy talked to Dust, but the scene didn't work right with just Dust and loopy. But i did plan on Moon Shadow catching up with loopy shortly after and restoring her memories. This wasn't a full restore, more memories will surface, and I have more plans for loopy. Finding out things.